The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 78

Thank you for responding. That’s kind of what I mean. I think of people as an external threat to my wellbeing. A few people I see as individuals.

Why though?

I don’t know.

I really hate the people that I like more than I hate anyone else. I enjoy being around them but at the same time they’re constantly fucking with me and I hate it. I would just never speak to any of them ever again but I think I’d go a little crazy from the isolation.

How do you know for certain they’re screwing with you, rather than your just assuming they are? What do they say when you ask them to stop? Seriously, if they’re your friends, you should be able to be straight with them about how you feel. Within a certain level of civility of course.

On the one hand, your friends should respect you enough to not jerk you around if you genuinely ask them not to. On the other hand, if you feel everyone is jerking you around, that may be more your perception than their intent.

Not intending to preach, but I don’t see how deep-seated bitterness can be healthy overall for ones emotional wellbeing. Trying to ferret out the root of it and foster genuine non-threatening relationships would seem helpful to that end. Although, I imagine dredging up pain so one could get rid of it would initiate quite an enormous rant or two or three. So if you were to rant, you might warn them about it or ask them if you could rant for a while.

Although, speaking for myself, sometimes starting to complain about something gets me going more than lets off steam.

Handman said:

Tyrphanax said:

TV’s Frink said:

moviefreakedmind said:

TV’s Frink said:

What people? Do I know these people? What are they doing?

The obvious answer is “it depends.”

All of them. Do you get sick when you hear people talk?

Depends on what they’re saying but generally no.

Do you feel threatened when someone looks in your direction?

Depends on the look on their face (and how long they hold my gaze) but generally no.

Do you hate people that stand in your way?

Sometimes. Depends if I have to get somewhere in a timely manner and they are delaying me.

I tend to hate all people and being in close proximity to them makes me feel physically ill and really angry, even if they aren’t actually doing anything particularly awful.

Crowds do tend to get on my nerves sometimes, but it makes me more annoyed and wishing I was somewhere else, and less ill/angry.

My main point is that I can’t comprehend how anyone could possibly enjoy other people. It isn’t that I hate them and am bitter that other people aren’t as misanthropic as me, I just really don’t understand how anyone could honestly enjoy or even tolerate the presence of most other people. I’m just trying to understand.

It seems like you’re talking about strangers, but from other conversations I gather you’ve had a lot of experience with people you know letting you down one way or another. Strangers don’t bother me unless they’re actively bothering me. Acquaintances are different in that I know them (somewhat) so their habits have more time to work on me and annoy me. With that said I work with a pretty decent group of folk, and I generally like my job, so tolerating some of their occasional minor annoying habits isn’t that hard.

More or less ditto.

More or less ditto, other than liking my job.

Oh yeah my job sucks also.

darth_ender said:

I worry about this a lot in this thread lately, if only on a relatively minor scale.

Or just lots of Asperger’s, which I think has come up a few times before.

chyron8472 said:

How do you know for certain they’re screwing with you, rather than your just assuming they are? What do they say when you ask them to stop? Seriously, if they’re your friends, you should be able to be straight with them about how you feel. Within a certain level of civility of course.

I can just tell but they deny it.

darth_ender said:

I worry about this a lot in this thread lately, if only on a relatively minor scale.

I’m not crazy. I’m very considerate of other people.

Notes on the usage of antisocial from the New Oxford American Dictionary:

usage: There is some overlap in the use of the adjectives unsociable, unsocial, and antisocial, but they also have distinct core meanings. Generally speaking, unsociable means ‘not enjoying, or avoiding, the company of others’: Terry was grumpy and unsociable. Antisocial can be used as a synonym for unsociable, but can further be used to mean ‘contrary to the laws and customs of a society’: aggressive and antisocial behavior. Unsocial can be used as a synonym for unsociable as well, but it may also denote a preference for solitude and not hostility toward company: Ben’s feeling a little tired and unsocial tonight.

Perhaps unsociable is a better word for describing mfm’s behavior.

darth_ender said:

moviefreakedmind said:

darth_ender said:

I worry about this a lot in this thread lately, if only on a relatively minor scale.

I’m not crazy. I’m very considerate of other people.

That is not craziness. Antisocial people are anything but crazy. They lack empathy, and may even be considerate as they display this lack of empathy. I’m not trying to say you are antisocial, but some of what you describe makes me wonder if you feel you have such traits. It could be worth getting some therapy if you feel you fit the mold.

I’m empathetic in the sense that when I see or hear about other people being mistreated I get really angry. I don’t really trust therapists though, and I don’t know if I’d be able to hide going to one from my family since I’m still young enough to be on my parents’ medical insurance.

I suppose I could do that. It always sounded like a pain in the ass so I never bothered since I didn’t need to switch yet.

I’ll look into that on Monday if I remember.

Thank you for the advice.

Just want to vent a little. Sorry that this is long, feel free to skip it. It just feels better to get this out.

Sigh. Long day at work. Holiday is coming, and we were pretty packed. Came home to some minor obsessive thoughts and some compulsions to go with them. I know that I’m better as compared to how bad this used to be, but that doesn’t really take the sting out of when it happens. I’m starting to come to terms with the fact, and I’d give anything to be wrong, that I’m not going to ever be back to normal, and that this fucked up way my brain works is something I’m just going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Really doesn’t make me feel good, but I suppose at least I’ve considered the idea. My faith is, I guess, permanently broken. I don’t want to think about that, much less live with it, but I think I’m going to start to have to. I’m just tired of obsessing about this every time I hit a stimulus and oftentimes when I don’t. I’m just so fvcking tired of this shit. I had a normalcy once, but it just doesn’t feel like I can ever go back to it.

Anyway, I see my new therapist on Wednesday. I still feel very uncomfortable broaching any of the subjects that I’m dealing with, especially knowing his religious affiliation. Of course, any therapist worth his salt wouldn’t judge me and would be open-minded. I know that. But I keep telling myself that I have no interest in being anti-religion or anything like that, so why am I so goddamn obsessed with it?! I’m tired of being consumed about this. It’s just so hard to even think about approaching the subject. My last therapist tried to get me into ERP for the stimulus, and I should’ve fucking listened. God, I should’ve listened. Anyway, he’s looking into Mindfulness. I know I should listen this time, and at least I’m going to try, or so I keep telling myself. I’m just worried that I’m using OCD and everything to mask the fact that I’ve lost my faith. But that is-or should be-wholly different from wanting to fight against things or God forbid, lock horns with my parents, which I categorically don’t want to do. Whenever my dad goes on one of his far-right rants, I’m always just able to write it off and live with the fact that he’ll never change. I just wish I knew why the fuck I can’t do the same fucking thing with Matt Dillahunty. It’d solve like 90% of these problems, and maybe I could start focusing on real-life issues and trying to salvage what years I still have while I still can.

Sorry. Just wanted to vent a little.

Mike O said:
I’m just worried that I’m using OCD and everything to mask the fact that I’ve lost my faith.

I actually think that the crisis of faith is masking OCD and other serious issues. But if it’s true that your problems are all stemming from the fact that you’ve lost your faith, then you’ll need to find a way to love the fact that you’ve lost your faith.

TV’s Frink said:

moviefreakedmind said:

But if it’s true that your problems are all stemming from the fact that you’ve lost your faith, then you’ll need to find a way to love the fact that you’ve lost your faith.

I find this very confusing.

Which part? I basically meant that I think his obsession over lost faith is a symptom of bigger mental/emotional problems instead of the other way around. He was saying that he thought he was using OCD and the like as an excuse for something about faith and I don’t think that’s true.