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The Rise of Skywalker: Untold (WIP) — Page 2

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Raditz, I am trying to expand on Poe a bit more during the Kijimi section; but I like your idea about making it more explicit elsewhere too! I think there’s definitely room for having him be an inspirational figure elsewhere as well.

And Arabian, those are all definitely valid points. It kind of makes me reconsider that shot of him staring at the Starkiller beam firing, like maybe he’s feeling a bit regretful about everything behind that mask. I just don’t know if he needs a romantic arc in order to be redeemed; but I’ll keep mulling it over in the back of my mind. I really appreciate hearing another perspective on that part of the story, thank you!

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wow, looking forward to see what new innovative and novels you put into action Sherlock!

At some point (i dont know when) perhaps I’ll revive my own thread as I’ve sort of changed directions but I’m working on new/more battle shots in exegol, they’re extremely ambitious but perhaps they may benefit your edit too.

In terms of your edit, I really like the idea of palpatine’s peptalk to his followers and the sith eternal fleet is getting ready to take off. Would love to see/hear more of how you envision that part. While I’ve always spent alot of my daydreaming, thinking about showing diff parts of the galaxy gearing up to go join lando at the rendevous, your idea is the exact parallel from the villain’s pov. fascinating. wishing you all the best of luck in this.

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EddieDean said:

Finally read through this, it sounds fantastic. Thoughts:

  • Not important at all, but is Exegol supposed to be Moraband/Korriban? Wookiepedia doesn’t seem to make that link.
  • I love the idea of using Kijimi to enhance the Luke’s inspiration subplot. Some new background voice chatter should be helpful there, like the finale’s "For Skywalker!"s. It’d be great to get graffiti, as people have suggested, maybe even explicitly showing Luke’s face or a stylised version of his facedown on Crait.
  • The only change I’d prefer to avoid would be that I’d rather keep the Palpatine reveal early, so it hangs over the movie for longer.
  • Well, that and maybe preserving Rey claiming the Skywalker legacy at the end. I think it makes sense for her to declare the identity that she’s worked so hard for.

This next thought might not quote belong here, but shifting the improved Mustafar Minute to the end of TLJ might do us some good. Ending TLJ with Rey shutting out Kylo, then the radio/whispers of ‘find me’ followed by Kylo raiding Mustafar and finding the Dark Power (unidentified) on Exegol means that offscreen time can be spent with the First Order collaborating with Palpatine to enhance their fleet. It would also parallel TFA nicely: TFA has the coda where Rey leaves the main plot to find her hope, and TLJ would have the code where Kylo Ren leaves the main plot to pursue a new power.

Thanks, Eddie! I really appreciate your insights, especially given your experience with your awesome Clone Wars edits!

Moraband, Korriban…not sure. I was mainly going off of Clone Wars since I just watched those episodes recently. It’s just kinda weird to me that they’d create another “Sith Planet” just for this film (like geez, how many do they need?), so I wanted to try untangling that knot a bit. I suppose, for what I was planning, it doesn’t really matter what the true Sith Planet is. (I was going to use one of those 3PO AI bots, so I guess whether or not it’s even included depends on how good it sounds.)

Graffiti on Kijimi would be awesome to add, but I don’t know how to 3D track elements into the film. If anyone wants to lend a hand with that, I would love to include it!

For Palpatine, I’d rather not go back to TLJ; my goal is to minimize him, not spread him out over more of the trilogy! I know, it’s a pretty radical plot change; maybe it won’t work in practice, but I promise, it’s really cool in my head! The way I envision it, basically, is that Palpatine feels less like his own character, and more like the symbolic manifestation of the darkness building within Rey. (It’s kind of like…you know in the Narnia films, how the White Witch keeps coming back to tempt the Pevensies? She’s in those sequels more for character reasons than plot reasons, and that’s how I want to treat the Palpster.) The Sith Fleet is the in-universe excuse for bringing him back, not the metatextual reason for why he adds value to the story.

I want the showdown with him to feel very personal for Rey, rather than Rey fighting him by default because she’s the only character with a lightsaber. And that’s why I’m going to such lengths to remove him from as much of the story as possible - because it should be Rey’s story. He never tried to kidnap her as a child, he didn’t have some grand plan to lure her to Exegol - she goes to Exegol to face her own demons. Palpatine’s plan is solely about launching the Sith Fleet, not about Rey. And if it’s so straightforward, I don’t think we need to dwell on it beyond that. (Ironically, by making the mechanics of his plot more surface-level, I’m trying to add a lot of symbolic/abstract depth to the characters.)

Again, it works in my head. We’ll find out (if I ever finish this) if it works in practice!

