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The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (WIP) — Page 3

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

CaptainFaraday said:

Also it clears the way for StormPilot, which should obviously be endgame.

I wouldn’t entirely be opposed to suggesting something like this at the end. But I definitely wouldn’t want to draw too much attention to it or else it would feel to much like a fan fiction.

Hold up, this entire project is a fan fiction shipping lmao. Oh well, I’ll just have to see what feels natural in the end.

If you can pull it off, I reckon it would actually be really cool. I knew they weren’t going to go that way in the movie but I was still disappointed when they didn’t.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

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If you read chapter 3 I tried to include it a little bit. Like I had Finn wink at Poe when they’re joking about how Chewie was “obviously” cheating.

Think I’ll just do more subtle stuff like that and if it works out I can address it in the victory celebration.

The biggest hurdle there would probably be Zorri, but even so that’s not too big of a deal because she clearly hates Poe anyways.

Exsqueeze me.

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If it’s straightforward then I probably wouldn’t see the harm in trying.

Even if it doesn’t pan out in the victory celebration (something more overt) at least the clues would be all throughout the text itself.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Luke in ESB wants to take down Vader because he supposedly killed his father. So he becomes a Jedi because he feels like he is doing his father proud. All of that is completely shattered when the truth is revealed to him.

Really? I thought it was because Vader was the bad guy and was putting Han and Leia in danger.

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TestingOutTheTest said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Luke in ESB wants to take down Vader because he supposedly killed his father. So he becomes a Jedi because he feels like he is doing his father proud. All of that is completely shattered when the truth is revealed to him.

Really? I thought it was because Vader was the bad guy and was putting Han and Leia in danger.

Yeah he definitely went there primarily to save his friends. But notice how eager he was to fight Vader. It’s like he completely forgot about what he was there to actually do. There’s definitely a grudge there.

Anyways, this conversation isn’t as relevant to everything else I’m doing here.

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Chapter 4 Changelog:

  • General streamlining and cleanup
  • Palpatine’s message is played for the Resistance. They don’t know who is speaking in it until Poe clarifies that Kylo Ren found it originated with Palpatine.
  • Rae Carson completely messed up the paragraph on Anakin/Palpatine. Palpatine lied about learning the secret to cheating death from his master. He later tells Anakin that together they can discover the secret, so clearly he didn’t know it at the time of ROTS.
  • Restored the briefing scene to its theatrical length (no cam recordings of Star Destroyers rising)
  • Inserted some references to Rey relying too much on proving herself to others
  • Leia doesn’t imply that Ben is going to become a Sith. Instead, she realizes that he is likely trying to do his own thing with the First Order.
  • Rey considers that maybe Maz had been wrong about her calling since Luke’s lightsaber is resisting her
  • Rey worries that she isn’t good enough for her friends
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UpV_EbBfxdLKF5W64LzwSGP1W4aZtUsF/view?usp=sharing

Not sure that I like repeating Palpatine’s message again at the beginning (it’s also in the first chapter). If anybody has an idea on how to avoid that it would be appreciated.

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A while back I proposed not only a new crawl but also change the “somehow Palpatine returned” scene so the information Poe and his group explain to the Resistance be that Palps is going to unleash the Final Order soon.

I feel that Hal removed the broadcast in his crawl and put it in Poe’s message because of the criticism of Palpatine revealing himself to the galaxy and how it’s “out-of-character” for him since “he should know that it’ll result in the galaxy defeating him,” which I do not really agree with, since Palpatine was overconfident and even then he had no reason to think the galaxy knew that the Wayfinders existed and that as far as he knows the galaxy does not know where he is.

I proposed the Poe idea since I feel it’s pointless to mention the broadcast to be heard across the galaxy and then have the Resistance be unaware of it until Poe brings in the information (I believe it’s been pointed out in this website before).

Also, do you plan on doing an edit for the TFA novel?

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TestingOutTheTest said:

I proposed the Poe idea since I feel it’s pointless to mention the broadcast to be heard across the galaxy and then have the Resistance be unaware of it until Poe brings in the information (I believe it’s been pointed out in this website before).

I’m fairly certain that the Palpatine broadcast was an idea that they came up with late into production. As a result, the theatrical scene doesn’t really fit with the idea that everyone should already know about him. Rae Carson attempts to remedy this with a single line from Rey that feels super awkward imo. Obviously it is removed in the chapter I just shared.

I believe you’re suggesting that if the broadcast were mentioned in the crawl to have been heard across the galaxy then that should be reflected in this scene? I agree, but since the message wasn’t sent out to the entire galaxy in my version, it makes sense that it seems like this is the first everyone has heard about it all.

