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Space Medievalist

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Post
#1353649
Topic
My Star Wars Rewrites
Time

I promised in another thread a few months ago that I would start a rewrite and here it is (or rather the first part).Sit back and Enjoy
Episode 1 A New Hope
Episode 2 Empire Strikes Back
(I’m going with The Machete Order for this so we will see the Prequels first before ROTJ for the context. However nothing about these two films is changed except for the numbering)
Episode 3 The Clone Wars
It begins after Luke has returned to Dagobah shortly after Bespin ranting to Yoda and Ben’s force ghost about how they lied to him about his parentage and asking for the truth. They respond that it was not the right time for Luke to know as he has to kill Vader however because it’s out in the open now they tell him to swim in The River of Souls where all will be revealed to him. The River is on Dagobah and within it contains the memories of every force wielder who ever lived; you just have to think about what you want to see. The river looks mostly clear but faint shimmering lights can be seen at the right angle. Luke submerges himself and as his eyes widen the screen fades to pure white before being replaced by a view of Nal Hutta.
We see a teenage slave Anakin (19) and his half sister Beru (17) at the market on an errand for their master Watto when behind them they hear a shout and we see Owen Lars (23) dressed like a pilot run up and hug them. Both Anakin and Beru are shocked, remarking that they hadn’t seen him since he had been sold to a new master 5 years before. We learn that all three of them grew up together as slaves with Owen an orphan being taken under the wing of Anakin and Beru’s mother Andreth who died a few years later leaving Owen as a sort of protector figure. Owen reveals that his master freed him on his deathbed and for the past few years he’s been working on a Spice Freighter. He reveals he came back because he finally has enough money to free the both of them much to their delight. The three of them hurry to the slave quarters to talk to Watto but when they get there a delegation from Bothoon the Hutt is waiting and talking to Watto. They want to buy Beru for their masters personal harem much to Owen and Anakins anger. Anakin lashes out and attacks them but is shocked by his slave implant and the goons start to beat him until Owen draws a blaster which leads to a standoff. Owen then states his intentions to buy both of them their freedom dumping a huge bag of outer rim currency his entire life savings on the table prompting negotiations but in the end the price for bribing Bothoon is so high that Owen with the rest of his savings can only buy one of them their freedom. Owen chooses Beru much to his regret even though Anakin tells him it was the right choice. Anakin then goes to see Beru and Owen leaving and before he goes Owen hugs Anakin while quietly slipping a small blaster to him whispering “when you see an opportunity run”. They leave and then Anakin is taken back to Wattos shop where he is beaten within an inch of his life for embarrassing his master in front of Bothoons mercenaries. After the beating Anakin climbs onto the top of The Slave quarters looking into the setting sun as the music plays.
We cut to Alderaan where the royal court including Prince Bail is in the throne room negotiating with Darth Vader a member of the Knights of the Balance a splinter group of forceweilders founded by Jard Dooku because of his frustration with the conservative Jedi Order. Darth is also a representative of the Clone Masters who have been waging wars on and off again for the past 100 years with the Republic and now the Empire (which was set up because of the constant war. However it is not evil yet). Alderaan however is a neutral system who trades with both factions because of vast natural resources. The Royal Court refuses to give in to Darth’s demands which would make the planet a glorified puppet. In response the Clone Troopers he has with him raise their guns while Darth ignites his Yellow Lightsaber and after a short firefight the government of Alderaan surrenders allowing more Clonemaster ships to land. However during the fighting Bail escapes and he will gather a force to resist the invaders in Guerrilla warfare (this force much later on will become the core of the Rebel Alliance).
We then cut to six months later where Anakin is fixing a pod-racer for Watto who’s champion Sebulba is preparing for a race. Both Watto and Sebulba are talking about it while also bulling Anakin who ignores them though his face is contorted with silent rage.During his masters conversation a member of a rival gang barges in to Wattos shop and in that moment manages to kill Sebulba before quickly being killed. Watto is furious because now he is going to lose his bet however Anakin chimes in saying that he always flew the Pod Racer on test runs so he should race tomorrow. Watto despises the idea but he sees that there is no other option considering the date so he accepts though he threatens to kill him if he fails.
We cut to the next day where a large cheering crowd has gathered to watch the race and Anakin suits up and with Watto removing the Slave chip for the race. Anakin walks out into the Arena and is stunned by the crowd and the noise as well as the intimidating other racers but he pats his secret weapon Owen gave him for reassurance. He then has an idea and a smile crosses his face.
End of Part 1…

Post
#1322070
Topic
How I would have done Star Wars
Time

Needless to say this is not original. I will be shamelessly ripping on ideas many other people have done for rewrites the only differences are that I pick and choose what goes in. If anyone wants to flesh these out they have my blessing as the more trilogies I plan the less I flesh out.

