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The Force Awakens: Starlight (Released) — Page 77

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Why not put a brief pause in this line. Doing so makes it come across as if he’s saying it with more trepidation:

“Sir, about the girl. They say that she’s dangerous, that she has powers…like yours.”

And:

“Her powers are only beginning to awaken. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

Too on the nose??

Or:

“She’s only begun to grasp the fullness of her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

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I lack the power to create new Kylo lines, which is the problem.

I’ve taken a week off and come back to the problem fresh, and have quite a few ideas on how to play these scenes. However, the biggest issue is that I’ve been trying to force some exposition about the Falcon into scenes where it doesn’t belong. A lighter touch may be all that’s needed here.

So this is what I’m thinking for the progression of scenes:

-Kylo returns to the empty cell
-Kylo is updated part 1
“Sir, the prison level is on lockdown, and the only exit is through hangar 718. She can’t hide forever.”
“The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”
-Rey moves through the halls
-Falcon crash
-Senate update
-Kylo update part 2 (unchanged from theatrical)
“Sir, she was not found in hangar 718, but all troops are on alert.”
“Put every hangar on lockdown, she’s going to try and steal a ship to escape…
…Han Solo.”
-Base infiltration
-Hux update
-Finn’s idea
-Rey enters hangar 718
(Trooper chatter) “Did you hear the report from Precinct 94…that they found a damaged freighter?”
“Yeah, I heard it crashed. Real piece of junk.”

“Sensors triggered in hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”

This progression allows for the two line replacements to be solely Stormtrooper lines, meaning no issues with lipsync. The first line replacement establishes the geography of the coming scenes and retains the tension that even though Rey has escaped her cell she is still trapped in the prison level. It generates the expectation that Rey will inevitably come across a hangar, and since this layout is probably known to Finn it is reasonable to expect that he will make his way toward that same hangar, both to find Phasma and to get Rey. Finally, by putting the Falcon exposition so late in the progression, it more naturally leads our expectation to a scene of the First Order investigating the Falcon.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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This sounds really great. I like the flow and all the lines sound like things troopers/officers would say. Amazing what some time to reflect can do for creative block.

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I like it a lot - like RL said, the dialogue sounds natural; and I enjoy the subtle reference to the Falcon from the stormtroopers - but (nitpicking) it feels a little awkward to base it all around the one hangar. “Sir, she’s 100% heading for this hangar, no doubt about it!” “Sir, she, uh…she wasn’t there. So most of us left.” “OH WAIT CRAP SHE’S THERE NOW MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

Maybe make it more vague - “Sir, the prison level is on lockdown. All troops are on alert; she won’t escape.” “Sir, Captain Phasma has ordered a full sweep of the base. She can’t hide forever.” “Sensors triggered in Hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”

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For the falcon jumping around at the end idea is there any footage from the Galaxy’s Edge promos that could work?

After being beaten and battered by prequel hate, I promise not to be that to the next generation.

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 (Edited)

Thanks RL! It is good to take breaks.

sherlockpotter said:

I like it a lot - like RL said, the dialogue sounds natural; and I enjoy the subtle reference to the Falcon from the stormtroopers - but (nitpicking) it feels a little awkward to base it all around the one hangar. “Sir, she’s 100% heading for this hangar, no doubt about it!” “Sir, she, uh…she wasn’t there. So most of us left.” “OH WAIT CRAP SHE’S THERE NOW MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

Maybe make it more vague - “Sir, the prison level is on lockdown. All troops are on alert; she won’t escape.” “Sir, Captain Phasma has ordered a full sweep of the base. She can’t hide forever.” “Sensors triggered in Hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”

The reason I removed the official line (the last suggestion) was because Rey had just escaped the cell and presumably wouldn’t have managed to get to the hangar at that point. I do think it’s important to reference a hangar since the Kylo update 2 implies prior discussion, the question is how best to do that.

“Sir, the only way out of the cell block is through hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”
“The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

dgraham414 said:

For the falcon jumping around at the end idea is there any footage from the Galaxy’s Edge promos that could work?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyMC9A4-ZXI

This was the only promo I could find with Falcon footage, but I don’t know why the Falcon would fly into a canyon like that in this sequence.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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NeverarGreat said:

sherlockpotter said:

I like it a lot - like RL said, the dialogue sounds natural; and I enjoy the subtle reference to the Falcon from the stormtroopers - but (nitpicking) it feels a little awkward to base it all around the one hangar. “Sir, she’s 100% heading for this hangar, no doubt about it!” “Sir, she, uh…she wasn’t there. So most of us left.” “OH WAIT CRAP SHE’S THERE NOW MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

Maybe make it more vague - “Sir, the prison level is on lockdown. All troops are on alert; she won’t escape.” “Sir, Captain Phasma has ordered a full sweep of the base. She can’t hide forever.” “Sensors triggered in Hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”

The reason I removed the official line (the last suggestion) was because Rey had just escaped the cell and presumably wouldn’t have managed to get to the hangar at that point. I do think it’s important to reference a hangar since the Kylo update 2 implies prior discussion, the question is how best to do that.

“Sir, the only way out of the cell block is through hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”
“The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

I don’t think you need to reference a hangar beforehand - honestly, I think that makes things a bit more confusing. If she needs to go through Hangar 718 to escape, why are the First Order even bothering to search for her? Just set up there and cut her off. But then later, Kylo says to put “Every hangar on lockdown,” as if he doesn’t know that she has to go through this one specific hangar. And when “Sensors are triggered in Hangar 718,” it’s just treated as some routine disturbance that a couple of troopers investigate. All three interactions just sort of contradict each other.

Kylo bringing up the hangar in the second conversation just sounds like he’s saying, “Whelp, we didn’t find her yet. What’s her next move going to be? Oh yeah, steal a ship.”

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 (Edited)

I can see how the updates tend to talk past the others, but I think the overall effect still works.

First update establishes the importance of the hangar to catching Rey, and Kylo essentially warns against just waiting for her like the layout would imply. I could change the order of dialogue to make this more clear.

“Sir, the only way out is through hangar 718. She’ll find her way there eventually.”
“The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”
“Yes sir, I’ll order a full search at once.”

I think the second update works as Kylo displaying an abundance of caution and a lack of faith in his troops to contain her to just one area of the base.

Also recall that the final reference to the hangar in this version is the trooper communicating directly with Phasma, who urges caution and is making her way to the hangar personally.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Yeah, no, I definitely agree with Kylo’s “lack of faith” in his troops, as you say. I guess I just don’t really see this specific hangar as being super-duper important to the story, so I’m not as concerned with doing so much setup for it. After all, Rey spends all of thirty seconds in there before slipping away through an access tunnel. All that really matters is that they don’t know where she is.

That said, I fully trust your artistic vision, Nev, and I’m sure it’ll all come together beautifully!

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Just got done watching this edit - WOW. Superb work. Genuinely a good film. Really enjoyed the additional restructuring and edits you made - bravo. Somehow the characterisations work so much better.
This is 100% the to version of the film now for me.

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Any updates on V2 lately?

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi

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Not much to report lately. I’ve had this on the back burner while working on some other projects, but the plan for everything in V2 is rather straightforward (unlike V1) so it should come together fairly quickly once I get back to working on it.

Eddie has provided new lines for the Resistance officer and I have a plan for the trooper dialogue concerning Hangar 718. I’m contemplating a change to TR-8R’s dialogue as well in order to jump start Finn’s concern about Starkiller base, but that would depend on whether axlanian would be willing to entertain the idea; I’m happy with the existing dialogue in either case.

Then of course there’s the visual effects side of the workload, and that will probably be the biggest bottleneck.

So that’s where the project stands. I will announce when there’s something to show 😃

hero said:

Just got done watching this edit - WOW. Superb work. Genuinely a good film. Really enjoyed the additional restructuring and edits you made - bravo. Somehow the characterisations work so much better.
This is 100% the to version of the film now for me.

Thank you!

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Is there any chance you would reconsider the voiceover before Kylo Ren kills Han? I understand what you were trying to do, but it felt a bit on-the-nose for me. I thought the implications of the scene were clear without it.

Do you also plan to revisit the color grading on Jakku at all? I found it a bit inconsistent.

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The Oscillator confrontation was my first attempt at that sort of Force power. The Poe interrogation was done after that scene and I feel it was a lot more successful because it was better integrated into the surround mix, but for V1 I never went back and adjusted the Oscillator scene. For V2 I will definitely be making it more subtle and well-integrated. I don’t want to remove it completely, because although it feels obvious that Kylo is using some sort of power to interrogate Han based on the Poe and Rey interrogations in the edit, it wasn’t obvious in the original film at all (at least to me) and came off as psychopathic rather than conflicted.

I will also take another look at Jakku 😃

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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NeverarGreat said:

The Oscillator confrontation was my first attempt at that sort of Force power. The Poe interrogation was done after that scene and I feel it was a lot more successful because it was better integrated into the surround mix, but for V1 I never went back and adjusted the Oscillator scene. For V2 I will definitely be making it more subtle and well-integrated. I don’t want to remove it completely, because although it feels obvious that Kylo is using some sort of power to interrogate Han based on the Poe and Rey interrogations in the edit, it wasn’t obvious in the original film at all (at least to me) and came off as psychopathic rather than conflicted.

I will also take another look at Jakku 😃

Okay, that makes sense! Looking forward to it.

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 (Edited)

Just a little bump, not because I’ve made any more progress on the edit (sorry!) but because I’m doodling again with the crawl.

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the light of the
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In the wake of this crisis,
malevolent agents under
the command of the
IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER
have emerged from a
mysterious hidden base
to sow chaos and fear
throughout the grieving
New Republic.

