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The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released) — Page 522

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How is the progress on Rey’s eyes going?

The name’s Lawson. Noah Lawson.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Yeah I like it a lot. It’s worth noting that is actually canon (as much as I hate to admit it). I hate the idea that nobody showed up to Crait because all the communication lines were jammed by the FO, but that’s the official answer. Might as well have it referenced in the crawl to a lesser extent.

Yes, the point of that in the movie was to reinforce that everything was hopeless with the FO in charge until Luke showed up.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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That’s a great little tweak to the crawl. Wish I’d have thought of that for V1.

And anyone want to undo Rey’s milky eyes for that one super short shot during her training vision?

Well done. I will disengage self-destruct initiative.

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Here is my pitch for an opening crawl:

The flame of hope burns! Following the heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker on Crait, the daring Resistance has been reborn. The diabolical First Order, facing insurrection on a thousand worlds, is teetering on the edge.

But the dead speak! The galaxy has received a mysterious broadcast, a threat of revenge in the voice of the late PALPATINE.

Determined to destroy this threat to his declining power, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is chasing whispers of an ARTIFACT that could lead him to the demise of the phantom menace…

It starts off by reminding us that it’s a sequel to TLJ and setting up the idea the actual movie establishes that the First Order is not doing so well post-TLJ, but we’re suddenly halted when the crawl reveals Palps is alive and has been planning his return/revenge.

It merges the respective ending sentences from TRoS and Ascendant while referencing TPM as I think that reference makes more sense than the “phantom Emperor”…

Thoughts?

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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What about giving her Sith yellow eyes when she flares at herself?

The name’s Lawson. Noah Lawson.

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krlozdac said:

“Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by attacking silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.”

I think that’s a nice change, it’s a bit more nuanced, and it helps to make the First Order feel more like their panicking, trying desperately to smother the other uprisings. However, I still think my aforementioned concern still stands - we’re going out of our way here to show the audience that people are trying to join the “resistance” against the First Order (as opposed to necessarily “The Resistance,” i.e. the organization); but we don’t have any way of showing why Poe wouldn’t believe in them at all. We’re showing the audience one thing, and then saying the exact opposite. I still think it would feel incongruous.


Also, while we’re on the topic of potential opening crawl tweaks, I’d vote to also change this part:

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has traveled to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a hidden power that would allow him to destroy any threat to his rule… has been rising in the shadows…

I think it would help make Kylo’s plans a little more mysterious. Is he actually going to go along with Palpatine? Does he want to destroy him? In the actual story, the truth of his loyalties isn’t revealed until…the duel in his quarters, I think? Personally, I’d rather not spoil that in the crawl. “HE’S GOING TO BETRAY PALPATINE!!!” Cool, Film. Thanks for the spoon-feeding me the answers.

(I know it’s mostly just a byproduct of the original crawl, but that whole crawl is garbage anyway. “The dead speak”…)

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Palpatine offers him more power and to rule all the galaxy though, so this version doesn’t give anything away, while the original crawl spelled out “Kylo is searching for Palpatine to destroy him because he’s a threat to his power”, here the “threat to his rule” would actually be the flames of rebellion rising in the galaxy.

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Fair point, Burbin; I think I may be conflating the theatrical crawl and the Ascendant crawl in my head. I’ve been pondering over this film so long, everything is becoming a blur haha.

I guess as-is is fine, then. Personally, I think I’d still rather have the change though. If he’s going after the hidden power because it would “allow him to destroy any threats,” that implies to me that he’s choosing a certain side; and I’d rather keep his motivations more ambiguous. But like I said, I guess it’s fine to leave it.

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If we’re opening up the crawl debate again…

Flames of rebellion burn across
the galaxy. Inspired by Luke Skywalker’s
heroic sacrifice, countless systems have
taken a stand in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
has traveled to Mustafar, chasing
whispers of an ancient artifact,
that would allow him to destroy any
threat to his rule…

The Skywalker Saga:
I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX
This is the way.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Master Lawdog said:

What about giving her Sith yellow eyes when she flares at herself?

Who was it that was skilled at EBsynth? That’s the program that person was using to modify the eyes like that.

I suppose I could look into the program myself. Hopefully it isn’t too hard to understand.

I hope you can, the Sith eye replacement would be soooo great.