A New Hope and the Empire Strikes back are the same(duh)

Star Wars Episode 6 Revenge of the Jedi:It starts with Luke being back on Dagobah climbing a mountain to get a Crystal to power a new lightsaber. Yoda reveals to Luke that he’s dying and says he has to confront Vader who is his father and that he has a twin sister. Luke than sees the forest ghost of Obi-Wan and rants to him about his deception. Obi Wan says that he was wrong to hide the possibility from him but also says he was not sure about it to begin with. Palpatine had an apprentice also called Darth Vader who Anakin had to become a Dark Jedi to seemingly kill in a three way duel which included Obi-Wan. He then explains how he then bested anikin later in the duel and left him for dead. Luke storms off back to the rebels and he takes part in Hans rescue from Jabba’s palace but instead of Tatooine it’s on a scottish moor looking planet. The plan makes more sense but it’s revealed to be a trap by the Empire and rebel forces have to shoot their way out with a Rancor being let loose by R2 giving time for Han,Lando and Leia to escape but Luke being captured by Vader. When Han is unfrozen by the rebels he almost strangles Lando before he is pulled off but still will never forgive him. We go to the conference and learn that the rebellion is ready to lead a full on assault on Had Abbadon the imperial capital with the only problem being that it is protected by a shield generator on the forest moon of Kashyyyk. Chewbacca and Han volunteer for the mission with Leia protesting that it’s too dangerous but Han still goes ahead because his best friend is captured and being held there. Also the night before he goes he and Leia sleep together. Meanwhile Luke is still captured and talking with Vader trying to bring him to the light while Vader still wants to join up with Luke to take out the emperor. Eventually it is Luke that caves in and the two launch a coup against Palpatine. Meanwhile Han and Chewie lead the strike team and get on Kashyyyk but it is revealed that Chwie is viewed as a traitor and outcast for leaving instead of staying with his people which takes time to resolve. When it does they attack the outpost and it is a bloody battle in which the Wookies are massacred along with the rebels eventually culminating in Han and Chewie dying to blow the generator up taking most of the surrounding imperials with them though not before Han radios Leia to say he loves her. This leads to the Rebel fleet jumping in and than realizing it’s a trap and two Imperial fleets were cloaked waiting. Meanwhile Luke tracks down the emperor and kills him anticlimactically. But then the real emperor appears and reveals it was simply a clone. Palpatine then tries to draw Luke to kill his father using the dark side and Luke snaps. Cuts off Vader’s hand and then realizes what he’s done and steps back from the brink. Palpatine uses force lightning to torture Luke. At the same time Lando heroically sacrifices himself to destroy the emperor’s flagship kamikaze style which disrupts the emperor allowing Vader to attack him with the force while Luke tries to help him. Vader however says it’s too late for him and begs Luke to run. Luke escapes just as the ship is blown up and Palpatine is thrown down the shaft. Both fleets have taken heavy losses and will have to fight another day. Leia who is pregnant with hans child is the new leader of the rebels and begs Luke to help but he is emotionally shattered. He goes out into the sunset to find his sister watched by the Force ghost of Aniken heavily scarred and having to make penance for his deeds as Vader.

Prequel Trilogy: The prequel trilogy opens with the galaxy already having been an empire for 300 years because of the devastating First and second clone wars. The Mainline Jedi are already on the decline as they have a harder and harder time finding suitable candidates of which Obi Wan in his 40s is the youngest abandoning Yoda who is a non conformist. He is tasked with liberating a Clonemaster slave ship on which he finds the original Darth Vader in his 20s who was experimented on and suffered severe mental trauma but is also force sensitive and Padme 18 a captured daughter of an alderaanian Diplomat. The escape plan goes awry and they barely escape with a damaged ship. Obi Wan sets course for Tatooine where his brother Owen lives for repairs. Here they find Anakin 17 a cousin of Owens wife beru who they raise as a son. They can’t get the part so Anikin races in the pod race to get the money. Meanwhile a mad Jedi Maul is unfrozen from carbonite which he spent 300 years locked in from the first clone war. He seeks revenge for his betrayal at the hands of the now defunct republic and neutered jedi order. The Clone masters give him plenty of Clone soldiers to do just that and Maul sets his sights on Alderaan. The heros are fighting for alderaan and win but the third clone wars have begun while Anakin and Darth become apprentices under Obi Wan. The second film picks up after 5 years of bloody fighting across the galaxy with both Darth and Aniken full fledged Knights. They are friends but we get the impression that Darth is envious. Anakin has married padme as well who is looking to end the conflict. Palpatine has become consul to the aging emperor and says the war will end soon with an enormous invasion. The royal imperial family celebrates in Had Abbadon and it’s obvious that Darth is in love with the second daughter who fought beside him in the last film(she was visiting alderaan at the time). The emperor is assassinated and Darth becomes an undercover agent to destroya clonemaster but the princess stows away ready to get revenge while Anakin,Obi-Wan and Padme go to the battle of Korriban(can’t think of a name so this is a placeholder). The Jedi to fight and Padme to negotiate. It is a blasted hellworld from an ancient inter Jedi conflict long ago and scattered with ruins. The fighting is intense in the underground ruins and Obi-Wan and Aniken are separated. Anakin is wounded and then is found by the spirits of the Grey Jedi that haunt the place and learns how the orthodox Jedi massacred them and Anakin becomes their chosen one who will restore balance. Once the battle is won Anakin is disillusioned and quits convincing Padme to go away with him to the outer Rim to establish a new Jedi order. Meanwhile Maul tracks Darth and the princess down and kills her while Darth in a rage cuts his head off and massacres everyone in the base. After this he is expelled by the Jedai order but Regent Palpatine takes him in and begins to train him. The third movie takes place ten years after the end of the Third Clone war with Palpatine as Regent to the 15 year old son of the emperor who died in the last film. The remaining orthodox jedi including Obi Wan become suspicious of Palpatine and launch a coup because they find out he is dark side user capturing the figurehead emperor and raising a rebellion. Meanwhile Anakin’s Grey Jedi academy is fighting the empire and the huts across the Outer Rim with Anakin being a general. Darth is ordered to strike at them and burns the academy to the ground with Padme dying in defence of her twins. The female one Zara taken by a surviving grey Jedi who goes to an outer rim world with a religious nunnery but Luke falls into the hands of the empire. Anakin goes into a rage at the news and seeks vengeance on Vader. Meanwhile the monarchist rebellion is almost crushed and the figurehead emperor killed/all orthodox jedi slaughtered except for Obi Wan who is disillusioned. The remnants led by a radical mon mothma instead proclaim a new galactic republic. While Obi Wan also goes on the hunt for Vader. Eventually Anakin,Obi Wan and Vader all converge on mustafar and have an epic duel which ends with Vader and Anakin falling into a volcano and Obi Wan fleeing with infant luke into exile on tatooine. Meanwhile the emperor learns that Vader has fallen and comes up with the charade of making the disfigured Anakin the new Vader basically enslaving him because of his desire to find his children.

