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What do you want to happen in the the rest of the ST? — Page 9

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DuracellEnergizer said:

yhwx said:

Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?

He’s been dissuaded from posting there due to the lack of active participation.

Of course, refusing to actively participate does nothing to correct the state of affairs.

All irrelevant. I can post pictures of alligators until someone buys me one, but that doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.

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TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

yhwx said:

Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?

He’s been dissuaded from posting there due to the lack of active participation.

Of course, refusing to actively participate does nothing to correct the state of affairs.

All irrelevant. I can post pictures of alligators until someone buys me one, but that doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.

You can just ignore me genius. I’d like to ignore you too.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

yhwx said:

Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?

He’s been dissuaded from posting there due to the lack of active participation.

Of course, refusing to actively participate does nothing to correct the state of affairs.

All irrelevant. I can post pictures of alligators until someone buys me one, but that doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.

You can just ignore me genius. I’d like to ignore you too.

If only there were a button for that. . . .

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

yhwx said:

Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?

He’s been dissuaded from posting there due to the lack of active participation.

Of course, refusing to actively participate does nothing to correct the state of affairs.

All irrelevant. I can post pictures of alligators until someone buys me one, but that doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.

You can just ignore me genius. I’d like to ignore you too.

Sounds like someone would like to look at some alligator pictures.

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I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

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You’re better off publishing it to a fanfiction site if you want a serious evaluation. You sure as hell aren’t gonna get one from Frink.

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Can someone collect all the post together? I could probably give a 1-10 score.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

Not enough people read the EU.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

I’m sorry to break this to you, but I simply don’t care about fanfiction at all, and the point of this thread is not to spam it with yours. Fanfiction belongs in the other subforum, and you can’t make people care about it if they aren’t interested.

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Is this fan fiction?

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 (Edited)

Episode VII

The Fiery Fall of Kylo Ren and his Knight Battle

Kylo Ren: If only I had

out of ideas, come to this section later

Rey kneeled down and choked on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

Kylo Ren: Now you know the power of dark side!

Kylo Ren smiled as Rey took off her robes, only for Luke to pop up from them.

Luke Skywalker: Why Ben, why? Why did you go to dark Sid?

Kylo Ben: DARK SID IS WAY COOLER YOU TWAT

epic lightsaber battle ensues

Luke strikes but is has win

Kylo Ren: nooo why

Luke Skywalker: This is what you get for killing Han Solo (OMG I STILL DONT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY KILELD HAN D: 1 like 1 respect for han)

Shivered Kylo Ren cried on the floor like a baby

Luke takes a sip from Kylo Ren’s foutain and becomes young again

Luke: So, Rey, how about we go to Coruscant?

Luke grabbed Rey and they ran away on in a in Millenia Fall

Snoke: But you dont not winning (dun dun dun!!!)

roll credits

Type your criticism BUT IF YOUR’RE A HEATER THEN DONT’T WRITE NOTHING ITS MY STZORY I YO DONT LIKE DONT READ! Constructive criticism Compliments only plox 😉 :^* :^* :^* :^* □

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HansiG said:

Episode VII

The Fiery Fall of Kylo Ren and his Knight Battle

Kylo Ren: If only I had

out of ideas, come to this section later

Rey kneeled down and choked on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

Kylo Ren: Now you know the power of dark side!

Kylo Ren smiled as Rey took off her robes, only for Luke to pop up from them.

Luke Skywalker: Why Ben, why? Why did you go to dark Sid?

Kylo Ben: DARK SID IS WAY COOLER YOU TWAT

epic lightsaber battle ensues

Luke strikes but is has win

Kylo Ren: nooo why

Luke Skywalker: This is what you get for killing Han Solo (OMG I STILL DONT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY KILELD HAN D: 1 like 1 respect for han)

Shivered Kylo Ren cried on the floor like a baby

Luke takes a sip from Kylo Ren’s foutain and becomes young again

Luke: So, Rey, how about we go to Coruscant?

Luke grabbed Rey and they ran away on in a in Millenia Fall

Snoke: But you dont not winning (dun dun dun!!!)

roll credits

Type your criticism BUT IF YOUR’RE A HEATER THEN DONT’T WRITE NOTHING ITS MY STZORY I YO DONT LIKE DONT READ! Constructive criticism Compliments only plox 😉 :^* :^* :^* :^* □

I liked when it ended.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

HansiG said:

Episode VII

The Fiery Fall of Kylo Ren and his Knight Battle

Kylo Ren: If only I had

out of ideas, come to this section later

Rey kneeled down and choked on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

Kylo Ren: Now you know the power of dark side!

Kylo Ren smiled as Rey took off her robes, only for Luke to pop up from them.

Luke Skywalker: Why Ben, why? Why did you go to dark Sid?

Kylo Ben: DARK SID IS WAY COOLER YOU TWAT

epic lightsaber battle ensues

Luke strikes but is has win

Kylo Ren: nooo why

Luke Skywalker: This is what you get for killing Han Solo (OMG I STILL DONT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY KILELD HAN D: 1 like 1 respect for han)

Shivered Kylo Ren cried on the floor like a baby

Luke takes a sip from Kylo Ren’s foutain and becomes young again

Luke: So, Rey, how about we go to Coruscant?

