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The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (ROUGH DRAFT AVAILABLE) — Page 6

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I could replace “for so long” with “for as long as she could remember” to make those feelings cover her whole life. Good catch.

I’ve been struggling with what to put there instead of “I saw the rest”. It’s mostly a formatting issue, so I thought I’d reference what he said earlier. But I suppose it might work without it.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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While we’re on the topic of Rey’s arc and TLJ, I think the resolution of that arc - Rey taking Kylo’s word to “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s the only way you’ll become what you were meant to be,” letting go of her toxic parents entirely, beginning to fixiate towards the Resistance, and becoming what she was meant to be… a better person, who no longer hinges her life and worth around toxic, drunken parents who neglected her, who threw her away like garbage - should feel stronger and more climactic for the parent story arc (I didn’t really feel too much weight in my previous viewings of the movie) as it is supposed to be the climax of the parent story arc.

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The novelization doesn’t really provide the opportunity to discuss that right after the throne room since Rey doesn’t really have many scenes beyond that point.

I think I’ll be able to include it in the final scene she’s in on the Falcon. She’s surrounded by what is left of the Resistance, and decides to place her self worth in them (which of course is still wrong, but that’s for TROS to settle).

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Here is my surprise modification to the ending:

Once he was sure Bargwill could no longer see him, Temiri called his broom to his hand - an ability his friends were jealous of - and returned to sweeping out the fathier stables. The beasts were racing, but soon they’d be led back in and need to be washed and groomed. There’d be a lot to do before they could bed down for the night, and maybe Oniho would be too tired to finish the story and tell him what had happened to the Jedi Master who’d fought an entire army all by himself.

The stable doors were open and the stars blazed in Cantonica’s night sky, above the racetrack. The strokes of his broom stopped when it collided with something that made a jingling noise - a bag overflowing with credits. Temiri could hardly believe his eyes as he heaved it up and inspected its contents.

Temiri counted enough in the bag for him and the rest of the children to never have to work another day for Bargwill ever again.

Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. There was a man by the stable door, from the casino based on his appearance. He wore a white tuxedo and a flowing cape. On his lapel was a pin of some sort of red flower. The man gave him a wide, mustachioed grin before walking off.

Temiri followed the man outside, but he had disappeared in the night. All he could see were the stars, which he could now feel calling out to him. The adventures he had always dreamed of having with Arashell were no longer out of reach.

As he stared up at the stars, the boy absentmindedly turned the broom in his hands until he held it at his side, like a lightsaber.

Interestingly enough, the original novelization provides no indication that he is Force sensitive, so I added that. As for the children being wage slaves instead of actual slaves, that is the canon answer, so no biggie there. And since Lando doesn’t show up on Crait, this scene is meant to be his redemption and turnaround moment.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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This looks like an ambitious alteration of the Expanded Edition so far. How will you handle Finn’s suicide run in particular?

“The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.”
-Sheev Palpatine, Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

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Here’s my edit of DJ’s talk with Finn. Yet again, another concept that would have worked well with Finn but I feel it wasn’t described enough to make sense:

“Help the…you can’t…look,” DJ began, then he stopped to put his thoughts in order.

“At the end of the day, only the corrupt win from war. Good guys, bad guys, them’s made-up words to keep everyone at each other’s throats. Keeps the money spinning around. Distracts from the bigger enemy. That’s who I really enjoy stealing from…A-ha!”

DJ grinned at something he found on the console, then thumbed a key. A schematic of a TIE fighter appeared, followed by diagrams of a scout walker, TIE bomber, and a TIE interceptor.

“This guy’s an arms dealer,” DJ said. “Bought this beauty selling ships to the bad guys.”

But the next diagram that appeared was a New Republic T-70 X-wing. Then a RZ-2 A-wing interceptor popped up. Finn had a sinking feeling the list went on even further.

“And the good,” DJ said, eyes twinkling. “Canto Bight is known for selling the most weapons and ships to both sides of the war.”

Finn’s face fell, and DJ saw the confusion on his face replaced by dismay.

“Finn, let me learn you something big,” he said. “It’s all a machine, partner. And the assembly line ain’t ever gonna stop churning out more wars for people to fight. Live free. Don’t join.”

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Regarding Palpatine. I felt like putting in any indication of another threat would ruin TLJ’s hopeful ending, but I’m hoping the following suggestion would lean into ESB-levels of hopeful ending despite the Empire still existing, and not “Why be hopeful if another threat exists outside of the FO, even after the actual FO loses?”

When Rey and Kylo arrive at the throne room, have Snoke be in the middle of contacting a man attached to a machine: “Everything is proceeding as you wished, my master.” A familiar, booming voice praises him through the device: “Good.” Snoke shuts the hologram off and turns his focus to Kylo Ren and Rey.

(I’m hoping that by killing Snoke, in this… suggestion, Palpatine would be “severed” from the FO so the hopeful ending would be preserved… until TROS.)

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I feel like that would be an even more direct threat than what I’ve already got.

Basically, I decided to do away with Kylo hearing a broadcast at the end and instead he hears a “familiar voice” from his childhood speak into his mind saying “Find me on Exegol”. This is extremely ambiguous, and it wouldn’t be revealed until the next novel that Ben heard Palpy’s voice in his head as a child.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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Here is specifically what I’m talking about:

Something on the floor caught Kylo’s eye. He knelt, his gloved fingers closing on a pair of golden dice linked by a short chain.

As Kylo stared at them he sensed something else - a tremor in the Force, the prelude to a familiar connection.

He stared at Rey. She stared back at him, her gaze level and unafraid. There was no hatred in her eyes, but there was no compassion, as there once had been, either.

“Come back,” he begged, pushing the image of a little girl pleading with a ship bearing her parents away. “Please.”