Sequel Trilogy: This one I have less Ideas for. Basically it would be a heavily altered thrawn trilogy. Thrawn has proclaimed himself emperor and Jorrus being a survivor from Anakin’s Grey Jedi academy who was driven mad and has his own nefarious twisted ideas of the force working with the empire for now. Zara Skywalker is stuck in that religious sect until bounty hunters attack and she escapes with the help of a smuggler called Dash rendar (real creative I know). Luke is trying to find his sister mara jade is hunting him and leia is trying to run the rebellion. It ends with Luke and Mara sacrificing themselves to kill Jorrus and Zara founding a new non partisan Jedi academy while the Rebels and empire making a clenched teeth peace agreeing to control their sectors of space.

Final Trilogy: This one is set during the cold war between the republic and empire and deals with Hans son and Zara’s daughter during an invasion of the galaxy by an alien race like the vong. It’s led by a former Jedi from the old republic who assimilated into their hive mind and is basically now an eldritch abomination with an ideology to boot. All the factions have to fight it and it end with the war wiping out galactic civilization as we know it as well as the invading aliens but the son and daughter lead a human refugee fleet to a habitable world and it ends with hope for the future that one day civilization and the Jedi will return to the whole galaxy. (The world they find may or may not be earth I haven’t decided on if that’s a lame idea or not)

Post
#1320778
Topic
Random PT ideas
Time

Wannabe Scholar said:

Space Medievalist said:

Wannabe Scholar said:

Hello again, this is another idea for a different PT I planned a few years back. It had been a very different story, where Anakin and Vader were two different people, and was totally inspired by the old “Clone Wars Explained” article from the 1980s I found online (link is here: http://nightly.net/topic/253-article-found-while-surfing-the-net/). Down below is what was once just a small bit, which was once a couple lines here and there and has been turned into a complete excerpt. Hopefully, this is good enough to pique your interest.


It was dark, cold, and wet. Those were the first things he noticed as he came to. For a long moment, there was nothing else, except the feeling of weightlessness and the sound of his own breathing.

Then, there was something from the quiet. A sound of some kind. A shout, he thought. And at last, he managed to open his eyes. Bubbles rose up and down, and through the transparent glass, he saw them. Computers beeping and blinking, people donned in white clothes, and cylindrical tanks, identical to the one he was in, lined up against the wall.

The darkness was gone, but the cold and wet remained. Where he was, what was going on, or even who he was, he had no idea. He was just a body floating in a sloshing and slimy substance.

Bacta, his mind told him. This stuff is called bacta. You’re in a bacta tank.

The words echoed in the back of his mind, as if he was supposed to know it from getgo. Still, he couldn’t help but feel something strange, even unknown about them. He knew the words, but had no connection to them. Were they important to him? Why?

Again, that automatic part of his brain answered. You’re not fully developed. You need bacta, if you want to grow into a perfect being.

Again, he was confused. ‘Grow?’ ‘Perfect being?’ None of the words seem to make sense to him.

The shouting came back, cutting him away from his thoughts. He saw the men in white running back and forth, giving out commands that were barely audible to him.

“… Xanatos’ dead… Jedi coming… do we do?”

“Disconnect the… from the tanks!”

“… won’t survive!”

“Orders are…”

Moments passed, and the men in white went around their duties. He watched them play with their computers. He barely managed to catch some of the tanks suddenly going dark. The bodies inside moved around a little before there was nothing.

Then, pain roared in his head. He heard the screams in his mind, the screams of the other people in the tanks as their lives went out one by one. His hands grabbed his head, wanting to turn off the screams. He could not and suffered hearing the voices cry out in terror before they were suddenly silenced.

All of a sudden, through the cries, he managed to hear something. Before long, there was something else…

A loud BOOM echoed, and the tank, perhaps the entire room, shook, making him just barely look. Smoke filled every corner, covering the men in white with cloud of gray and black. First thing was shouting, then a loud hum as a rod of blue light swung through the smoke and struck down any who approached it.

Events ran too quickly for him to process. What was going on? Why was he hearing all these screams in his mind?! What was happening to him?!

It was at that point he noticed the bacta in his tank was starting to turn dark. Now, he was afraid. He was about to join the poor fellow and be nothing more than a floating corpse. And he would feel it all as he died.

As he thoughts those morbid thoughts, he saw the blue light came through the smoke and struck the tank. The glass shattered, and he slid out onto the floor like a newborn out of its mother’s womb. He yanked the breath mask off, and he finally felt fresh air. His efforts for breathing it in were rewarded with spurts of bacta coughed up from his lungs.

Slowly, he rose until he sat in the puddle of bacta and shivered from what little of the slimy substance still clung to him and his modest clothing. After clearing his lungs of the putrid liquid, he took notice of the other bodies lying around him. They weren’t like him, who was dressed in a thin suit of clothing. They were the men in white, the same who had tried to terminate him, and they lied motionlessly, with horrible burnt scars stretched across their bodies.

Standing over the corpses was a man. This man was not donned in white, but in a light uniform and a brown cloak. In his hand was a cylindrical hilt, from which the blue rod of light came out of. The man stood with an aura of calm… and regret. Not just towards him, but to the others lying at his feet. But who was this man to have such sympathy for him, let alone the people who had tried to kill him?

A Jedi Knight, recalled his programmed mind. An enemy.

He thought about that. An enemy? That couldn’t be right. This Jedi had helped him, saved from the same fate as the others. If he was an enemy, why would he do such a thing?

Eliminate him, the voice in his head commanded, but he tried to shut it out. Eliminate the Jedi!

“Don’t be afraid,” the man, the Jedi, said. “I’m here to help.”

The Jedi’s voice brought a feeling. He could only describe it as calm, at peace. The parts of his mind that cried out for the Jedi’s destruction faded away.

No longer haunted by his thoughts, he spoke. The sound of speaking for the first time had hurt his throat, and it came out in a hoarse croak. “Y-you can help me?”

“Yes, I can,” the Jedi smiled, and his beard seemed to do so too. “My name’s Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan Kenobi. What’s yours?”

He opened his mouth, then stopped. Then, he looked down at band around his wrist. On it was a tag on it: VDR-142.

At last, he looked up and answered, “Vader, sir. It’s Vader.”


At the sound of a high-pitched and constantly repeated beeping, Vader’s eyes snapped open. He rubbed a hand over the weary eye sockets before he rolled on his side. By the bed, the source of his disturbance continued to ring, until Vader finally pressed the button and answered.

“Yes?” he said with a small yawn.

Captain Cody’s voice came through. “Sir, Master Luminara and her student have just arrived.”

A bit of excitement leaped up Vader’s throat as he raised his head from his pillow. “Where are they, now?” he asked, a little more loudly than he wanted.

“By the console chamber. They and General Kenobi are waiting for you.”

“I’ll be right there,” and with an excited click, Vader shut off the comm and sat up from his bed.

Barriss is here, he thought excitedly as he pictured the bright green face of Luminara’s pupil and her warm smile.

Vader had seen that same smile back when he first met Barriss at the Temple. Then, he was just inducted into the Jedi and in dire need of companionship. Vader had found it in a few Jedi students, Barriss more special than the rest, so he would be glad to be with her whenever he had the chance.

It was not long before Vader had put on his dark uniform. After putting on his pants and boots, Vader neatly pressed the seams of his tunic and added the long, flapping cloak to his Jedi look. His mask, the last thing left, rested by the mirror in his quarters, so Vader went over to grab it.

Vader’s hand halted when he looked at the mirror. It was meant to be just a glance, to see if he was primed and ready for Barriss, and the Jedi Masters. Then, it turned into a long, deep glance.

As Vader stared at the mirror, he looked at the face in it. He saw the familiar deep, blue eyes, cleft chin, and wavy, blond hair. He had the same muscular look to him, albeit he was a bit scrawny due to him being genetically a few years younger. Still, it was the same look, the same face.

The face of Anakin Skywalker.

No else, other than a few, knew about Vader’s secret. The masters on the Jedi Council had told him to use a partial face-mask hide his identity from everyone. The reasoning was as such; if anyone knew about the truth of Vader’s origins, there would be a major panic. People would be in a uproar over the Jedi having a clone among their numbers.

A clone. As distasteful as the word sounded, Vader couldn’t deny it. He was clone, nothing more. A mere copy, made from a Jedi pupil’s DNA, no doubt taken from some severed limb. Obi-Wan assured Vader otherwise, but the words did little to hide the truth lurking in the back of both their minds.

Slowly, Vader slid the mask into place, hiding portion of Anakin Skywalker. He did not need to worry about that. Now, he had to meet with someone important to him, and he would meet her as Vader, not Anakin’s copy.

If you have anything more of this concept I would gladly read it

Thank you and here you go.

https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Under-Darkened-Skies-a-cancelled-and-forgotten-PT-idea/id/54397

You ever gonna give it another shot?

Post
#1320772
Topic
Random PT ideas
Time

Wannabe Scholar said:

Hello again, this is another idea for a different PT I planned a few years back. It had been a very different story, where Anakin and Vader were two different people, and was totally inspired by the old “Clone Wars Explained” article from the 1980s I found online (link is here: http://nightly.net/topic/253-article-found-while-surfing-the-net/). Down below is what was once just a small bit, which was once a couple lines here and there and has been turned into a complete excerpt. Hopefully, this is good enough to pique your interest.


It was dark, cold, and wet. Those were the first things he noticed as he came to. For a long moment, there was nothing else, except the feeling of weightlessness and the sound of his own breathing.

Then, there was something from the quiet. A sound of some kind. A shout, he thought. And at last, he managed to open his eyes. Bubbles rose up and down, and through the transparent glass, he saw them. Computers beeping and blinking, people donned in white clothes, and cylindrical tanks, identical to the one he was in, lined up against the wall.

The darkness was gone, but the cold and wet remained. Where he was, what was going on, or even who he was, he had no idea. He was just a body floating in a sloshing and slimy substance.

Bacta, his mind told him. This stuff is called bacta. You’re in a bacta tank.

The words echoed in the back of his mind, as if he was supposed to know it from getgo. Still, he couldn’t help but feel something strange, even unknown about them. He knew the words, but had no connection to them. Were they important to him? Why?

Again, that automatic part of his brain answered. You’re not fully developed. You need bacta, if you want to grow into a perfect being.

