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connecting the OT to the prequels (parody)

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STAR WARS: ORIGINAL TRILOGY REDUX

In order to tie together all six of the Star Wars films, creator George Lucas has decided to make further changes to the original trilogy. Using modern technology, Lucas has altered dialogue, inserted characters and drastically changed the tone of these classic films. Here’s a list of some of the changes planned for each episode:

EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE

A new opening crawl will be used…

It is a period of civil… War! The Seperatist
rebel alliance has achieved their first victory
against the Galactic Federation.

During the battle, the rebels managed to steal
the secret plans to the Geonosian Droid Control
Ship. 18 years in the making, this “Death Star”
has enough firepower to destroy a planet.

Meanwhile, Princess Leia Organa Amidala
Skywalker is heading towards her home planet of
Alderaan. While Luke Skywalker is busy fixing
broken moisture vaporators on Tatooine…

NEW SCENES and CHANGES to existing scenes:

CUT TO: Darth Vader on board his Star Destroyer pursuing the Tantive IV.
COMMANDER: Lord Vader, we have the rebel cruiser in our tractor beam.
VADER: Hey look it’s Tatooine! I grew up there you know.
COMMANDER: Yes my Lord.
VADER: Maybe if there’s time we can go down and kill some sand people.

CUT TO: The Tantive IV. Darth Vader enters.
VADER: Yippee! I love riding on a starship.
PRINCESS LEIA: Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold.
VADER: Wait. You look sort of familiar. In fact you're the spitting image of....
LEIA: I don't know what you're talking about.
VADER: I sense something. A closeness I’ve not felt since…

CUT TO: The droids land on Tatooine.
C3PO: What a desolate place this is.
R2: Bleep-beep!
3PO: What do you mean we’ve been here before?
R2: Beep!
3PO: I was created here? Oh my!

CUT TO: The Lars homesteaad. Owen Lars purchases some droids.
3PO: Hello, I am C…
OWEN: 3PO? What are you doing back here?
3PO: I beg your pardon sir but who are you?
OWEN: I’m Owen Lars. You lived with me for 10 years. Remember?
R2: Beep-bleep!
OWEN: What do you mean I haven’t aged well?

CUT TO: Owen talks to his nephew Luke Skywalker.
OWEN: Luke, take these two over to the garage. I want to have them cleaned up before dinner.
LUKE: But I was going in to Mos Espa to watch the pod races.
R2: Bleep-beep!
LUKE: I look just like… Anakin Skywalker? Who’s that?
OWEN: Oh shit! (shocked) And have the astro droid’s memory erased.

CUT TO: 3PO and R2 with Luke in the Lars garage.
THREEPIO: As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure which planet I'm on.
R2: Bleep-beep!
3PO: Tatooine?
LUKE: Yeah, he’s right. You’re really smart R2.
(A hologram of Princess Leia appears).
LEIA: (h.o). Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.
LUKE Who is she? She’s beautiful… but in a creepy kind of way.

CUT TO: Luke is having dinner with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
OWEN: That old man's just a crazy old wizard.
LUKE: Obi-Wan knew my Father?
OWEN: We told you before. You didn’t have a father.
BERU: I carried you, I gave birth to you. I can’t explain what happened.
LUKE: (stunnned) What?
BERU: (starts laughing) Just kidding.
OWEN: Yeah, (laughs). A virgin birth? Imagine something so silly.

CUT TO: Luke is attacked by sand people. Obi-Wan rescues him. He sees R2-D2 hiding.
BEN: Hello there! Come here my little friend.
R2: Bleep-beep!
BEN: (shocked) R2-D2? I can’t believe it. Long time no see.
R2: Beep!
BEN: What do you mean I haven’t aged well?

CUT TO: Luke talks with Obi-Wan.
LUKE: I guess the droid does belong to you.
BEN: I don’t seem to remember ever owning a droid.
R2: Beep-bleep!
LUKE: He's wondering if someone had your memory erased too.
BEN: No, it’s just old age.
LUKE: We better get out of here before more sand people arrive.
OBI-WAN: Sand people? I thought your father killed them off 30 years ago.

