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The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The Faraday Edit (WIP) — Page 4

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You could replace R2 with BB-8 perhaps! I do feel like not having 3PO fire it is a bit of a missed opportunity.

Too bad it isn’t R2, though. Maybe you could’ve made an aggressive negotiations joke. I like the idea of 3PO trying to follow his baseline programming, and perhaps try and negotiate for Chewbacca’s release or something.

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RogueLeader said:

You could replace R2 with BB-8 perhaps! I do feel like not having 3PO fire it is a bit of a missed opportunity.

Too bad it isn’t R2, though. Maybe you could’ve made an aggressive negotiations joke. I like the idea of 3PO trying to follow his baseline programming, and perhaps try and negotiate for Chewbacca’s release or something.

Yeah, BB-8 works too - although I’d have to figure out a quick-to-describe way for him to shove C-3PO’s elbow, since he’s too short compared to R2. And honestly, having C-3PO laden down with weapons, and still trying to politely negotiate his way out of trouble, almost works better for this new, even more naive C-3PO.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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I had to change the topic of Rey and Finn’s conversation on the Bestoon Legacy, since originally they discuss her Force Vision from the beginning, which I’ve removed. So I poached a conversation they had from the DOTF script and adapted it. It’s not perfect and could use some work in places:

She nodded wordlessly and headed through the central hold, found a little nook near the engines, and plunked down.
Fear had led to the Dark Side after all. She’d been fine so long as her fear was tempered by peace and control. But the moment she gave in to rage and hatred… Chewbacca was gone. The Millennium Falcon was gone. The Sith Dagger, their only clue to stopping the First Order, was gone. All because of her moment of rage.
Tears were pouring down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them. Chewie had done so much for her. The Falcon was arguably his by right, but after Han died, Chewie had offered the pilot’s seat to her. And she had repaid this act of enormous generosity and respect by killing him.
As if reading her thoughts, BB-8 gave a long, mournful beep.
C-3PO patted the little droid on the head and said, “Poor, poor Chewbacca.”
Finn squeezed his way into the nook and lowered himself down next to her. His face was stricken.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said.
“It was,” Rey said, unable to look at him. “I lost control.”
“No, it was Ren. If he hadn’t –”
Rey shook her head. “You saw what happened. That power came from me. Finn, there are things you don’t know about.”
“Then tell me.” He gazed at her, waiting patiently, no trace of judgment on his face.
“I failed,” she said, Leia’s many lectures about calmness and peace competing for space in her head. “I failed to… and now…”
She found herself unable to mention the Dark Side, or to even say Chewbacca’s name.
Finn sighed a tired, weary sigh.
“We’ve been fighting this war for too long,” he said eventually.
He seemed to stare beyond the hull of the ship as he spoke. Then he pressed on, sounding more like his usual self:
“But those people, those children. I saw hope in their eyes. They believe in you. We all do. Nothing can change that.”
Rey knew he meant it as a comfort, but his words added more weight to her already heavy shoulders.
“I can’t be who they need me to be,” she said. “I…”
The afterimage of electricity crackling from her hands seemed to dance in front of her eyes even now.
She didn’t know how she could say it. And then briefly, she felt as though she didn’t have to. As though Finn understood without speaking. She looked up at him, wiping her eyes.
“You’re scared of the Dark Side of the Force,” he said, stating a fact, and then slightly less sure: “You’re scared of him.”
“Not him,” Rey whispered in a very small voice.
She couldn’t finish the thought. Finn took a moment to absorb this.
“Nobody’s path is set if they make the right choices,” he said, and then he gave her his best attempt at a grin. “I should know better than anyone, right?”
She smiled back as best she could; Finn stood and squeezed his way back out of the engine nook. Rey followed him a moment later.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Also, for all you tree lovers out there from the Mustafar Minute discussions, you’ll be overjoyed to see the latest bullet point in my changelog:

  • Added cherry blossom trees to Kijimi, since it’s basically just Space Japan anyway.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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I want to replace “scavenger” with something in this exchange, but I can’t really think of anything that makes sense (clearly, neither could the screenwriters, to be fair to myself). “Stormtrooper” works as a retort to “spice runner”, because they’re both ethically dubious things - it makes the point that people can be doing something bad, and make a choice to stop and leave it behind. But being a scavenger isn’t anything bad, and I can’t think of anything Rey’s done in the past which is.

