BarBar Jinkx said:
What program do I need to use to view this
(bare in mind I am using OSX)
Scratch that I looked it up on Wiki!
I'm on OS X too. I use Sequential http://sequentialx.com/
yes... it is so in the original, it's not one of my changes. I see it as "the system like it was in the old republic" in contrast with the imperial system of laws.
Update: i'm about to publish a "pre-release" of Dark Empire in a week or two...
Ok, I've done the improvements you suggested to DFR. The link to the comic book is always the same.
Only the lightning on the saber are still on working; I'll update the comic book with this improvement ASAP.
....and thanks for the corrections for the samples of DE; I've already updated the pages!
@ ChainsawAsh: Thanks! I'm proceeding with the corrections, I'll upload the corrected comic book ASAP.
And here two pages of the edit (in progress) of Dark Empire:
A noghri gives Leia the Tedryn Holocron, that was in possess of Thrawn before Ruhk killed him.
the encounter between Luke and Carnor Jax (via holonet).
The edit is thought to be a real sequel for the events of the edited Thrawn trilogy; the story is completely rewritten featuring Carnor Jax, the Noghri and a brief appearance of Lumiya. There are no clones of the Emperor (he is dead on the Death Star II) and the New Republic is still the Republic, not the Rebellion again!
Little update: I've fixed the ysalamiri mentions on TLC.
the link is always the same. In few hours I'll post some info and images about the editing of Dark Empire.
@ everyone: Thanks for the comments… and for reading this edits too!
@ ChainsawAsh: As I've said before, at some point I've believed the project to be dead, and in the last months I haven't connected to OT.com (damn!) and I see only now all the messages from april. If now you are still interested I'll happy to read the "results" for the proofreading!
@ ben_danger: for now I worked only for a computer reading… but this could be a nice idea!
Anyway: in the week end I'll reorganize the material, I'll post new working links for the thrawn trilogy and if possible some info / image on Dark Empire.
I'm glad to resume this work! And - as always - any help is appreciated even only to correct my orrible English!
Wow! what a surprise! I've believed the project to be "dead" when at some point I've seen no interest at all!
I see now that I was wrong (and sad to notice it only now).
I'll be happy to resume the work! The folder "Fixed Universe" in my computer it's still there with the WIP on Dark Empire.
Minor update for HTTE, with the correction suggested by guitarfan01 and a new change's list.
Available on the first post of the topic.
I haven't read all the posts, so I don't know if anyone had already said something similar, but I've always had in mind that a better version of ROTJ could feature some scenes in Coruscant, like in the original scripts. I think could be a great improvement something like this:
After Luke says Leia that have to try to save the father, we see the imperial shuttle take off from the forest moon; the scene immediately change to a view of coruscant from the orbit, in its night side with the shuttle approaching, then we see the shuttle pass between the skyscrapers of imperial city and then landing.
The scene switch to luke released to vader; beyond the windows we see the palaces of coruscant.
Similarly, during the duel between Luke and Vader, we see imperial city beyond the great window behind Palpatine (and all the scenes here could be settled in the imperial palace)
When the emperor show the space battle, obviously, it can't be outside the window, but showed via a hologram.
And when, finally, Luke leave the palace we see the shuttle going away from coruscant.
In this way the we could see some of the actions that will change the galaxy right in its core (the only time in the OT), could be a version nearest to the early draft then the final movie, and the actions of Luke could gain more importance because it's trough him that Vader really frees the galaxy! If the battle take place in the Death Star, well... even if Luke did fail, the destruction of Death Star did kill both Vader and the Emperor... and ends the Empire equally.
@ Ripplin: don't worry... no "gingerly" in this edit! :P
@ guitarfan01: you're right about Sturm. The error was in the original and I haven't noticed it. I'll post a new version with the correction.
About the Luke Mara duel: I've tried to keep the psychological duel between them... but with the Force present Luke is not keep hostage by Mara, and in some way he have to try to recover his saber... and Mara could not be pleased! :D
But if you have some suggestion for improving it... are well accepted!
@ Xammer: my error! I'll correct it ASAP.
With the fan edits there is no more one single version of a story, but anyone can tell "his own". Adywan did (and will do) it. These are his edits and no one can change the editor's plan.
But no one is forced to accept them. Ady's ANH:R is surely the best edit of ANH available today but I think that is not the final version of it, simply a new point of reference for every fan edit in the future.