For Rey Skywalker, I think I less hate the actual declaration (especially with the different shot used in Ascendant), and more so just how clunky and awkward the setup is with “Rey WhooooOOOOOooo???” (I wonder if there’s a way to introduce “Rey Skywalker” more organically? Luke says “Never forget who you are.” Rey: “I’m a Jedi - Rey Skywalker.” Something like that.) Although part of me also thinks she shouldn’t have to declare herself a “Skywalker” in order to have value as a person. She should learn to accept that being a Nobody isn’t a bad thing - she can still be a good person and accomplish great things without being part of a legacy.

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 (Edited)

Outside the parameters of this edit, I think something that would help make Kylo more sympathetic (and more palatable as a romantic interest) would be to clarify his motivation for joining the dark side earlier in the trilogy. Maybe when he speaks to Vader’s helmet, he could see a Vader-centric vision that illustrates the Jedi as bad for the galaxy, and he could hear/see stuff from the films.

Palpatine: If the Jedi are not all destroyed, it will be civil war without end.
Vader: Bring order to the galaxy!

And then, once he realizes Palpatine has been manipulating him all of this time in TROS, we can see Kylo’s worldview begin to crumble, and struggling with the sunk cost fallacy regarding his actions. He could tell Rey that, “Palpatine lied to [him]”, but he still is holding on to his vision of a new order. Such a line might be craftable for TROS (“It was Palpatine”, “I never lied to you”, “Show me”).

Anyway, that’s beyond the scope of Sherlock’s idea, (maybe you could put such a vision when Kylo is connecting with the helmet before he finds Exegol, like he is using the visions to help him find the Wayfinder’s location. And it would make more sense for to connect with the helmet before he reallizes Palpatine has been using it to manipulate him) but I am interested in seeing what Sherlock has in mind for Kylo’s motivations in general.

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sherlockpotter said:

For Rey Skywalker, I think I less hate the actual declaration (especially with the different shot used in Ascendant), and more so just how clunky and awkward the setup is with “Rey WhooooOOOOOooo???” (I wonder if there’s a way to introduce “Rey Skywalker” more organically?

My own concept for this is:

Old Woman: There’s been nobody for so long. Who are you?
(Music swells, Rey stares at Force Ghosts)
Rey: Rey Skywalker.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Thanks for the reply! I’m all about Poe being a more inspirational figure in his own right.

I was reading the thread for Jar Jar Bricks’ Novel edit for TROS, and it made me wonder if, so long as you’re giving Kylo new dialogue, could you make it clear that the body Palpatine is in is a clone & not his original form miraculously surviving the explosion of Death Star II?

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Yeah, Poe is great in TFA, has a great character arc in TLJ and then just WHAAAA in TROS, so fixing that mess in this would be VERY welcome.

I also really like the idea of this: Restructure Jannah’s scene with Finn slightly to imply that Finn’s story is what inspired her and her friends to leave the First Order. (Not only does this add some sense of payoff to Finn’s origins, but it also ties back in with the lessons about “inspirational heroes” that Finn and Rose shared in TLJ.)

Because I ADORED Finn’s arc in TLJ and this gives resonance to his overall story in the trilogy in a way that TROS doesn’t like AT ALL.

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I love all of the ideas here! I hope this comes to fruition someday soon. It will definitely be my definitive version for this movie.

Although, I will say, I kind of enjoy the cabbie’s “OKAY!” It just makes me laugh. Lol.

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I can’t help but feeling like calling this edit “Untold” implies you’re gonna be revealing more information to the viewer than the canon cut, leaving me scratching my head at the removal of Rey’s parentage. You sure you don’t want a different subtitle?

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Anakin Starkiller said:

I can’t help but feeling like calling this edit “Untold” implies you’re gonna be revealing more information to the viewer than the canon cut, leaving me scratching my head at the removal of Rey’s parentage. You sure you don’t want a different subtitle?

“Untold” simply means a story that hasn’t previously been told. This version of TROS hasn’t been told yet. The amount of information present is irrelevant; I could do a one-page adaptation of Dracula and it would still be a previously untold version of the story.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars

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Trust me, I went back and forth on the name a lot! Still probably only about 75% convinced on it, honestly. But I like that there was sort of a double meaning, in my mind - I’m trying to “un-tell” the original story and remove the retcons, while also, as Cap said, telling my own version.

And it’s not just removing Rey’s parentage - it’s replacing that element with a new arc that focuses on her tipping towards the Dark Side. Plus new stuff to flesh out Kylo, exploring more of the wider galaxy, some new sequences, etc.

Nice, simple re-edit lol.

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Hope you’re still working on this, even if it’s just little by little everyday. Your edit sounds very transformative & worth the watch.