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The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The Faraday Edit (WIP) — Page 7

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 (Edited)

Holy shit that description of Jannah… like, what? That might be excusable in a children’s book, but this is a book for adults. Nah. Good thing you caught that haha.

I would also remove that ham fisted comparison to Fathiers (mostly because I would also remove that detour from TLJ).

It’s interesting how you combined the whispers with the physical element of the dagger. I like it.

Exsqueeze me.

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Ninth chapter:

https://pastebin.com/j96ZKvPA
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

  • Chapters continue to be reshuffled (this was originally chapter 8, now it’s 9, I’m not gonna bother listing that any more because the numbers are all just shifted one higher).
  • Mostly just quality-of-life edits and smoothing the flow of the text as usual.
  • Changed D-O’s name to D-0. Droids usually have letters and numbers in their names, and the original spelling looked weirdly wrong. Also, added “Deeyo” as a “written” name for him in dialogue, like the other droids get (eg Threepio, Artoo, etc).
  • Added cherry blossom trees and kawara tiles to Kijimi, since it’s basically just Space Japan anyway.
  • Made Zorii less murderous in her introduction, since it doesn’t gel with the rest of her scenes with Poe.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

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I’m taking a short break from working on this, probably for about another week. I’ve got very limited time for hobbies right now and there’s a couple of other things I want to pursue in the short term; I’ll be right back onto this project afterwards, though. I’m really enjoying working on it.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas