I watched the first 3 episodes and I generally like it.
The only thing I would personally change is switching episode 2 and 3. Simply because it would be nice to close off episode 1 with Obi-Wan leaving Christophsis in his star-fighter and open episode 2 with him arriving on madalore navigating the very same ship.
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Writing this answer. Now I’m done.
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I hate spiders and a new bigger species is settling in where I live thanks to global warming.
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You are right, maybe I‘m misremembering that bit.
I remember, that Syfo Dias originally was meant to be Sidious, but George changed that during production. But even then the main problem remains, that the Jedi buy into this far to easily.
I feel like a plausible cover up story for the creation of the army would have helped the plot immensely.
An interesting read on the trilogy, maybe Palpatine could have picked up on his involvement with everything that has transpired in his conversation with Grievous.
Other than that I feel like the Jedi are too gullible throughout the movies to pose a threat to Palatines plans. In TPM Qui-Gon senses that there is more behind the Federation invasion but he doesn’t investigate and in AOTC does nobody investigate the mystery behind the creation of the clones. Only in ROTS do the Jedi start to suspect Palpatine after he placed Anakin on the council and thereby openly challenged the Jedi.
This makes the plot feel less like a tense game of chess and more like a GM taking on an amateur.Yeah the Jedi just adopting the Clone Army without any questions is maybe the silliest character decision from the prequels. Even Master Yoda just takes them and jumps into combat with them within hours of finding out about their existence…very off beat for his type of character.
They were ordered by a Jedi Master. In Clone Wars we learn that he was rather paranoid and the while we viewers grow to suspect that Count Dooku might have killed Syfo Dias and played him, it is also possible that he was paranoid and and a premonition and that Dooku and Palpatine took it over and twisted it to suite their plan. Dooku is the one who recruited Jango Fett, so if Syfo Dias did order the clones, he died shortly after. The Jedi never suspected that Palpatine planted order 66. So from their point of view there really wasn’t much to investigate. A nutty one of their own placed the order about the time he died so he couldn’t have told them what he did. How the clones were paid for was never explained.
But there are still numerous questions attached to the clones. Who paid the Kaminoans? Who is this Tyranus, that recruited Jango? Who deleted all of the information about Kamino from the archives? Was Syfo Dias death connected to the order?
And there is another huge problem with how the clones are rediscovered by the Jedi. Obi-Wan finds them by accident, because someone did everything to hide this army from the Jedi. However they are of upmost important to Palpatines plan. That doesn’t make sense, Sidious big plan hinges on the sheer coincidence that Obi-Wan stumbles upon the clones AND that nobody ask any question ensuring from this discovery, because any digging into this matter would surely bust his plans.
An interesting read on the trilogy, maybe Palpatine could have picked up on his involvement with everything that has transpired in his conversation with Grievous.
Other than that I feel like the Jedi are too gullible throughout the movies to pose a threat to Palatines plans. In TPM Qui-Gon senses that there is more behind the Federation invasion but he doesn’t investigate and in AOTC does nobody investigate the mystery behind the creation of the clones. Only in ROTS do the Jedi start to suspect Palpatine after he placed Anakin on the council and thereby openly challenged the Jedi.
This makes the plot feel less like a tense game of chess and more like a GM taking on an amateur.
If it were all that specific you would think Luke would warn Han and Leia that their son is going to kill them.
But what in TFA implies that he didn’t? In fact Leia’s moment with Kylo during the attack on the raddus could be interpreted as if Luke warned her that this day would come.
I’d like to get a link as well, please.
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Maybe replace 3PO’s retelling of the trilogy with him translating for the Ewok chief, who could be telling the story how the Ewok fled from Had Abbadon to Endor.
Obviously it would have to fit with the available footage of the Ewoks and I think you should add some more details to the story, otherwise it might feel too tacked on and fan-edit-y.
Maybe Had Abbadon was the home to ancient Sith and the Jedi helped the Ewok relocate or sth, but I’ll let you figure the details to that story on your own 😉
Firstly, that initial transition. I agree that ideally you’d open on the Jedi going underwater, but this being Star Wars, we really should begin in space. We could follow the ambassador’s ship (now just anyone’s ship) into the Trade Federation ship, but then we should really have some scene on the ship itself, perhaps implying that the two Neimoidians have just arrived to oversee the situation. The invasion trigger shouldn’t happen until after the Gungan negotiations, but there is one scene of the two Neimoidians walking (away from the monitor) which might be usable with a zoomed shot and some alternate lines.
Secondly, context. Whatever the first scene with the Jedi is, it needs to carry some of the exposition we’d otherwise cut, setting them up as negotiators and mystics. I’ve had a bit of a play with this on top of Peter Pan’s ideas but haven’t finalised my thoughts yet, and you can’t do too much voice work without it becoming “fan-edity”. And while we don’t need the underwater fish stuff, some of the dialogue on the bongo can be a bit useful in emphasising what the Force is (“The force will guide us”, “maxi big the force.”)
Maybe use the original opening shot with the ambassadors ship going past the blockade and use the „I have a bad feeling about this“ scene, but replace the lines about the negotiations with the Federation with some remark about them already filling their supplies with war machinery. Ideally I‘d like to characterize the Federation as vultures that observe the situation from above, waiting for their turn to cannibalize upon the situation, but I can’t think of a good line that works in this context.
It’d also be nice to have them account for the failiure of the negotiations - probably using the line “Well you were right about one thing master; the negotiations were short.” But again you’re wrestling with voice lines there.
Maybe we could add the bongo speeding away from otoh gunga? Shouldn’t be too hard to find a shot of Obi-Wan talking in the bongo that fits his mouth movement closely enough for an edit.