Evidently, Rey didn’t appreciate the memory. He heard the sound of the Falcon’s door sealing shut as the connection was severed, leaving Kylo alone in the gloom with his father’s dice resting in the palm of his upraised hand. A moment later, they too faded and vanished.

Kylo felt empty inside. But then a mysterious voice from his childhood spoke directly into his mind.

Find me on Exegol.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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A rough draft of this project is now available. The most important changes to the overall story of TLJ are listed below (this is in no way a comprehensive changelog):

  • Hux is more intimidating and has less moments which directly poke fun at him
  • Subtle hints at Finn’s Force-sensitivity, Poe’s spice running, Rey’s lineage, and Palpatine being behind everything
  • Greatly expanded upon Luke’s character. He gives more reasons why the Jedi should end, but at the same time isn’t disrespectful of his father’s legacy (the lightsaber). Generally speaking, the audience should relate better with him and find him to be more likeable.
  • Kylo Ren still wants to finish what Vader started. He destroys his mask because Snoke says he is “unworthy” of it, and he doesn’t know if he deserves it. He believes following his grandfather’s legacy means destroying his master and the old ways in exchange for a familial dynasty (with Rey).
  • Holdo believing there is the possibility of a spy on board is what prevents her from sharing information with lower-class personnel. Poe believes this is extreme.
  • Lando Calrissian is the man with the red plom bloom. He isn’t part of the fight anymore because of his daughter being a stormtrooper (although this isn’t revealed until the next novel). He sets the Canto Bight children free at the end.
  • Excised unnecessary information with Rose (since she doesn’t play a large role in the next story), along with the Fathier race through the city
  • Expanded upon DJ’s belief system. He believes only the corrupt can win from war.
  • Ben doesn’t intentionally destroy Luke’s temple, it is hit by a Force storm (from the comics)
  • Expanded upon Rey and Kylo’s feelings of inadequacy and abandonment. They both fear not being good enough, so look for validation from others.
  • Snoke didn’t bridge Rey’s and Kylo’s minds. Instead, it’s identified as something that either formed or revealed itself during the interrogation scene in TFA. Snoke is aware of their connection, using it to get Rey to him, but doesn’t know what exactly it is.
  • Holocam droids capture Luke’s final stand for the entire galaxy to witness on the HoloNet. This includes a new scene on Canto Bight where the gamblers consider the war to be simply a game worth betting on.
  • Made the lightspeed ram more believable by explaining why it worked in this situation but not others
  • Finn gets a final confrontation with Phasma that is more fulfilling. It’s based on the deleted scene where he reveals Phasma took down Starkiller’s shields. This leans into the “stormtrooper rebellion” idea.

Leave a message here or PM me if you’d like a look at it.

Tragedy of Vader - A Novelization of The Rise of Skywalker

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I know where to properly (re-)introduce Rey’s insecurities and have the paragraphs planned. Try replacing the specific stuff about Jakku and the “place in this story” in the cave scene with this…

(It’s a WIP, and some of the wording might not be “novel-y”, but you get the idea.)

For the longest she could remember, deep down, Rey believed, unknowingly, that because her parents have abandoned her, it meant that she was, indeed… worthless. And for the longest time, she blamed herself for that. A hole in her heart, a constant pain that could never go away. But despite that, she knew how harmful these feelings were, to herself, and how much it has stripped her away of any sense of happiness, so she had to resort to such desparate choices, or so she believed.

As Kylo himself pointed out, she saught after her parents everywhere. In Han Solo, then in Skywalker. Even during the roughest years of her’s on Jakku, she saught to prove herself to others, even those in need, to gain their respect, under the hopeful assumption she’d get that sense of happiness back. To become happy, and whole. And fulfilled. But even whenever she could succeed in achieving that, it would never have lasted this long.

It truly was a constant pain of her’s. [Insert something about how Rey’s depression and self-loathing consistently resurfaces.]

But it wasn’t completely hopeless, or so she believed. She had been waiting all those years of her’s on Jakku, waiting for her parents to come back… for her. She had hoped, for the longest time, it would validate her for as long as she could live. Maybe even for an eternity. She had always believed that there had to have been a reason for her own parents’ abandonment of her, because otherwise, as far as she could believe… she was worthless.

And this was exactly was she was looking for, here in this cave. Had her parents been shown in that very mirror, she would’ve seen who they really were. Seen that if they were important in all this, so was she. But no. [Insert a sentence or two saying that Rey didn’t get what she wanted or failed to get that validation from specifically her parents.]

(Side notes: 1. Hoping that you go back and edit sentences and stuff from later to fit with this [ahem the throne room reveal] 2. I took notes from what I initially posted all those months ago)

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TestingOutTheTest said:

I’d be more of build-up. It doesn’t confirm WHY they abandoned her. Also in TFA and TLJ pre-throne room they already give out evidence and hints of Rey’s insecurities. (That’s also my Reddit post.)

Please don’t link to a post off-site for some vague explanation for a discussion taking place on here. Discuss it / explain yourself on here.

With the amount of suggestions and posts made in this thread… you could have written your own TROS fan edit novelisation - just how YOU want it - and not how you want others to make it.
 

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TestingOutTheTest said:

I’d be more of build-up. It doesn’t confirm WHY they abandoned her. Also in TFA and TLJ pre-throne room they already give out evidence and hints of Rey’s insecurities. (That’s also my Reddit post.)

In the previous Force bond scene (which takes place right before the mirror scene) Rey denies that her parents abandoned her, so it would kinda be a whiplash 180 turnaround moment imo.

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I mean, the point is that Rey doesn’t get her answers and is left alone, having no choice but to turn to Ben. When Kylo, in the very elevator, reveals he saw who her parents were… this may be the last glimmer of hope.