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a new hope, adding visual effects, emotion and more character (a WIP) — Page 3


triadne said:

that is weird. it asked me to rate it and I rated it for everyone.
can you not view them at all?

and while I’m here,

New crawl. I struggle to read the original, I have a type of dyslexia and the way it’s written is strange and confusing.


It is a period of civil war.
Rebels have won their first
major victory against the
evil Galactic Empire; their
spies have managed to
steal secret plans to the
Empire’s ultimate weapon.

a massive armored space
station will have enough
power to destroy an entire

Pursued by the Empire,
Princess Leia races home
aboard her starship,
confident that these stolen
plans can save her people
and restore freedom to
the galaxy…

The new crawl is nice, but how is the original crawl weird?



it’s phrased weird. it uses uncommon words/terms and odd sentence structure, featuring callbacks and parallel descriptors. It’s like statements nested within statements, in reverse. I’m sensitive to it because of my learning disability. it takes me 3 times as long as most people to read this type of prose, whereas more standard types, I can read twice as fast as the average person.

My fan edits : https://ifdb.fanedit.org/fanedit-search/tag/faneditorname/tremault/?criteria=2