The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE) — Page 2

There are multiple pages beforehand devoted to what Leia learned from Luke about the Force in her training.

The Force and telekinesis are instinctual.

Yeah I’m not one of those people that think it has to be shown that she was trained before she saved herself like that. Her being the daughter of the most powerful Force user is enough for me. I mostly mentioned that for the people who take issue with it.

Either way, Jason Fry builds up her Force potential quite well so it would be a shame to lose this scene.

I mostly mentioned that for the people who take issue with it.

Storytelling comes first, not fan service/pandering to the fans.

Here’s the changelog for part 2 (also I forgot to mention for part 1 that I removed the prologue since it serves no narrative purpose):

• General cleanup, adding changes from Rekindled, etc.
• As stated previously, Luke thrusts his father’s lightsaber back at Rey and tells her to leave the island
• Removed descriptions that made Luke’s X-wing out to be unsalvageable. Instead, Rey notes that it could be flight-worthy again, but it would take the right parts.
• Hux remembers the Knights of Ren when considering all Force-sensitives in the First Order
• Snoke tells Kylo he doesn’t deserve his mask instead of calling it ridiculous
• Made it clear Kylo destroys his mask because he’s frustrated that he isn’t living up to Vader’s legacy (the original novel leaves this up to interpretation)
• Included the deleted scene “Luke Has a Moment”
• When Leia is meditating in her quarters and sensing the presences of everyone on board the Raddus, referred to Finn’s presence as “an inexplicably bright beacon of light.” Make of that what you will.
• Made the Finn/Poe jacket scene more intimate, while still having Finn wanting to leave to save Rey
• In Poe’s inner dialog, I made it so that he says Leia “convinced him to leave his old life behind for the Resistance” and that “she’d taken him in”. This replaces information that would have been contradictory with what we know about Poe’s backstory now.
• Leia mentions that she knows of “a few ways” the First Order could have tracked them through hyperspace. This is a set up for Holdo’s spy theory.
• Leia refers to an adolescent Ben as tormented instead of alone
• In Kylo’s inner monologue, he now says that he’d somehow been able to hear his parents’ private conversations in his head, where they were “frightened of him, ashamed of him”. Palpatine could have fabricated these voices in his head, or he forced him to hear them.
• Removed the terrible reference to midichlorians while Leia is floating in space. I don’t have a problem with them conceptually, but this isn’t the right time for them to be brought up. Kinda like what happened in Episode 1. It feels way too ham-fisted.

Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TJTWPa0iJX1R8TqhTNEUxJf_4nd6EMu2rSir68vKRr4/edit?usp=sharing

Regarding the spy inference. I would recommend saving it until after Holdo is revealed to be doing the right thing and that Poe was just impulsive. After all, we’re supposed to side with Poe and be suspicious of her until otherwise.

Also, it should be referenced that the First Order discovered their base on D’Qar and planned to fire Starkiller onto it (“They’re charging the weapon, again. Our system is the next target…”) to further reinforce the spy thing.

Hmmm I hadn’t considered the fact that we’re supposed to be suspicious of her. I just assumed that Poe would be mad at her, trying to convince her that they have this brand new hyperspace tracking technology, and then Holdo is all like, “Oh really? You mean technology that is theoretically impossible?” So Poe sends Finn and Rose on their secret mission because it seems like Holdo doesn’t believe him, but in reality she was just being prepared for every possibility like a good leader should be, and she wasn’t sharing her plan with any underlings until she was positive the spy theory was wrong.

And yeah, I figured the fact that the FO mysteriously discovered their base’s location would lend credence to the spy theory.

To further my point, we’re supposed to believe that Holdo is dooming the Resistance in some way, and Poe thinks he’s doing the right thing but got the Resistance into even more trouble. Remember when Poe is upset about the transports (“You’re not just a coward, you’re a traitor!”), among other examples?

Yeah it would be at that point where he would be like, “You think one of us is a spy? Hell, if anybody is, it’s you!”

Also Holdo wouldn’t tell anyone she thinks there’s a spy, because if anything it’ll get any spies to become even more desparate to find out any information.

Nah. I feel like it would make them realize they’re busted and return to the FO fleet while they can. Idk that’s just how I would see it. Then again, I doubt either of us know what standard military protocol is in that situation.

But how else is the FO supposed to win at this point?

Well obviously there is no real spy. So I presume we’re talking about a hypothetical in which there is no tracking just a spy? Then I still don’t see the issue. The spy would have to stay there to assure victory.

Yeah, that’s what I’m referring to. A hypothetical spy.