Personally, I feel like Palpatine wouldn’t send a message like that to the entire galaxy until he has possessed either Rey or Kylo. Otherwise, he is essentially claiming victory before his plan has gone through.

And as for the TFA novel, I don’t have plans to adjust it. From what I’ve heard about it, just about everything seems to line up with what I’m doing (although I haven’t read it extensively to know that for sure).

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I agree, but since the message wasn’t sent out to the entire galaxy in my version, it makes sense that it seems like this is the first everyone has heard about it all.

Didn’t you do this just to line up with CF’s TRoS novel edit, which (I believe?) used that edit to line up with Hal’s edit?

Personally, I feel like Palpatine wouldn’t send a message like that to the entire galaxy until he has possessed either Rey or Kylo. Otherwise, he is essentially claiming victory before his plan has gone through.

It’s called “spreading fear,” he’s done this with the first Death Star so no one would rebel against the Empire.

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I’ll say this: your approach would absolutely work fine as well. Definitely better than the theatrical. But that doesn’t mean that mine doesn’t work either. I’d say both of them work just as good. I only chose this path because I feel like it slightly edges the other out on clarity.

Thing is, I’ve already written the past chapters from the perspective of the message being private. So why should I go back to change everything for something that is just as good as what I already have?

That’s just my two cents. You’re free to disagree.

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 (Edited)

Then… do you plan on making a V2 (while also preserving the existence of “V1”) with my suggestions?

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Idk, kinda seems like a lot of work for something that’s arguably somewhat inconsequential.

My goal was to make the message less shoehorned in. Whether that is accomplished by making the message private, or having the Resistance more aware of it, I feel like it doesn’t really matter.

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 (Edited)

“Inconsequential”?

Think about it, sending in the broadcast to the galaxy reinforces Palps’ overconfidence, as established in RotJ, and it results in the galaxy defeating him and his Final Order.

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 (Edited)

Like I said, your approach has its merits. For this project, I’m more honed in on Palpatine’s fixation with finding a worthy vessel. As a result, the message serves its purpose as the way for him to get Kylo to him and persuade him to do his bidding.

EDIT: Saying that has reminded me that I may want to adjust his message to include the word “Exegol”

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Do you plan on adding in the discussed idea/implication that the dyad was a result of Snoke bridging Rey and Kylo’s minds?

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 (Edited)

I personally don’t remember discussing that here. Maybe you’re thinking of another thread?

One thing I’m considering in the TLJ novel is to have that be entirely the dyad, no mind linking.

I personally like the idea that their dyad started in the interrogation scene (although it would be left up to the reader to decide when it begins). Snoke knows about it and as a result makes Kylo conflicted enough for Rey to come to him.

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Chapter 5 Changelog:

  • General streamlining and cleanup (as always). Added details to make things clearer.
  • Wrote an entirely new portion to the chapter where Kylo seeks to learn the truth about Vader’s mask (seriously, why wasn’t this included in the original novel?)
  • Made it more clear why Kylo is only reforging his mask now: he was waiting until he destroyed the Resistance, but now that he is about to steal everything from Palpy he feels encouraged enough to do it now. The mask is the symbol of the Ren dynasty.
  • Made it less obvious that Hux is the spy. I know everyone reading this will already know what happens in the film, but Rey’s lineage is still kept a secret, so why not?
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1NcuAxR9_1C9YxBf6M4xLeQB7goI91fLc/view?usp=sharing

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 (Edited)

Made it more clear why Kylo is only reforging his mask now: he was waiting until he destroyed the Resistance, but now that he is about to steal everything from Palpy he feels encouraged enough to do it now. The mask is the symbol of the Ren dynasty.

It was already clear in TRoS that Kylo re-built the mask because he is more confident than in TFA and TLJ, he’s so confident in killing Palpatine and getting Rey to join him. We see him calmly and contently embracing Vader’s mask, as opposed to in The Force Awakens, when he was more anxious and insecure.

In the first movie, he tried to hide behind the mask as much as possible, whereas here in TRoS he took it on and off as he pleased.

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 (Edited)

I agree. I made an error with that changelog, actually. I meant to say he was waiting to commune with Vader’s mask until he has destroyed the Resistance. But after Palp’s revelation he makes an exception.

You’re correct that he is more confident now that he is certain he will be able to get Rey to join him and kill Palpatine. That’s why he restores the mask. I believe I accomplished this implication in the chapter.

Sorry for the confusion.

