Peregrinus

So I joined this board a while ago. I’ve skimmed this thread (there’s a lot, after all), and intend to continue reading through it in more thorough detail, but I wanted to throw a couple things out regarding ESB and ROTJ, based on everything I’ve absorbed over the years, based on my storytelling instinct, based on continuity… I admit I am feeble in edit-y, Photoshop-y skills, but have spent much of my life honing my sense of what Mark Twain called “good stories, well told”. I’ve spent many years working on my writing, in learning how to recognize what works and what doesn’t, of believing that internal consistency is not a dirty phrase, and that relatable verisimilitude is a perfectly legitimate scaffold to build a fictional universe on (id est, I can at least theoretically explain how everything seen in Star Wars works except tractor beams and artificial gravity, and that’s because we’re still figuring out what the heck gravity even is, let alone how to manipulate it).

I have also spent most of my life absorbing the behind-the-scenes evolution of Star Wars. The scripts, the cut scenes, the indications of intent (regardless of how often George might have changed his mind later on…), the interviews, and so on. So bear that in mind as where I’m coming from here.

First of all is a macro-wish that the entire saga be renumbered. The Prequels definitely need to be rewritten and uncollapsed back out into six films focused on Obi-Wan, with Anakin as a strong supporting character (as George originally intended), Rogue One so perfectly embodies the Saturday-morning-serial model George was emulating that it deserves an opening crawl and episode number (as well as minor rewrites/tweaks)… And then we get to the Original Trilogy – which was also supposed to be six films. Per George’s original notes and his earliest interviews, the saga was to be twelve movies. The first arc was “From the Adventures of Obi-Wan Kenobi”, and the second was “From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker”. He decided to start with Luke’s arc for story purposes and – since he figured this was his one shot – he took the big megaweapon from the end of the arc and moved it up to that one episode he thought he’d get to do.

So we already have a problem when we get to ROTJ of him uncreatively keeping the same story element… and just making it bigger. But there’s the larger problem that ROTJ was the final four Luke films compressed into an overbusy lump. Luke’s sister was originally going to be a new character, introduced after ESB. But with the foreshortening of the story, a quick bodge was made to have it be Leia instead – creating problems, but oh well. I like Rogue One as the first Luke episode, incorporating the cut Anchorhead reunion with Biggs. I like the scene and what it adds to the larger story, but it doesn’t fit, timeline-wise. There’s not enough time for Biggs to report to his ship, desert, hook up with the Rebellion, prove his loyalty, and get in a position to be able to vouch for Luke in the time available if it takes place as originally scripted. And with Rogue One as Episode VI, that leaves three films to expand ROTJ back out into.

First one is a rejiggered first act – the rescue of Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt. It ends with them getting back to their ships (sandstorm scene intact) and finding a message from the Alliance that they’ve just discovered the Empire’s building a new superweapon and get back on the double.

Second one is Han actually having a point post-thaw. He works with Alliance Intel and uses his old underworld contacts to try to learn what and where. This is the one where many Bothans die. Ends with the stolen shuttle heading off to infiltrate the shield generator.

Third one is the infiltration, space battle, and Luke’s confrontation with the Emperor. I have a lot more to say about this one, but not now. I can get into more details on all of these if folks are actually interested in my rewrites.

I like a lot of what I’ve read in my skimming of this thread. I like the metal “bones” in Vader’s stump. I like the re-editing suggestions and color tweaks. I like more ominous presence of Palpatine’s guards (guess what my favorite costume is). I am glad to see I’m not the only one disappointed by the ROTS prune-face. I also preferred the explanation that the Emperor looked like that in ESB and ROTJ due to the long-term corrupting influence of the Dark Side. If that was just force lightning backblast, and he otherwise would have looked normal, then what’s the downside of the Dark Side? I saw all the back-and-forth about the eyes. I personally like the Eyes of the Sith, but more as a thing that happens over time as one gives oneself fully to the Dark Side. My suggestion for ROTJ Palpy is to take a cue from the original ESB Emperor – use chimpanzee eyes as a starting point. Wide, dark ring around the iris fading to bloodshot sclera. And make the iris a bit more fluorescent/baleful, rather than the warm gold of unaltered chimp eyes.

