These are good ideas TK! I think they flow really well pacing-wise.
I like the the second clip, although it is a little noticeable how a piece of the Resistance motif is missing. Not bad though.
And with the first clip, although Captain Canady is in only the first scene of the movie, I think all of his little moments serve a purpose. When an officer tells him the bombers are approaching, and he says, “Of course they are”, it helps show how the new generation (such as Hux) are lacking very crucial experience, which makes the First Order very stiff and inefficient despite all their fancy equipment. You could argue though we don’t need every moment of that, so in that case I think it still works well!
This has made me think more about Hux’s character in the film. Obviously a lot of us feel that Hux’s character is practically comic relief in the film, a real downgrade to how he was in TFA. Rian said he felt his character works well in that way, which he does have funny moments, but I feel his actual character is lost to most people in all the slapstick. But I think if you tone down the humor (in the right places), you could create a clearer arc for him.
It’s already there, really, just not immediately obvious. In a way, Hux is on a similar journey to becoming a leader that Poe is. Characters like Canady and Captain Peavey, who I believe are both part of the old guard, help illustrate Hux’s incompetence. I’m not saying he’s an idiot, or at least I don’t think he should be portrayed as such. He’s confident, clearly has some ability considering he managed to get his position somehow, but he’s still very inexperienced. His success at destroying Hosnian Prime made his ego grow too much.
I think this is why there is some value in Hux not initially realizing Poe’s trick at the beginning. While I agree it should be trimmed, I like the way Hal has done it for example, but I also think some shot of Peavey reacting to Hux’s gullibility would also help serve this arc. And as the story progresses, it would be great if you could gradually decrease Hux’s incompetence, rather than completely removing it.
I actually believe the novelization makes a point regarding how Hux realizes Holdo is going to ram them the same time Peavey does. I don’t know if that moment could be tightened to help show that idea, but it could be useful if possible.
And at the battle of Crait, you could cut the “concentrate all firepower on those speeders!” bit, and possibly when Kylo throws him across the cockpit.
But I think Hux’s incompetency is kind of necessary because I feel like there are quite of bit of moments where we question why the First Order didn’t do something that would’ve been more efficient, like destroying the Raddus before blowing up their base, or having a Star Destroyer flank the fleet during the chase, or just swarming them with TIE fighters. If the chase could somehow be framed as Hux wanting to watch the Resistance slowly suffer rather than getting it over quickly could help explain some of those things. As it is now, it seems like they have no other choice, which seems like a stretch to me, personally. I would find Hux being overconfident in their inevitable victory to be more believable.
Regardless, if we can feel a noticeable difference in Hux’s portrayal from the beginning of the film to the end, I think we could push that development to the forefront. Hux wises up by the end of the film. A parallel to Poe’s arc, since Poe and Hux will likely be the respective leaders of their factions (Even though Kylo Ren is technically Supreme Leader, Hux is pretty much managing everything). I don’t know how much can be reworked to serve this purpose, but I think it is worth some consideration.