EddieDean

I haven’t yet watched this, but I’ve been looking over the changelog.

I can’t quite visualise this one from Visions:

• Change the Starkiller Firing sequence and Oscillator destruction so that Poe’s final bombing run doesn’t destroy the Oscillator. Instead, the weapon fires at the end of Rey’s and Kylo’s battle and the force of the weapon completes the Oscillator destruction.

What’s the motivation behind this change, and why it’s only in Visions as opposed to Starlight core?

And presumably the other two changes in Visions, where Rey only dreams of Luke rather than visits him, are so that a theoretical TLJ edit can imply more time has passed on Ach-To for Rey’s training?

Double Christmas!

Hal 9000 said:

Mustafar sequence, proposed as final:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UJwqxMyGw1DnzUXtjjo0Lc0wuyDdMvZD/view?usp=sharing

It’s got skenera’s LUT applied as well, so it’d be about how the final, cc’d fan edit will be.

I’ve deliberately stayed away from this discussion so that I could come into the final shot with fresh eyes. I think this is serviceable for sure, and certainly a marked improvement over the original, but coming into it fresh, I felt a little disconnect between the Vader’s castle shot and the following forest flyover. Vader’s castle shot does end by showing some forest behind, but it’s very blink-and-you’ll-miss-it. And then the forest flyover does look appropriate, but doesn’t feel very ‘lava-y’.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, with these establishing shots, we’re trying to take the viewer on this journey:
Red Planet > Vader’s Castle (oh it’s Mustafar!) > Volcanic terrain > Ruined forest > Kylo in the forest (oh Kylo’s doing something to do with Vader!)

But the transition from volcanic to forest could do with just a little more to keep that mental transition smooth.

I’d suggest, if possible, one (or both) of the following:

• A little more time from the biomes shot lingering on the forest.
• In the forest shot, a hint of lava - not necessarily in the middle of frame, but a nice shock of orange somewhere onscreen.

GMatias said:

NeverarGreat said:

Further thoughts on changing The Force Awakens to serve TLJ, I could place some of the footage of the Raddus going to hyperspace into the destruction of the Hosnian system.

It might be going too far to show Holdo staring out of the window at the approaching lasers, but even placing the TLJ ships in the distance going to hyperspace in this shot would help.

If we see Holdo in this sequence, then the only dialogue necessary for the previous scene would be ‘General, the Republic is scrambling the fleet to assist us’.

Not sure if you ever got around to doing this, but I banged out a mockup of this idea tonight using the HAL9000 Hosnian destruction sequence as a base.

https://vimeo.com/503989106

Wasn’t until rereading the post just now that I realized I explicitly have Holdo looking out the window at an approaching laser (!) but I think it still works 😃

Now that Nev’s TFA:Starlight is complete, I’ve just come here, and I can’t believe I missed this post even though it’s nearly a year old. I think this is a brilliant nod forwards that helps achieve more of that cohesive continuity that the sequels lacked.

Anyway, I mainly came here to ask, Nev - while TFA:Starlight was largely built on HAL’s TFA:Restructured, what would you use as your base for TLJ? HAL’s TLJ:Legendary is great, but there’re other edits to TLJ which have built on that base, like Poppasketti’s TLJ:Rekindled.

IT’S CHRISTMAS!

I’ve been excited about this for the longest time. A version of TFA that builds on Hal’s restructured (already the best fundamental TFA) to make TFA stronger both as its own story and in light of what we know now that the sequel trilogy is complete. I can’t wait to watch this.

It’s the “Two weeks later” text. On one it fades out, whereas on the other it disappears when the shot changes.

Barely anything needs done to this episode, save light polish. I’ve made progress on the key fixes:

1. Here’s the new version of the scene where Fives and Echo meet Ninety-Nine again. In this edit they don’t imply they’ve been away for ages (it’s only been a couple of weeks), and Ninety-Nine doesn’t show off the medal he got from Hevy (since Domino Squad failed their training). From my original edit, I’ve cleaned up the shot where Echo moved his mouth without talking, and also had the music match the emotion onscreen better.

2. Here’s the new version of the transition from Clone Cadets to Rookies. Version one has a fade out on the “two weeks later” text, version two doesn’t. Which one do you think works best? The audio transition here (from the emotional rise into the drumbeat) I think is about as good as I can get it without going very radical to replace it, because after that point it gets problematic. Pulling the drumbeat forwards informed the rest of the edits to the scene.

I’ve also replaced the audio, which fixes all of the popping noises.

Nearly there with this one.

Yeah, I like all of these ideas folks, thanks!

