Spuffure

Superweapon VII said:

Based and Economics-Pilled.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Giraffesdontexist/

I hate 2023, being the worst year I’ve ever had since 2020.

I hate having such a rare mental condition that takes so agonisingly slow to cure.

I hate being told that I can fix it just by socialising more and going outside away from the internet.

I hate my psuedo-depression.

I hate being misunderstood by people as well as my family.

I hate being blame for things I cannot control adequately.

I hate feeling ungrateful by reading the stories of people who have it much worse than me.

I hate the fact I’m able to act so normal yet feel so awful inside.

I hate hating myself every day and having to slowly wait for my treatment to take true positive effect.

I hate the fact I compulsively write things like this on this forum because I feel like I have nowhere to go.

I don’t know whether to post this in the bitching thread or emotion support thread…

Because I’m now trying to meditate, as that’s all I feel like doing after pretty much giving up on my coping mechanisms for my maybe-depression.

And I only stuck around here because I didn’t bother to make an account elsewhere. I think I only posted in a Star Wars related section like ONCE since at least 2019.

I honestly haven’t been a Star Wars fan since 2019. I even made a post about it back in 2018.

https://originaltrilogy.com/user/aquilbrion/id/79129

The whole reason I brought up political confusion (again, I want to keep political discussion a minimum as per the rules) is because I’ve been using politics as a way to cope with anxiety and POSSIBLY depression or at least something very similar to it (I don’t know for sure, a lot of my symptoms are similar to depression but I haven’t been properly diagnosed, so I don’t know for sure and will not outright say I have depression unless proven so. The very sad reality is that my symptoms must be treated very slowly and carefully, unfortunately, I have been proven mostly negative for medication due to the possibility of unwanted negative side effects) and now I’ve turned into a delusional conspirator on the edge of a mental breakdown that constantly flip flops between the left, right, centre, and especially the far right and far left, ad nauseam.

I want to take a break from the internet but ended up with horrible withdrawal symptoms and extreme loneliness (and yes I am actively looking for more real life friends my age).

I am serious, the treatment is EXTREMELY slow and VERY painful, and my family seriously ponders whether or not they should take the risk and give me medication)

So no, I have not ignored any advice on this thread (I have honestly acted out on what SparkySwyer told me to do, with varying success), it’s just that you likely don’t have the full picture of my plight since I choose to keep many things private for my own cyber safety, and as such I do not blame any of you at all for any potential misunderstanding.

IMPORTANT NOTE: My symptoms have recently gotten worse due to the treatment having the “it gets worse before it gets better” principle, and I honestly haven’t felt this rotten since 2020. Unfortunately many things about this are out of my control.

Sorry if this is too political (however it’s really not to start a debate) I said it before, but I really feel like I have no idea who to believe and who not to. The internet has made so many political ideologies present, I don’t know whether or not I should be left or right or centre or something else. Who is right? Who is wrong? Am I a bigot and don’t even know it?

I think I’ve realized what’s happening. It’s not that I’m sad I can’t get laid, it’s that getting laid is one of the only thoughts that makes me feel some kind of pleasure. I am being treated currently, but it’s a slow process. I completely understand self-improvement, but what I have is a legitimate condition that has to be treated. I don’t know if it’s depression, but it could be (I’m not the one to self-diagnose).

Incels who only hate themselves rather than hating others (women in particular) are a thing.

I’m not sure I’m one of them. But I am close.

Since the internet is so big, so polarised, and with so many self-improvement activists with so many different opinions and followers or non-followers…

I have no fucking idea who to root for or believe.

Superweapon VII said:

Spuffure said:

Superweapon VII said:

Fernand said:

Going on youtube and seeing what crap comes up.

That reminds me. Mr. Beast has such a slappable face.

Same. I liked his old content better. Remember “Worst Intros”?

Never watched a single one of his videos. I only know him from the thumbnails YouTube persistently shoves in my face when I’m not signed in.

