Sign In

The Clone Wars: Refocused - RELEASED (to v2.0) up to S02E06. (I'd appreciate feedback on the new S02E02!) — Page 61

Author
Time
 (Edited)

vranir said:

I like it.

If I were asked to edit this text (which I do professionally), I would question whether the word “military” is necessary when describing the energy shields.

I’d also ask about the need to call Ventress “a priority target.”

Both of those details could be inferred from the context and just make the sentences wordier.

Grammatically (especially if you remove the “priority target” phrase), you should add a comma before ASAJJ VENTRESS. The comma would make it clear that she is Dooku’s assassin (the only one). Without the comma, the technical meaning is that she is one of his potentially many assassins.

That’s as nitpicky as I can be. Every version of the text has been an improvement over the previous, and as it stands now, it’s quite good.

Lovely detail, thanks!

I had just deleted ‘military’, to replace it with ‘powerful’, but then went back to ‘military’ again. I know the context is there, but this season I really want to emphasise that the Separatist’s attacks are against really sensible military targets, and that they’re targeting them all as a matter of real strategic priority. This adds threat to the Separatists and our villains, that the first season of the show really suffered from. The word ‘military’ was the most explicit way to convey, well, the military theme to the season, in the context of this episode.

Ventress being ‘a priority target’ was also a late addition. My entirely new context for these scenes, which wasn’t present in the original episodes, was that Ventress has drawn them away (whilst jammed) so that the Republic force doesn’t detect or disrupt the landing of the large Separatist fleet. This adds competency to her character, and adds to the episode’s main threat. Making it explicit that the Republic now “fear invasion” but that Obi-Wan and Anakin have really had to drop their duties to pursue her, I think gives the viewer the best possible shot at putting two and two together.

I think I’m OK with leaving it ambiguous how many assassins Dooku has. In my mind he has a whole bunch of non-force assassins, whom he hires as he needs to, but only one capital-A ASSASSIN. I think it’s flexible enough to not be vital, and that adding a comma there leaves you with a few too many in that sentence (“Dooku’s Assassin, Asajj Ventress, a priority target…”).

I know I’ve effectively just said “Yeah nah” to all of your suggestions, but I still really appreciate being challenged in this way, as it forces me to think through my priorities in greater detail, so please do keep this up!

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Might as well share where I’m at with Malevolence too:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
The Republic faces a dire emergency, as the leader of Dooku’s army, the droid general GRIEVOUS, strikes swiftly from the shadows.
With his new weapon, the battleship MALEVOLENCE, he has been destroying medical stations, killing thousands of wounded clones.
Obi-Wan Kenobi now urgently coordinates the evacuation of medical stations in the Naboo sector, where six have recently been destroyed.
As Anakin Skywalker and his new Padawan Ahsoka Tano lead the search, Jedi Master PLO KOON has picked up Grievous’ signal.
But no fleet that has faced the Malevolence has yet survived…

Notes:

  • We capitalise GRIEVOUS, MALEVOLENCE, and PLO KOON, since they’re this episode’s newly introduced focal points. The episode title ‘MALEVOLENCE’ highlights the theme of bad guys being bad guys, and helps our season start from the footing of its villains being legitimate threats - important since they underpin the war and this entire era of Star Wars.
  • “Emergency” is now mentioned early, heavily implying that this is the emergency mentioned in the Christophsis episode. Now in context, as soon as the war broke out, at Dooku’s command, Grievous started wrecking the Republic’s ability to field clones.
  • Grievous is now “the droid general GRIEVOUS” rather than “GENERAL GRIEVOUS”, since he’s often referred to as the ‘droid general’. In the context of “the leader of Dooku’s army” it leaves more room for the viewer to recognise that he’s a general OF droids, rather than a droid himself.
  • “Strikes swiftly from the shadows” I think most clearly implies that he’s appearing, destroying, then escaping, rather than being involved in any prolonged conflicts. It leans into Grievous’ cowardice without that distracting from his villainy. The idea he’s hit a lot of stations (quickly) gives value when Grievous is annoyed his ship has to slowly navigate the nebula, which is the opportunity the Republic need to defeat him - implying they got lucky, maintaining his implicit threat.
  • We refer to the Malevolence as both a battleship and a weapon, to mask the fact that in the original episodes, they didn’t know that the “mystery weapon” was a battleship.
  • Obi-Wan coordinates “in the Naboo sector” because he has dialogue implying they’re close to Naboo, but specifically “sector” so I can imply the Republic know the rough area where he is, allowing me to pull the scenes with Nala Se earlier since they now don’t know where he’ll strike next, so must evacuate all local stations. This means that there’s more of a race against time now, with Grievous on the hunt while Anakin and Ahsoka fuck about trying to save Plo. It makes their actions reckless (which they’re chided for in the episode) while still being heroic.
  • Our “BUT” sentence connects to Plo’s discovery of Grievous, allowing us to open the episode on his ship’s destruction.
Author
Time

I appreciate the intentionality with your 1x01 choices. In accepting/rejecting changes, it often comes down to making sure that the wording has been chosen for a specific purpose.

