The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 125

Spuffure said:

I think I might be a misogynist (or at least have sexist views) and I don’t know what to do and hate that I can’t change. This is what feeling ostracized as a child and having little female role models can do. Why? Why? Why? I’m such a joke.

I am a worthless person who hates everyone who doesn’t share the same identity as me. When I start to get a bit better, I fuck it all up.

We all have aspects to our psyche we could live without. That you’re able to recognize yours is an indication that that you’ve already changed and are capable of further change. Don’t give up on yourself and don’t hate yourself for being imperfect. We’re all works in progress.

Superweapon VII said:

Spuffure said:

I think I might be a misogynist (or at least have sexist views) and I don’t know what to do and hate that I can’t change. This is what feeling ostracized as a child and having little female role models can do. Why? Why? Why? I’m such a joke.

I am a worthless person who hates everyone who doesn’t share the same identity as me. When I start to get a bit better, I fuck it all up.

We all have aspects to our psyche we could live without. That you’re able to recognize yours is an indication that that you’ve already changed and are capable of further change. Don’t give up on yourself and don’t hate yourself for being imperfect. We’re all works in progress.

Oh my god, thank you so much!!! Such wise words.

Just when I thought things had settled into a good rhythm, my girlfriend has told me that she bases her relationships not on morality or something actually important, but instead on anime. Now despite what I want, I now have to reconsider our relationship. I wish I didn’t have to.

Mango said:

There are so many other things I want to offer to the world, including some of my own fiction. I’d love to make movies myself. I’d like be known as an innovator in horror fiction. But I can’t bring myself to work on such things, because I’m afraid of failure.

I feel this.

I just learned that one of my old school friends is now dead. He was so young. Damn.

My stepdad is moving away because of his job, he’s away visiting family and I just can’t stop feeling so depressed

RicOlie_2 said:

I’m sorry to hear that. Death sucks… A couple people I graduated with in 2017 died within a year, including one close friend. It isn’t fun. However, I think it’s taught me to appreciate every moment with those I love and to make the best of my time with them, knowing that it could always be the last time.

I may be autistic, but as someone with my own loss, this was also the most important thing I’ve learned from it. The best thing one can do is treasure the people who are in your life, even if that number is small.

I’m reaching a major tipping point in my life, and I don’t think I have the necessary strength and courage to make changes. I see a therapist I really like and I’m on medications which really help, but it’s not enough. My grandfather passed away, my father has Parkinson’s, and I’m continuing to work the same dead-end job. My dream job is to do some writing, especially as a film critic or something, but I can’t find any place to get a foot in the door, and I could really use the supplementary income. I can’t keep living on $400 a week. I’m still a virgin, I still live with my parents, I still work a dead-end job, I have severe depression, and every day the noose seems to tighten. I’m just comfortable enough not to make changes, but unless I do, soon I’ll be stuck forever. I see so little point my life and no way out.

I feel terrible, but I lack the words to describe it and the courage to answer to the person I should talk to.

I hear you, Mango. Things are tough this time of year, but please know that what you have to say has value, and always will. If you need to reach out, don’t hesitate.

I’ve finally hit rock bottom. I don’t know what to do and I don’t see any way out.

I’m still not over my ex, and now I’m ruining the very good friendship that we still have. He’s the one person I can tell everything, yet I realize each day how little I mean to him and wonder if I’m just dragging them down behind me.

Yesterday and now today something happened that has really ticked me off. Matched with someone on a app, and they misled me. Today they told me that they are celibate and then acted offended when I politely let them know that they should update their profile to include that information so that nobody else will get taken advantage of. She unmatched, thankfully. There’s two sides of this, on one hand I’m glad she came clean, on the other it’s a huge red flag that she was perfectly willing to string me along and lie to me about her intentions.

Would it be appropriate for me to use this thread to share some blog posts I’ve been writing lately about the things I’ve been doing to work through my own mental trauma?

rocknroll41 said:

Would it be appropriate for me to use this thread to share some blog posts I’ve been writing lately about the things I’ve been doing to work through my own mental trauma?

Following up on this:
https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/06/my-new-take-on-journaling.html?m=1

https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/08/specific-tips-for-journaling.html?m=1

rocknroll41 said:

rocknroll41 said:

Would it be appropriate for me to use this thread to share some blog posts I’ve been writing lately about the things I’ve been doing to work through my own mental trauma?

Following up on this:
https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/06/my-new-take-on-journaling.html?m=1

https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/08/specific-tips-for-journaling.html?m=1

Continuing on from the above, I also started interviewing some of my own friends about their experiences with mental health, self-improvement, etc.

For whomever may be curious:
https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/08/abroad-at-home-mental-health.html?m=1

https://henrynsilva.blogspot.com/2024/08/endurance-expression-mental-health.html?m=1

I really, really maxes gigantic ass of myself online the other day. I was just writing about mastering video to a DVD, it NEVER should’ve gotten to where it did. I don’t blame the other person. I behaved like an immature asshole and used misinformation because I was uneducated on the subject. I took my lumps. I apologized after the fact to the person and they accepted my apology. But the posts are there and keep thinking about them. I seriously doubt that anyone will ever see them, and it’s not like they’ll affect my ability to get a job or something. But I thought I was past this. I thought I was mature enough not to get into incredibly stupid fights abut trivial things on the Internet and act like an ass. I just should have been more mature. But the worst thing is that it has basically re-triggered my OCD and now it’s cyclical in my mind and I keep fixating on it. It’s going to be a few weeks before I can see therapist because of her new schedule, but I see my psychiatrist on Monday and I may have got to talk to her about boosting my OCD med, and this feels like an incredibly stupid reason to have to.