Initially I wanted to highlight the 501st and Rex with ‘celebrated’ and ‘heroic’ to give a little context (since they’re not in the movies), but I agree they’re a little soft. Perhaps instead I’ll take the opportunity to make it clearer that they’re Anakin’s legion.

“As Anakin and his decorated 501st Legion widen the net, his trusted CAPTAIN REX inspects the Republic’s long-range listening stations.”

Cleanup and a little light polish to v2.0 standard for s01e05 THE 501st LEGION now.

Here’s the crawl as I currently have it:

• Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
• With Nute Gunray freed from Republic custody by the assassin Asajj Ventress, Anakin is no closer to capturing General Grievous.
• As Anakin and the celebrated 501st Legion widen the net, heroic CAPTAIN REX inspects the Republic’s long-range listening stations.

– new page –

• Meanwhile, facilities on the ocean planet Kamino rush to grow and train new CLONE BATCHES to meet the growing demands of war.
• The cadets of DOMINO SQUAD are struggling in their combat training, and risk a lesser assignment far from the front lines.
• But Count Dooku still plans to stop the Republic army in its tracks.

THE CLONE WARS
THE 501st LEGION

Now, there’re a couple of things I’m not quite sure of.
(1) Should I be saying BUT the cadets of Domino Squad…? I’m tending towards not, because it’s not exactly a counter to the sentence before, since they’re just one squad rather than the current Kamino output.
(2) The last line I’m not too sure what to do with. I’d like to set up the big reveal without spoiling it. Count Dooku is technically pulling the strings, but it’s more the fact that Grievous isn’t so much on the run (as the Republic thinks he is) as totally ready to invade Kamino that’s the reveal. Perhaps ‘But Grievous still intends to wipe out every last clone…’, hearkening back to his strategy to attack the clone medical stations in Malevolence?

Anyway, onwards to minor polish!

(RE)RELEASED - S01E04 - Assassin (V2.1)

• RELEASE VERSION, now brought up to my more polished 2.0 standard.
• Our fourth episode of the first season (I’ve shifted the first season around, so check again if you’ve seen this one before).
• Comprising content from the episode originally called Cloak of Darkness.
• Running 22 minutes.
• DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
• Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This is a largely untouched version of Cloak of Darkness. It was a middling episode, but with a good focus on Ahsoka and some decent development for her, which deserves early inclusion, plus a good highlight on Ventress which I’ll have pay off in the next episode. It suffered from its core plot being a bit disinteresting, but I’ve remedied that a little by making it more relevant to the current plotlines for my first season.

Noteworthy changes:

• The episode is titled ‘Assassin’, to highlight Ventress as a villain here, and to emphasise the threat to Ahsoka.
• It’s now recontextualised (via the opening text and some subtle new audio) to fit here in the story. In this context, Nute Gunray is wanted specifically because the Republic are undertaking a major hunt for Grievous and he may well know his location.
• In the opening text I also lightly reference Ryloth, which will pay off later.
• I rearranged a couple of intro scenes to best frame the whole story as Ahsoka’s reactions to Venress/Separatist actions, and to frame Ventress as a major focus. Sidious doesn’t refer to Ventress’ failiures, though he still implies some uncertainty, which’ll pay off later.
• I tightened up a few scenes to make them flow together better and give us less jumping around.
• I amended some dialogue so that there’s less name-calling and a little more maturity and competence from Ahsoka, while preserving the slightly careless boldness which she has at this time in the story.
• I also used the opening text and some subtle audio changes to emphasise the angle that the Republic may be infiltrated quite heavily by Separatist spies already this early in the war (as originally hinted at, but never expanded on, in the Malevolence arc).
• I also tweaked audio a little to remove some of Ventress and Ahsoka’s familiarity, which was never justified in the original episode as they were never seen meeting before this. Now, it’s implied that Ventress is known to the Jedi, but not that she’s clashed with Ahsoka.

This one’s all done now, so I can move on to what should be just some minor changes to The 501st Legion before working on the somewhat more complex edits to Resistance on Ryloth.

I’ve just watched through, and in VLC the audio did feel off by about 100ms. Though I do often find that playing in VLC, you sometimes need to tweak the sync in playback. Did you watch in VLC?

I’m not sure about that final note, but I’ll check it.

Either way, I have some more time today to work on those last couple of bits of audio I’d like to add, but I feel like this is close to release.

That’s really useful insight Paja, thanks!

Anyway folks, apologies for the confusion last week, I was on holiday and didn’t get things quite right.

Either way, now for real:

Workprint released - s01e04 - Assassin (v2.0)

The episode formerly known as Cloak of Darkness.

