Good! I think the structure is great as-is too.
I think overall for the music, the transitions might need small touch ups, just making sure you’re not hearing two conflicting tracks at once if at all possible.
I feel like some very subtle track could be heard while Kylo looks at the energy being absorbed, and maybe could carry through then cut off at the comm interference in the following scene with Rey. Not exactly sure but just a thought.
For the First Order motif you use when they respond to the shields going down, I feel it is a little odd hearing that “dundundundun” build up during the trash compactor bit. I was wonder if you could try keeping it as-is, but stopping it when it cuts to the shot of Phasma’s head turning and Finn saying, “Yeah, there is”, then have it pick back up in the next shot. Sort of like in trailers, the music drops when there is a funny moment.
Alternatively, if you wanted it to be less funny, maybe you could cut out the bucket sound Phasma’s helmet makes. I guess I feel something feels a little off, like there’s too much, and something needs to be cut to make it work better. And in general I think there are some places where underlying music throughout that sequence could be removed more, if possible.
Ash’s suggestion for the dialogue from the 04 ANH might work, otherwise maybe one of us could record a brief replacement line.
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Having little flashes of light behind the clouds would be perfect I think.