“Funny he never mentioned it,” Zorii said. “Your friend’s old job was running spice.”
Poe’s shoulders deflated. There it was. Now there’d be no end to it.
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Finn on cue. “Were you a spice runner?”
“Were you a stormtrooper!?” Poe retorted.
Were you a spice runner?” Rey prodded.
“Were you a [scavenger]? We could do this all night…”
Two figures materialized out of the darkness, tall, armed beings, one from each direction, blocking their exits. Zorii shifted her blaster to Poe’s neck.
“You don’t have all night,” Zorii spat at him. “You don’t even have now."

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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I believe Poe is talking about the lowly status of being a scavenger in that case, not suggesting that it is a bad thing. Stormtroopers are grunts, and being a spice runner suggests that the person is in a pretty destitute situation.

I agree that there really isn’t anything you can replace it with, although if I think of something I’ll let you know!

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

I believe Poe is talking about the lowly status of being a scavenger in that case, not suggesting that it is a bad thing. Stormtroopers are grunts, and being a spice runner suggests that the person is in a pretty destitute situation.

I agree that there really isn’t anything you can replace it with, although if I think of something I’ll let you know!

Being a spice runner isn’t exactly grunt work, though; I get where you’re coming from, but I personally find it hard to read the scene that way, considering Poe seems embarrassed about having a shady past contrasted to his squeaky clean Resistance Leader image.

I could always cut his line to Rey, but I really like how smoothly it rolls into Zorii’s retort and keeps the scene moving. I’ll just leave it in square brackets for now and come back to it if either of us think of anything.

(I should explain - anything I write which I know is just placeholder text, I put in square brackets, so it’s easy to search the document later and find it. My own novels’ early drafts have a lot of “[one-liner]”, or “[smth adj]” when I can’t think of the right adjective.)

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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That’s a pretty smart method!

Anyways, what I meant by a spice runner being destitute is that usually those who do it have no other choice but to do it in order to survive, just like scavenging. Of course, this isn’t true in Poe’s case so ultimately you’re correct.

I’ll keep thinking!

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 (Edited)

“Were you an orphan?” Poe roasted.

I jest, of course.

How about, “Were you a scrap hoarder?” It’s synonymous with scavenger while still suggesting a slight amount of being immoral - as in, she went out of her way to make sure she got the most portions from turning in scrap at the end of the day while everyone else starved.

That’s the best I’ve got.

EDIT: You could shorten it to just “hoarder” as well if you want.

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 (Edited)

Jar Jar Bricks said:

“Were you an orphan?” Poe roasted.

I jest, of course.

How about, “Were you a scrap hoarder?” It’s synonymous with scavenger while still suggesting a slight amount of being immoral - as in, she went out of her way to make sure she got the most portions from turning in scrap at the end of the day while everyone else starved.

That’s the best I’ve got.

EDIT: You could shorten it to just “hoarder” as well if you want.

“Scrap hoarder” is perfect, because it implies a moral judgment, and in particular one that’s kind of unfair. Which is exactly the way Poe feels about being known as a spice runner. Thank you!

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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 (Edited)

Let’s talk about Palpatine’s plan (and how Kylo interacts with it), so I’ve got it completely clear long before we get up to Palpatine explaining it.

In this version:

  • Rey is no longer Palpatine’s granddaughter, and
  • Palpatine no longer cloned Snoke from a vat.

I also want him to know about the Force Dyad from the start, and have it be his ultimate plan all along. I find it accidentally comical otherwise in the original - he’s spent decades meticulously planning everything, then right before the climax of the movie he’s like “oh, wait, this other thing randomly popped up, that’s much better.”

The other issue I have is that Palpatine tells Kylo he wants Rey dead. That doesn’t make sense in this version, or the original - in the original, he wanted Rey to become the new Sith Empress, or at least he wanted to take over her body with Spirit Transfer, which he can’t do if Kylo has killed her. My plan for that is, Palpatine makes it clear he wants Kylo to bring Rey before him and then kill her in front of him (which in this version, of course, is a lie).