Again, he was confused. ‘Grow?’ ‘Perfect being?’ None of the words seem to make sense to him.

The shouting came back, cutting him away from his thoughts. He saw the men in white running back and forth, giving out commands that were barely audible to him.

“… Xanatos’ dead… Jedi coming… do we do?”

“Disconnect the… from the tanks!”

“… won’t survive!”

“Orders are…”

Moments passed, and the men in white went around their duties. He watched them play with their computers. He barely managed to catch some of the tanks suddenly going dark. The bodies inside moved around a little before there was nothing.

Then, pain roared in his head. He heard the screams in his mind, the screams of the other people in the tanks as their lives went out one by one. His hands grabbed his head, wanting to turn off the screams. He could not and suffered hearing the voices cry out in terror before they were suddenly silenced.

All of a sudden, through the cries, he managed to hear something. Before long, there was something else…

A loud BOOM echoed, and the tank, perhaps the entire room, shook, making him just barely look. Smoke filled every corner, covering the men in white with cloud of gray and black. First thing was shouting, then a loud hum as a rod of blue light swung through the smoke and struck down any who approached it.

Events ran too quickly for him to process. What was going on? Why was he hearing all these screams in his mind?! What was happening to him?!

It was at that point he noticed the bacta in his tank was starting to turn dark. Now, he was afraid. He was about to join the poor fellow and be nothing more than a floating corpse. And he would feel it all as he died.

As he thoughts those morbid thoughts, he saw the blue light came through the smoke and struck the tank. The glass shattered, and he slid out onto the floor like a newborn out of its mother’s womb. He yanked the breath mask off, and he finally felt fresh air. His efforts for breathing it in were rewarded with spurts of bacta coughed up from his lungs.

Slowly, he rose until he sat in the puddle of bacta and shivered from what little of the slimy substance still clung to him and his modest clothing. After clearing his lungs of the putrid liquid, he took notice of the other bodies lying around him. They weren’t like him, who was dressed in a thin suit of clothing. They were the men in white, the same who had tried to terminate him, and they lied motionlessly, with horrible burnt scars stretched across their bodies.

Standing over the corpses was a man. This man was not donned in white, but in a light uniform and a brown cloak. In his hand was a cylindrical hilt, from which the blue rod of light came out of. The man stood with an aura of calm… and regret. Not just towards him, but to the others lying at his feet. But who was this man to have such sympathy for him, let alone the people who had tried to kill him?

A Jedi Knight, recalled his programmed mind. An enemy.

He thought about that. An enemy? That couldn’t be right. This Jedi had helped him, saved from the same fate as the others. If he was an enemy, why would he do such a thing?

Eliminate him, the voice in his head commanded, but he tried to shut it out. Eliminate the Jedi!

“Don’t be afraid,” the man, the Jedi, said. “I’m here to help.”

The Jedi’s voice brought a feeling. He could only describe it as calm, at peace. The parts of his mind that cried out for the Jedi’s destruction faded away.

No longer haunted by his thoughts, he spoke. The sound of speaking for the first time had hurt his throat, and it came out in a hoarse croak. “Y-you can help me?”

“Yes, I can,” the Jedi smiled, and his beard seemed to do so too. “My name’s Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan Kenobi. What’s yours?”

He opened his mouth, then stopped. Then, he looked down at band around his wrist. On it was a tag on it: VDR-142.

At last, he looked up and answered, “Vader, sir. It’s Vader.”


At the sound of a high-pitched and constantly repeated beeping, Vader’s eyes snapped open. He rubbed a hand over the weary eye sockets before he rolled on his side. By the bed, the source of his disturbance continued to ring, until Vader finally pressed the button and answered.

“Yes?” he said with a small yawn.

Captain Cody’s voice came through. “Sir, Master Luminara and her student have just arrived.”

A bit of excitement leaped up Vader’s throat as he raised his head from his pillow. “Where are they, now?” he asked, a little more loudly than he wanted.

“By the console chamber. They and General Kenobi are waiting for you.”

“I’ll be right there,” and with an excited click, Vader shut off the comm and sat up from his bed.

Barriss is here, he thought excitedly as he pictured the bright green face of Luminara’s pupil and her warm smile.

Vader had seen that same smile back when he first met Barriss at the Temple. Then, he was just inducted into the Jedi and in dire need of companionship. Vader had found it in a few Jedi students, Barriss more special than the rest, so he would be glad to be with her whenever he had the chance.

It was not long before Vader had put on his dark uniform. After putting on his pants and boots, Vader neatly pressed the seams of his tunic and added the long, flapping cloak to his Jedi look. His mask, the last thing left, rested by the mirror in his quarters, so Vader went over to grab it.

Vader’s hand halted when he looked at the mirror. It was meant to be just a glance, to see if he was primed and ready for Barriss, and the Jedi Masters. Then, it turned into a long, deep glance.

As Vader stared at the mirror, he looked at the face in it. He saw the familiar deep, blue eyes, cleft chin, and wavy, blond hair. He had the same muscular look to him, albeit he was a bit scrawny due to him being genetically a few years younger. Still, it was the same look, the same face.

The face of Anakin Skywalker.

No else, other than a few, knew about Vader’s secret. The masters on the Jedi Council had told him to use a partial face-mask hide his identity from everyone. The reasoning was as such; if anyone knew about the truth of Vader’s origins, there would be a major panic. People would be in a uproar over the Jedi having a clone among their numbers.

A clone. As distasteful as the word sounded, Vader couldn’t deny it. He was clone, nothing more. A mere copy, made from a Jedi pupil’s DNA, no doubt taken from some severed limb. Obi-Wan assured Vader otherwise, but the words did little to hide the truth lurking in the back of both their minds.