It’s a trimmed and polished version of the trimmed and polished original edit, with a few suggested tweaks such as reordering of the opening scenes, tighter dialogue, and slightly tighter characterisation. In context we’re interrogating Nute Gunray to get Grievous’ location, which makes it far more compelling than the original as it ties into what we’ve established as the key thrust of the first half of season one, and will be paid off next episode.

I’m interested in your feedback as ever!

All actual edits are final, but I’m still just calling this a workprint for now, as I need to source a few more bits of audio:

• Ahsoka shouting “Assassin” at Ventress when she ignites her blades against her (I can probably source this from the actual episode originally called Assassin)
• Anakin saying “Ahsoka” softly, to replace “I’m sorry Master”/“It’s OK, Snips”, becuase I don’t feel like ‘Snips’ is quite right in that context.
• A slightly better fitting (more final/punctual) “You” for Ventress’ “Skywalker’s not here to save you.”

Shouldn’t take long to finish off, though if any of you know of good sources of that audio I’d be appreciative.

As an aside, with the news that Hayden might appear in the Ahsoka show, I guess the fire’s really lit under me to keep the pace up for this show now!

Excellent, thanks Paja! I haven’t changed much of the original order at all, but have some questions!

• Did you feel, in this batch, like the Maul content worked as standalone episodes, or would you rather have merged it?
• Same question for the whole show.
• Did the Mortis arc feel like it belonged here, as a dark hint at things to come? Or did it feel like it belonged earlier?
• Did Scipio feel like an appropriate first episode after Ahsoka’s fall, or would another have served better? (There is no episode where Anakin outright addresses it emotionally)
• Did the first Yoda episode feel like it should have been merged with the later three?
• Did you watch the Son of Dathomir audio comic? Did you think it was necessary? Good?

Yeah, really nice idea!

I think you’re pretty safe! Their opening narration may mention events you’ve not seen, but I definitely don’t think anything is broken by them. I’d be really interested to hear how you think they all flow as the run-up to the end of the show, so please feed back!

Ah, right you are. I must have not launched this one properly. I’ll fix it when I can, watch this space.

Oh man, looks like I failed to send my last message!

Workprint released - s01e04 - Assassin (v2.0)

The episode formerly known as Cloak of Darkness.

It’s just a trimmed and polished version of the trimmed and polished original edit, with a few suggested tweaks such as reordering of the opening scenes, tighter dialogue, and slightly tighter characterisation. In context we’re interrogating Nute Gunray to get Grievous’ location, which makes it far more compelling than the original.

This isn’t the final release version, as I need to source a few more bits of audio:

• Ahsoka shouting “Assassin” at Ventress (I can probably source this from the actual episode originally called Assassin)
• Anakin saying “Ahsoka” softly, to replace “I’m sorry Master”/“It’s OK, Snips”
• A couple lesser ones I forget right now.

But hey, all the actual cuts are final if anyone wants to review this version.

Turns out I did get a little extra time, so I’ll get a workprint of this episode out.

Anyway, having reviewed all your comments guys, I’ve refreshed the crawl. I can’t include all of your suggestions since I’m limited on space, so often tighter words and phrasing is key. But I went through all your notes and commentary for your intents. I also modified a little more in the second half. It now reads:

• Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
• Having safely escorted the Duchess Satine off Mandalore, Anakin and Obi-Wan rejoin the clone fleet searching for General Grievous.
• Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the Malevolence attack plan had been leaked to Count Dooku, and now fears Separatist spies.
  — new page —
• The traitor NUTE GUNRAY, while attempting to sell the planet Ryloth’s military secrets, has been captured by Master LUMINARA UNDULI.
• Escorting him to trial, Luminara has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray, as they hope to learn Grievous’ location and Dooku’s plans.
• But Dooku will not allow such information to fall into enemy hands…

I changed the first main para from protecting the Duchess from Death Watch to escorting the Duchess off Mandalore. That was the key there, since it was what brought Anakin into the new situation, and it emphasises the importance of protecting the Duchess for the sake of Mandalore’s independence. It’s also important to say the word ‘Mandalore’ as much as possible, to keep that plotline prominent.

Calling Nute a traitor is the most correct and valuable descriptor for him, since he was a Republic trader (the Trade Federation is Republic and the Naboo blockade was a civil dispute) but has now turned Separatist (and is no longer associated with the Trade Federation, currently pretending to have gone straight). It also tells us he’s a Separatist without us needing that word.

I’m not quite sure about “Luminara has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray”, though, since I don’t know why she’d want Ahsoka’s help. I’d like to reformat that so she’s more the stand-in teacher for Anakin, while covering the same beats (and the same spacing). Though at a push, I suppose the fact that she’s escorting him to trial isn’t vital to the plot, plus it’s covered in dialogue.

