Have you considered removing all instances of Merrik (the ghost inquisitor)? I wonder if everything might be tighter and the reveal with the reanimated stormtroopers better if he wasn’t in the story.
What if Balaan Skall’s line about the legacy of violence from Anakin and Ahsoka was said right after she throws Shinn? Like he sees the violence and Vader-like action, says that, then a moment later knocks her off the cliff and says that it was always that way with her.
I do also miss the craziness of that hyperscape jump and the X-Wings. I’m not sure if that could be worked back in without getting back into the mediocre New Republic stuff.
Disney is following their own trope of introducing a cool-looking and mysterious character only to have him or her prove completely useless and inconsequential. Having said that, I kinda agree with George Lucas when he says Star Wars is, foremost, a show for 12 year old boys. Marrok is pretty cool looking—like I said, and very Star Wars, and probably something a 12 year old would like (if any 12 year old boys had bothered to watch this). Sure, I wish they would have done more with him, but I’d still hate to see him go.
Although I’m mainly indifferent, I guess I like the idea of cutting the magic exiting his body as he dies because, even though it foreshadows a later part in the story, I think the revelation of the dark magic being used on Storm Troopers hits harder when it hasn’t been alluded to beforehand and comes as a total surprise. Probably not that important of detail either way though.