Slowly, Vader slid the mask into place, hiding portion of Anakin Skywalker. He did not need to worry about that. Now, he had to meet with someone important to him, and he would meet her as Vader, not Anakin’s copy.

If you have anything more of this concept I would gladly read it

Post
#1320475
Topic
The Ultimate Star Wars Saga
Time

DuracellEnergizer said:

Space Medievalist said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

I say go for it. Me and others have posted original stories before.

Just did. What do you think?

Haven’t checked it out yet, but I will.

I’m looking forward to your stuff as well. I know your sick of Star Wars but maybe you could get someone else to flesh it out once you have the treatments

Post
#1319797
Topic
Remnant of Glory:A Space Western similar to Star Wars that i'm writing
Time

Remnant of Glory
The man who went by the name “Karrn” walked the tumbleweed infested streets of the sprawling slum of a town that had seen better days. The signs were everywhere shimmering in the noon heat that made Karrn want to take off his jacket if that ratty orange item wasn’t central to his identity. Beggars sat outside the local chantry which incidentally was the only building made of stone though the paltry dome would be laughed at on any civilized planet while the few priests hardly looked pious. One sorry specimen staggered drunk and leaned on one side of the building and vomited over his shabby grey robes while another was catcalling some rail thin alien whore in an unintelligible voice that was most likely from being on some sort of intoxicant. It evidently didn’t work because the female aliens nose frills went up in annoyance and she kept walking. The beggars could tell that the priests were not the best and thus did not even look up to watch, their eyes fixed in despair on the ground. The graffiti on the mostly stattico or wooden walls of the town were full of ethnic slurs of one kind or another and one even denigrating the supreme Shogun himself. To do that would be suicidal but Karrn thought ruefully if he had to live in this place he might consider Being beaten to death by some mercenary thugs a blessing. All around them were merchants hawking their cheap wares of all sorts including the deadly seeds of the acaki’an plant which would give a human a high more powerful than any known drug but in return would drive you into a violent frenzy if you took to much. On another stand lay fine silk most likely pirated and was grouped next to obviously fake “ti’mizkzw artifacts” in fact Karrn thought one of them looked was a run of the mill chamber pot with metal spikes hastily welded on. The smelly merchants were yelling in tongues even Karrn couldn’t understand and he had mastered 15 languages over his long career as noble soldier and now as a blaster for hire.
At his side was his pain in the ass young ward Sug El-Maradon in his long imitation Wanbi robes and with a family heirloom Katen almost as large as his body who was panting in the heat of this spirit-forsaken hellhole as his blue skin gleamed with perspiration. His body language was one of teenage angst as he slouched and looked around with a feverish nervousness no doubt bursting to ask his master what they were doing here and what they would do next.
”So what now?” Sug asked with indignation as he quickly moved out of the way as a farmer herded his emaciated cattle then going back to Karrn’s side
“It better not be wiping out another grugal nest like the last damn time. It took the rest of the day to get the droppings out of my hair.”
His hair was styled in a manner that Sug said made him look like a hero but Karrn often thought privately made him look like the pompous teen he was. Karrn in irritation snapped back
“Quit bellyaching Sug the townsfolk gave us guildershen “ he was getting quite sick of his attitude. Pay was pay.
Sug interjected again “I don’t care about the money I want to have grand adventures like the Wanbi of the stories not be glorified pest control or musclemen for some shithole lord!”
Karrn rolled his eyes stopped walking and turned around facing the brat saying slowly and patiently
“Those legends are a bunch of rancid engine grease Sug you’re grown now so you should know better,I’m not having this discussion again.The only power that is genuine is manipulation,look at that beggar.”
Sug shut up and looked though he continued scowling moodley.The beggar who had before been walking jerkily behind them for a while now shouting
“Spare,Spare I need spare” in broken Galactic looked confused and suddenly as if he had no control over his own body, threw the can up in the air and ran the opposite direction clucking like a chicken. Everyone else on the street gave him a wide berth,eyes looking at the ground,absorbed in their own problems. Sug looked incredulous at Karrn
“That’s not a very honorable way to resolve conflict.”
”You’re right.” Karrn chuckled “But it’s funny, very funny”
They continued on their way passing through the outskirts seemingly going nowhere if there was any nosy observers. By the putrid smell they were immersed in now they were in the factory slums as buildings were reduced even further to mere hovels of mud with obviously no overriding design. Children played here in the refuse heaps and in the stream of sewage and green muck cackling like some predatory birds all the while the one factory in town a hulking mass of crude metal was billowing black smoke against the pale blue sky towered over all like a Demon Prince of the 9 Hells. The factory mercenaries could be seen walking in little groups either drinking fermented stuoucha milk or gambling in their cheap brown body armour that only protected the chest and front of the legs. They would be the laughing stock in a core world but out here had no rival and all the peasants looked furtively at them like mice looked at cats. The fear was like a smog in the air and it came from everybody from housewives weaving on the front steps to the old man milking his goat in a pitiful fenced yard. Karrn checked his map but he still couldn’t see where the boarding house was.
He was going to ask Sug for some help deciphering that worn scrap of paper but he was interrupted by Screams of pain. He looked around and saw it coming from a thin bearded man in the stocks as he was beaten by an electric whip wielded from a mercenary who was laughing maniacally like a kid who had found a new toy. The placard on the prisoners neck indicated that he had been the one to create the graffiti against the Shogun.
