Once again, I really don't want to be separated from the people in my real life that care about me right now. I also don't want to risk being separated from them forever (or at least not getting to see them on a regular basis anymore) by taking off so early after being promoted and I would really be screwing them if I did. I really don't know what's so hard to understand about that, and I'm not going to explain it again. But I really do appreciate the kind words, everybody.
I understand all your fears about the job and the family but what trident says is true, we don't mean to tell you what to do but you must understand that
A- Your mental and physical health is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life.
B- You need to do something about it because the pattern must be broke, a change is imperative.
Is not easy and there is a lot of fears around change but how do you pretend to enjoy and take care of your friends and family if you don't feel fine with yourself?. Nobody chooses to feel depressed or hopeless but you do have tools and options available to change that little by little.
Some things trident said may feel to raw but try to take them the best way possible, you have to take a first step out from that comfort zone of dealing with issues the way you do now.
Just as a side note, my older cousin (52) is currently on the first week of a four week long program for detox and recovery, he has issues with alcohol and cocaine and after four years of car/overdose accidents, paranoia attacks, family problems, issues at work etc, he understood that health is the 1st, 2nd and 3rd thing on the ''Important'' list. Please don't be my cousin who waited for the worse consequences to act, please seek help and I'm sure that everyone around you will support you 100%, including us. Seeking help does not necessarily means that you will be away forever, it may only be for a little while or maybe just weekly meetings and you keep your regular life as it is, the sooner you act the better chances you have to work on the issue without disturbing your routine or going away.