In keeping with the broad vocal caricatures of the prequels, the Jawa selling the droids to Lars and Luke should be redubbed by Joe Pesci in full Goodfellas mode.
The EP4 Death Star should have subtle, almost subliminal, shading of the AT&T logo. Corporate sponsoring will allow the creation of more Special Editions.
The fake Vader in the cave of Dagobah is actually real Vader, and when Luke kills him, he never shows up again. For the rest of ESB and ROTJ, Vader is replaced with Darth Maul.
This is so brilliantly demented I go back and reread the post quite often.
Speed up Episode 4 so everyone sounds like they've been huffing helium, in order to make more time for gratuitous CG guest appearances from characters intro'd in later (or earlier) episodes. Such as:
Ewoks fighting jawas in the back alleys of Mos Eisley ... A totally random sequence in cloud city ... Wattoo skulking about the Lars homestead or the sandcrawler after the slaughter, fighting off wamprats.
But the key thing is the high-pitched sped up vocals.
I think Darth Vader should yell "Nooooooooooooooooo" a lot in the OT.
The Death Star blows up. Vader in his spiraling fighter: "NOoooooooooooo!"
Millennium Falcon jumps to warp, just escaping the Empire's grasp off Bespin: "Nooooooooooo!"
Vader can't find Obiwan's body after the killing blow. "Noooooooooooooo!"
Luke lets go and falls down the chute at Cloud City, foiling Vader's plan to convert him to evil. "Nooooooooooooo!"
Tarkin orders Vader to stop choking Ozzel. Would our antihero really say "As you wish"? On the contrary: "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Yes!
Ben should be totally open about things.
"You must learn the ways of the force if you are to come with me to rescue Princess Leia, your twin sister. She was separated from you at birth to hide you both from your father, Darth Vader. If you have any nonsisterly feelings towards her when you meet her, it means you're a depraved pervert."
It's real. Except Chuck wasn't holding a gun. He doesn't need a gun. He kills with mind bullets.
Bingowings said:
It would be kind of funny if Jar-Jar taught Anakin all he knew about chat-up lines.
"Messa no liking the sand, it being all itchy and scratchin'"
I'm digging this idea.
"It not bein' fair! Obiwan just all bustin' with jealousy."
Yes, a Jar Jar love scene.
Maybe with one of these guys:
I will say I *DID* enjoy it, and watched it yet again because you linked to it. =)
Same as this?
It's really no mystery. Fett hangs out at Jabba's Palace to hang with the ladies. Chicks dig the mando armor.
I don't think they suck at all. That is, if you watch them with the commentary enabled, so you don't have to hear the actors speak. And keep the volume low, so you can close your eyes and nod off while the movie's on. Very relaxing.
Maybe the lightsabers could constantly colorshift!
Like, Vader's could fade from red to pink and back again. Maybe Luke's could switch between green and blue occasionally, just to keep things interesting.
Wow, that is excellent writing. I am jealous!
Heh! 'Nooo .. that's impossible!'
I can tell you one thing that bugs me in an otherwise perfect ANH. That scene where Luke keeps throwing the grapnel hook and missing? I bet if it was edited so that he nailed in on the first toss, that it would improve the pacing of the scene dramatically.
I can honestly think of no character in the original trilogy who could best Owen in a bare knuckle brawl except for Max Rebo.
Oops. Apparently all of my posts belong there!
Oh dear, oh dear.
inspired by http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/New-Adidas-World-Cup-Commercial-Features-Cantina-Scene/topic/11609/
An open letter to George Lucas:
regarding the forthcoming Special Edition BluRay releases of the Prequel Trilogy:
We the undersigned ask that you please replace Hayden Christensen digitally with Snoop Dog in all scenes. This will dramatically improve the prequels.
The Jar Jar character was sadly underutilized in these films. Expand this role and digitally replace the CG gungan with a hip pop star such as Justin Timberlake or Lady Gaga. To take advantage of this retrocasting, please insert a musical number featuring this performer into each prequel. (You can't read my jedi face, jedi face ...)
Have all Jedi wear Adidas tracksuits. All intercoms and displays should feature Nokia logos, air cars branded with BMW nameplates, and lightsabers improved with subtle glowing Apple logos.
The profits earned by product placement will easily fund the restoration and proper high definition release of the original original trilogy.
Thanks in advance!
[post moved]
[ http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/Worst-Edit-Ideas/post/418721/#TopicPost418721 ]
Reviving an old thread from the depths of time.
What would I have changed about ROTJ?
1. Instead of Sebastian Shaw OR Hayden as the third ghost, Lucas should have photoshopped Little Ani in with Yoda and Ben. He could have said "Yippee!" or "Wizard!"