”Damn fool!”Karrn muttered under his breath while that naive young tanril Sug furrowed his brow in concern for the poor man probably wondering if they should help,his fingers reaching for his Katen sword though he quickly dropped them when Karrn gave him a raised eyebrow with a look that said “Don’t waste your time.” They continued until they reached the destination a large out of place wooden pagoda which from the sound of it was packed with people. Just as Karrn was about to knock the sliding door was opened slightly to reveal a haggard and bitter looking woman who growled at them with a gravelly voice
“Place is full,the best I can do for you is the Cow shed behind here” she spat bloody phlegm on the porch and then said “Five Guildershen take it or leave it.” Sug was about to make a fuss about that but Karrn preemptively kicked him in the shin,smiled and handed the coins over. Just before the angry woman closed the door however she mentioned
“If you really need a drink that bad there’s a traveling canteen a block from here I sure as hell ain’t going over to the shed to bring you stuff I got enough trouble as it is.” Karrn despite wanting to sock the old woman simply smiled and said
“of course madam” as she slammed close the door. Sug rounded on Karrn
“You let her walk all over us,no way i’m sleeping in a cow shed!”.Karrn sighed
“Look kid do you really want to argue with every asshole this side of the galaxy ?It doesn’t work, I tried before when I was your age and it left me on the run and everyone I fucking cared about dead! ” Sug deflated by the outburst said Quietly
“Your right of course. So should we look at the shack first or should we drink at that tavern?” Karrn thought about it for a moment and then said
“Drink first,we could find all sorts of jobs at a dive canteen like that.”
As they came around the corner of the street the canteen was revealed to be a yurt of ourgas hide much repaired most likely from numerous brawls and the sounds of drunken laughter could be heard from inside. Meanwhile on a makeshift bench next to it two old insecaons aliens were arguing in their chittering fashion over a dice game. As karrn warily approached the yurt full of the din of many drunken degenerates he was reminded of why he hated people. However before Karrn could steel himself to walk inside Sug’s pointed ears twitched and he pulled Karrn out of the way just in time as a particularly bulbous headed trewfic was thrown bodily out of the yurt by bulky Zerd.
He rounded on them in broken galactic basic
“What you want,state business or fuck off!” Karrn slowly picked himself off the ground and shot one look at Sug who was shaking with outrage at the shabby treatment into taking his hand of his sword. Karrn walked forward hoping he wouldn’t have to shoot the dumb aliens head off as he’d done that enough in Great House War. He gave a grin while saying
“Simple travelers looking for a drink and maybe a job.” The Zerd responded with a
“If you cause trouble you out” and let them pass though not before leering at Sug as he passed whispering
“I wish I kill you weakling.” Karrin had to drag Sug out of the aliens way,he had no intention of letting his ward get killed not after what he had promised to her after all.
“Stop” he told himself as he stood in front of the archway “don’t go down that road again” the pain those dying moments brought him even after all these years surprised Karrn. Sug than turned around and was about to bicker with Karrn about being pulled out of the way until he saw his friends face contorted in agony of memory. Sug slowly calmed himself down and softly said
“Shall we go in?”This brought Karrn back and he looked embarrassed. He roughly pushed past Sug who followed. However the sight and smells of the Yurt made the young non baseline stand agape and aghast.
In the center of the room was a roped off ring where two humans were fighting with their hands tied behind their backs thus resorting to having to bite and headbut eachother. On the dirt floor many different humans and aliens each more looking more drunk than the last sat cheering uproariously in many tongues. They were served by a service cyborg that had seen better days in fact it looked like his head had been screwed on backwards while generations of vomit and spilled drink had made it’s colour impossible to discern. Karrn continued to stride confidently to the back while Sug who was mentally dealing with what he was seeing followed slowly behind. Sug got that old feeling again. The sickening sense that what they were doing wasn’t right. They should do…something,anything like a chivalrous warrior of old but Karrn always refused because of that damn incident in a past he refused to talk about. Sug was drawn out from his thoughts as he noticed what Karrn was walking towards. At the back of the large yurt stood two humans wearing long black cloaks and smoking what looked to be a hookah. Karrn made his way to the two “strangers” gingerly avoiding a sleeping drunk that stunk to high heaven with Sug right behind him. Karrn lazily addressed the first man
“I can tell it’s you Epses you don’t need that ridiculous cloak”,Sug snickered in amusement as no matter how many times Karrn had recognized people in disguises the reactions were always priceless. Epses jumped and then swore in a whiny voice while the other cloaked figure stood stock still.
“Got any jobs? Were just passing through but coin is coin” Karrn asked as the first man removed his cloak revealing greasy black hair and a large hooked nose. Epses scrunched up his face in a look to disgust and self pity.
“Too late Karrn this new mercenary Zorga and his band took everything that pays any money in town’ Karrn swore as he had hoped to avoid this and kicked the ground while Sug looked dumbfounded.
Epses went on talking as he drew his blaster on them and the other cloaked figure pulled down it’s hood revealing a silent raven haired woman wielding a sickly green glowing Zarentium sabre. She bared her teeth and then opened her mouth allowing Karrn and Sug to see that their was only a stump where her tongue had been. Sug felt the bile rise in his throat but Karrn kept his cool.
“He’s put a bounty on your head worth a considerable sum,doesn’t want competition see?” Epses said in his nasally voice grinning he took a step forward the pistol aimed at Karrn while the noise of the patrons was swiftly silenced as everyone wanted to see what would happen. Karrn didn’t hesitate he quickly flung himself at Epses kneeing him in the stomach causing the blaster bolt to hit the floor instead while Sug clumsily blocked the swing from the mute aiming at Karrns head with his heavy Katen. Epses was no fighter and Karrn pulled the blaster away from him and wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled him to his feet. He couldn’t have done it fast enough too as the mute had kicked Sug square in the face and dropped him to the ground with his nose bleeding. The woman rounded on Karrn but thinking quickly he raised the blaster to epses head. The merchant started bawling