I also like the retouched Sebastian Shaw for the Ghost Anakin. I agree – he was back to being Anakin again at the end, so that would be his initial residual self-image. I further have no problem with Anakin and Obi-Wan “de-aging” as Luke continues to converse with them in the post era. While I like the alteration to Anakin having his Prequel robes… I have a problem with the tan-and-brown being Jedi robes at all. Obi-Wan was wearing what everyone else on Tatooine was wearing. Be silly if one was in hiding to keep wearing recognizably Jedi apparel. I much prefer what George was saying to Mark during the costume fitting sessions for ROTJ – that that was a true Jedi outfit (albeit with a longer sleeveless kimono – Mark’s was originally long, but shortened to make his stunt work easier). Since we know Luke was trying to find out as much as he could about the Jedi post-ANH, it makes sense that in presenting himself to Jabba as a Jedi, he’d wear something recognizably Jedi. If they’re a quasi-monastic order, as was heavily implicit, they’d have fairly uniform attire. So my preferred Jedi baseline is black linen placketed shirt and pants, off-black roughspun silk sleeveless kimono or sleeveless duster (like what Vader wears) or both, brown hooded robe (with no sleeves). I’ll point out also that early concept art of a solo Obi-Wan for Phantom Menace showed him dressed like that, too.

With the re-edits and such, I see each as an opportunity to fix things that slipped through the cracks, both subtle and gross. George is a great idea guy and I respect the hell out of him for all that he came up with… but he also needs at least one skilled actual writer to help him wring his ideas into consistent, coherent stories. It’s never too late. 😉

–Jonah

In the deleted scene, Biggs is talking about an Academy that doesn't seem very Imperial. He says he's not going to wait to be drafted by the Empire. That makes me think it's an Outer Rim school that's in danger of being nationalised by the Empire, or a merchant mariners' school -- after all, his posting was to the freighter Rand Ecliptic...

--Jonah

Rhikter said:

The clone project was a failure from Palpatine's POV.  He started to get paranoid about the clones betraying him, so he had the program discontinued and that's when the Empire started recruiting and training its personnel.

I read it on Wookiepedia once.  Maybe I'll see if I can find and post the exact quote later.  I won't right now though, because it's late where I am.

Be careful using Wiki for reference. Check the sources cited. I'll believe it, though. Just bear in mind that: 1) The current EU stance is that there are still clones making up the bulk of the Stormtrooper corps, and the 501st is entirely Jango clones; and 2) the Emperor evidently still liked cloning enough to clone himself and leave the Mount Tantiss facility on Wayland going.

--Jonah

Just not used to anyone outside of my immediate circle of geek friends or people in my scriptwriting classes wanting to see. I forgot where i was posting to for a second. Silly me. :P

Hm. My timeline of the last couple decades: 1993-1996 -- manifested Crohn's Disease, 1996-2004 -- managed Crohn's through the "if I ignore it it'll go away" method, 2004-2005 -- health failed and I started trying to manage things right, October 2005 (into November) -- spent six weeks in the hospital and almost died, spent ten months getting things turned around before i was strong enough for corrective surgery, and then another year before the second surgery to fix the damage from the first (since my body was still weak at the time).

All this to say, my mind was affected by my general deterioration, and other things I've seen of my work from that time weren't as good as I felt at the time. I haven't gone through my full script rewrite of Episode I since that time. Lemme take a pass before I post it to make sure. Episode II is about thirty pages of notes and scenes needing to be expanded the rest of the way out. And I'll wait on posting the link to my Episode III re-write until I've made sure the first two are presentable, so the thread of the story is consistent.  I've taken this very seriously, as I've been a Star Wars fan pretty much my whole life, and the Prequels were such a letdown.

--Jonah

o_O You really want to read the whole screenplay?

--Jonah

RoccondilRinon said:

Maul = Grievous has been suggested — would that work?

I'd rather not. They're very different in on-screen use. I'd like them both in their own places.

--Jonah

Also, I'd like to see Grievous in as a Separatist leader, both pre and post cyborging.

--Jonah

Episode III now. I'd prefer to name this one "The Fall of the Republic" or similar, and move "Revenge of the Sith" to Episode VIII, following "Episode VII -- The Phantom Menace". Also, I forgot to mention in my general Prequel Trilogy revision overview that I'm putting Jedi Knight Anakin in the "Jedi uniform" of coffee-brown turtleneck, cream inner robes, and medium-brown outer robes -- what Anakin was wearing as a ghost at the end of ROTJ. No "eV1L bL4kC L3AthuR" outfit.