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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DZ-330 said:

If we’re opening up the crawl debate again…

Flames of rebellion burn across
the galaxy. Inspired by Luke Skywalker’s
heroic sacrifice, countless systems have
taken a stand in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
has traveled to Mustafar, chasing
whispers of an ancient artifact,
that would allow him to destroy any
threat to his rule…

I like this one. Only two modifications I’d make are removing the bold font of First Order and Resistance. Also, I feel like the last paragraph of the one we currently have is better. Although perhaps we could bold HIDDEN POWER in that one.

I really dig the quote from the DOTF crawl in this.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

I like this one. Only two modifications I’d make are removing the bold font of First Order and Resistance. Also, I feel like the last paragraph of the one we currently have is better. Although perhaps we could bold HIDDEN POWER in that one.

Here is the crawl with your suggestions:

Flames of rebellion burn across
the galaxy. Inspired by Luke Skywalker’s
heroic sacrifice, countless systems have
taken a stand in the name of resistance.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical First Order has silenced
all communication between neighboring
systems. Fear is everywhere.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
has traveled to Mustafar, chasing
whispers of a HIDDEN POWER that
would allow him to destroy any
threat to his rule…

The Skywalker Saga:
I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX
This is the way.

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TestingOutTheTest said:

I feel like Palps’ reveal should remain in the crawl, this time putting a halt to TLJ’s theme of hope in the beginning of the movie.

The whole reason the crawl was changed was to remove the cheapening effect of having a major character return be announced via an opening crawl, and in terms of this edit it does not make sense to have it there.

The Skywalker Saga:
I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX
This is the way.

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I don’t see how it’s cheapening. If anything, it’s surprising because 1) Palps finally accomplished in his desire to cheat death, as hinted at in RotS 2) he’s space Satan 3) we were shown who he was and what he could do throughout the saga — he is the Dark Lord of the Sith who is a mastermind, an orchestrator, a liar and master manipulator willing to do whatever it takes to take over the galaxy, and now the heroes have to face the man who started it all.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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Not a fan of having him in the opening crawl personally.

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No gracias.

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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sherlockpotter said:

Fair point, Burbin; I think I may be conflating the theatrical crawl and the Ascendant crawl in my head. I’ve been pondering over this film so long, everything is becoming a blur haha.

I guess as-is is fine, then. Personally, I think I’d still rather have the change though. If he’s going after the hidden power because it would “allow him to destroy any threats,” that implies to me that he’s choosing a certain side; and I’d rather keep his motivations more ambiguous. But like I said, I guess it’s fine to leave it.

I think telling the audience Kylo is in need of more power to shut down the threat of rebellion is great to telegraph his shifted motivation being solely focused on the Sith fleet. His rule is under threat and he needs more resources, it makes Palpatine’s offer more enticing without telling us what side Kylo’s really on. And the fact he’s willing to gamble with the devil for it makes the growing uprising seem like a real threat.

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Burbin said:

sherlockpotter said:

Fair point, Burbin; I think I may be conflating the theatrical crawl and the Ascendant crawl in my head. I’ve been pondering over this film so long, everything is becoming a blur haha.

I guess as-is is fine, then. Personally, I think I’d still rather have the change though. If he’s going after the hidden power because it would “allow him to destroy any threats,” that implies to me that he’s choosing a certain side; and I’d rather keep his motivations more ambiguous. But like I said, I guess it’s fine to leave it.

I think telling the audience Kylo is in need of more power to shut down the threat of rebellion is great to telegraph his shifted motivation being solely focused on the Sith fleet. His rule is under threat and he needs more resources, it makes Palpatine’s offer more enticing without telling us what side Kylo’s really on. And the fact he’s willing to gamble with the devil for it makes the growing uprising seem like a real threat.

Again, I like what you’re going for; I just don’t think the film shows it in any meaningful capacity. Especially “He’s willing to gamble with the devil” - that would have been so cool! But as the film never really does much with the idea of Kylo double crossing Palpatine aside from one or two throwaway lines. There’s no scene where Rey wonders about Kylo’s loyalties, or where Kylo openly goes against orders…It’s all played very straight. He says he’ll help Palpatine, and then he tells Rey he won’t. How compelling. But the key is, none of it changes how Rey sees Kylo at all, or how the audience sees Kylo at all. So any potential nuance or intrigue is nullified.

For me, if we don’t say what he wants to do with this new power, I think it would be more compelling. The whole time, we’re wondering whether or not he’s working with Palpatine or against him. Is he planning on using Palpatine to control the galaxy? Is he going to stab Palps in the back? He says as much to Rey; but Palps told him to find Rey, so maybe he’s just saying that to lure her out! When he put away his lightsaber, was that him biding his time; or was he actually allying himself with Palps???

