Peter Pan

got to aim high

108

106

104

101 (Dalmatians)

I watched the first 3 episodes and I generally like it.
The only thing I would personally change is switching episode 2 and 3. Simply because it would be nice to close off episode 1 with Obi-Wan leaving Christophsis in his star-fighter and open episode 2 with him arriving on madalore navigating the very same ship.

98

Writing this answer. Now I’m done.

94

90

I hate spiders and a new bigger species is settling in where I live thanks to global warming.

87

82

You are right, maybe I‘m misremembering that bit.

I remember, that Syfo Dias originally was meant to be Sidious, but George changed that during production. But even then the main problem remains, that the Jedi buy into this far to easily.
I feel like a plausible cover up story for the creation of the army would have helped the plot immensely.

yotsuya said:

Fan_edit_fan said:

Peter Pan said:

An interesting read on the trilogy, maybe Palpatine could have picked up on his involvement with everything that has transpired in his conversation with Grievous.

Other than that I feel like the Jedi are too gullible throughout the movies to pose a threat to Palatines plans. In TPM Qui-Gon senses that there is more behind the Federation invasion but he doesn’t investigate and in AOTC does nobody investigate the mystery behind the creation of the clones. Only in ROTS do the Jedi start to suspect Palpatine after he placed Anakin on the council and thereby openly challenged the Jedi.
This makes the plot feel less like a tense game of chess and more like a GM taking on an amateur.

Yeah the Jedi just adopting the Clone Army without any questions is maybe the silliest character decision from the prequels. Even Master Yoda just takes them and jumps into combat with them within hours of finding out about their existence…very off beat for his type of character.

They were ordered by a Jedi Master. In Clone Wars we learn that he was rather paranoid and the while we viewers grow to suspect that Count Dooku might have killed Syfo Dias and played him, it is also possible that he was paranoid and and a premonition and that Dooku and Palpatine took it over and twisted it to suite their plan. Dooku is the one who recruited Jango Fett, so if Syfo Dias did order the clones, he died shortly after. The Jedi never suspected that Palpatine planted order 66. So from their point of view there really wasn’t much to investigate. A nutty one of their own placed the order about the time he died so he couldn’t have told them what he did. How the clones were paid for was never explained.

But there are still numerous questions attached to the clones. Who paid the Kaminoans? Who is this Tyranus, that recruited Jango? Who deleted all of the information about Kamino from the archives? Was Syfo Dias death connected to the order?

And there is another huge problem with how the clones are rediscovered by the Jedi. Obi-Wan finds them by accident, because someone did everything to hide this army from the Jedi. However they are of upmost important to Palpatines plan. That doesn’t make sense, Sidious big plan hinges on the sheer coincidence that Obi-Wan stumbles upon the clones AND that nobody ask any question ensuring from this discovery, because any digging into this matter would surely bust his plans.

An interesting read on the trilogy, maybe Palpatine could have picked up on his involvement with everything that has transpired in his conversation with Grievous.

Other than that I feel like the Jedi are too gullible throughout the movies to pose a threat to Palatines plans. In TPM Qui-Gon senses that there is more behind the Federation invasion but he doesn’t investigate and in AOTC does nobody investigate the mystery behind the creation of the clones. Only in ROTS do the Jedi start to suspect Palpatine after he placed Anakin on the council and thereby openly challenged the Jedi.
This makes the plot feel less like a tense game of chess and more like a GM taking on an amateur.

Vladius said:

If it were all that specific you would think Luke would warn Han and Leia that their son is going to kill them.

But what in TFA implies that he didn’t? In fact Leia’s moment with Kylo during the attack on the raddus could be interpreted as if Luke warned her that this day would come.

I’d like to get a link as well, please.

4

Maybe replace 3PO’s retelling of the trilogy with him translating for the Ewok chief, who could be telling the story how the Ewok fled from Had Abbadon to Endor.
Obviously it would have to fit with the available footage of the Ewoks and I think you should add some more details to the story, otherwise it might feel too tacked on and fan-edit-y.

Maybe Had Abbadon was the home to ancient Sith and the Jedi helped the Ewok relocate or sth, but I’ll let you figure the details to that story on your own 😉

EddieDean said:

Firstly, that initial transition. I agree that ideally you’d open on the Jedi going underwater, but this being Star Wars, we really should begin in space. We could follow the ambassador’s ship (now just anyone’s ship) into the Trade Federation ship, but then we should really have some scene on the ship itself, perhaps implying that the two Neimoidians have just arrived to oversee the situation. The invasion trigger shouldn’t happen until after the Gungan negotiations, but there is one scene of the two Neimoidians walking (away from the monitor) which might be usable with a zoomed shot and some alternate lines.

Secondly, context. Whatever the first scene with the Jedi is, it needs to carry some of the exposition we’d otherwise cut, setting them up as negotiators and mystics. I’ve had a bit of a play with this on top of Peter Pan’s ideas but haven’t finalised my thoughts yet, and you can’t do too much voice work without it becoming “fan-edity”. And while we don’t need the underwater fish stuff, some of the dialogue on the bongo can be a bit useful in emphasising what the Force is (“The force will guide us”, “maxi big the force.”)

Maybe use the original opening shot with the ambassadors ship going past the blockade and use the „I have a bad feeling about this“ scene, but replace the lines about the negotiations with the Federation with some remark about them already filling their supplies with war machinery. Ideally I‘d like to characterize the Federation as vultures that observe the situation from above, waiting for their turn to cannibalize upon the situation, but I can’t think of a good line that works in this context.

EddieDean said:

It’d also be nice to have them account for the failiure of the negotiations - probably using the line “Well you were right about one thing master; the negotiations were short.” But again you’re wrestling with voice lines there.

Maybe we could add the bongo speeding away from otoh gunga? Shouldn’t be too hard to find a shot of Obi-Wan talking in the bongo that fits his mouth movement closely enough for an edit.

NotTheDri0ds said:

Peter Pan said:
The idea behind the bongo in the first shot was actually to substitute the classic opening shot as it looks like space ship anyway. That‘s also why I’m fading between the starfield moving up and the underwater scenery, the idea was to make the upwards moving stars look like bubbles. Maybe I have to extend the shot before the bongo appears and add some real air bubbles.

Ah, I see. Honestly I’d like to see that idea more fleshed out. The disappearing Bongo’s still a bit of an issue though.

I think I’ve got an idea how to fix this. The solution has huge teeth… ;D

Thanks for the compliments, I‘ll be looking forward to your take on an opening like that.

NotTheDri0ds said:

My suggestion is something like:

There is a Great Disturbance in the Force! For centuries, the peaceful people of Naboo and the neighboring warrior race of the GUNGANS have lived in a shaky state of peace. However now tension threatens to engulf the planet in CIVIL WAR, causing QUEEN AMIDALA to plead to the Senate for some sort of solution to this conflict.

Hindered by war profiteers and those that see instability as an opportunity alike, Supreme Chancellor Valorum has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, chivalrous warriors and ancient scholars of the Force, to aid the young Queen of Naboo in his stead.

Unknown to all, a dark force lingers within the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to strike, as Jedi Master QUI-GON JINN and his young apprentice OBI-WAN KENOBI make their way to the Gungan underwater city to settle the conflict between the two races…

(Note: Could probably use some condensing, but sorta trying to get the general ideas across. Keeping your proposed middle paragraph.)

Maybe a tad bit to long but might be a good start. The line about „those that see instability as an opportunity“ is especially one I’d like to keep as it the exact wording palpatine uses in ROTS to manipulate Anakin.