I admire the work done by Adywan but I totally disagree with some choice, like the new cut of the scene in Ben's hut in ANH, the choice to restore the original voice to Boba in ESB, the Lando-must-die thing, and even the plans for the prequels.
But Adywan's edits aren't Star Wars, simply Star Wars... "from a certain point of view".
Neither I can accept, now, to see Lando die in ROTJ -even if back in 1983 would be the better choice, along with the destruction of the Falcon- because I love the EU (and I'm also editing it: http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/FIXED-UNIVERSE-The-Expanded-Universe-fan-editing-THE-WHOLE-THRAWN-TRILOGY-IS-NOW-AVAILABLE/topic/9508/ ). Personally I've already edited ANH:R for my personal viewing, restoring the Jabba's scene and the original Ben's hut scene (color corrected from Ady's purist version) and I've no doubt I'll edit both ESB and ROTJ.
So, Adywan is not destroying the EU... simply adding his contribution to Star Wars.
...sorry for the delay, these are very busy days!
Anyway... I've done all the changes you suggest, except for:
Page 33: you suggest to change Thrawn's line to "I've decided to give the Noghri one last chance. I'll personally deliver C'Baoth that message." but in the original Thrawn didn't say that he will be delivering the message to C'baoth personally, but to the Noghri.
So he say to tell C'baoth that he allow the noghri one last chance, and he'll be taking the message to the noghri personally.
Are you agree or I've missed something?
Page 34 (yes, it was in the original): So, right, they were on the forest moon of Endor, not on the planet. And, now that I think about it, if we want to be rigorous, on that moon isn't begin the New Republic... but the Alliance of Free Planets, like we can see on the Marvel comic books.
Anyway, I've always thought that she's speaking to her yet to born children... maybe we can make this more clear.
So, I'm now thinking that the line can be changed in something like:
"You see that, my dear children? That's the forest moon of Endor, where the Rebel Alliance triumphed over the Empire."
What do you think about it?
ChainsawAsh said:
This comic is set up and organized extremely poorly, making it a bit of a chore to read, and the adaptation is choppy to say the least. Neither of those things are even remotely your fault - the blame for that lies on Mike Baron, Terry Dodson, Bob Cooper and David Land.
The book should be... "rearranged". I'm doing something similar with Dark Empire (I'll post something after the Thrawn trilogy will be definitely OK) rearranging pages and illustrations from both of three chapter of the trilogy, in a new story.
But in this case I think we haven't enough material to do it...
ChainsawAsh said:
Great job, by the way - I didn’t think it would work without the ysalamiri, but you’ve certainly proven me wrong.
Thanks! And the next will be Dark Empire without cloned emperor!! 😄
Anyway, I’ve done the correction you’ve suggested. some things about them:
page 34: yes, i’ve returned it like it was in the original version.
page 47: yes, i’ve always thought the radar was put in the corellian ship to better look like the falcon…
page 49: you’re right… even if these were so in the original version!
page 72/73: yes, it really seems leia is naked or at least partially. and about ralrra lines… it’s always seemed to me that without it there was something missing.
UPDATE:
thanks to the suggestion provided by ChainsawAsh it’s online a new version of Heir to the Empire.
And, too, it’s finally available also The Last Command, completing the Fixed Edition of the Thrawn Trilogy.
Don't worry! I don't think you are nitpicking me, instead I'm very pleased to see interest in this project!
So... date panel, yes, I've correct as you say.
Opening crawl: about "Episode VII" I think it's better avoid to put it... there are many stories in EU and it's impossible to count them all with a progressive number...
for the rest i've done the corrections you say, except for two things: (I switch to the EU nerd mode :D )
newly-united galaxy: in fact the galaxy is no more united since the battle of endor. It is now divided in a huge republic space and little imperial space. And the situation continue to be that even in NJO and LEgacy eras.
Jedi Master Luke Skywalker: we don't see Luke called Jedi Master yet, at this point. And he is at his first training as a teacher, yet unfinished.
So, I'm to change the crawl in this way:
It is a challenging time for the Galaxy. The NEW REPUBLIC has driven the remnants of the Galactic Empire deep into the far corners of space.
Leia Organa Solo, pregnant with twins, is in training to become the first in a new line of JEDI KNIGHTS, under her brother, Luke Skywalker.
