The New Republic Movie Series EPIV: A Threat From Beyond (An Ahsoka Series Edit) [RELEASED] — Page 3

Can I have a link as well?

szopman said:

I also wanted to comment the opening crawl and the title.
-I think that the white “Ahsoka” logo doesn’t compose well with the rest of the crawl. Maybe it would be possible to make it yellow, as the rest of the crawl? Alternatively, you could just name Star Wars: Heir to the Empire.
-btw, talking about the title, I don’t mind it, but it’s very probable that Dave Filoni’s movie will end up being titled “Heir to the Empire”. So maybe it’d be good to find some alternative title.
-Also, since you will probably end up with only one movie for “Ahsoka”, and considering the fact that this is a limited series, with no plans for s02 (for now at least), maybe it would make more sense to skip “Episode I” part for now? Again, it could be just “Star Wars - Ahsoka - HTTE” or “Star Wars - HTTE”.

I agree with szopman, the title and the crawl clash visually.
Maybe you could make the crawl plain white to match the title card?

szopman said:

So, I could watch only the first ~40min.
Unfortunately I probably won’t be able to watch the rest until the weekend.

Nevertheless, I wanted to share some insights:
-above all, I love how you edited the fight between Sabine and Shin. Now its way better, Sabine still got injured but she doesn’t get impaled with the lightsaber. Once again you proved what a skillfull and creative editor you are! 😉 Great job!
-overall, I’m happy with all the unnecessary stuff you cut. Tho I still believe that almost everything from those two eps could be cut 😄

I also wanted to comment the opening crawl and the title.
-I think that the white “Ahsoka” logo doesn’t compose well with the rest of the crawl. Maybe it would be possible to make it yellow, as the rest of the crawl? Alternatively, you could just name Star Wars: Heir to the Empire.
-btw, talking about the title, I don’t mind it, but it’s very probable that Dave Filoni’s movie will end up being titled “Heir to the Empire”. So maybe it’d be good to find some alternative title.
-Also, since you will probably end up with only one movie for “Ahsoka”, and considering the fact that this is a limited series, with no plans for s02 (for now at least), maybe it would make more sense to skip “Episode I” part for now? Again, it could be just “Star Wars - Ahsoka - HTTE” or “Star Wars - HTTE”.

Tbh I think the original “Ahsoka” crawl wasn’t bad, maybe you’d reconsider using it? Or just to modify it/create a similar one instead of the classic SW yellow one?

And regarding your previous answer to my post, I think that you are right that story-wise those episodes make a good first act (especially if you aim to create a coherent, 3-act movie).
Tho entertainment-wise, those episodes would be out xD

I guess 2nd and 3rd acts will be more tricky, as the episodes 4 and 5, although far from perfect, have a lot of cool content that are the kind of entertainment that the SW fans love. I’m wondering if it’s even possible to reduce them to less than 50-55min (the robots fight, Baylan vs Ahsoka, Baylan/Sabine, Anakin stuff, Ahsoka the white reborn, the whole space whales stuff).

I’m very curious to see how it all will end up (both the show and your movie edit) 😉

Thanks for the feedback. I definitely agree with your points about the logo, title etc. The current Ahsoka logo, title and crawl are placeholders.

I’m going to bring the Ahsoka movie together with my Mando and BOBF edits under one banner which will likely be “The New Republic”. Ahsoka is likely to slot in before Mando season 3 as episode 4. The logo will be something along these lines

The tile is also a placeholder… I’m currently favouring “A Threat from Beyond”.

The crawl itself is based on the crawl from the series but modified to fit better with the 3 paragraphs of (ideally) 6 lines we see in the classic crawls. The final crawl won’t be done until the series is complete because the emphasis of the crawl may need to change. It is also likely to be red in colour to match the logo.

If you want an EU title that would be a nod to Thrawn novels, maybe “Dark Force Rising” ? 😉

But “A Thread from Beyond” sounds pretty good 😉

And btw. I like the “New Republic” idea.

Do you think you’d consider releasing versions without “Episode …” in the crawl for people who for ex. would watch only Ahsoka but skip Mando, or vice versa?

So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.

The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.

The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.

Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.

I imagine a scene order like this could work.

-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos

-Space Stonehenge

-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up

-The arrival of the energy core

-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting

Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.

Peter Pan said:

So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.

The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.

The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.

Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.

I imagine a scene order like this could work.

-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos

-Space Stonehenge

-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up

-The arrival of the energy core

-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting

Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.

Thanks for the feedback.
I agree that Shin’s appearance on Lothal is sudden, but as you say, in order to cut the Ahsoka-droid battle I also need to cut the scene where Morgan, Baylan and Shin appear at the temple remains. I may well have to put those scenes back in. I cut them primarily to avoid having consecutive light saber-heavy scenes.

I like the idea of cutting the energy core scene and may run with that by moving the Seatos map scene there instead. The only issue that creates is having to run multiple separate Lothal scenes together.

The Sabine hologram scene feels essential to me. We have the unexplained history of Sabine ending her training so I feel we need that little scene as the turning point in her relationship with Ahsoka - they’re putting the past behind them and reuniting to find Ezra. It a very short scene so has no impact on runtime and it provides a spacer between Sabine suiting up in her apartment and appearing at the mural.

I agree that I may need to put the Huyang-Sabine med bay scene back in to show why Sabine decides to re-start her training.

Peter Pan said:

So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.

The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.

The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.

Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.

I imagine a scene order like this could work.

-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos

-Space Stonehenge

-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up

-The arrival of the energy core

-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting

Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.

Here’s an adjustment.

I’ve combined the 2 Medbay scenes. The audio and cuts are a little rough, but I think it works pretty well. We now get a much more believable reason for Sabine to “suit up” and join Ahsoka.
The energy core scene has been removed and the Seatos Map scene put in its place.

I think it works better - thanks for the input.

https://vimeo.com/866152395

I guess the problem with the episode 6 will be that there is not that much to cut, it was actually a great episode.
I think the reveal of Ezra was fine, they executed it pretty well.

I guess it may be a very problematic episode because it’s +40min long and there is not much to cut.
The opening scene with Ahsoka could be easily cut, some trims here and there, you could cut the scene where Sabine is given the “horse” and her weapons back, but that’s it.
In general, a very good chapter, a bit slower but not boring/badly-paced. Very climatic I’d say. And there is some great performance of Ray Stevenson there.

Yes, it was a rather meaty episode. For the sake of my edit I was hoping for lots of filler. Not a huge amount that can be cut on first viewing, but that often changes on subsequent viewings. One thing I will say is that this series feels the most cinematic of the D+ shows.

I guess I could cut more by weaving it into episode 5 but it is going to be very difficult to cut this season down to 3h.

Speaking about the visuals, do you intend to change anything about the desaturated colors?

Peter Pan said:

Speaking about the visuals, do you intend to change anything about the desaturated colors?

Absolutely.

With episodes 5 and 6, I get the feeling you could very easily cut out most of the Hera and Jacen subplot, as well as the New Republic arriving on Seatos, and instead intercut Ahsoka’s WBW journey with Sabine and the others on Peridea? That way, once Ahsoka rides the whales, the witches alert Thrawn about it. I think it could make it a lot tighter, and we could reduce the Jacen subplot to an expository line. I also feel you could cut out the New Republic arriving, and have Ahsoka depart with no interruption. If they are still on Seatos and that becomes a plot point, you could easily slot in their arrival after Ahsoka leaves.

I think we could keep Jacen being the one to sense her, just have that info be conveyed after Ahsoka wakes up. I agree he’ll likely be a major character going forward, but his force sensitivity has already been conveyed earlier in the series.