No, wait, you didn't ask what should change in the ROTJ, SE. Sorry, my bad. Oh, and all the stormtroopers should be retroactively colored to match the various color schemes of the prequel clones while we're on that angle. Anyway, onward.
2. Instead of one Death Star to blow up, there should have been two, just to up the ante. But maybe they look like giant cubes now, or tetrahedra, just to be different.
3. Yoda doesn't die on Dagobah. Instead, he hitches a ride to Endor by hiding in the trunk of Luke's X-Wing like Sprittle and Chim Chim always did in Speed Racer.
4. I really like the blue elephant keyboard player. He should have been in the movie more. Maybe turning against Jabba, and helping our heroes escape, later to lead the attack against one of the tetrahedral death stars.
5. The Ewoks should have been cuter, with pastel blue and pink fur.
(my first post! woot)
Ewoks, sure. They could have been toned back a smidge or two.
I think that the film suffers because Empire was SO good. It's like following up "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" with "Morons from Outer Space." OK, that's a bit harsh. =)
As any OOT fan probably does, I have a little laundry list of things that bug me about Jedi. Similar to most people's, I would bet.
* Just last film, the imperial troopers had seemed bad-ass, like something to be reckoned with. Here they get their asses handed to them by teddy bears. Why do they wear armor anyway? It repels neither blaster shots, nor rocks nor wooden arrows. I think this could have been fixed just by having a lot more Ewoks die in the battle. But then it wouldn't have been so frothy silly and kid-friendly, which it was obviously intended to be, probably to offset just how dang dark the Luke / Vader / Palpatine angle was getting.
* Han. After being so cocksure and generally awesome in the prior films, he gets weak and bland as a character. The script not giving Ford anything to work with? His complete disinterest or dislike for the material? I don't know. He just wasn't nearly as fun to watch as he was in the prior films.
* The space battle was unsatisfying compared to the Yavin Death Star battle, or the chase through the Asteroid field. I think it was just cut so fast, with no real ability to feel like you were in the battle.
Something that bugs me upon every viewing is that the Jabba sequence is just too convoluted. Everybody had to have a part. Would Luke really have given up R2 and 3P0 if Jabba had accepted the offer? I know we had to have Luke in it to show him off as a fully armed and operational jedi, but, since ESB ended with Chewie and Lando heading off looking for Han, they should have been the ones to rescue him. (Then, Lando dying at the end, if he had done so, would have had way more impact.) But then the Erol Flynn epic battle on the skiffs wouldn't have worked out the way they did, and, other than the fact that it seems like Luke is just bopping people with a balsa wood stick rather than a light saber (no flying limbs), it is a fun battle. Best moment -- Lando getting really panicky as Han aims a blaster at him.
But there is a lot to like about the film. The first speeder chase for example. The absence of music makes it a lot more tense. And I think Carrie Fisher actually did a reasonably good job with Leia in my opinion .. her scenes don't bum me out like Harrison Ford's do. (Despite some script dumbness. "I know .. somehow I've always known." Wut?)
And the Luke and Vader interaction ... really, very good. (Yes, I always wondered what would happen .. if he had 'gone to the dark side' as he was being encouraged and killed Vader, what then? "OK, that's done; now that I'm bad for committing patricide, I'm going to go kill my friends, since there isn't a Jedi temple full of younglings to slaughter." But the Last Temptation of Luke is the heart of the film, it's darker than people give the film credit for being, and it really is quite emotional for me. (When he finally gets furious and goes after Vader in earnest ... wow.)
And on the silly side, it really is fun when Chewie commandeers the AT-ST, or when Wicket whooshes off on the speeder bike. (I know some people hate that, but it tickles me greatly.)
I think what always strikes me as I watch the film is that not that it's childish. It's that it's such a mixture of the dark and adult, mixed with the childish and silly. A lot of what happens on 'the sentry moon' is just plain silly. The muppets in Jabba's place are goofy. (And way more so with "Jedi Rocks," but, that's the SE ... ) But then you have Leia in chains in her slave bikini (sproing! I wonder how many nascant BDSM fans were formed by those scenes), apparent tentacle rape or fingering by Jabba, Oola in a fishnet strippers outfit, Luke screaming for hours as Palpatine zaps him over and over .. some extremely intense stuff.
I watched it again recently with my wife, who is much more a trekkie than a star wars fan, and my 8 year old daughter. They both laughed at the silly parts, got tense at the tense parst, and enjoyed it a lot, and, in comparision to the PT, it really isn't bad at all. That's not meant as the faint praise it sounds like -- my opinion of it is higher than it used to be.