Peter Pan said:
The idea behind the bongo in the first shot was actually to substitute the classic opening shot as it looks like space ship anyway. That‘s also why I’m fading between the starfield moving up and the underwater scenery, the idea was to make the upwards moving stars look like bubbles. Maybe I have to extend the shot before the bongo appears and add some real air bubbles.Ah, I see. Honestly I’d like to see that idea more fleshed out. The disappearing Bongo’s still a bit of an issue though.
I think I’ve got an idea how to fix this. The solution has huge teeth… ;D
Thanks for the compliments, I‘ll be looking forward to your take on an opening like that.
My suggestion is something like:
There is a Great Disturbance in the Force! For centuries, the peaceful people of Naboo and the neighboring warrior race of the GUNGANS have lived in a shaky state of peace. However now tension threatens to engulf the planet in CIVIL WAR, causing QUEEN AMIDALA to plead to the Senate for some sort of solution to this conflict.
Hindered by war profiteers and those that see instability as an opportunity alike, Supreme Chancellor Valorum has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, chivalrous warriors and ancient scholars of the Force, to aid the young Queen of Naboo in his stead.
Unknown to all, a dark force lingers within the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to strike, as Jedi Master QUI-GON JINN and his young apprentice OBI-WAN KENOBI make their way to the Gungan underwater city to settle the conflict between the two races…
(Note: Could probably use some condensing, but sorta trying to get the general ideas across. Keeping your proposed middle paragraph.)
Maybe a tad bit to long but might be a good start. The line about „those that see instability as an opportunity“ is especially one I’d like to keep as it the exact wording palpatine uses in ROTS to manipulate Anakin.
Sorta agree. The base idea of the Jedi initially being sent to settle the feud between the Gungans and Naboo is an interesting idea, and could help tie together their cooperation at the end a lot better… but the Federation should be an established presence too.
Some suggestions:
The crawl needs a few more drafts imo. Alongside setting the Federation up as taking the Naboo v Gungan Crisis as an opportunity, it needs a few more drafts for the grammar and the like.
One thing that’d need new VFX is a proper pandown of the planet. Perhaps it can show the blockade arriving from hyperspace or something (if I had a good model of the donut ships, I could probably mock something up), before transitioning to the scene of the Jedi swimming to the Gungan city (removing that first shot of the Bongo, since I feel it was more confusing than anything else).
Better yet, said shot of the Federation arriving could be before the scene in the Queen’s throne room, suddenly throwing a wrench into the equation, while simultaneously properly setting the Federation up instead of them just kinda… appearing.
Some personal things: I’d remove the line from Panaka about the Federation needing Padme to sign a treaty, I think the bearded guy’s “They wouldn’t dare!” is enough, and Panaka’s line is pretty clunky. I’d also cut down the whole “Where are you taking them?” “To Coruscant” part.
Otherwise, this has gotta be my favorite of the proposed alternate openings. Definitely a creative idea.
Also gotta say, I love the addition of the Vulture Droids soaring overhead tipping the Jedi off about the invasion. I genuinely had to go back to see if they were in the original film or not.
Sorry about the grammar, I have a habit of throwing in commas at random, regardless of what language I’m typing.
In regards to the establishing shot of the invasion army, I‘d be glad if someone could help me with that.
The idea behind the bongo in the first shot was actually to substitute the classic opening shot as it looks like space ship anyway. That‘s also why I’m fading between the starfield moving up and the underwater scenery, the idea was to make the upwards moving stars look like bubbles. Maybe I have to extend the shot before the bongo appears and add some real air bubbles.
Also I could rotoscope the bongo passing above Jar Jar and the Jedi towards the city, if that helps.
Leaving the opening as it is and removing the federation ships blockading the planet might be another option to open the movie and a more star-warsy one add that, but I’m really not keen on the roto work.
And I simply like the underwater opening better as it is essentially the Star Wars formula, but with a small twist.
I really like your suggestions for the hangar scenes and will definitely play Amarion’s with them.
Regarding the vulture droids fly by, I originally wanted to include a short reaction from Jar Jar, but I couldn’t find anything that worked.
Maybe like this:
Crisis on Naboo! Mounting tension between her people and her he tribal Gungan pushed QUEEN AMIDALA, sovereign of the Naboo, to plead the Galactic Senate to intevene.
Hindered by war profiteers and those that see instability as an opportunity alike, chancellor Valorum secretly dispatched two Jedi, chivalrous warriors and ancient scholars of the force, to aid her in his stead.
As the TRADE FEDERATION readily gears their supply with war machinery, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi sped to the evergreen planet of Naboo to negotiate the tides and settle the conflict…
It mentions the Trade federation by name and hopefully indicates what will happen without being to concrete.
I spend the last week finishing my attempt at an fast paced Opening for TPM.
Key plot points are:
-new status quo at the beginning of the movie: The Trade Federation isn’t even in the picture yet, the main conflict is the tension between the Gungan (Warriors) and the Naboo (Pacifist)*
-the Jedi are send to diffuse the situation
-The Trade Federation exploit the instability and invades the planet
-The Jedi save the queen and speed away
But see for yourself:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CiqeDqziCzEtLhAEtYz6QHoP6qq3Z_Ex/view?usp=sharing
P.S.: * I think this set-up highlights on of the core dilemmas shaping the Jedi identity quite nicely, on the one hand they’re peaceful monks and on the other they practice cutting off peoples extremities or bisecting them.
EDIT: Almost forgot to mention that there are some quiet cracks with the audio (mainly during the Throne room scene), sorry for that, its a problem with my source, that I only discovered after it was basically finished.
I got to meet the Pope today, so that was pretty cool.
Wow, how come?