So, unless I’m forgetting something:

  • Palpatine dies on the Death Star II. He wakes up on Exegol, where the Sith Eternal cult start constructing the huge fleet of Star Destroyers. Palpatine waits in the shadows, watching events unfold, waiting for his time to strike. The First Order rises, Snoke comes to power, Rey and Kylo develop their Dyad connection, Snoke is killed, and the giant fleet is finished. What good timing!
  • Palpatine wants to get Rey and Kylo in the same room with him, so he can drain their Force Dyad and bring himself back to Ultimate Power™.
  • To do this, he lies to Kylo, telling him he’ll give him the giant fleet and make him the new Emperor, as long as Kylo brings Rey to Exegol and kills her in front of him.
  • Kylo, meanwhile, plans to turn Rey to the Dark Side, then bring her before Palpatine where they’ll kill him together, becoming Emperor and Empress without Palpatine.
  • Kylo doesn’t know Palpatine’s true plan, and he thinks Palpatine doesn’t know about the Force Dyad.

That way, when Palpatine waffles on to Rey when she arrives at Exegol, he’s actually just stalling time until Kylo gets there as well. It also means Kylo thinks he has a secret advantage over Palpatine - the Dyad - when he actually doesn’t, which I think is more interesting.

It also means Rey is trying to get to Exegol under her own steam, thinking Kylo is trying to stop her getting to Exegol, when in fact Kylo wants her to get to Exegol - but with him, oh his own terms. I think this also makes the story more interesting - they want the same thing, but they want it in incompatible ways, which highlight their desires and motivations.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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I mentioned on Hal’s thread at one point that this is absolutely what would have made Palpatine’s plan 100 percent better imo. Funnily enough, early in the film’s production it actually was I’m pretty sure. The reason they got rid of it I think is because otherwise it makes the character’s heroic actions all for nothing in the end. Personally, I’m fine with that. Sometimes, even though we give things our best, they don’t work out.

As for Rey not being a Palpatine, it also removes some of the complicatedness of her backstory. I’ll always prefer to adhere to canon in this regard, but I’m interested to see what you will cook up.

I think if I was editing the novel I would make all references to her as his granddaughter changed to just “daughter”. This would force the reader to understand that Rey’s father was a clone, so biologically she is just his daughter. It might muck up some of the mirroring in their dyad, but oh well.

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CaptainFaraday said:

Let’s talk about Palpatine’s plan (and how Kylo interacts with it), so I’ve got it completely clear long before we get up to Palpatine explaining it.

In this version:

  • Rey is no longer Palpatine’s granddaughter, and
  • Palpatine no longer cloned Snoke from a vat.

I also want him to know about the Force Dyad from the start, and have it be his ultimate plan all along. I find it accidentally comical otherwise in the original - he’s spent decades meticulously planning everything, then right before the climax of the movie he’s like “oh, wait, this other thing randomly popped up, that’s much better.”

The other issue I have is that Palpatine tells Kylo he wants Rey dead. That doesn’t make sense in this version, or the original - in the original, he wanted Rey to become the new Sith Empress, or at least he wanted to take over her body with Spirit Transfer, which he can’t do if Kylo has killed her. My plan for that is, Palpatine makes it clear he wants Kylo to bring Rey before him and then kill her in front of him (which in this version, of course, is a lie).

So, unless I’m forgetting something:

  • Palpatine dies on the Death Star II. He wakes up on Exegol, where the Sith Eternal cult start constructing the huge fleet of Star Destroyers. Palpatine waits in the shadows, watching events unfold, waiting for his time to strike. The First Order rises, Snoke comes to power, Rey and Kylo develop their Dyad connection, Snoke is killed, and the giant fleet is finished. What good timing!
  • Palpatine wants to get Rey and Kylo in the same room with him, so he can drain their Force Dyad and bring himself back to Ultimate Power™.
  • To do this, he lies to Kylo, telling him he’ll give him the giant fleet and make him the new Emperor, as long as Kylo brings Rey to Exegol and kills her in front of him.
  • Kylo, meanwhile, plans to turn Rey to the Dark Side, then bring her before Palpatine where they’ll kill him together, becoming Emperor and Empress without Palpatine.
  • Kylo doesn’t know Palpatine’s true plan, and he thinks Palpatine doesn’t know about the Force Dyad.

