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The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (WIP) — Page 4

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Strangely, it appears Jason Fry chose not to include the Phasma’s end deleted scene in his novelization. I believe that without it the whole Phasma stuff should be removed (which is what Poppa’s edit does).

Since this is a novel, obviously there is a lot more freedom. I think this scene should be included because it serves as a prelude to the stormtrooper rebellion that happens in my edit of TROS. Thing is, I haven’t had to actually write my own scenes just yet from scratch. So some help would be greatly appreciated here. As in, feedback on what I write when I get to it.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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It’d take focus from the point of the scene, Finn fighting the embodiment of his former enslavement by the FO. It’s Finn’s moment of accepting he is now a rebel. It’d be like putting in a random group of Jedi right in the middle of Anakin vs. Obi-Wan, then having Anakin kill them and resume his fight with Obi-Wan.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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I mean the entire scene is about Finn fighting Phasma. I guess it could work if inserted before the actual fight between them by itself.

Also, I haven’t seen that deleted scene in a while, but don’t they simply stand there when Finn spills the beans about Phasma?

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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Yeah I think the extended version of the Phasma duel should be included to better justify its own existence. As you say, it very well could lead into the mass desertion themes of your TROS book edit.

Maybe you could omit some minor details, like Phasma’s hand getting choped off or the whoop-hog line. But overall the scene should be there, with greater focus on the stormtroopers’s choice.

I haven’t read the TLJ novel, so is there the deleted scene with Finn and co. meet some stormtroopers inside an elevator? In that case you could tie both moments together, maybe having the trooper that talks with Finn being the first to point his gun at Phasma.

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Knight of Kalee said:

I haven’t read the TLJ novel, so is there the deleted scene with Finn and co. meet some stormtroopers inside an elevator? In that case you could tie both moments together, maybe having the trooper that talks with Finn being the first to point his gun at Phasma.

Yes, that one is in there. In fact, I’m actually considering having him be there at the tracker room when they get caught to say “I’m sorry” yet again. Cause there are a bunch of normal troopers there, and they would have been in the vicinity to get the call to surprise attack them.

The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187. And the novelization explains that the walls of the elevator would cause a ricochet effect killing everyone inside. So it makes sense they would receive orders (muffled by their helmets) to hold off their attack until later.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187.

The FO is MASSIVE (in terms of the amount of people), of course they wouldn’t know about Finn’s betrayal.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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TestingOutTheTest said:

The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187.

The FO is MASSIVE (in terms of the amount of people), of course they wouldn’t know about Finn’s betrayal.

I know that, but knowing how these sorts of regimes work, I’d think they would broadcast all over the place how terrible this 2187 guy was. They would use it as an opportunity for propaganda and make the stormtroopers want to hate the guy.

Or maybe they’d keep it under wraps. Who knows.

EDIT: Proof that they should recognize him comes from TFA. During the battle of Takodana, he is recognized as a stormtrooper by another one even though there’s no real indicator of it. Remember when the guy with the baton thingy shouts “Traitor!” at him?

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Proof that they should recognize him comes from TFA. During the battle of Takodana, he is recognized as a stormtrooper by another one even though there’s no real indicator of it. Remember when the guy with the baton thingy shouts “Traitor!” at him?

He had to have been there when Finn escaped with Poe.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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How’s this for lesson two? I appreciate feedback here. I could also send the caretaker village stuff but most of that remains the same.

So apparently you plan to add that deleted scene (I’m aware it’s there in the actual novel, but… yeah). I personally don’t think it should be there.

In the film, without the scene, it seemed like Luke and Rey were making progress, but it comes crashing down when she finds out “what happened” and when he finds her with Ben later. And I think the following is just me, but I also kind of liked the transition from the second lesson to the FO shooting down the Resistance and think it’d be strange if we cut from the cut scene to the Resistance storyline.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

No because presumably most or a lot of the people on the Supremacy die after the lightspeed ram.

And yet Finn, Rose, Phasma and some other stormtroopers survive. Even Knight of Kalee suggested having that trooper be the first one to turn on Phasma after Finn exposes her.

Plus, my TROS novel creates the impression that she was special forces for Pryde (and obviously he wasn’t on the Supremacy).