Also also, forgot in the write-ups for Episodes I and II, Obi-Wan is being called Ben. This may go back to an assumed name he took on on Tatooine in Episode I that Anakin still calls him as a joke. Thinking here of "I haven't been called Obi-Wan since... oh, before you were born." Only Anakin, as a joke, in Episode I. Most people around him calling him Ben by the end of Episode II.

This has been the trickiest one to rewrite, and that challenge has made it the most fun. Challenge: Have Anakin go over to the Dark Side and become Vader, including having Obi-Wan fight him and leave him for dead, without the audience knowing Anakin is Vader. As much as the scene with Anakin getting sealed in his helmet moves me, we need to preserve the Big Reveal in Empire.

Okay, to the points:

• Some years have passed. Clones are now well-established as Republic troops. Some Jedi volunteer to serve as Generals, some see that as stepping out of their peacekeeper role -- Master Yoda mentioned here.

• Republic ships in service by this point: Acclamators, Venators, Victorys, Z-95s, Y-Wings, ARC-170s (no s-foils) and ROTS Jedi starfighters (fixed s-foils) as Clone fighters, AOTC Jedi starfighters for the Jedi (Anakin's heavily modified), LAAT/i dropships

•Other Generals and Admirals besides Jedi; also, non-clone Republic Military represented.

• Regardless of what happens with Asajj and Maul in prior two movies, intel on another Sith Lord called "Darth Vader". Jedi shaken, as the title hasn't been used by any Sith in over a thousand years -- even before they were thought to have been wiped out. They assume this means Vader is the mastermind behind the Separatist movement.

• Boba Fett returns on side of Republic, determined to avenge his brother and eradicate the Death Watch to atone for his mistake in joining them -- accompanied by Tobbi Dala and Fenn Shysa (all three Mandalorian Protectors*).

TIMELINE:

• ACT I -- Starts with the tail-end of a big battle -- mopping up resistance, landing fighters, etc. Anakin has parked his fighter and is reporting victory to Obi-Wan over comm. Commentary that it would be nice if all the battles were going to the Republic. Obi-Wan is returning to Coruscant from his own war-zone to replace lost materièl and personnel, and report in. Debate in the Senate over whether it's immoral to be using slave troops, whether cloning should even be legal, urging diplomacy, etc. Jedi on-hand lament the direction things have gone. Stuff about Vader and Sith here. Intel indicates Vader is going to be in the Mustafar system. A message is sent to Anakin to intercept him. Obi-Wan says he'll meet him on-location. Padmé sees Obi-Wan off, tell him she is pregnant, and asks him not to tell Anakin, so as to not distract him. She'll tell him later. Obi-Wan worries about the toll the wars have taken on Anakin.

• ACT II -- No word from Anakin after he acknowledges his assignment and departs in his fighter. Obi-Wan arrives on Mustafar and confronts a mysterious hooded figure. All we see are the Eyes of the Sith, red lightsaber when they fight, no full-face. Comments like "what have you done?!" from Obi-Wan "Anakin was weak -- I had to destroy him" from Vader. Close and intense duel ends with a wounded Obi-Wan Force-shoving Vader back into a stanchion and breaking his neck. Obi-Wan leaves him for dead. After he departs to return to Coruscant, Palpatine steps out of the shadows and retrieves Vader's body. Obi-Wan arrives back at Coruscant in bad shape, tells other Jedi and Padmé that Anakin is dead.

• ACT III -- Republic forces are still losing ground against Separatists. Chancellor Palpatine declares himself Emperor, opposition is violently put down. Mace goes to arrest Palpatine, who reveals his true colours as the Sith mastermind (no butt-head transformation, though -- just the Eyes). Mace ends up getting blasted out the window, no Anakin involved. I like the deleted Rebel leaders scene approximately here. Bail Organa helps a convalescing Obi-Wan escape, Padmé going with. Palpatine makes a less melodramatic statement to the Senate declaring the Jedi traitors and orders them to be killed on sight. When Palpatine's advisors wonder aloud how the heck they're gonna do that, Vader shows up and announces he's leading the Purge.