Luke grabbed Rey and they ran away on in a in Millenia Fall

Snoke: But you dont not winning (dun dun dun!!!)

roll credits

Type your criticism BUT IF YOUR’RE A HEATER THEN DONT’T WRITE NOTHING ITS MY STZORY I YO DONT LIKE DONT READ! Constructive criticism Compliments only plox 😉 :^* :^* :^* :^* □

I liked when it ended.

And now you know how we feel.

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TV’s Frink said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

HansiG said:

Episode VII

The Fiery Fall of Kylo Ren and his Knight Battle

Kylo Ren: If only I had

out of ideas, come to this section later

Rey kneeled down and choked on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

Kylo Ren: Now you know the power of dark side!

Kylo Ren smiled as Rey took off her robes, only for Luke to pop up from them.

Luke Skywalker: Why Ben, why? Why did you go to dark Sid?

Kylo Ben: DARK SID IS WAY COOLER YOU TWAT

epic lightsaber battle ensues

Luke strikes but is has win

Kylo Ren: nooo why

Luke Skywalker: This is what you get for killing Han Solo (OMG I STILL DONT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY KILELD HAN D: 1 like 1 respect for han)

Shivered Kylo Ren cried on the floor like a baby

Luke takes a sip from Kylo Ren’s foutain and becomes young again

Luke: So, Rey, how about we go to Coruscant?

Luke grabbed Rey and they ran away on in a in Millenia Fall

Snoke: But you dont not winning (dun dun dun!!!)

roll credits

Type your criticism BUT IF YOUR’RE A HEATER THEN DONT’T WRITE NOTHING ITS MY STZORY I YO DONT LIKE DONT READ! Constructive criticism Compliments only plox 😉 :^* :^* :^* :^* □

I liked when it ended.

And now you know how we feel.

Except that it doesn’t end.

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LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

ALLIGATOR PICTURES IMMINENT

Seriously, this thread is not for feedback on your fanfiction. Why is this so hard to understand?

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

No, he doesn’t.

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Time

One thing that i just thought of that i would like to see in the ST:

Explore what role Jedi should play in the world.

In the OT, Jedi were just relics of the past, so this wasn’t really explored much, and even in ROTJ Luke only was in partial jedi master mode.

In the PT, Jedi were very bureaucratic / whatever you want to call it.

In the ST, ??. Will they be outside / above the law? will they be like Samurai? Will they manipulate world/universe events from the shadows?

I would like to see this explored.

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TV’s Frink said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

ALLIGATOR PICTURES IMMINENT

Seriously, this thread is not for feedback on your fanfiction. Why is this so hard to understand?

My email is bullshit that doesn’t notify me. Bring them on, and I’ll report you anyway.

Look at the title! This is completely on-topic! In three or more pages, barely has a guy posted his idea for the ST, so unless somebody else starts doing what I’m doing, It’s going to be this way, sorry.

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yhwx said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

No, he doesn’t.

Mace Windu death scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cXjT6Dg4E68

In actuality, Palpatine screams out this:

PALPATINE
POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!

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 (Edited)

This thread is called what do you want to happen not how you want it to happen. Just list the main plot points of your script here and the whole thing in the proper subforum. I know it’s not frequented that much, but that’s probably because most people don’t want to read the walls of text that such stories usually are. Forcing these walls of text on us here is highly annoying.

Ceci n’est pas une signature.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

yhwx said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

LuckyGungan2001 said:

BillionaireHobo287 said:

I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.

My consensus:

Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.

How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:

PALPATINE
POWER!

It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?

No, he doesn’t.

Mace Windu death scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cXjT6Dg4E68

In actuality, Palpatine screams out this:

PALPATINE
POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!

I meant he doesn’t pull it off well.

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Time
 (Edited)

Frank your Majesty said:

This thread is called what do you want to happen not how you want it to happen. Just list the main plot points of your script here and the whole thing in the proper subforum. I know it’s not frequented that much, but that’s probably because most people don’t want to read the walls of text that such stories usually are. Forcing these walls of text on us here is highly annoying.

Same thing. I actually already did that though. Sorry. If somebody critiques my third draft (which I’ve edited to hell) and tells me how to improve my writing, I will never post stories here again, and this will all be in the “proper” subforum. Since Frink is the only one who posted in Script Writing and Rewriting, I’m afraid the torment will never stop lol. Nah, I’ll just make a new thread.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

Look at the title! This is completely on-topic! In three or more pages, barely has a guy posted his idea for the ST, so unless somebody else starts doing what I’m doing, It’s going to be this way, sorry.

yeah, look at the post above this rant. I TRIED to bring this back on topic. if we were voting, i would vote you don’t post any more scripts in this thread. we are not voting.

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BillionaireHobo287 said:

Frank your Majesty said:

This thread is called what do you want to happen not how you want it to happen. Just list the main plot points of your script here and the whole thing in the proper subforum. I know it’s not frequented that much, but that’s probably because most people don’t want to read the walls of text that such stories usually are. Forcing these walls of text on us here is highly annoying.

Same thing. I actually already did that though. Sorry. If somebody critiques my third draft (which I’ve edited to hell) and tells me how to improve my writing, I will never post stories here again

This is like my daughters promising to go to bed if I give them a second dessert.