More Notes! I am writing so much that there is no way all of my ideas will be addressed or considered, but I have to throw stuff out there to help these edits. I’ll throw in my screenplay writer tips where possible.
Film theory time- Opening shots and closing shots are vital for setting a film narrative (ties into theme). Opener is Grogu and Mando walking in a dark alley, facing away from the camera and moving right (pair of heroes facing danger). A normal film would counter this with the same 2 facing the camera as the closing shot (as they have grown closer from their journey) or separate (if they have grown apart). The closing scene is the magic stick shift ball turning. They aren’t tied together IN VISUAL which would be points against a feature film script. (Films still get made with this exception- but it’s one of the things scripts get processed by)
We DO have a thesis line this time- excellent: “Wherever I go, he goes.” To bring it full circle- we would want a confirmation line near or after the climax affirming this statement.
Intro is strong, less silly. Seems brutal. I love it.
No frog person- great cut. More organic flow, great edit here.
Great transitions on Ice planet. Nothing felt missing.
As always- I approve of these combat scenes. Much more streamlined and tense. You’ve got a great eye for cutting the BS.
Gideon is alive with the shadow council- an excellent early reveal. Turned that S3 turd into an actual story-relevant detail. Now our long-term villain is behind the scenes and gives the audience time to BREATH with this threat. A+ addition.
Boba hires the mercs- he wants his stuff back. OUTSTANDING. Edit was smooth. Only thing missing is his sidekick Fennec with him (maybe also watching with her scoped rifle), but there may be nothing to use to add to this. Also, it may be better to add a shot of Boba watching during the fight or immediately after. A reaction to his plan failing (if we see Fennec with him- then her having a fail reaction shot would work too if short on content footage).
His turn at the end seemed serviceable, but a little bit off. I wonder if there is a better shot to use here.
Cuts of Mechanic dialogue are great. She’s still comic relief but WAY more on tone for the rest of the series.
Oh there is frog lady. These cuts are good, and while I don’t mind the egg eating it is prime for a show- not a feature film.
Minor note- maybe I missed this but why is Mando’s ship damaged when entering orbit? Didn’t he just get repairs on Navarro and Tatooine? If it’s said it didn’t come across to me as an audience member and may need a change.
Since the recent repairs are from droids- this could be a good time to include a VO line cursing faulty droid work.
1:36:18 - Editing error: He says the same line twice “Get ready for landing”
Honestly, the deeper we go into the show the more the aliens need a new voiceover. I wrote out a paragraph suggestion on the quarrian at the docks- but after considering it there isn’t much to be done here and I like how you have this scene. You tightened it and we HAVE to give Bo the badass character intro (She’s ruthless) to setup her one minded character motivations as they intersect with Mando very soon. This scene is fine- but as the show continues on and Disney+ quality dips- we can repurpose ANY alien dialogue to Huttese grunts and subtitles to make it fit what your edit needs (and you lose NOTHING of value!).
1:49:44 - This transition is VERY rapid. Seemed jarring.
1:49:20 - The thrice-stabbed trooper drops with ZERO damage. Come on, Disney.
Overall, I liked this one. It suffers from being a “middle” episode- no big villain showdown and the big discoveries are paid off in future films. Not much to be done here- that is a middle film issue. (Better story direction from Disney would have saved this- Bo Katan should have been an antagonist in S3, with them reuniting or her redeeming herself. That would have made THIS buildup great- they worked together…but not anymore. Oh well can’t fix that)
This edit succeeds in shorting these episodes into their most important pieces, and removes the BAD. I am excited to keep watching!
As far as changes go- the ending seems rapid. This type of middle film could benefit from some Act 2 screenplay maneuvers. For example, at the end it would be great to see what each of the characters is doing, perhaps over a music montage. This is a BUILDER episode- so let’s see our characters build. Brainstorming here- something like showing Grogu play with the metal ball as music builds, briefly showcase Vance peaceful in the desert, Fennec and Boba (especially Boba) on his spaceship nodding, perhaps some happy Tuskens, INTERSPERSE THE BALL SPINNING AND MANDO LOOKS AT GROGU, Bo Katan on her new ship looking stoic, Cara Dune in her town…etc. Even an evil shot of Gideon would be good to include (he is building too). End with Grogu and Mando together. This film showed SO MANY CHARACTERS so a small musical denouement of “victory poses” can show the characters as “in progress” for what is about to come in the next Book 4.
This is tough though- there is no galactic victory to tie everyone together, so they are tied in PURPOSE (theme).
This suggestion is also not very traditional STAR WARS and may be seen as kind of cheesy- so take that as you see best.