CODA -- Something similar to the montage of Jedi getting killed by their Clonetroopers. I like the idea of adding masked Vader to the Jedi Temple bit. I also like the idea of the final scene being an approach to a sprawling expanse of shipyards building Star Destroyers (and launching them). Other scenes of Palpatine consolidating his rule, dissidents being stomped by Imperial troops, and other indicators of the passage of time. Mixed in for the last little bit are scenes of Padmé in labour, and then finish with Obi-Wan giving Luke to Owen and Beru and riding off into the desert.

--Jonah

* I have an essay I can post up explaining how the Protectors and Supercommandos work, what the colours signify, etc. If anyone's interested in the background tapestry that is on-screen, but not spoken about...

Oops. How do I delete this?

Bingowings said:

I thought it was one of the more impressive aspects of the PT that I too managed have an empathy with the Clone troops (I've described them elsewhere as brainwashed slaves) you can see how they both bonded with their Jedi generals and turned on them both down to a pre-programmed loyalty to the state that created them.

I'll get into this more in my Episode III proposed revision, but I feel that part of the conflict should be whether to use clones for that very reason. Slavery and such are against the tenets of the Republic. Mainly I'm trying to put the plural back in the Clone WarS. If there is conflict in the Senate over whether to use clones, if so -- how, andthe actual military conflicts... I didn't lay it out in my brief synopsis above, but I have dialogue in the full script to the effect that the fight for control of the clones was the first Clone War.

I know that the EU would have us believe that the Clone Troopers were eventually phased out and replaced by career non-clones and conscripts. I don't buy that myself. If the Emperor has a pre-existing and proven weapon (in the form of totally loyal and mass produced armies) why would he surrender that for troops who may change sides against him?

I don't recall seeing this. I have seen that the clone ranks were expanded with non-Jango clones, as well as with non-clone recruits. It is part of the current fluff that Vader's 501st Legion is the only entirely-Jago-clone unit left in the Empire at the time of the OT. I disagree with that, personally. Too much variation seen in Empire.

I'm actually more surprised that he didn't start to replace the population of the Empire with equally brainwashed drones.

You're talking trillions of sentients there. Easier to do on a larger scale what the Republicans did in the U.S. over the past forty years -- convince the people there is a threat and they need protecting, even at the cost of personal freedoms and civil rights. One thing I really liked about the X-Wing novels was when they went to Coruscant and visited the Imperial Museum and saw how the events of the OT had been spun from an Imperial propeganda POV. Coruscant would have been in mourning for the death of the Emperor, not celebrating.

There could be entire planetery populations of civilians and military bred and programmed like robots to serve the Empire (not to mention droids themselves becoming less and less like droids and developing individual awareness and loyalty).

One of the ironies of the OT. :)

The mess left behind by the two trilogies would make a worthy sequel trilogy in it's own right.

That's been my thinking since I first saw ROTJ in 1983, at age 8 -- and we didn't even have the Prequels yet. I could tell there was more to tell. What about all the Imperial ships? What about the Imperial capitol world? What about the rest of the Imperial government? It wasn't over after the first Death Star was destroyed, and even though the Emperor and Veder were dead now, too, there was a huge machine already in motion that wouldn't grind to a halt immediately.

Rhikter said:

Bingowings said:

If the Emperor has a pre-existing and proven weapon (in the form of totally loyal and mass produced armies) why would he surrender that for troops who may change sides against him?

 

That's because, in the EU, not all of the clones went along with Order 66, and the clone program turned out to be a failure.

I know about the first part of that. I've read Karen Traviss' books. But where do you get the second part? We just know that most "civilised" people in the galaxy disapprove of it -- but there's plenty of stuff that indicates the Emperor kept right on doing it in secret.

Bingowings said:

I was thinking about the shots of the Gungans emerging from the mist in TPM, it might add something to the battle if some of that mist carried over to the battle field itself.

I was watching a documentary about the making of Ran and the shots of armoured warriors on horseback in the mist were striking.

It might also go some way to making the CGI look less cartoonish.

I do want to keep that, and maybe mist-ify more of the Gungan battle. But save that for Episode III, and have it not on Naboo.

