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DZ-330

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Join date
22-Dec-2016
Last activity
28-Mar-2024
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Post History

Post
#1562430
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I think we were extremely close to the right one a few days ago. The following is mostly the same as Nev’s last post just with those minor adjustments I suggested:

Only nitpicks I have:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soliders of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
every planet beyond the
fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
worlds in RESISTANCE,
a fearless militia loyal
to the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, seeking to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars….

Post
#1562292
Topic
The Last Jedi: Rekindled (Released)
Time

poppasketti said:

The idea was the crackling followed by two simple words is a bread crumb that I think a strong force user could pick up, but so short for the audience it (hopefully) gives you a “wait, was that? No can’t be. Can it?”

I don’t know if the scene actually works as intended, but that’s the idea at least! It’s hard to know how I would’ve reacted seeing it for the first time.

Even if there are not any changes to it, it works GREAT with Hal’s The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant edit.

Here is his crawl


Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by attacking any planetary system that supports their enemy.

As Rey, sole heir to the Jedi, continues her training, General Leia Organa sends her brave agents across the stars to unite the disparate worlds in the name of Resistance.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has traveled to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a hidden power that would allow him to destroy any threat to his rule…

Post
#1561592
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

I think this is it 😀

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of a hidden Imperial
fortress to enslave worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia loyal to
the New Republic has sent
its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

Post
#1561498
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In his absence, extremist
remnants of the fallen
Empire have emerged from
the shadows of the galaxy
as the evil FIRST ORDER,
conquering distant worlds
beyond the reach of the
fledgling New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia loyal
to the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, vowing
to restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

Post
#1561359
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Because I have a crawl obsession…


EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fledgling New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE, a
fearless militia loyal to
the New Republic has
been searching for the
last Jedi, hoping to
rekindle a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

Post
#1561196
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
pacifistic New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
an underground militia has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, whose
mastery of the Force could
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Post
#1561111
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Jar Jar Bricks said:
The crawl is the only place to directly explain why the creation of the Resistance was necessary. That’s why I opted to put that in there.

The new crawl does have that already though 😉

conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

The First Order was acting far from the fragile New Republic, so the Resistance was made to “fight against this oppression”

Post
#1560997
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn to
rekindle the light of the
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

Amidst this oppression, a
brave RESISTANCE loyal
to the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, hoping
that his return
can
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…


A few small suggestions/nitpicks

  • The beginning of TLJ is a time of darkness after the New Republic is destroyed, I’d use despair here.
  • Don’t call the First Order warriors. In a lot of cases, the good guys are called warriors.
  • I don’t think the “mystical force” works well in the last paragraph. Keep it simple. 😃
Post
#1560826
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Here’s another stab at it:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair
throughout the galaxy.
The Legendary Jedi Master,
Luke Skywalker, is missing.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress,
conquering worlds far
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

Desperate to aid these
besieged systems, the
RESISTANCE, a private
military, has sent its
pilots in search of the
last Jedi, hoping that his
return will restore peace
to the darkening stars…

Post
#1560758
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Here is why I wrote mine the way I did:


Luke Skywalker has vanished.
Without the legendary Jedi
Master’s presence, the galaxy
has fallen into despair.

Establishes Luke’s legend. Leaves out stuff about rebuilding the order as he already did, Ben/Kylo blew that up. Makes clear that without Luke, the galaxy is already losing hope and allowing dark forces to rise.

Rising from the shadows
of a hidden fortress,
sinister agents of the
fallen Empire have reformed
as the evil FIRST ORDER,
conquering worlds far beyond
the reach of the fragile
NEW REPUBLIC government.

Explains that the First Order has a “hidden fortress” (Starkiller) and is made from remnants of the Old Empire. The New Republic is frail and the First Order is starting to conquer easy targets.

Desperate to aid these
besieged systems, the
RESISTANCE, an unauthorized
military force, has been
searching for the last
Jedi, hoping his return will
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Defines the Resistance as being separate from the New Republic, and that they are searching for Luke to help bring back the Jedi and to aid the planets the First Order is attacking.