That way, when Palpatine waffles on to Rey when she arrives at Exegol, he’s actually just stalling time until Kylo gets there as well. It also means Kylo thinks he has a secret advantage over Palpatine - the Dyad - when he actually doesn’t, which I think is more interesting.

It also means Rey is trying to get to Exegol under her own steam, thinking Kylo is trying to stop her getting to Exegol, when in fact Kylo wants her to get to Exegol - but with him, oh his own terms. I think this also makes the story more interesting - they want the same thing, but they want it in incompatible ways, which highlight their desires and motivations.

Palpatine changed his mind about using Rey for the Sith ritual because her parents abandoned her as if she was worthless because of her lineage/hid her away (yeah, you can still make Rey’s parents “bad” people, which would preserve Rey’s TLJ arc of learning to stop caring about her parents because they thought she was worthless) and he didn’t know she was on Jakku. Then Palpatine decides to go after Ben, the descendant of the Skywalkers. He demanded Ben kill Rey since he no longer has any use for her. When Ben redeems himself, this fucked up Palpatine’s plans to possess a healthy, non-clone body, so he goes after his own granddaughter again.

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TestingOutTheTest said:

Palpatine changed his mind about using Rey for the Sith ritual because her parents abandoned her as if she was worthless because of her lineage/hid her away (yeah, you can still make Rey’s parents “bad” people, which would preserve Rey’s TLJ arc of learning to stop caring about her parents because they thought she was worthless) and he didn’t know she was on Jakku. Then Palpatine decides to go after Ben, the descendant of the Skywalkers. He demanded Ben kill Rey since he no longer has any use for her. When Ben redeems himself, this fucked up Palpatine’s plans to possess a healthy, non-clone body, so he goes after his own granddaughter again.

But Kylo was on Exegol previously; there was no reason Palpatine couldn’t have done it when Kylo first arrived, if Rey wasn’t needed for the ritual. I also don’t follow why Rey’s parents abandoning her would affect Palpatine’s plan (I agree it would be better if TROS stuck to TLJ’s arc of Rey-being-her-own-true-parent), nor Ben’s redemption, actually.

I couldn’t follow that final scene in the cinema and even now it’s a rubick’s cube to try and figure out in retrospect.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

I mentioned on Hal’s thread at one point that this is absolutely what would have made Palpatine’s plan 100 percent better imo. Funnily enough, early in the film’s production it actually was I’m pretty sure. The reason they got rid of it I think is because otherwise it makes the character’s heroic actions all for nothing in the end. Personally, I’m fine with that. Sometimes, even though we give things our best, they don’t work out.

As for Rey not being a Palpatine, it also removes some of the complicatedness of her backstory. I’ll always prefer to adhere to canon in this regard, but I’m interested to see what you will cook up.

I think if I was editing the novel I would make all references to her as his granddaughter changed to just “daughter”. This would force the reader to understand that Rey’s father was a clone, so biologically she is just his daughter. It might muck up some of the mirroring in their dyad, but oh well.

If I was going to go with Rey Palpatine then I agree; just referring to her as his daughter would actually be a lot better. I’m surprised I haven’t seen this in any fanedits of the movie, actually. I guess it would be potentially confusing without further clarification.

I also think something along these lines was probably the original idea for Palpatine’s plan; Rey Palpatine apparently wasn’t written in until after shooting had begun, and we know from behind-the-scenes stuff that a lot of the film was still being rewritten wholesale as it was being shot (and simultaneously edited; what a pressure cooker of an environment to be trying to direct a movie in).

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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The other thing I want to get people’s ideas on is an excerpt from the DOTF screenplay that I really want to incorporate, where Finn shows PTSD symptoms after recognising a stormtrooper that he’s just killed in battle. Originally the conversation is with Rose, but it will translate fine to being a conversation with Rey - which I actually like, since then we get a reciprocation to Finn offering Rey council about her own problems.