CUT TO: Obi-Wan’s home. He and Luke talk.
LUKE: No, my father didn't fight in the wars. He was a navigator on a spice freighter.
BEN: That's what your uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals. Thought he should have stayed here and not gotten
involved.
(Qui Gon Jinn’s voice is heard)
QUI GON: (v.o.) That’s not exactly true Obi-Wan.
LUKE: Who’s that?
BEN: Oh, it’s just my former Master. Pay him no mind. If you ignore him he’ll go away.
LUKE: You fought in the Clone Wars?
BEN: Yes, I was once a Jedi Knight the same as your father.
R2: Bleep-beep!
LUKE: You fought in the clone wars too R2?
BEN: And so did 3PO.
LUKE: I wish I’d known him.
BEN: He was the best pod racer in the galaxy, and quite the ladies man. Which reminds me, I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it.
QUI GON: (v.o.) That’s not true either.
BEN: Quiet!
LUKE: How did my father die?
BEN: A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi
Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the Jedi are all but extinct.
QUI-GON: (coughs) Bull shit.
LUKE: Huh?
BEN: Forget about it. Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force.
LUKE: What’s the Force?
BEN: The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by a microscopic lifeform called midichlorians.
LUKE: I don't understand.
BEN: Midichlorians reside within all living cells and we are in symbionts with them. Without the midichlorians life could not exist. When you quiet your mind you’ll hear them...
(Luke has fallen asleep).

CUT TO: Obi-Wan decides to play R2’s taped message.
BEN: Now, let's see if we can't figure out what you are, my little friend. And where you come from.
QUI-GON: (v.o.) Obi-Wan, you know what he is and where he comes from.
BEN: Shhhh.
LEIA: (on hologram) General Kenobi, years ago you kind of served my father Jimmy Smits in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him. The taxation of trade routes along the Alderaan system are in dispute.
LUKE: The what?
LEIA: Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.
LUKE: Man, she’s hot!
BEN: Be mindful of your thoughts Luke, they betray you.
QUI-GON: (v.o) Tell him about the Jedi “no nookie” rule. Especially with one’s sister.
BEN: You must learn the ways of the Force.
LUKE I don’t know. That midichlorian shit gives me a headache.

CUT TO: The Death Star. The military commanders meet with Governor Tarkin and Darth Vader.
COMMANDER: This battle station is now the ultimate power in the universe. The Geonosians were good for something.
VADER: The biggest problem in the universe is that no one cares for each other.
TARKIN: We will soon crush the rebellion with one swift stroke.
VADER: I miss Padme.
COMMANDER: Your sad devotion to that ancient love affair is pathetic Lord Vader.
VADER: (starts crying) I hate you!

CUT TO: The Death Star detention corridor where the princess is being held. Darth Vader enters.
VADER: Are you an angel?
LEIA: The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this.
VADER: I don’t like the sand. It’s coarse and irritating and it gets everywhere.
LEIA: What?
VADER: From the moment I met you a minute hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now
that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. I can't breathe. You are in my v
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brilliant. i laughed alot reading this.
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ROTFL! that's priceless! some of those ironic jokes really hit the nail on the head, so it's even sad to see, how pathetic and pitful the Star Wars become...

[Peg Bundy's voice]Gee, thanks George![/Peg Bundy's voice]
I saw the original theatrical release of the Old Trilogy on the big screen and I'm proud of it...
How did I accomplish that (considering my age) is my secret...
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George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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That was brilliant, hillarious stuff! I can't stop laughing and I've got to read it again. Now if only we could get George to do the opposite and fix the prequels to fit with the original trilogy!

George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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Ha ha! My favorite lines were:

VADER: Hey look it’s Tatooine! I grew up there you know.
COMMANDER: Yes my Lord.
VADER: Maybe if there’s time we can go down and kill some sand people.