Speaking of being immature, I was equally so during fighting with my mother. She wouldn’t let me put my AC unit in my bedroom window because of her new windows. I was furious since I had a perfectly fictional and very expensive unit in the garage. We agreed that I could buy one that didn’t go in the window and go 50-50 on it, but when it arrived, she didn’t like the condensation and had me pay half the price to return, so I only got about 2/3 of my money back. I was apoplectic at her for going back on her word, and my therapist sided with her because it’s her house, so I basically sleep in an oven all summer. It has cooled off now, but given that I’m pushing 40, this is probably God’s way of telling me to get the fuck out of the house. And I keep trying, but it’s so hard financially.

The absolute worst news though is that I got a couple of e-mails about possibilities for my dream film critic job from prospective employers. Ecstatic, I replied and neither has contacted me again. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. But it really felt like a crushing blow. I want this so much, I know I’d be good at it, but it’s so hard to get into and I don’t think I ever will. I continue to work my dead-end job which makes ends meet, but makes me miserable. I’ve even taken to selling some of my old toys for extra money. I just feel so miserable.

Channel72 said:

Mike O said:

The absolute worst news though is that I got a couple of e-mails about possibilities for my dream film critic job from prospective employers. Ecstatic, I replied and neither has contacted me again. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. But it really felt like a crushing blow. I want this so much, I know I’d be good at it, but it’s so hard to get into and I don’t think I ever will. I continue to work my dead-end job which makes ends meet, but makes me miserable. I’ve even taken to selling some of my old toys for extra money. I just feel so miserable.

Any dream job like this will require a lot of trial and error, failure and rejection. You will likely have to get rejected like 10 or more times before you find that one opportunity leading to success. But if it’s really your dream, it is probably worth it to keep trying (within reason). Obviously, it’s easy to get discouraged and give up after experiencing failure and rejection. But the reality is that most people who successfully realize their dreams are ridiculously persistent. They fail and experience rejection over and over and over. But eventually, through persistence and sheer probability, they find some opportunity that finally leads to success. The key is not to get overly discouraged by rejection and failure, because repeated rejection and failure is pretty much inevitable, especially when it comes to pursuing any kind of job in media or a creative field. But stubborn persistence maximizes the probability that eventually someone will give you a chance. When you apply somewhere, just pretend to yourself that you were already rejected, so that each rejection becomes no big deal and you don’t care so much about any individual employer’s response. Then just keep pursuing other positions while waiting for responses and improving your craft/portfolio.

Also, an employer not getting back to you is not necessarily a guaranteed sign of rejection. I realize you’re trying to “take the hint” and not feel stupid, but sometimes it’s better to be a bit of a persistent pest than it is to just shrug and give up because a prospective employer didn’t get back to you yet. Remember, the people sifting through resumes and making hiring decisions are just employees too. They don’t care about you personally, they just have a job to do. It’s possible they won’t get back to you promptly simply because they got busy with their own problems and they aren’t thinking about you. It’s completely fine to send follow-up emails if you haven’t received a definitive answer yet.

Thank you. You’re right, of course. And the field I want to get into-film and TV writing-is ridiculously competitive. If I’d started this when I got out of college like I should have done, I might be somewhere by now. I’m 37 and I’m still stuck in the same place I was. Part of it is because of the misery and depression of my dead-end job, but most of it is fear on my part. I can’t blame anyone else for that, I have to take responsibility. I’ve destroyed the prime of my life, and what’s left is damaged so badly it may not be worth salvaging anyway. But I’m running out of sites to which I can even apply, even with an English degree. My job is becoming increasingly difficult to bear, and I feel like I’ve pretty much hit bottom. My depression and anxiety make what little time I have left feel less worthwhile. I’m in therapy and on meds. I am trying. But it’s much too little, and much too late, I fear. I just feel less and less like my life is worthwhile.

Put one of my groomsmen into the ground today. 28 years old. Lost his mind in the realm of drugs and mental illness. It started with weed at far too young of an age, then weed turned to hallucinogens and psychedelics. His brain, his very reasoning, wittled away under the influence of such chemicals. Whether you believe this in a real spiritual sense or not, he began to tell us how he would speak with demons. He changed. Complete incoherence and mental psychosis followed. He tried every treatment plan under the sun. We tried so hard to offer help, show him love, but he didn’t accept. He grew to only desire the surreal, the desire for life and reality slipped away, no matter how much you were there for him. The demons in his mind took his life.

Hard to find solace in such awfulness. Cherish the good memories you are able to have with your loved ones, accept that sometimes there are forces outside of your control that you can’t beat yourself up over, and always, always, show one another true love.

RIP Brother, I will miss you until the end of my days.