The problem is there’s nowhere easy to insert the conversation. The logical place is somewhere towards the start of the novel - it nicely sets things up for Finn’s eventual interactions with Jannah and the other stormtrooper deserters - but they don’t actually fight directly with stormtroopers until uselessly far into the story. Their first action scene is in the Falcon fighting TIEs, and the second is on skimmers fighting the treadbikes.

I could add something on Kijimi before they reach Babu Frik’s workshop, but even that is around the half way mark, which is a bit too late to start introducing stuff that should have been introduced in the first act. Do I somehow add some one-on-one fighting in one of the earlier scenes? I’d have to create a lot out of whole cloth, and I feel like it would drag the pace unnecessarily unless I cut an existing action scene, which feels like it ventures too far outside my scope and into fanfiction territory.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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 (Edited)

One thing from DOTF that is sorely missing from TROS is a real stormtrooper uprising. Sure, you have Finn and some other ex-stormtroopers riding space horses on a Star Destroyer’s surface - but that’s literally it.

What I think would be great is if when the navigation tower is changed to the lead Star Destroyer, Finn tells everyone that it is carrying the signal (by using the force), but then still has some people do the ground assault. Why you may ask? Because he has the bright idea that he can broadcast his own signal from the tower: an inspirational speech to get any First Order stormtroopers that were assigned with Pryde on Exegol to turn against the Sith Troopers.

It would have been so cool to see white stormtroopers battling side by side with Resistance members against red ones.

The red ones, in case you didn’t know, were born and raised on Exegol and brainwashed. The troops like Finn have hope because they were taken as children.

Those First Order stormtroopers would most likely be present on Pryde’s ship - which is carrying the signal. All the more reason why Finn doing that would be super helpful.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

One thing from DOTF that is sorely missing from TROS is a real stormtrooper uprising. Sure, you have Finn and some other ex-stormtroopers riding space horses on a Star Destroyer’s surface - but that’s literally it.

What I think would be great is if when the navigation tower is changed to the lead Star Destroyer, Finn tells everyone that it is carrying the signal (by using the force), but then still has some people do the ground assault. Why you may ask? Because he has the bright idea that he can broadcast his own signal from the tower: an inspirational speech to get any First Order stormtroopers that were assigned with Pryde on Exegol to turn against the Sith Troopers.

It would have been so cool to see white stormtroopers battling side by side with Resistance members against red ones.

The red ones, in case you didn’t know, were born and raised on Exegol and brainwashed. The troops like Finn have hope because they were taken as children.

Those First Order stormtroopers would most likely be present on Pryde’s ship - which is carrying the signal. All the more reason why Finn doing that would be super helpful.

That’s a good idea and a really good way of incorporating it. I’ll go over the DOTF screenplay again (I skimmed most of it) and see if I can poach sections to avoid writing new content wholesale. Not every single stormtrooper needs to change sides, but maybe the ones that do remove their helmets so they can be identified - which has the thematic connotation of exchanging their faceless skeletal masks for actual human faces.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Faraday, could you share the excerpt you are referring to from the DOTF script?

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RogueLeader said:

Faraday, could you share the excerpt you are referring to from the DOTF script?

Here it is. It’s not long, but I think it’s such an important moment:

Finn tightens a bolt on the grappling cannon. A loud CLANK startles him. He closes his eyes, left hand shaking.

ROSE
Hey. It’s okay.

Finn’s past has followed him for years. Memories of friends kidnapped and conditioned to serve.

FINN
One of the Stormtroopers on Kuat. I knew him. We trained together, when we were kids. He looked so scared. I remember that feeling.

ROSE
I don’t think that feeling ever goes away.

FINN
I can’t let more of them end up like me. It has to stop.

Rose puts a calming hand on his. He breathes easier.

ROSE
That’s what we’re fighting for.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Hmm, what if Finn recognized the patrolling stormtrooper that Lando shoots? The scene could play out slightly different so they could have a longer interaction. Then, while they’re on their way to Kijimi, Finn and Rey could be exploring/repairing Ochi’s ship when he has that brief PTSD moment.