Paragraph 1: Explain Luke’s absence and role in the galaxy
Paragraph 2: Establish the First Order and state of the galaxy
Paragraph 3: Establish the Resistance and their mission

Post
#1559239
Topic
STAR WARS: EP VI -RETURN OF THE JEDI &quot;REVISITED EDITION&quot;<strong>ADYWAN</strong> - ** PRODUCTION HAS NOW RESTARTED **
Time

NeverarGreat said:

I personally prefer the Shaw version of the ghost because I think that’s what Luke would wish to see, but I can’t deny others their (wrong) opinions.

Same! I didn’t mean to derail the thread with Shaw vs. Hayden. Shaw always wins!

I was just suggesting could some edits be done to Shaw to make him look a tad younger. If not, whatevs!

Post
#1558833
Topic
The New Republic Movie Series EPIV: A Threat From Beyond (An Ahsoka Series Edit) [RELEASED]
Time

What about pulling from Zahn?

Star Wars, Ahoska: Survivor’s Quest

Here is a summary of the Legends novel Survivor’s Quest:

  • The Chiss have found the remains of the colonization and exploratory vessel Outbound Flight, which had been destroyed by Grand Admiral Thrawn many years previous. Now, the Chiss wish to hand over their find to the New Republic, and Luke and Mara join the odd group which will visit the site of the tragedy. As they voyage deeper into space, Luke and Mara grow more uneasy. Occurrences of sabotage and theft only serve to deepen their suspicions. On top of that, Mara begins to feel torn between her duty to the New Republic and her troubled respect for the Empire.

Here is a summary of the fanedit:

  • Morgan Elsbeth has found the remains of the Chimaera, which had gone missing with Grand Admiral Thrawn aboard many years previous. Now, Ahsoka Tano and her apprentice Sabine Wren wish to warn the New Republic of this threat. Ahsoka and Sabine race against Morgan and her odd group to the potential site of the ship. As they voyage deeper into space, Ahsoka and Sabine grow more uneasy. Occurrences of mercenaries and visions in the Force only serve to deepen their mission. On top of that, Sabine begins to feel torn between her duty to the New Republic and her quest to find her lost friend.

The Survivor could be referring to

  • Ahoska being an Order 66 survivor
  • Sabine surviving the purge of Mandalore
  • Ezra/Thrawn surviving and hoping to get home
Post
#1558197
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

What about this for Poe’s lines?


He’s been planning his revenge. His followers have been building something for years.

They’ve modified an enormous stockpile of Imperial Star Destroyers.

He calls it the Final Order.

Just one of these ships would decimate us.

The Emperor and his fleet have been hiding in the Unknown Regions, on a world called Exegol.


The goal here being to make the lines sound more like something Poe would say instead of just reading off of exposition cue cards 😉

Post
#1558194
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Lightspeed “slipped” sounds a lot cleaner than “clipped”. I think it should be “slipped”, but up to Hal!


Back to the illustration on the page…

I feel adding the picture of the force healing adds way more to the Ancient Texts, and helps to explain how the concept is new for a final installment of the series. I’m sure if that was in the film when it was first released the concept of “force healing” wouldn’t be as much of a hot topic because the assumption would be that it is ancient knowledge the Jedi of the prequels did not know.

We see the Wayfinder at the beginning with Kylo, and Rey shows Leia in the book later on when she hears Exegol mentioned at the briefing.

ALSO… the Wayfinder illustration is in Luke’s journal, not the Ancient Texts. It makes more sense for Rey to be reading through the ancient texts after her “failed” run at the obstacle course as she is pushing herself into learning more. It is then at the briefing that she heals “Exegol” and remembers it from Luke’s journal, she then tells Leia it is called a Wayfinder and you need it to get there, almost as if she is seeing the Wayfinder for the first time.

Okay mini-rant over LOL

Post
#1557136
Topic
Last movie seen
Time

Speaking of Pixar… I just rewatched Incredibles 2.

Upon thinking it was a letdown when I saw it opening night, I must say it was a fun experience this time around.

Sure it’s never gonna be as great as the original, but I had fun with it, and am learning to appreciate it. I do hope they will eventually make a third with the characters aged up by 10+ years.

It still blows my mind we had a Cars trilogy between these two movies.