--Jonah

Bingowings said:

short of reshooting the films how could your ideas be converted into dialogue, footage and slipped into the material that already exists?

Stealing and re-purposing footage from all three movies in the PT and tweaking them as needed to fit (de-greying Obi-Wan, or adding a beard, losing a Padawan braid, etc.)... CGing some meat puppets with synthetic nervous systems to fill in action scenes and whatnot. I was rattled by the fact that, in ROTS, I empathised more with the Clonetroopers than the flesh-and-blood actors. I also know plenty of people in the Rebel Legion and 501st who would be delighted to shoot new footage to insert, as well. Degree of technical hassle would need to be addressed for each scene in turn.

With most of the changes suggested here there are possible technical solutions to putting those dreams onto the screen.

That was my thinking. Dream big, and then see whether it can be done, how easily, etc.

--Jonah

Episode II now. I don't have a title for this one yet, but "Attack of the Clones" is misleading and gives away too much, IMO. Anyhoo...

• Sith elaborated upon -- counterpoint to Jedi.

• Separatists getting bolder; Mandalorian Death Watch confirmed working with them, suplemented with Geonosian and IGBG battle droids. "The Mandalorians have been mercenaries since time immemorial, but this is a splinter group that think they have a manifest destiny to conquer the galaxy", or words to that effect.

TIMELINE:

• ACT I -- Anakin has finished his training, returns to marry Padmé. Obi-Wan stands with him. Anakin gives his training lightsaber to Obi-Wan, basically says "when we have kids..." Soon after, Chancellor is assassinated, collateral damage almost kills Padmé, too, Anakin and Qui-Gon take her home to recover, Obi-Wan begins investigating (I agree the investigation needs to actually be an investigation). Senator Palpatine is elevated to Chancellor.

SIDEBAR: I have drastically altered the state of things from what we see in the films. Boba Fett is the much younger brother of Jango Fett. They are orphans. The Death Watch killed their parents, but Boba is rebellious and angry and has joined them against Jango's prohibition. I hold with a slightly reinterpreted version of Open Season as the backstory here, minus the massacre of the True Mandalorians. I have Durge replacing Viszla as the leader of the Death Watch.

• ACT II -- Jango shows up to help put Obi-Wan on the right track when he finds out who is investigating the assassination, mainly because of his dispute with Boba, even though this puts him and the True Mandalorians on the side of the Republic. Trail leads to a cloning facility cloning Death Watch volunteers to create a clone army. Asajj is overseeing as liaison from whoever is pulling the strings. Obi-Wan sends word to Coruscant. They warn Naboo to be wary, but not in time, as Maul attacks Qui-Gon and Anakin and Asajj ambushes Obi-Wan and Jango.

• ACT III -- Maul's attack is the precursor of a Separatist attack on Naboo. Planetary defenses are hard-pressed repelling the droid army. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Jango are backed into a corner by Asajj and the Death Watch. Durge deals Jango a fatal blow in front of Boba, as more of Jango's True Mandalorians show up. Back on Naboo, the battle droids have landed and are invading the capitol, when LAAT/i gunships drop in and begin disgorging clone troops. Boba's shock at seeing Durge kill his brother reminds him how cruel the Death Watch is and he renounced them and helped Obi-Wan kill Durge and drive off Asajj. The clone army is now in Republic hands and Obi-Wan brought them to Naboo's rescue. Alas, Obi-Wan isn't in time, and he arrives just in time to see Anakin disabled and Qui-Gon killed by Maul. Maul is driven off as the tide turns, and he flees with the remaining Separatists.

• CODA -- Disillusioned by Qui-Gon's death and how the Republic is handling the Separatist issue, Dooku renounces the Jedi order and leaves with the Separatists. Anakin is disgusted with himself for not being strong enough to stand up to Maul, and bitter over Qui-Gon's death -- advocates taking the fight to the Separatists, before more innocents are killed. Senate divided over military versus diplomatic approach to the Separatist issue. End with penultimate scene from theatrical version of AOTC.

Episode III probably tomorrow...

--Jonah

Rhikter said:

Ooo.  What's that like?

The 501st? Wanting to join? Or building plastic armour? :)

•No use of the word "Darth" until Vader takes it (not bestowed).