Novels can be changed for consistency.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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It just doesn’t add anything substantial.

Leads up to TROS.

Plus I’d have to rewrite a whole bunch of stuff for no good reason.

To be fair, you’ve spent your time rewriting the TROS novel and now the TLJ novel.

Rey Skywalker: An Arc of Self-Worth

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Here is a shortened and slightly edited version of Snoke’s monologue to make him seem less ancient and hone in on his mysterious origins:

Snoke knew he himself was a virtually unknown ruler, just about the furthest thing from what the tattered remnants of Palpatine’s Empire had imagined as their leader. The admirals and generals who’d survived the fury of the Empire’s implosion and the New Republic’s wrath had envisioned being led by someone else, someone more recognized: pitiless, devious Gallius Rax; dutiful, cautious Rae Sloane; the slippery political fanatic Ormes Apolin; cold, calculating Enric Pryde; or even the unhinged but ambitious military architect Brendol Hux.

All of those would-be leaders had been co-opted, sidelined, or destroyed, leaving only Armitage Hux, the mad son of a mad father. And that one was but a mouthpiece, a miscast tinkerer whose rantings could only persuade the sort of rabble who blindly worshipped rage and lunatic certainty.

Palpatine had engineered the Contingency to simultaneously destroy his Empire and ensure its rebirth, ruthlessly winnowing its ranks and rebuilding them with who and what survived. The rebuilding was to take place in the Unknown Regions, secretly explored by Imperial scouts and seeded with shipyards, laboratories, storehouses, and stockpiles of all types - an enormously expensive effort that had taken decades, and been kept hidden from all but the elect.

But the Imperial refugee’s military preparations had been insufficient bulwarks against the terrors of the Unknown Regions. Grasping in the dark among strange stars, they had come perilously close to destruction, and it had not been military might that had saved them.

It had been knowledge - Snoke’s knowledge. Which, ironically, led back to Palpatine and his secrets.

Palpatine’s true identity as Darth Sidious, heir to the Sith, had been an even greater secret than the Contingency. And the Empire’s explorations into the Unknown Regions had served both aspects of its ruler. For Sidious knew that the galaxy’s knowledge of the Force had come from those long-abandoned, half-legendary star systems, and that great truths awaited rediscovery on them.

Truths that Snoke had learned from and made to serve his own ends.

One obstacle had stood in his way - Skywalker. Like his father, Skywalker had been a favored instrument of the will of the Cosmic Force. That made it essential to watch him. And once Skywalker endangered Snoke’s design, it had become essential to act.

And so Snoke had drawn upon his vast store of knowledge, parceling it out to confuse Skywalker’s path, ensnare his family, and harness Ben Solo’s powers to ensure both Skywalker’s destruction and Snoke’s triumph.

Now the endgame he had foreseen was at hand.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Here’s a (possibly?) controversial decision I’ve made. I’m keeping the Leia flying into the Raddus stuff. Poppa’s edit removes it, but I really think it works quite well in novel form for the following reasons:

  1. There are multiple pages beforehand devoted to what Leia learned from Luke about the Force in her training.
  2. No wonky CGI effects that make her look like Mary Poppins.
  3. Descriptions of what’s going on with her body while she’s out in space which imo makes things more believable.

Honestly, the only reason I don’t like Leia flying in the movie is because of the CGI. I don’t dislike the idea in general (especially since it’s built up in the novel), so I think this works fine.

I second this decision. Cool concept on paper, bad execution on screen.

Leia’s brush with death also works as a precedent for her ailing strength and eventual passing in Episode IX.

The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187. And the novelization explains that the walls of the elevator would cause a ricochet effect killing everyone inside. So it makes sense they would receive orders (muffled by their helmets) to hold off their attack until later.

Maybe you could reframe the elevator scene to make it more serious. Show that Finn feels recognized but for whatever reason the troopers don’t shoot him on the spot. Maybe they could even be the ones who contact Phasma, it might feel less contrived than the theatrical where they are caught by a random BB unit.

Also I don’t think Jannah should be there, it would only bring unneeded complications to the scene. If there´s any TROS characters that should be included or mentioned it’d be Pryde or the Knights of Ren.