Yes. I’ve never watched any of his newer crap.

Fernand said:

Going on youtube and seeing what crap comes up.

There’s a rule that no matter where you go, NEVER go to the Trending tab. Shudder

Superweapon VII said:

Fernand said:

Going on youtube and seeing what crap comes up.

That reminds me. Mr. Beast has such a slappable face.

Same. I liked his old content better. Remember “Worst Intros”?

of_Kaiburr_and_Whills said:

I’m only in my twenties but I can’t even keep up with modern slang. (I never used much slang like this in the first place, but still.)

I can’t even keep up with it and I’m only in my late teens.

Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life. At times I found it even more unbearable than Holy Grail. The best segment of the film was by far The Crimson Permanent Assurance. But that wasn’t funny… as much as capital A AWESOME!!! I was even cheering when the business meeting was interrupted by it in the middle of the actual movie. I also felt the actual film came off as quite pretentious at some times. The only remotely funny scenes was the sex ed going too far scene as well as the sergeant scene.

And yes, I wasn’t really grossed out by the Mr. Creosote scene. The liver scene on the other hand…

Let’s just say I’d rather be forced to eat llama spit than have to go through the liver scene again.

Life of Brian is 10 trillion times funnier than Holy Grail.

I agree the Cable Guy is great. For one, it’s relatable, as he’s obsessed with movies and shows like I am. And on the other hand, IT’S JIM MOTHERFUCKIN’ CARREY!

I don’t hate it, but I don’t care much for Uncle Buck. John Candy’s performance really was the only thing that carried this film.

Ferris Bueller was also just OK.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Good but not great. Jeffrey Jones getting kicked in the face by Jennifer Grey was great, though.

Also, who the hell names their daughter Sloane?

I agree with Handman. Honestly, thank you for the advice, SparkySywer. A good kick in the arse. I agree I need to stop posting this and also need to step back and see how far delaying my recovery gets me and basically trying to get babysit by others only gets one so far.

My medication tests are nearly there, and I’m gaining many new friends. I will get there.

I’m also getting involved in yoga, so there’s that going.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxgZnVTyWRk

A certain post I made somewhere in the Random Thoughts thread could likely be early signs of what was to come when I came back on 2020.

All I can say is, although I removed my original post, it can still be seen as is quoted, and although it was definitely disproportionate and a sad attempt to get attention, nowadays I REALLY DO SOMETIMES FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT, y’know!

I really don’t want to go into any detail or defame any family members, and the memory is hazy, but when I was young, my warped brain may have interpreted some innocuous things some family member did to me in a, let’s just say inappropriate and rather distressing light. I’m certain I wasn’t actually diddled (and I decline to go into any further detail as this is deeply personal, but I certainly did not like it. perhaps my sick sexual preference got modelled after that or predated it.

My sexual fetishes and sex drive are becoming a damned serious problem. I’m still a virgin and haven’t harmed anyone (other than myself), but those goddamn YouTube fetish videos of some goddamn movie scenes started this downward spiral of psuedo-PMO that turned my life to the dogs.

It seems my whole life revolves around SEX right now. I have no fucking direction which seems to have all started from some addiction.

Let’s just hope I don’t hang myself first thing in the motherfucking morning.

Also, I’m struggling real hard to stay off the net with my problems, also…

THE MEDICATION TEST RESULTS STILL HAVEN’T FUCKING COME YET!!!

IT DOESN’T HELP THAT MY FAMILY IS DIVIDED ON THE MATTER!! ONE SIDE WANTS IT, THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T. AND YES, I’VE TALKED.

All the whole my mental health continues to decay…

I seriously don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Life really is putting me in the shitter.

If there’s a God, he’ll have some serious reparations both for me and others who have suffered throughout history.

But if he’s testing me… Well that’s definitely something different, and a lot better, to leave this post on a positive note.