This may too radical of changes, but I just wanted to throw these ideas out. If you were to go with the idea of Finn starting a revolt on the Star Destroyer, I also think it would be interesting if you had some scenes play out differently to where Hux survived until the final battle.

  • First of all, I would remove the idea that Palpatine has his own soldiers. All he has are his Sith cultists/loyalists, and his large leftover fleet from the days of the Empire. They need the First Order’s army to man it. I would also change the red Sith Troopers into “Royal Troopers”, a legion of First Order stormtroopers that are meant to defend the Supreme Leader, whoever it may be.
  • Pryde could be present at Poe and Finn’s execution, and Hux takes this opportunity to save them, as well as killing Pryde.
  • The scene between Palpatine and Pryde will now be between Palpatine and Hux, and he orders Hux to come to Exegol to use his army to man the fleet. He also could call Hux, “Supreme Leader”. Plotting a coup seemed like an obvious direction after the way Hux looked at Kylo at the end of TLJ, so I think it would be more satisfying to pay his story off.
  • You give Pryde’s role in the final battle to the newly named Supreme Leader Hux.
  • While Finn and Jannah are on their way to destroy the signal tower on the destroyer, Finn gets the idea to instead hack into the signal tower and transmit a call of rebellion to the stormtroopers on all of the Star Destroyers.
  • This would be a brand new scene, but you could write a quick montage of troopers taking their helmets off on various destroyers and turning on the officers, including Hux’s destroyer.
  • Hux could hear over the comms, or see on the ship’s surface, that troopers are rebelling, so Hux’s orders the ship to self destruct before the bridge is overrun and Hux is killed by his own men. I just think if you’re going to have stormtroopers rebel, it would be much more satisfying if Hux was the one reaping what he sowed. ( This whole change also allows you to change the awkward interaction between Finn and Rose where he basically tells her he’s gonna sacrifice himself, which totally goes against her message to Finn in TLJ.)
  • Transports full of troopers could be described escaping the destroyers during the resolution of the battle.
  • During the celebration montage at the Resistance base, you could replace the awkward Lando/Jannah interaction with Jannah greeting the newly defected troopers. You could have an interaction like this:

Jannah: I’m Jannah. What’s your name?

Stormtrooper: TZ-359

Jannah: No, your real name.

Stormtrooper: I don’t know…

Jannah: Well, let’s find out.

While there definitely would be some brand new tidbits with the stormtrooper rebellion stuff, I feel like a lot of this would allow you to keep the same scenes, technically, but you’re just swapping out characters and dialogue.

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RogueLeader said:

Hmm, what if Finn recognized the patrolling stormtrooper that Lando shoots? The scene could play out slightly different so they could have a longer interaction. Then, while they’re on their way to Kijimi, Finn and Rey could be exploring/repairing Ochi’s ship when he has that brief PTSD moment.

That could work - it could be a small patrol that finds them, so Finn can have his moment with a stormtrooper while the others fight the rest, and the fight scene is ended by Lando’s arrow hitting the final stormtrooper. That way, the two different beats (Finn recognises the trooper he killed / Lando rescues them) don’t step on each other’s toes.

This may too radical of changes, but I just wanted to throw these ideas out. If you were to go with the idea of Finn starting a revolt on the Star Destroyer, I also think it would be interesting if you had some scenes play out differently to where Hux survived until the final battle.

  • First of all, I would remove the idea that Palpatine has his own soldiers. All he has are his Sith cultists/loyalists, and his large leftover fleet from the days of the Empire. They need the First Order’s army to man it. I would also change the red Sith Troopers into “Royal Troopers”, a legion of First Order stormtroopers that are meant to defend the Supreme Leader, whoever it may be.

I’m personally fine with the idea that Palpatine has an army of his own from Exegol; as discussed earlier in the thread, it gives the opportunity for the Sith Troopers to be completely brainwashed from birth (or even specially cloned, now that I think about it), in contrast to the stormtroopers, who are capable of making a choice. I might use the name “Royal Troopers” though; “Sith Troopers” sounds too KOTOR-ish to my ear (I love KOTOR, but it sounds atonal in the context of the ST).

