The thread for the serious discussion that started in the "Am I a Bully?" thread. — Page 4

        Once in a while, I'd have a kid try to start in on me. I had a simple formula for dealing with it.

        Show no fear, show no hostility, show no desire to engage at all, try not to speak. I'd look at him sideways and shake my head in a little "I'm really not up for being messed with" gesture and seek to walk off. In my experience, bullies have no idea what to do with that.

        For stuff that doesn't involve a trip to the ER, kids really do need to learn how to cope.

        And kids need to learn that they should avoid engaging others in a way that might provoke bullying attention. There are "bullies", and there are kids who might engage in "bully" behavior if annoyed. There is no excuse for that, but it is understandable and in many cases avoidable.

FAlSe fLAg

I was just throwing ideas out there that I thought would work.

I was not saying it should happening I was just trying to move this thread in the direction of looking for solutions to the problem, I was not saying that these are the solution to the problem, just that they are one of the things we could do to stamp out the problem. 

I really don't think talking reporting the bullies or teach them will help.  The bullies I have met have always known they are not allowed to do what they do, that is why they stop when the adults show up, and they don't care about being put in time out or whatever teachers are allowed to do to them.

Sadly I think the only thing that would have stopped the bullies I knew when I was growing up would be a completely change of the culture combined with strict and harsh punishments that make an example of the bullies to other kids so they will be too scared to become bullies themselves. Still as others have said it may not be worth it.

moviefreakedmind said:

I also think that to an extent bullies are a part of life. You can't tell a teacher if someone in the real world is being a dick to you, although I guess you could if it were in the workplace. I remember a news story a while back that had everyone on youtube up in arms because a boy was being made fun for having a My Little Pony backpack and the principal suggested not wearing it. When you are going to school with a bunch of 13 year old kids and you wear a My Little Pony backpack then be prepared to get a bunch of smart ass comments thrown your way. Obviously if someone were actually harassing him or hurting him then that's a different story, but teachers can't stop kids from being 'mean' to each other.

 Yeah in my dad it was understood that was part of growing up.  So you either had to stop caring what other people said about you or stop doing stuff that got you made fun of.  It's not perfect but then life isn't perfect and we understood that.

DrCrowTStarwars said:

 Yeah in my dad it was understood that was part of growing up. 

 Do what now?

reposted from Politics Thread

Warbler said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

You don’t have to laugh it off, you just have to find a way to deal with it that works for you.

Some of us just can’t seem to find a way that works for us.

Warbler said:

ferris209 said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

Jetrell Fo said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

The sad thing about this is that some of those who were so badly bullied are now even worse bullies themselves because they could not or would not break the cycle. I got bullied myself when I was younger and I do try to NOT wreak the same havoc on others but that does not stop them from wreaking said havoc on others.

For a while we had a bit of a bully climate from some here … I’m glad to see that it is slowly changing towards the better recently.

I was bullied for a time when I was school, had an adolescent weight problem. It turned out to really mold me into a better person, I believe. I ended up in a few fights around the 7th-8th grades and by the 9th, I had respect from everyone, not respect by fear, but a respect by being stand up and never backing down. I ended up using this reputation to lift up people and protect others. It ended up being a career, I particularly enjoyed turning the tables on bullies as a cop. I once caught some teens bullying a poor kid and I proceeded to dress them down in almost drill sergeant fashion and they were so scared of me they couldn’t do anything about it. One later approached me and thanked me, made him “see the light” so to speak.

whenever I tried to stand up for myself, I always ended up making a fool of myself. It never worked.

Warbler said:

moviefreakedmind said:

When I was about 12 I put a stop to some punk who was harassing me by punching him in the fact as hard as I possibly could. I always felt bad about it because I think it may have been a bit overkill but I never had a problem with bullies again.

I tried that. I always ended up missing with my punches and/or getting beat up.

moviefreakedmind said:

Warbler said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

You don’t have to laugh it off, you just have to find a way to deal with it that works for you.

Some of us just can’t seem to find a way that works for us.

I know, but it’s the only thing you can do.

But what I am trying to say is that some of us can’t even do that.

ferris209 said:

Warbler said:

ferris209 said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

Jetrell Fo said:

Warbler said:

when you have a history of being bullied, it becomes harder to just laugh it off when someone insults you.

The sad thing about this is that some of those who were so badly bullied are now even worse bullies themselves because they could not or would not break the cycle. I got bullied myself when I was younger and I do try to NOT wreak the same havoc on others but that does not stop them from wreaking said havoc on others.

For a while we had a bit of a bully climate from some here … I’m glad to see that it is slowly changing towards the better recently.

I was bullied for a time when I was school, had an adolescent weight problem. It turned out to really mold me into a better person, I believe. I ended up in a few fights around the 7th-8th grades and by the 9th, I had respect from everyone, not respect by fear, but a respect by being stand up and never backing down. I ended up using this reputation to lift up people and protect others. It ended up being a career, I particularly enjoyed turning the tables on bullies as a cop. I once caught some teens bullying a poor kid and I proceeded to dress them down in almost drill sergeant fashion and they were so scared of me they couldn’t do anything about it. One later approached me and thanked me, made him “see the light” so to speak.

whenever I tried to stand up for myself, I always ended up making a fool of myself. It never worked.

Don’t let it bother you, some folks are just more adept at confrontation than others. You’re a good big hearted guy who is naturally gentle, so it would be hard for you. I wished I’d known you back then, I think we’re about the same age, other than living in two totally different worlds (Texas vs. New Jersey) we grew up in sort of the same era. I’m 37 now, btw. Being the 7th generation Texan and a 2nd generation Cop, it kinda came natural for me to be a scrapper and to have an iron will against any form of tyranny, even the miniature tyrants that are bullies.

I’m a few very years older than you, but we grew up in the same era. It might have helped if you were there.

if so then some of us have no solution.