“Stop Karrn stop we can make a deal i’ll call off mute too please!” Karrn feeling vindictive screamed
“You better swear on your life you son of a bitch or i’ll blow your head off” to which Epses responded by whimpering all the while a warm substance slid down his pants. Haltingly Epses called off the mute off to her visible confusion and Sugs hastily hidden relief as he slowly got off the ground. Karrn said in a cold hard voice to Epses
“now you better make damn sure that you don’t-” the sound of blaster fire interrupted him as a group of five of the local lords mercenaries ripped through the tent wall firing indiscriminately because they obviously couldn’t be bothered with working out who had started the commotion. At that point all beings that could run did towards the other end of the tent where the exit presumably was and those who could not run slithered or crawled. Karrn saw Sug use the commotion to swing his sword in the direction of the Zerd who had insulted him cutting his arm off in one swift motion adding screams of agony only adding to the confusion. He would have done more but Karrn grabbed his arm starting Sug to his senses. The mute surprisingly also went with Karrn who dragged her employer Epses with the gun still to his head while she cut quickly and skillfully an exit out with her sword while Sug brought up the rear looking ready for anything. Inside though he felt as if he would collapse in sheer fright if anyone had the mercy to let him. They all continued to run out on the streets that echoed with screams as more and more mercenaries realized what was going on and went to join in the killing and looting as the slum burned and the peasants ran desperately searching for safety as they were shot down like dogs. The altercation in the canteen had set off a firestorm of rage and death that had obviously been building up for years before the duo had arrived. Karrn as he ran reflected that it was probably better that the mercenaries massacre the people of the slum instead of focusing on them but he still felt a brief stirring of outrage that he quickly crushed. Morals got people killed,morals always made things worse. In anycase all the mercenaries were to disorganized and gave them a wide berth to go after the easir targets to kill and loot though the mute slashed one particularly stupid one of their number who got to close. Karrn just to be safe however made them run through the backyards of the hovels which everyone else followed to his surprise. He must have still had the battlefield charisma despite how much he had tried to bury it. The slum folk who were fleeing the carnage didn’t seem to even notice them except for one shrieking woman with a crying baby under her arm who threw a pan at Sugs head. Karrn led the way still having his arm wrapped around a crying Epses who struggled to keep his feet and begged the heavens to save him from this humiliation though his pleas went unanswered. Suddenly up ahead Karrn regonzided the Pagoda which had so far been unscathed though that was only because the old woman and several motley clients who had guns were arrayed on the porch ready to shoot anyone who tried to approach. He quickly dropped Epses to put his hands up and shouted pleadingly to the old woman as he got nearer
“Don’t shoot” though she leveled her gun at him anyway threateningly. Epses who was desperate to save his own skin squeaked
“For the love of god woman let us in! I’ll pay you as much as you want!” and to emphasize the point he got a sack of coins from under his robes and then got onto his knees pleadingly while the dust stirred up by the fighting blew by and the Mute and Sug stood with their backs turned holding their swords menacingly enough to anyone running by that no one would bother them. The old woman sniffed disapprovingly but she still picked up the bundle of coins though gingerly as if she thought they would bite her and grunted out a
“Fine go round back” which sent a wave of relief up Karrns spine who then roughly pulled up and shook a still blubbering Epses to his senses. The Mute and Sug still suspiciously eyeing each other followed Karrns lead into the overgrown backyard of the inn where a Cow was standing in a corner froughing at the mouth obviously spooked by the noise of the riot. The shack itself had seen better days but it was better than staying outdoors so each of them went in with Epses all but collapsing to the dirt floor where he lay traumatized it seemed. Though Karrn was now dead tired he started as his eyes adjusted to the light and he realized there were others with them.
3 careworn farmers had been huddling scared around a small fire. As Karrns eyes adjusted he realized how much of a sorry sight they were. In their eyes was fear,distrust and resentment. The oldest one was about fifty with scraggly greying hair and an eyepatch while the other two men were conjoined to the hip and looked about in their mid 20s and had the same red hair. In the back of the room a bald man who looked about 80 and looked to have lost half of his skull strummed on his banjo and his wide staring eyes made it abundantly clear he was blind. What really interested Karrn however was another man who sat just outside the barn by a surprisingly clean stream who was methodically shaving his head while humming a tune seemingly unaware of the chaos around him…

Post
#1319585
Topic
The Ultimate Star Wars Saga
Time

I actually have my own Science Fantasy/Space Western/Samurai universe that’s a bit more dark and very world-building intensive than Star Wars(I wrote it since I was tired of the inconsistancy in Star Wars as a matter of fact). I have the beginning of a story written (with a lot of Seven Samurai inspiration/rip off though I plan to diverge heavily as it goes on)but I don’t know if this forum would be the right place to post it since it’s not really Star Wars.

Post
#1319214
Topic
The Ultimate Star Wars Saga
Time

This seems like it could be great. The inconsistencies in Star Wars always bugged me. It would be cool if multiple galactic Republics/Empires had risen and fallen though. Not 1,000 generations of utopia. Maybe the Galactic Republic should be like a space Holy Roman Empire all decentralized and the the Galactic Empire should be the first centralized Galactic super-entity ever like the Meiji Restoration. I guess my own Prequel rewrite can be like that lol