The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 43

Work stuff blows over after a while.

I wish we could offer more than just support and kindness. But hopefully it can comfort you.

Saw my dad’s doctor. He boosted up my SSRI and gave me an anti-anxiety med. Sadly, neither seem to be doing what they should. It’s only been a short time, medication takes a while, I know, but fuck, I hurt. One of those atheist videos I watched eventually led me to one of them going on about abortion, and let’s just say that did NOT help and got my thoughts stuck even more. I tried going out with my friends for a day yesterday, but I can’t even distract myself. I can hardly watch anything on TV and he intrusive thoughts constantly attack me even sitting at dinner with my family. My dad’a doctor offered up a psychiatrist he recommended, which I was nervous but hopeful about, but he’s totally booked until February at the earliest. I really just wish I could stay asleep.

Gotta give medication a good two weeks to actually kick in. Just hang in there. Talk to the new therapist. Keep pushing forward.

Possessed said:

I’ve heard SSRIs can take up to a month to work so don’t give up man.

I don’t know how much more of this I can fucking take!

What’s weird is that I was worried that I was putting way too much hope in the medication, but when I saw my dad’s doctor, he almost nonchalantly said that he thought that once the medication dosage got straightened out, I’d be fine. It was kind of surreal.

The medicine does seem, at least tentatively, to be helping somewhat. I’m still on edge sometimes, and frankly, I’d like to increase the dosage, but after three weeks or so, it seems to have started taking some effect. I could still feel a lot better, and still think that getting back to where I should be isn’t possible, but I’m glad for small victories, anyway.

Good for you, Mike. I’m glad it’s helping!

Small victories are good.

Mike O said:

The medicine does seem, at least tentatively, to be helping somewhat. I’m still on edge sometimes, and frankly, I’d like to increase the dosage, but after three weeks or so, it seems to have started taking some effect. I could still feel a lot better, and still think that getting back to where I should be isn’t possible, but I’m glad for small victories, anyway.

Great News! Keep with it 😃

That’s okay Warb. Take it on your own time.

We got your back here.

Warbler said:

We also got a drawing for what his grave marker is going to look like. She hasn’t said anything, but I can’t imagine how difficult it is for my mom to look at that drawing. Not only does it have my father’s name and date of birth and death, but because it is for both their graves, it also has my mom’s name and date of birth with a blank spot for you know what. I have to imagine it is very difficult to look a drawing of your own grave marker.

Yeah, it’s sad to even think about what she or you must be going through. I’m sorry, man. I wish I could offer more than sympathy from an Internet stranger, but I sincerely hope things get better for you in whatever way they can.

TV’s Frink said:

Anniversaries and holidays are particularly hard. Take care Warb.

Yeah, I’d bet the first one is particularly difficult.

Jetrell Fo said:

Mike O said:

The medicine does seem, at least tentatively, to be helping somewhat. I’m still on edge sometimes, and frankly, I’d like to increase the dosage, but after three weeks or so, it seems to have started taking some effect. I could still feel a lot better, and still think that getting back to where I should be isn’t possible, but I’m glad for small victories, anyway.

Give it some time. A couple of months at least would be best to see if you need adjustment. I am glad to know you are feeling better because it is the start of a new journey for you.

Cheers!!!

God, psychotropics take so long to work. I know I need to be patient, but it’s hard.

Warbler said:

Good Mike, keep fighting.

I’m so tired of fighting.

Tyrphanax said:

Good for you, Mike. I’m glad it’s helping!

Small victories are good.

Sadly, it seems smaller. I feel like I’m backsliding now, the obsessiveness seems to be back, despite the medication. I almost want to ask him to boost it up again. It’s frustrating, particularly after the good passages. I feel so fucking discouraged. I know there’s more work that needs to go into it and that it’s wrong to hope that the medication will fix it all, but, fuck, I wish I could just make it all go away. I so tired of it. Even when it goes away, it comes back again.

So how are you doing in your counseling?

Tyrphanax said:

So how are you doing in your counseling?

My dad’s doctor recommended a guy (a psychiatrist as opposed to a psychologist who can prescribe meds), but unfortunately, he was booked up until February. I felt like since I wasn’t making the effort with the last couple that I wasn’t going to try too hard to hunt for another. But I think I’m putting too much faith in the meds. They are helping up to a point, but you’re right, I need to look into psychological help too. The crisis of faith and the OCD (or whatever the fuck it is) are getting harder to separate. I just feel like I’m fucking sick of fighting; I have no desire to get into debates with my mother or anyone else about her beliefs or anyone else’s. I pine for a few scant months ago when the sight of religious imagery didn’t send me into these spirals. Short of some method of erasing memories, I don’t see any way I’ll ever be better. That sounds overly melodramatic, but God, I’m tired of being a prisoner in my own mind. It feels like I can never be better, only distract myself temporarily. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I thought I was supposed to reschedule with my dad’s doctor (he never called back), and I’ll be honest, I’d like to ask him for an increase in the medication which is helping somewhat sometimes. But I’m going to have to face up to getting more help, and frankly, for all of the complaining I do, I sure didn’t make the effort the last few times.

In my experience, sometimes neither strategy works in a vacuum.

Keep fighting, Mike. You know I got your back.

Thanks, man. I had a rather heated argument with my brother the other day because he believes the thoughts I’m espousing make me sound suicidal. I told him I’m not (which I’m not), but he’s still concerned. My family is too. I slept for like 14 hours last night, lying “yeah, I’m fine” when asked “Are you OK?” You’re right that the medicine would have to work in tandem with some psychological help. That’s hard to get this time of year. I am fighting, but man, it’s scary to not be able to control your own thoughts. I’m fucking scared, man. This is starting to interfere with my life.