DarthFwoot

This sounds like a very interesting alternate take. Could I get the links?

Eye color change looks great!

Hi Hal, thanks for the response!

Even a few beep boops in other places, particularly in response to Anakin during the climax could work for R2D2?

Sorry but I’m not aware of who TMWNN is?

Also, not sure if you’re able to do this, but I found this interesting edit that adds an alien voice to Nute Gunray and company, so that they can make all their lines subtitled. They do the same for Jar Jar but it’s not done very well. Here’s a link to it if you’re curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXPUCh6M_pg&t=554s

I will have to come back with the podracing scene specifics. As I make my notes on it, I’m realizing it’s quite a bit.

Hi Hal, I just finished watching The Approaching Storm. I have to commend you for your edit! I didn’t realize how good of a job it was doing until I read the cutlist script doc. Most of the changes are seamless and work much better. The first 3rd especially is remarkably improved. I do miss Anakin and Obi-wan going through the purple lightning, I always thought that was funny as a kid; but, I also understand its removal. Well done! I thought I’d give a few thoughts below though.
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• I can see an argument for pieces of the “I don’t like sand” scene to be re-added, to use as a relationship bridge between the scene at her home to the suddenly very romantic picnic, or in another location. I think the scene works until “not like here” before it gets overly awkward. I think the contrast between their view on sand is quite poetic as it shows the difference in their upbringing.
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• I think the Geonosian conveyor scene works so much better than the original, but it still feels a bit clunky to me. Particularly 3 moments:
  A) The way the shots are ordered make it unclear which container Padme is in before the lava falls. I can see why this may have been done on purpose, but I think it would probably still work better if we knew.
  B) Having Anakin drop the container with the force is a clever change but I didn’t even notice on first watch. The other viewers thought that the Geonosians caused it to drop. I wonder if there’s some way to imply they caused it to drop so they could capture her?
  C) Warning, Nitpicky. The droidekas roll up with Jango, then we go to Padme, then back to Anakin and they roll up again. It feels awkward. I’d say start that last shot a second later than you do, to show that at least the few near Jango are already stopped.
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• I don’t know the whole deleted scene of negotiations between Padme and Dooku, but the way it’s currently edited feels awkward, it definitely feels like there’s missing lines. I do like its inclusion for pacing and Dooku’s characterization.
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• EC Henry made a sort of psuedo-translation for the Geonosians. It’s completely fanmade, but it’s very interesting. It could be a neat change for Poggle the Lesser’s subtitles, to give the arena opening some more grandeur. Here’s the video if you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vqsJC4sYig
  “Settle down, settle down” becomes “listen, and let your speaking be silent!”
  “Let the executions begin” becomes “Behold, the Barahunde”
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• Just curious, what’s the reason for removing the shot of Mace Windu walking up to Dooku?
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• I feel stupid. When I watched this, I didn’t even realize the Yoda/Dooku duel was gone. The only criticism I have is that the twinkle sfx starts on the last Dooku power, but it’s cutoff abruptly. I recommend replacing it with a new sfx that can carry over into the shot of squeezing the pipes, or just remove the sfx.
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• Nitpick alert: I suggest removing “welcome home” from Palpatine to Count Dooku. Feels out of character.

Overall, great edit! Makes the film actually watchable! I’m looking forward to my watch of The Labyrinth of Evil tomorrow. Thank you!

Just watched Cloak of Deception this evening. It was a great watch. It had me really enjoying the film, I even laughed at the Jar Jar stuff since it was so unexpected in this edit.

A few possible critiques I have off of first viewing:

• I’d imagine that for someone’s first time viewing of this, seeing R2D2 in it but giving him zero attention may come across strangely. CoD seems to act like he’s just a random astromech droid. It probably works better for tone and pacing to have it they way you do; but, I can’t help but feel 2-3 moments should be added back in for him. Especially since C3PO gets a few of his own moments. It’s not out of character for him to make a few snarky beeps, we see that in the OT.

• The podracing scene is certainly improved from the original which just drags on, but this version still lags particularly in the middle of it. There seems to be no tension for a solid minute or two. I imagine it could still be shaved down a little. Perhaps, you could get rid of the ramp moment which seems outlandish; or, see below:

• The other issue I have with the podracing is in the current cut, it’s extremely hard to follow what is happening, since each cut goes to a new location and focuses on a different racer for some portion of the race. It may be better to just have a quick reaction moment from Qui-gon and then skip to something interesting. If you would like me to go into specifics about where I think this problem is I can.

• I think there should be some way of communicating that the command ship will shut down the droids, because it kind of comes out of no where. In this edit I even asked myself “why are they getting in the ships”. It has nothing to do with the plan they previously laid out, and it just seems like a coincidence that it deus ex machina’d them at the end. I do like how you connected that thread to saving Padme and the gang though. (tldr. A bit of exposition)

• I have to admit, the climax didn’t quite work for me here. I feel the constant intercutting with the gungans and Padme, and Anakin, cheapens the Duel of the Fates, which is by far the best of the bunch. This may be a stretch: what if, instead of going back to the duel at 1:31:52 (just after Padme scales the wall), you just keep cutting between the other 3 plotlines. I think it would work really well to just keep it light-hearted for a bit. Resolve those 3, which are all directly connected. Then, once everything seems good, we come back to the duel and let it playout in one long sequence until its conclusion. It really plays into the tragedy of the scene, and contrasts more poetically with the rest instead of being undercut by the other parts.

• I suggested 1:31:52 specifically because there’s a big gap in where they are dueling between what we saw before and that point, but I think it could work anywhere as long as the sequence from the red shields till the end is one long sequence. What are your thoughts on this? This is definitely the change I desire most.