Overwhelmed by rising
turmoil, members of the
bitterly divided Senate
have secretly called upon
a daring RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Coming back to this edit, it truly is amazing what it does for the movie. Everybody praises the change of moving the Hosnian Prime destruction, which is a fantastic change, but I think one of the best changes in any edit is making Rey tap into the dark side at the end. It works so well and completely recontextualizes the whole movie. Honestly I would go further and make the sith eyes more pronounced, and maybe replace the heroic music with something slightly more sinister when V2 comes around. How’s the progress on that?

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I haven’t done work on any edit for a while now, primarily because money is tight and Adobe’s editing suites cost a bit more than I’m willing to spend right now. I’m determined to continue work at some point, but until then it would be helpful to view my edits as on hiatus.

As to your question about the eyes, I had done a whole lot of work on a V2 for a few months and I did end up making the eyes more pronounced, as well as going through the film and fixing a laundry list of sound and visual issues. As noted before, I discovered that a lot of my music and sound effects were stuck on a mono track so I liberated them to become part of the surround mix, and I’ve already done work on several new sequences for version 2. It’s already a lot more polished than V1.

Anyway, that’s a lot of sugar on top of what I’m sure is disappointing news, but rest assured I will not let this project go quietly into the night!

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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One of the changes I have made for V2 is to alter the Starkiller Destruction finale music to better fit the tone of this darker edit. Whereas before the music went from the bombastic Starkiller Destruction to the upbeat D’qar base return, now the music culminates in a sustained note and the return to base is left silent. In making this change, I was also able to salvage the shot of the ships going to Hyperspace, and I think the scene now has a sense of finality where the audience is allowed to take a breath before the next scene begins.

https://mega.nz/file/OVkzQKgK#cxHEBck-qP37CXbeerA8jy9-Utjyo6FZeYeYGzJ4aWg

And of course, the sound effects for this entire section of the film have been practically rebuilt from scratch.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Oh that is so much better.

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi

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Really lovely, and it’s great to hear you have even more ideas and refinement, even though you’re not actively on it. I really appreciate your efforts buddy.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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NeverarGreat said:

As noted before, I discovered that a lot of my music and sound effects were stuck on a mono track so I liberated them to become part of the surround mix, and I’ve already done work on several new sequences for version 2. It’s already a lot more polished than V1.

Nev, so when V2 is released, it will have those mono tracks in stereo! Oh man I really am so excited for the update when it eventually comes out. You’ve taken TFA to the next level.

heil palpatine!

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And another not-so-slight edit to the crawl, because why not 😉

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In Luke’s absence, the
evil FIRST ORDER has
risen from a stronghold
of the fallen Empire to
declare throughout the
wretched New Republic
that anyone seeking the
Jedi’s return shall face
obliteration.

Appalled by this decree,
a few faithful Senators
have secretly lent their
support to the mission
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

This has some vocabulary, but hopefully it’s not too much. The intention is to give the First Order a plan that doesn’t contradict canon or the film yet also makes them maximally threatening. The idea of them having a vendetta against people who want Luke back fits the film since all three of their major attacks occur on those in support of the Jedi.

The relationship of the New Republic to the Resistance also threads the needle between keeping the Senate in a minor role and explaining why they are not taking public action against the First Order, namely that the First Order has presumably only threatened violence against pro-Jedi factions before the start of the film and not directly attacked the Republic itself. The final paragraph also lends some tragedy to the Republic.

The only thing I wish were included in this crawl was a reference to the Imperial base being hidden, but that can be presumed.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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NeverarGreat said:

And another not-so-slight edit to the crawl, because why not 😉

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In Luke’s absence, the
evil FIRST ORDER has
risen from a stronghold
of the fallen Empire to
declare throughout the
wretched New Republic
that anyone seeking the
Jedi’s return shall face
obliteration.

Appalled by this decree,
a few faithful Senators
have secretly lent their
support to the mission
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

This has some vocabulary, but hopefully it’s not too much. The intention is to give the First Order a plan that doesn’t contradict canon or the film yet also makes them maximally threatening. The idea of them having a vendetta against people who want Luke back fits the film since all three of their major attacks occur on those in support of the Jedi.

The relationship of the New Republic to the Resistance also threads the needle between keeping the Senate in a minor role and explaining why they are not taking public action against the First Order, namely that the First Order has presumably only threatened violence against pro-Jedi factions before the start of the film and not directly attacked the Republic itself. The final paragraph also lends some tragedy to the Republic.

The only thing I wish were included in this crawl was a reference to the Imperial base being hidden, but that can be presumed.

You know me and my crawl-writing lol. I tried to add “hidden” and make it a little less wordy but with the same points as above.

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In Luke’s absence, the evil
FIRST ORDER has risen from a
hidden stronghold of the fallen
Empire, declaring annihilation to
anyone in the wretched New Republic
who seeks the lost Jedi’s return.

Appalled by this decree of violence,
several Senators have secretly lent
support to a growing RESISTANCE, whose
mission is to find Luke, and restore
peace and justice to the darkening stars…

The Skywalker Saga:
I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX
This is the way.