  • Pryde could be present at Poe and Finn’s execution, and Hux takes this opportunity to save them, as well as killing Pryde.
  • The scene between Palpatine and Pryde will now be between Palpatine and Hux, and he orders Hux to come to Exegol to use his army to man the fleet. He also could call Hux, “Supreme Leader”. Plotting a coup seemed like an obvious direction after the way Hux looked at Kylo at the end of TLJ, so I think it would be more satisfying to pay his story off.
  • You give Pryde’s role in the final battle to the newly named Supreme Leader Hux.

I like the idea of Hux surviving until the final battle. I think the ST increasingly did Hux dirty; he was a great character in TFA, and they increasingly reduced him to a snivelling coward in TLJ and TROS without understanding that being a snivelling coward only worked in TFA because he was also powerful and frightening. Killing him in such a meaningless way felt like a waste.

The book insinuates that he’s planning a coup even more than the film does, and while I enjoy the twist in the movie that he actually doesn’t care any more and it’s purely personal now, I think it works better in the book to stick with the coup idea. I imagine the reveal that he’s been the spy going like this:

Finn: Why do you want us to win?
Hux: I don’t want you to win. I want Kylo Ren to lose.

Instead of the original, slightly but importantly different:

Finn: Why are you helping us?
Hux: I don’t care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose.

I don’t think Hux needs to become the new Supreme Leader at that point, though; at that point in the story, the First Order (and Palpatine) have no reason to suspect Kylo Ren has changed at all, so he would still be considered the Supreme Leader. As far as they know, he’s still just off on his mission somewhere.

I really like the idea of Hux killing Pryde. I feel like that would be extremely satisfying to read, given their dynamic in the novel.

  • While Finn and Jannah are on their way to destroy the signal tower on the destroyer, Finn gets the idea to instead hack into the signal tower and transmit a call of rebellion to the stormtroopers on all of the Star Destroyers.
  • This would be a brand new scene, but you could write a quick montage of troopers taking their helmets off on various destroyers and turning on the officers, including Hux’s destroyer.
  • Hux could hear over the comms, or see on the ship’s surface, that troopers are rebelling, so Hux’s orders the ship to self destruct before the bridge is overrun and Hux is killed by his own men. I just think if you’re going to have stormtroopers rebel, it would be much more satisfying if Hux was the one reaping what he sowed. ( This whole change also allows you to change the awkward interaction between Finn and Rose where he basically tells her he’s gonna sacrifice himself, which totally goes against her message to Finn in TLJ.)
  • Transports full of troopers could be described escaping the destroyers during the resolution of the battle.

All of those scenes are small enough that I wouldn’t mind writing them wholesale; I can see a lot of them in my head already. Hux taking Pryde’s place, and the Star Destroyer being blown up by Finn leading the defecting stormtroopers, all works well, and retains the overall shape and structure of what’s already there. I don’t think Hux should order the ship to self-destruct, though; that gives him too much agency in his own demise, whereas he should, as you point out, reap what he sowed from his beloved stormtrooper army.

  • During the celebration montage at the Resistance base, you could replace the awkward Lando/Jannah interaction with Jannah greeting the newly defected troopers. You could have an interaction like this:

Jannah: I’m Jannah. What’s your name?

Stormtrooper: TZ-359

Jannah: No, your real name.

Stormtrooper: I don’t know…

Jannah: Well, let’s find out.

While there definitely would be some brand new tidbits with the stormtrooper rebellion stuff, I feel like a lot of this would allow you to keep the same scenes, technically, but you’re just swapping out characters and dialogue.

The novel expands on the First Order kidnapping children a few times throughout, giving some setup that was missing from the film that pays off with the Lando-and-Jannah interaction. So I’m currently planning to leave that in there. However, it’s certainly an awkwardly written conversation (who asks where someone is from in that context? That’s not how real human beings interact), so combining that scene with one of the newly defected stormtroopers having those kinds of conversations actually dovetails really nicely.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

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