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Billy Bumbags

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Diamonds Are Forever: The Next Link in the Pipeline - fan edit

Many think DAF is a poor Bond film, and it has a lot wrong with it - bad dialogue, plot holes galore, a story that’s all over the place, but there are also a lot of cool things in there (Wint and Kidd for starters). I’ve done an edit that re-inserts some deleted scenes (at least one of which explains one otherwise baffling scene tha occurs later on) and removed the ridiculous plot device of there being numerous Blofelds as well as other little bits that irked me. The full list of changes are below:

  • I’ve cut the bikini strangling scene (never sat well with me)
  • Edited the dialogue by Sir Donald by a tad so he doesn’t keep repeating himself - removed the second occurrence of “prides itself on the loyalty and devotion of its workers”
  • Sammy Davis Jr scene inserted - nice to see that SPECTRE has influence in the world of showbiz!
  • Wint and Kidd killing Shady Tree scene inserted
  • Dinner with Plenty O’Toole scene inserted - doesn’t add much to the narrative - but this is an alternative movie and it’s nice to see!
  • Plenty returns to the apartment scene inserted - without this it doesn’t make sense as to why she’s at Tiffany’s house later in the film
  • Tiffany being stalked by the CIA, I have cut down this scene to remove the Elephant on the slot machine and the woman changing into a Gorilla (I mean, WTF?!!) we now just see Tiffany give them the slip as they chase after her
  • “Keep tootin’ on that hooter Charlie, and you’ll get a shot in the mouth!” line removed as Tiffany is really annoying in this scene
  • Through the Alley scene - replaced shot of car on two wheels coming out the alley the right way up!
  • Bond and Tiffany at the Whyte House extended scene inserted
  • Blofeld’s double is cut. Now, when Bond enters the Whyte House penthouse, he sees Blofeld, Blofeld pulls a gun on him and ushers Bond into the lift. The plastic surgery double thing is mentioned in the very first scene of the film, so when we get to this point and see Blofeld is alive, we can assume Bond killed a double at the beginning of the movie. It’s hard to believe the Blofeld double plot-line, but it’s even worse when you see them on screen together. The exposition about using Willard Whyte’s empire as cover is repeated later on in the film so you don’t miss it here, and we also lose the voice changing technology that beggars belief. I know its used later on when Bond is pretending to be Saxby, but it doesn’t jar as much and besides, Q is there operating it so we just assume its another of his gadgets
  • Missile explosion in North Dakota and of the Soviet Submarine replaced with stock footage due to the ropey special effects in the original movie
  • The shot of the Chinese airbase being blown up by the satellite removed due to the appalling green screen shot of the Chinese guy on fire - the sequence flows just as well without it
  • Fight with Bambi and Thumper shortened to prevent it being quite so silly - the gymnastics are too over the top - now, Bond gets kneed in the groin, thrown across the room then into the pool
  • Shots of helicopters blowing up removed - the effects are really, really bad in those two shots and the film looks better for them not being there
  • Tiffany falling off the oil rig due to firing a machine gun shot removed - she’s too tough and sassy throughout the movie for her to suddenly appear like a bimbo

I’ve had to re-insert soundtrack music and add new sound effects as a lot of the deleted footage is silent and also so that you won’t notice the joins…