But on the fringe of the galaxy, the last of the Emperor's warlords has taken command of the shattered Imperial fleet, readied it for war, and pointed it at the fragile heart of the New Republic....
page 15, 21, 23, 24: done as you suggest (yes, certain errors were typo)
and the "Yess" of Rukh is so also in the original version... I've left it like it was.
...I'm arrived so far now; i'll finish with the other suggestion ASAP (...when the job let me do it)
satanika said:Thanks Darknikos!
I hope you enjoy them... and The Last Command is coming soon!
UPDATE:
Thanks to the language correction provided by Xammer, it's ready and available the fixed edition of "Dark Force Rising".
I've reuploaded too HTTE with minor improvements.
Both the links for the download are in the first topic of the page.
Thanks!!!
…and I’ve correct the error you report.
P.S. As I’ve already said, the last chapter of the thrawn trilogy are ready (and Dark Empire on the way) if you want to be the beta reader for the language correction I can send it to you.
satanika said:
You may need to repack the archive without the mac thumbnails, seems cdisplay doesn’t like them.
The files inside are fine.
yes, you’re right! i’ve done so and tested the CBR with cdisplay… it works!
Wow, sorry for the delay, but in the last week I haven't check the topic... I've believed that no one was anymore interested for the lack of replies... I'm glad to see that's not so! :)
Anyway, I'm on a Mac, so I haven't tried the cbz with Cdisplay... i try to release a working copy today!
P.S. I've finished, also, the work on Dark Forces Rising and The Last Command... if anyone here want to be the "grammatical control" for them (I'm not a native speaker) I'll be able to release them too!
Right! Thanks!
this is the corrected version
no problem! when you want and you have time!
the only part not yet corrected is the list of changes in the last page (the same in the previous post!)
(and for DFR and TLC there are minor changes to the dialogues...)
OK... even without some language correction, "Heir to the Empire - Fixed Edition" is here:
EDIT: ALL THE LINKS FOR COMICS DOWNLOAD ARE IN THE FIRST PAGE OF THE TOPIC!
this is the chages' list:
Changes to the entire Thrawn Trilogy:
The ysalamiri are totally removed
The Tedryn Holocron is introduced here, instead of in Dark Empire (this is an element that help to tie the two storylines)
Luke is a bit less "farm boy" that in the original Zahn trilogy
The roman alphabet is removed: all the text appears now in aurek besh
Heir to the Empire changes:
New opening crawl (thanks to ben_danger and TheoOdo)
In the original both Luke and Leia has blue saber; Luke's one is now green
Removed Luke's dream about ben's farewell
Thrawn goes on Myrkr to find the Tedryn Holocron, not the ysalamiri
Corrected the reference to the Clone Wars from "35 years ago" to "about 30 years ago"
As any Jedi, Leia build her lightsaber by herself; it isn't Luke to do it for her
Added a reference to the Kamino cloners
Removed Thrawn line about a Jedi can be influenced by another
Ralrra introduce himself with his complete name and give Leia informations about him and his past, like in the book
Luke frees himself from Kardde's prisons with the Force (there aren't ysalamiri to avoid it!)
Changed Luke's line when steal Kardde's ship "with a little luck" to "if the Force will be with us"
Luke and Mara had a brief lightsaber duel before deal to reach Hillard City together
Removed the question about the possibility to go in the forest for R2 (as seen in prequels... he can fly!)
When Mara hit the vornskr Luke doesn't thank her like a defenceless boy but simply congratulate with her
...i'm looking for help... i'm ready to release the Thrawn trilogy but - as a not native speaker - i need some help to fix some lines from my "english"... to english! :-D
if there is anyone who want and can help is welcome, and will make possible the release of the comic books! :-)
wow... great idea! i was thinking some days ago how a fan edit could improve this series...
i agree, the stupid hutt plot had to be deleted, like IMHO all the silly moments with the battle droids... and jar jar!
and what about asohka? how could yoda assign her to ANAKIN??? so young and so bold... and if Obi-Wan could be her master in the edit? on the other hand after the padawan introduce herself Obi reply "i'm obi-wan kenobi, your new master!" ...so the material for doing this exist! :)
but... i know this is an idea a bit.. extreme...
anyway, for the crawl - reading you are on a mac - try this: http://alienryderflex.com/crawl/ it's awesome!