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Should also clarify that the reason I needed Kylo to not be speaking with Vader’s mask over the past year is because he would be brainwashed into thinking Vader was all giddy about being a Sith and loved being Palpy’s slave.

The distinction I’m trying to make with Kylo is that he discovered the truth about Vader’s legacy around the time of killing Snoke. So he’s basically trying to set up a dynasty of the Skywalker bloodline, which definitely isn’t what Palp’s wants (possession).

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 (Edited)

Chapter 6 Changelog:

  • Streamlining, replacing unusual word choices, some added details
  • Festival of the Ancestors takes place every 2 years instead of 42. This is technically a canon answer, as everything besides the film and this novelization say 2. Makes the coincidence at least slightly more believable.
  • Inserted the Luke puppet show, courtesy of Captain Faraday. This is important because I have removed the retcon that nobody heard their message in TLJ (which would have appeared earlier in the novel). Instead, the galaxy truly felt hopeless, and it is the legend of Skywalker that revives it. This is also fitting for a celebration which honors the past.
  • Changed some details on the necklace Rey is given. It is looped with beads that have traditional Aki-Aki symbols on them.
  • Kylo says “I’m not going to kill you” instead of “I don’t want to have to kill you”. Also just wants her to join him, not necessarily join the dark side.
  • New scene with Kylo and the necklace which takes place immediately after their Force connection. Made it clear that he didn’t engage it, but perhaps subconsciously did because he wanted to find her.
  • Described the database the First Order has which was created by the Empire
  • The Stormtrooper stops them because they were running and nearly ran into him, not because they already know where the gang is located. He wants to see their identification.
  • Made it clear that Lando has not been on Pasaana for the past 20 years. He pays the driver because he doesn’t know him, explains that he traveled there to help them, and decides not to follow them to Ochi’s ship because the First Order shows up. He doesn’t want to accidentally kill his own daughter, who is a stormtrooper.
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nVLwd-_oWHMbPtAvOw9zzCBXvPoZ8mgn/view?usp=sharing

Exsqueeze me.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Chapter 6 Changelog:

  • Streamlining, replacing unusual word choices, some added details
  • Festival of the Ancestors takes place every 2 years instead of 42. This is technically a canon answer, as everything besides the film and this novelization say 2. Makes the coincidence at least slightly more believable.
  • Inserted the Luke puppet show, courtesy of Captain Faraday. This is important because I have removed the retcon that nobody heard their message in TLJ (which would have appeared earlier in the novel). Instead, the galaxy truly felt hopeless, and it is the legend of Skywalker that revives it. This is also fitting for a celebration which honors the past.
  • Changed some details on the necklace Rey is given. It is looped with beads that have traditional Aki-Aki symbols on them.
  • Kylo says “I’m not going to kill you” instead of “I don’t want to have to kill you”. Also just wants her to join him, not necessarily join the dark side.
  • New scene with Kylo and the necklace which takes place immediately after their Force connection. Made it clear that he didn’t engage it, but perhaps subconsciously did because he wanted to find her.
  • Described the database the First Order has which was created by the Empire
  • The Stormtrooper stops them because they were running and nearly ran into him, not because they already know where the gang is located. He wants to see their identification.
  • Made it clear that Lando has not been on Pasaana for the past 20 years. He pays the driver because he doesn’t know him, explains that he traveled there to help them, and decides not to follow them to Ochi’s ship because the First Order shows up. He doesn’t want to accidentally kill his own daughter, who is a stormtrooper.
    Link:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nVLwd-_oWHMbPtAvOw9zzCBXvPoZ8mgn/view?usp=sharing

I like how this is going. Is Jannah going to be explicitly addressed as Lando’s daughter or will it be left open to interpretation?

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I believe the original novel leaves it up to interpretation, so that is likely what I’ll be doing as well. Unless you have a reason for why it should be explicitly addressed? I’m willing to hear such an argument, because I don’t really care either way.

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 (Edited)

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I believe the original novel leaves it up to interpretation, so that is likely what I’ll be doing as well. Unless you have a reason for why it should be explicitly addressed? I’m willing to hear such an argument, because I don’t really care either way.

I always though it would be a better way to justify both Lando’s presence and everything that was set up with Jannah, had it been included in the final film. But on the flip side, all the talk to strengthen Jannah’s (and by extension Finn’s) arc would necessarily take us to the prospect of a stormtrooper revolution or mass defection, which could be difficult to write down without it feeling like a what-if fanfic.

Maybe it would be better to leave it as it is, instead of giving Jannah more weight in the story.