Or we could say “Kylo wants to destroy any threats to his power” in the crawl, and make it clear from Minute 1 that he’s going to try and overthrow Palpatine.

Ehhhh…

DZ-330 said:

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical First Order has silenced
all communication between neighboring
systems. Fear is everywhere.

I would say no to this too, unfortunately. I get it; but it makes it sound like this communication blackout is going to be a huge plot point in the film (much like in Trevorrow’s script); but…it just isn’t. I feel like it’s a case of being stuck in the weeds. There was concern that Poe should still feel like no one is joining the Resistance cause; so there has to be a reason why he hasn’t heard from anyone; so we need to claim that there’s a communications block…but then we’ll have to resolve that - like before - just by having Lando ring everyone in person.

I almost feel like introducing communications problems to the story is opening a whole new can of worms that we’ll have to then resolve somehow. I vote we just cut Poe’s one contradictory line and be done with it.

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I wouldn’t be specific on the crawl if there is a revision (but changing it to silencing from destroying is vague enough) to blatantly talk about communication issues since … nothing is stated in the movie nor any resolve to “fix” that issue … since it isn’t there. I’d take the simple route, but still vote removing Poe’s line about giving up since it doesn’t work with this edit’s direction.

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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sherlockpotter said:

Again, I like what you’re going for; I just don’t think the film shows it in any meaningful capacity. Especially “He’s willing to gamble with the devil” - that would have been so cool! But as the film never really does much with the idea of Kylo double crossing Palpatine aside from one or two throwaway lines. There’s no scene where Rey wonders about Kylo’s loyalties, or where Kylo openly goes against orders…It’s all played very straight. He says he’ll help Palpatine, and then he tells Rey he won’t. How compelling. But the key is, none of it changes how Rey sees Kylo at all, or how the audience sees Kylo at all. So any potential nuance or intrigue is nullified.

Oh yeah, in the theatrical version Palpatine just feels like a Snoke replacement so that Kylo regresses into “overturning his Master to take his place” mode like TLJ never happened and becoming the Supreme Leader meant nothing, him telling Rey he has “other plans” rings hollow.

But with these changes to the crawl, and removing his interest in “taking the thone”, the point of focus would now be on the conference scene where they talk about the how the fleet will turn the FO into a true Empire and increase their resources ten thousand fold. Since from the crawl we now know the FO is struggling with the growing uprising and Kylo’s looking to increase it’s power, we can now see this as Kylo’s main interest. He even says on that scene “prepare to crush any worlds that defy us”, so it’s not like this is something we’re completely making up, just giving it the focus it deserved.

And by removing Kylo’s interest in the throne, you remove his apparent allegiance to the Sith. I prefer the implication that he is just flat out against Palpatine’s plans and is just trying to use him (taking a gamble by confronting him and pretending to do his bidding). It feels more in line with the Kylo from TLJ, after all Palpatine is basically a symbol for resurrecting the past, the opposite of Kylo. That’s also why I really liked your change to Kylo’s line to Rey “we can stop Palpatine”, which aids in feeling like Kylo really has “other plans” of his own.

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I’m gonna be very picky about the crawl. I really like what we have already, aside from adjusting that one word. I don’t envision a total rewrite, and do not wish to introduce Palpatine in the crawl. Watching these platonically with no knowledge of marketing, that’s just silly to me. Might as well open with “Fuck it, somehow Palpatine returned.”

Well done. I will disengage self-destruct initiative.

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Hal 9000 said:

I’m gonna be very picky about the crawl. I really like what we have already, aside from adjusting that one word. I don’t envision a total rewrite, and do not wish to introduce Palpatine in the crawl. Watching these platonically with no knowledge of marketing, that’s just silly to me. Might as well open with “Fuck it, somehow Palpatine returned.”

I agree with that assessment, the crawl is fine just minus a word swap to help align better with the edit’s direction.

Lol, I would laugh at a crawl spoof edit that just contains that sentence. But has the same speed and timing of SW crawls. Lol.

Also side note about Kylo’s motivation, removing him wanting the throne to be simply “let’s stop palpatine” just helps clean things up, motivation wise without “Well, Kylo didn’t give a rat’s behind about Sith stuff … now he cares all of the sudden and Palps is just a Snoke replacement … or was Snoke a replacement for Palps? Meh, whatever. He’s just an underling again.” Hahah.

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”