I actually went back and watched the scene of Leia pulling herself back to the Raddus, and I honestly think it is gonna well. I still don’t think it looks bad, and the idea of her looking like Mary Poppins make zero sense to me. Glad you’re keeping it. I mean, this is the novel anyway, so people can imagine it however they want.

Regarding the spy stuff, you wouldn’t need Holdo, D’Arcy or any of the top people suggest that they’re might be a spy. Maybe during the briefing, there could be rumblings amongst the crew wondering if there is a spy. Basically, people on the ship are paranoid, and think that could be a possibility.

Because of that, Holdo could be cautious about letting information leak, so she could tell Poe that it is a “need-to-know” plan, and he doesn’t need to know. And when Finn and Rose tell Poe about the hyperspace tracking, Poe is already sort of pissed at Holdo, which is why he mocks her by saying their plan is a “need-to-know” plan, and she doesn’t need to know.

Alternatively (or additionally), it could be nice if Holdo said something more straightforward to Poe. She could basically say he needs to learn how to follow orders, since he clearly struggles with that. Holdo could even give Poe some kind of orders, but then we see Poe blow them off to try and save the day in his own way.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll figure out something good.

Yeah maybe subtle is the better way to go here. Literally one line mentioning the possibility of a spy would have saved Holdo’s character for me. So I’ll see what it looks like when I get there.

@RL I think that would be too on-the-nose and kinda pointless. And I talked about Holdo and Poe a couple of comments ago.

@JJB The line would also be pointless in the movie since it’s an inference and thus isn’t explicitly spelled out. That would be like Kylo Ren going up to the audience and blatantly telling us that his injury was the reason he lost to Rey.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Here’s a (possibly?) controversial decision I’ve made. I’m keeping the Leia flying into the Raddus stuff. Poppa’s edit removes it, but I really think it works quite well in novel form for the following reasons:

1. There are multiple pages beforehand devoted to what Leia learned from Luke about the Force in her training.
2. No wonky CGI effects that make her look like Mary Poppins.
3. Descriptions of what’s going on with her body while she’s out in space which imo makes things more believable.

Honestly, the only reason I don’t like Leia flying in the movie is because of the CGI. I don’t dislike the idea in general (especially since it’s built up in the novel), so I think this works fine.

I agree with your approach. Leia’s survival in space is good on paper, with a rather questionable execution (between the buildup, CGI and the cinematography). Its exclusion from movie fan-edits makes sense but it would work nicely if kept in the book.

What’s wrong with the build-up in the movie?

So how about this for the Holdo scene? This way, she isn’t directly stating that she suspects a spy, but Poe is still able to interpret it that way:

“Our plan… Captain? Not Commander, yes? Wasn’t it Leia’s last official act to demote you? For your Dreadnought plan? Where we lost our entire bomber fleet?”

Poe, astonished, found himself at a loss for how to defend himself. “Captain, Commander, fine. I just want to know what we’re doing.”

But Holdo wasn’t finished. Her eyes bored into his.

“Of course you do. Unfortunately for you, it is a need-to-know plan, and you are no longer an executive officer. So until security concerns are cleared, I suggest you stick to your post, and follow my orders, Captain.”

Holdo turned around, but now Poe was worked up. She was suggesting that somebody in the Resistance fleet was leaking their position to the First Order - and that was how they were tracking them through hyperspace.

“You dare question my allegiance to the Resistance?” he protested to her back. “After my parents sacrificed so much?”

Holdo swirled back around. “I never suggested such a thing. You’re a liability, flyboy. Impulsive. Dangerous. The last thing we need right now.”

And with that the new commander of the Resistance stalked off, leaving a stunned starfighter ace in her wake.

I suggest we should still be on Poe’s side and think that Holdo is the one who’s the bad guy (obviously until after the truth is revealed), not Poe (not that he is the bad guy, just that he’s actually impulsive). Only after the truth should the spy thing be referenced.

Well, as a reader, we would know at this point that there is no spy. There is an entire scene dedicated to Hux explaining his hyperspace tracking technology. So we would be on Poe’s side, because we know Holdo is wrong. But of course, the twist later on would be that Holdo did suspect hyperspace tracking, but didn’t want to take any risks.

So it’s the exact same thing as you just described.

How would Holdo know about lightspeed tracking? Even Leia and Finn are surprised and believed that it was impossible.

You could have that same exact criticism with the original movie. Congratulations, you played yourself. In the scene between Leia and Poe in the transport ship Leia says that Holdo knew they were tracking their main ship. How did she know this? Never given an answer.

I think it can be intepreted as the First Order tracking what the Raddus is doing, you know, watching it.

I disagree with that interpretation. In fact, I’m almost inclined to call it invalid since it’s clear what the intended meaning was. That word choice of “tracking” was made intentionally.