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The Rise of Skywalker Crackpot Theories Thread

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 (Edited)

Adding to the list of TRoS threads, there’s already a proper discussion thread to talk leaks and official promotional material before December 20th. This is the thread to throw out any baseless speculation, half baked guesses, personal wish fulfillment, gut suspicions without any citation to back it up. Hopefully a lighter thread, not to be taken too seriously and is not about accuracy. Be creative!

4 to get the ball rolling -

  • Rey is a gender swapped Kylo clone (twin AND clone!)
  • Jar Jar is a key to all of this
  • The Falcon is irreparably destroyed by the end of the movie
  • The Emperor and “The Oracle” are one in the same
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Wicket turns up, happily married to Cindel.

Mace Windu is still alive, but lost his memory of the Clone Wars years. He now sports a robotic hand which is detachable and can sneak around spying on people.

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

Where were you in '77?

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Luke wakes up in bed back on Tatooine with his Aunt, Uncle, Ben Kenobi, and the droids standing around him. Luke, bewildered, is like “it was…so real…there was a dark lord…a muppet…and you were there, and you, and…”

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Kylo travels back in time to the OT (don’t mention the PT!) so Rey follows him, then they all fight the Emperor and make everything post ROTJ out of canon. We learn Episode 10, 11, and 12 will be coming shortly to retell the events following ROTJ. This time, it’s the Second Order!

Maul- A Star Wars Story

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The Porgs turn out to be the Whills.

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

Where were you in '77?

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Rey is a clone of Padme’s bodyguard from TPM

Green is not a creative color

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OutboundFlight said:

Threepio is possessed by the Emperor, hence his red eyes.

So many Darth Jar Jar theories, but nobody suspected the droid hiding in plain sight, built by the chosen one under the influence of Sidious and his master plan…

C-3PO: SLEEPER CELL

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The festival seen in the latest trailer is actually happening on Dantooine, when they arrive to the scene, Poe will turn to both Rey and Finn and enthusiastically proclaim “Don’t let anybody say Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration!” before running to join the crowd.

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Mannie Both-Hanz turns up alive with vital information to the Rebel cause just in the nick of time.

The camera then cuts to a silent Mon Mothma… who is still staring sadly into the distance…
 

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

I find that answer vague and unconvincing. Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves?
Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? And say something righteous and hopeful for a change?

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act on instinct said:

The festival seen in the latest trailer is actually happening on Dantooine, when they arrive to the scene, Poe will turn to both Rey and Finn and enthusiastically proclaim “Don’t let anybody say Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration!” before running to join the crowd.

I appreciate the dedication to this bit.

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
A New Hope Technicolor Recreation (Released!)
The Force Awakens Restructured (V2 Released!) and The Starlight Project

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We’ll learn the continuity errors in the Expanded Universe and the creation of the Disneyverse were all caused by Snoke Force-punching reality.

Starve the rich.

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The Knights of Ren are revealed to be the surviving members of Kanjiklub, out for revenge against Rey for setting the Rathtars on them.

The Rathtars are also revealed to be on a quest for revenge against Rey for killing one of their number via windshield lightspeed ramming, which has become a War Crime in the months since the battle of Crait.

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
A New Hope Technicolor Recreation (Released!)
The Force Awakens Restructured (V2 Released!) and The Starlight Project

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I personally don’t think having the Falcon destroyed is too far out of the question, as I’m actually thinking that’s a more sensible story choice to do. a la Back to the Future Part III.

Surely having the spectrum of seeing the Falcon in new shiny glory in Solo, and the banged up held together ol’ reliable in the OT and the last two ST, a shipwreck could be the final form.

The Hope Awakens

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NeverarGreat said:

Remember when all the fanart for 7 showed the rusted husk of the Falcon?

I wish we got that movie.

Like this?

It does look an intriguing concept - maybe even a good place for an alternative opening shot for VII…
 

originaltrilogy.com Moderator

I find that answer vague and unconvincing. Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves?
Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? And say something righteous and hopeful for a change?

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As a kid, this always intrigued me too so I also thought it would happen in VII

Falcon

The Hope Awakens

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Seeing that book cover makes it click into place why I find most of the new canon stuff less appealing than Legends.
The new stuff looks new, and the old stuff looks old and pulpy. I like the crappy hand drawn stuff and it feels more real to me somehow. The content of new canon is fine, I guess, but it all strikes me as less authentic.

Not to get off topic, just saying.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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That’s why I think if we had gotten these same stories in the medium of these pulpy books, with Rey and Kylo Ren hand-drawn on the covers, a lot of people who dislike or are on the fence about the ST would enjoy them more. Maybe partly because the book medium allows people to use their own imagination on certain details, and maybe because books can provide more context and internal thoughts as well.

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paja said:

Threepio finally slaps and murders everyone.

I assume you meant snaps, but I imagine this more humorous.

The Hope Awakens

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It turns out that Snoke is really Goldmember and the events of the st are a nightmare that Luke was having during his electrocution by the Emperor, and after he wakes up the EU cannon resumes.