Aww, c'mon.  : D

This is one of those things that I came to late in my rewrite. All during this project, I've been playing the OT in the background and keeping it in mind. Ben's almost mocking use of Vader's "first name" in Star Wars always stood out to me, and still does. The reasons for that have shifted, but it still stands out.

I have developed it in-story (expanded story, not necessarily what I want to be shown in the script) that when Anakin turns, he knows exactly what he is doing (he thinks) and intentionally adopts the title used by the Sith Lords of old, and that hasn't been in use for a thousand years. Palpatine didn't, his master didn't, Dooku doesn't when he turns during the next episode, Asajj doesn't, etc. It's part of Anakin's arrogance. Plus, I don't want new viewers starting with Episode I to hear "Darth" and automatically think "Sith Lord". Tossing it around so casually before Vader shows up weakens its impact.

Peregrinus said:

"The Phantom Menace" is a pretty feeble title.

What makes you say that?

I'd be happier with it as a title for, say, Episode VII. But for the first installment, it needs something a little punchier and less cryptic. I like the title of one of the arcs in the New Jedi Order series -- "Agents of Chaos". That can refer to the Sith, the Mandalorian Death Watch, the Separatists... There, it's more a matter of maybe figuring out whether it applies to all the antagonists or just one group... rather than trying to figure out what the hell it means in the first place. :)

• Qui-Gon, Anakin, Bail Organa, Padmé, Palpatine, Asajj, Dooku, Mace, Cliegg, Owen, Beru, Shmi, C-3PO, R2-D2 all introduced.

Why no Maul?

I'm only slightly undecided on Maul. I want him and Asajj to be in the Prequels, but I came to want just one in the first film, and that one to be Asajj. I have Maul show up in Episode II to double the threat. Why I don't have him introduced here. :)

I would say, "Talk about wishful thinking," but I think you're well aware of that.  : )

Oh, I know. This is to establish a spectrum, with this on my "best-case scenario" end and the theatrical realease of TPM on the "this has got to go" end.

ADDENDUM ON ALIEN RACES:

I forgot to mention in my Prequel Trilogy overview that the Gungans, if present at all, are not native to Naboo, speak their own language, and no idiotic Jar-Jar or goofy Boss Nass. Respectable, like Captain Tarpals. Also, no Niemoidians. Slight alteration, their own language and no goofy accents, and bang! you've got Duros -- who I really liked from Episode IV.

ADDENDUM FOR CLARIFICATION:

With the removal of the Battle of Naboo and the "Trade Federation" blockade, we have no battle droids of any kind in this first film. Keep that for an escalation in Episode II, for reasons that will become clear. And when they show up in Episode II, I agree with the cold colour palette, no earth tones.

--Jonah

EPISODE ONE:

"The Phantom Menace" is a pretty feeble title, expecially for a first installment. George seems to have forgotten that every story needs a beginning -- and the movie we got wasn't it. It still was too much in media res. The setting needs to be better established. In my rewrite, I ganked Alan Dean Foster's intro from the Star Wars novelization and reworked it a bit for the first paragraph. My first pass opening crawl now reads:

The GALACTIC REPUBLIC was the Old Republic of legend, greater than distance or time. No one knows with certainty when or how it came into being, only that it was, and that was enough.

For generations, under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the JEDI KNIGHTS, the Republic throve and grew. But, all too often when wealth and power pass beyond the admirable and attain the awesome, then appear those evil ones who have greed and ambition to match.

Now, turmoil has engulfed the Republic. Prince Bail Organa of Alderaan, acting as a secret envoy of the Supreme Chancellor of the Senate, has journeyed aboard his starship to the peaceful planet of Naboo to seek out the Jedi Knight OBI-WAN KENOBI and his mentor, MASTER QUI-GON JINN....

Pan down to show Naboo, as in Ep I, and the clean Tantive IV in a preprise of what we'll see in Ep IV. No donut ships, no blockade, etc. From there...

• Obi-Wan Kenobi introduced.

• Qui-Gon, Anakin, Bail Organa, Padmé, Palpatine, Asajj, Dooku, Mace, Cliegg, Owen, Beru, Shmi, C-3PO, R2-D2 all introduced.

• Jedi introduced and explained. Much like Green Lantern Corps -- stay close to their home planets/systems/sectors; rarely gathered in one place.

• Sith introduced, named at end.

• Flight from Naboo through to final escape to Coruscant is conflict for this film.

• Sith Infiltrator, better-used follows Tantive IV to Nabo, lurks in ambush.

• Ep II Royal Starship -- incorporate smaller Marie Celeste and two N-1 starfighters that can detach.

• Distinctive design ethoi -- Alderaan = white & clean, Naboo = lots of wood and natural shapes and materials.

• Tatooine just remote -- not in Hutt space or controlled by Hutts (Jabba just finds it a nice out-of-the-way spot).

• Skywalker family had a small tramp freighter and were independent cargo haulers. Pirates jumped them, killed dad, sold mom and kid into slavery. Similar events to Ep II, Cliegg bouth them, freed them, married Shmi.

PROPOSED TIMELINE:

Act I -- Bail arries @ Naboo to bring Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to Coruscant, Queen stubbornly insists on coming with, dialogue and visual aids establish Republic, Jedi, Core vs. Expansion and Rim regions, Separatist movement, etc. Chancellor has asked for a few of the best and brightest Jedi to help figure what to do about the Separatists.

Act II -- Tantive IV and Royal Starship leave Naboo, ambushed by Asajj, have to divert to Tatooine, moisture farmers come to their aid (Owen & Anakin), Anakin's backstory established, he is smitten with Padmé, Obi-Wan wants to train him as a Jedi. Asajj finds them, there's a groud fight, she's driven off, Anakin announces he's leaving. Cliegg and Owen disapprove.

Act III -- Asajj and a couple other ships get the jump on them as they arrive at Coruscant, Royal Starship badly damaged, smaller craft jettison, planetary defense forces scramble to assist, Mace Windu shows up to help, Asajj bails, remaining craft destroyed.

Coda -- Everyone gathers in the Chancellor's office, Mandalorian ships were among those destroyed, Asajj is presumed to be Sith, Jedi worry what it means if the Sith and Mandalorians are involved and this bold, Anakin formally becomes Obi-Wan's apprentice, Padmé is proud and says she'll wait for him to finish his training, Jedi are rallied and movie ends on a cautious but hopeful note.

Gonna take a breath before going on to Episode II...

--Jonah

Good afternoon, all. I've been a lurker on here for a while, but this is essentially my introductory post. My name is Jonah, I live near Seattle, and my love of Star Wars runs old and deep. Amongst other things, I am also a film student and avid (some say insane) costumer -- part of which is focussed on Star Wars. And yes, I'm an aspiring member of the 501st. :)

I've read all the comments in this thread so far. I feel I need to mention that, as much of what I'm going to be writing has already been written in here, and much will be diametrically opposed to what's already been written.

I had a scriptwriting professer a few years ago who gave me about the best advice I think I'll ever get. Since a large part of learning the craft is watching many films and television, odds are one is going to see a lot of crap. When something jars us out of the experience, he said "don't just sit there bitching about it -- get a copy of the script and see if you can do any better". By now, I've tackled Star Trek: Nemesis, Return of the Jedi, and all three Star Wars prequels. I don't know if the "fixes" I've come up with can be done wiht a re-edit, or if it'd need to be re-filmed from scratch, but I'll hold forth, and if anything is useful...

NOTES ON ALL PREQUELS:

•No midichlorians

•No Yoda (I love him, and think he should be a presence, but not heard or seen until Empire, to preserve the surprise.)

•As Episodes IV-VI were "From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker", these should be -- as original treatments posited -- "From the Adventures of Obi-Wan Kenobi". Anakin should be important, but supporting -- like Leia or Han to Luke.

•No use of the word "Darth" until Vader takes it (not bestowed).  No "Sidious", no "Maul", no "Tyranus". The former two should be unnamed in dialogue, the latter should not take a "Sith" identity. More on that for the relevent films.

•No Rule of Two, no Jedi Council (at least, not as we saw it), no "forbidden love" crap (the OT and EU both made a point of ability in the Force running in families -- if Jedi don't marry and have kids...).

•A little more "fan-service", in the form of OT and EU ships and such -- Victory-class Star Destroyers, Dreadnoughts, Z-95 and clean Y-Wing fighters, etc.

I'm going to break up my takes on the individual movies now to avoid Tildur Syndrome. :)

--Jonah