I wrote one that leaves out Luke’s name and all references to him being Leia’s brother. The sibling reference in the theatrical crawl actually confused a friend of mine who had never seen a Star Wars movie before. She didn’t understand how an Organa, who married a Solo, could be the sister of a Skywalker. 😄 By the way, the sibling relationship is not mentioned in the movie at all.
On the other hand, I have abandoned the “Palpatine’s first order” theme. Instead, this version emphasises the role of the First Order’s “mysterious leader”. First time viewers might think it’s Kylo Ren, as he is the first leader-like figure we see. Then it’s a bit of a twist when they learn it’s actually the Supreme Leader, who is no less mysterious. This mystery won’t amount to much in TLJ, but it might work well within the context of TFA, especially if his name will be cut in this project.
I also avoided describing the SKB’s ability to devour stars. The audience is going to see that anyway. Why not just give them a clue that it’s more devastating than the Death Stars?
Of course, it’s NeverarGreat’s edit so he is going to decide whether he keeps the “Palpatine’s First Order concept” or not, But I LOVE writing crawls and this thread got me thinking. It’s a neat idea that explains the awkward name JJ came up with for this faction and the timeframe of SKB’s construction, but I wonder if it contributes much to the film.
THE FORCE AWAKENS
The last of the Jedi Knights has
vanished. In his absence, the
NEW REPUBLIC is blind to the
menacing threat emerging from
the remote fringes of the galaxy.
A mysterious leader has unified
the remnants of the fallen
Empire under the banner of the
FIRST ORDER and resolved to
build the deadliest weapon the
galaxy has ever seen.
The only force standing in their
way is a brave RESISTANCE led
by the war hero Leia Organa.
Desperate for allies, the vigilant
general has dispatched her best
pilot to find traces of last Jedi…