LEIA: (on hologram) General Kenobi, years ago you kind of served my father Jimmy Smits in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him. The taxation of trade routes along the Alderaan system are in dispute.

COMMANDER: This battle station is now the ultimate power in the universe. The Geonosians were good for something.

YODA: Ah, your father. Whiny Jedi was he, whiny Jedi….
LUKE: (pissed) I don’t know what I’m doing here. We’re wasting our time.
YODA: Hmmm. Much anger in him, like his father.
BEN'S VOICE: Was I any different when you taught me?
YODA: (pauses) Yes. You were, actually. No anger in you, Obi-Wan.
BEN’S VOICE: Come on. I was slightly agitated.
YODA: No. I think not.
LUKE: I can be a Jedi. Ben, tell him I'm ready.
YODA: You are reckless!
BEN'S VOICE: So was I, if you'll remember.
YODA: Hmmm. Again, I don’t think so. Incompetent, maybe. Reckless, no.

OBI-WAN: Yoda, you’re pretty good with a lighstaber. Maybe you could help Luke defeat Vader.
YODA: Hmmm… That was CGI Yoda. Puppet Yoda can only move ships.
(Luke leaves)

COMMANDER: Lord Vader, we were beginning to wonder if you were coming.
VADER: Oh you know Commander, I couldn’t find a shuttle I really liked. One with a roomy cockpit, the right color and speed capabilities.
COMMANDER: Completion of the "Geonosian Death Star II" is almost done.
VADER: Good commander. Remember to close up the exhaust port this time.

EMPEROR: You have done well, Lord Vader. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.
VADER: Actually. I was hoping to track down Princess Leia.
EMPEROR: She’s your daughter.
VADER: What? How could I not have known this.
EMPEROR: Because you’re an idiot.

LEIA: I know. Somehow...I've always known.
LUKE: Even when you kissed me?
OBI-WAN: (v.o.) Oh, I need a drink.
YODA: (v.o.) OK, enough backstory. Go kill the Emperor, you must.

And "Darth Vader the Wise"- that was hilarious!!


Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

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You know i think i heard this before.

You stole this, didn't you???
"A Jedi can feel the force flow through him".
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Quote

Originally posted by: JennyS1138
A filmmaker named George Lucas, who was a pupil of mine before he turned to evil, helped 20th century fox hunt down and destroy the original original trilogy. He betrayed and murdered the movies. Now the original prints are all but extinct. Lucas was seduced by cgi.





originaltrilogy.com Moderator

Listen, it don’t really matter to me baby. You believe what you want to believe.

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I've only read ANH. Some funny stuff there. I love the Qui-Gon bickering.

"whiney Jedi was he" ^_^

Though the line should be

QUI-GON: I’m hurt Obi-Wan.
BEN: Sorry. I meant you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed Count Dooku, who instructed Qui-Gon Jinn… who instructed me…
QUI-GON: Now, that’s better.

Great stuff, though Vader's a tad hit or miss.


Made for IE Forum's Episode III theme month - May 2005.

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Originally posted by: Klingon_Jedi
I've only read ANH. Some funny stuff there. I love the Qui-Gon bickering.

"whiney Jedi was he" ^_^

Though the line should be

QUI-GON: I’m hurt Obi-Wan.
BEN: Sorry. I meant you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed Count Dooku, who instructed Qui-Gon Jinn… who instructed me…
QUI-GON: Now, that’s better.

Great stuff, though Vader's a tad hit or miss.


Thanks for all the positive feedback. I forgot about Count Dooku training Qui Gon. I should have put that in there.
Yeah, Vader kind of has multiple personalities now.
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LOL! great work jawaewokgungan! great work

Quote

Originally posted by: JennyS1138

A filmmaker named George Lucas, who was a pupil of mine before he turned to evil, helped 20th century fox hunt down and destroy the original original trilogy. He betrayed and murdered the movies. Now the original prints are all but extinct. Lucas was seduced by cgi.



LMFAO!!!!




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that is so great. i was laughing like the whole time but im one day too late for that link