Anyway, I should get a workprint out shortly. It’s missing a couple of changes to audio I’d like to make, but it’ll be worth the review.

Great thoughts folks, thanks.

Just giving a quick update to say I’m going to be on holiday for the next couple of weeks, so won’t have anything out for a little while. s01e04 Assassin is almost done though.

Nice, nice, nice, thank you! I like all of this.

Hopefully get a quick turnaround on my s01e04 ASSASSIN (v2.0), as it doesn’t need much work. Bear in mind this episode is NOT the original episode called Assassin (where Ahsoka protects Padmé from Aurra Sing), and instead this episode is Cloak of Darkness with only light changes. I’m calling it ASSASSIN to help direct the viewer’s attention to a major character, and because ‘Cloak of Darkness’ was always a bit guff.

Now that I’ve restructured the first half of the first season, this episode fits in a place where it gives and takes context from the surrounding episodes.

So here’s my current idea for the crawl:

• Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
• The Republic have learned the the Malevolence assault plan was leaked to Count Dooku, leading to fears of Separatist infiltration.
• Having safely protected Duchess Satine from Death Watch, Anakin and Obi-Wan now rejoin the main clone fleet in its hunt for Grievous.

— new page —

• The traitor NUTE GUNRAY has been caught sending Ryloth’s military secrets to his fellow Separatists, and is being escorted to prison.
• Master LUMINARA UNDULI has asked Ahsoka to help guard Gunray, as they hope to learn the location of Grievous, and Dooku’s plans.
• But Dooku will not allow that information to fall into enemy hands…

In this context:

• The villains are correctly used: Dooku strategises and directs the others, Grievous is his huge military asset, Ventress is his surgical specialist, and Nute Gunray is a lesser military leader.
• In Malevolence, Dooku somehow knew about the incoming assault and told Grievous about it. It was never explained how he knew this. In Cloak of Darkness, we see a Republic guard turned traitor for cash. I think it’s worth playing up the infiltration angle, because it ties up two potentially loose ends, but also because having this much infiltration early seems pretty powerful for our villains. It never gets massively developed in the show, though there are other traitors, most notably Pong Krell, so it adds a little value to attribute that all to Dooku the strategist.
• I had to mention Anakin and Obi-Wan’s absence so I’ve tied it to the context of finishing up their Mandalore story (using the opportunity to remind the viewer that the Republic should fear a Mandalorian-Separatist alliance, and emphasising why it was important they leave the Grievous hunt to do that), and tied them into the next episode’s Grievous hunt, which wraps up this half-season.
• I also mention Ryloth here. Our episode s01e06 will be the Ryloth episode, where another Neimoidian has taken Ryloth’s skies, so there’s an opportunity to tie it back to here - perhaps Nute Gunray had some intel he was able to give to Mar Tuuk.
• The next paragraph sets up this episode, and highlights that the location of Grievous might be known by Gunray, explaining why Dooku’s sent Ventress to rescue or kill him, and tying in to this half-season’s plot.

Lovely, nlpearce, keep them coming! I’d be interested in a list of your changes.

Cheers Cabijista, great to have you with us!

It has been quite a mammoth project, for sure! Luckily it grew over time and I’ve been able to develop and revise my plans as the strategy changed. I have a little less time lately but I’m glad I’ve still been able to find enough time to make some progress at least! I’m completely committed to getting through the whole thing.

Your feedback is VERY welcome, and it’ll be awesome to have it per episode if you’re up for it! Timed with my current re-releases would be awesome but I’ll take whatever you can give!

Your suggestion about Dark Force Rising is a good one. I hadn’t scrutinised Tartakovsky’s miniseries too much because I suppose I’d always treated it as something other, but now that it’s more officially included I should think about that! I’ll review your idea more closely soon!

Thanks Vranir! With respect, as ever, I don’t think I’ll take on any of these particular changes since they’re more subjective and personal, rather than fixing things that are explicitly broken or bad. As a rule I tend to leave most dialogue alone unless I absolutely have to, functionally because the character work is usually well thought through (when it’s not just padding scenes), and technically because small trims like that can have an impact on the flow of the music behind it and leave a choppy feeling even if the viewer doesn’t consciously notice.

(I’m happy to talk through any of the points above that you think are particularly worthy, though! My decisions are never final enough that I want to shut down discussion.)

That said, like always, I really appreciate the level of thought you put into this analysis, and I certainly wouldn’t want you to stop thinking through episodes in this way!