For the 1x02 crawl, I’d say that the wording is solid, but I would suggest breaking the sentences differently. It’s mostly subjective, but I think it would read slightly better as follows:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
The Republic faces a dire emergency. The leader of Dooku’s army, the droid general GRIEVOUS, strikes swiftly from the shadows.
With a new weapon, the battleship MALEVOLENCE, he has been medical stations, killing thousands of wounded clones.

Obi-Wan Kenobi urgently coordinates the evacuation of medical stations in the Naboo sector, where six have recently been destroyed.
While Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano lead the search for Grievous, Jedi Master PLO KOON picks up the battleship’s signal and moves to intercept.
But no fleet that has faced the Malevolence has yet survived…

I also got rid of “his new padawan” in order to make room for “and moves to intercept,” which I think paints the situation a bit more clearly.

Author
Time

Oh, these are fantastic changes, thanks. I’ll include all of those. By removing “Skywalker” I can just get away with “As Anakin and his new Padawan Ahsoka Tano lead the search, Jedi Master PLO KOON picks up Grievous’ signal and moves to intercept.”

Author
Time
 (Edited)

But then Anakin is the only one without a full name. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin, Ahsoka Tano, and Plo Koon.

Author
Time

vranir said:

But then Anakin is the only one without a full name. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin, Ahsoka Tano, and Plo Koon.

I didn’t mention it above but I’ve shortened Obi-Wan Kenobi to just Obi-Wan also. The rule being that if it’s the first time mentioning your name you get the full thing, but for future references, a shorter version is OK.

Author
Time

I’ve just updated:

  • s01e00 Dark Force Rising (v2.2), making Obi-Wan’s “Yes” louder
  • s01e01 The New Padawan (v2.3), making the Ventress stair dialogue louder

Malevolence is coming nicely…

Author
Time

I know this isn’t an episode anyone’s excited about (indeed it’s probably my least favourite in the whole of my show), but I realised that my Malevolence episode really needed rebuilding from scratch, so I’ve spent the last nine hours doing that. It’s nearly done - all I need to do is play around with Grievous’ arrival at the medical station, and then rework the final battle a little.

It’s been painful but there’re LOADS of improvements. Less jumping around (via scenes recombined from the original), moments given far longer to sink in, extended scenes, and where I’ve intercut things, I’ve managed to keep all the scenes on the same theme together, so it’s way less taxing. This should flow a lot better than before. I’ve been less ‘clever’ with some of my reorderings than my original version - I had reordered some things for drama, but ultimately that small benefit wasn’t worth making the episode so choppy.

Hopefully this’ll be done soon, so I can move on…

Author
Time
 (Edited)

More good progress on Malevolence.

The run-up to the final battle, the final battle itself, and the mop-up are all smoother now. This was always the weakest part of the (amalgamated) episode and one of the reasons for that is that there’s far less emotional jeopardy for the time spent on these scenes, so they feel bloated and slow.

Now, we don’t waste time on the clones who are going to die, and we also don’t have Grievous launch fighters and pick off our bombers with them. The only unexpected threat, which Anakin’s plan didn’t account for (since the Malevolence leaves no survivors and all they had was Plo Koon’s intel from his encounter) was the heavy flak, which forces them to change their plans from assaulting the bridge to attacking the ion weapon.

I also trimmed a couple of scenes in the medical station. Still now, with this episode, we establish way earlier that Grievous is on the hunt for more medical stations, and then this one in particular, in order to add a time pressure aspect (and recklessness) to Anakin’s hunt for Plo Koon. But then we don’t need to keep cutting back to it to establish tension about faceless clones the audience doesn’t care about, especially since Anakin and Ahsoka aren’t emotionally invested in them either. This keeps the final fight that much smoother.

I’ve preserved some of Grievous’ arrogance, which ultimately gives him his comeuppance. I wasn’t sure about this, because I’d like to only show him when he’s a most compelling threat, but ultimately in this context he dismisses his ship’s vulnerability to bombers (which is OK since he’s only really underestimating a Jedi’s ability to evade flak) and he focuses on the medical station rather than the incoming threat (because he doesn’t perceive it as as much of a threat, and boy does he love killing clones).

Just a little more work to go to finalise the wrap-up and the very opening, then I can bookend this and get it out the door…

Author
Time

EddieDean said:
Just a little more work to go to finalise the wrap-up and the very opening, then I can bookend this and get it out the door…

Really excited to see how these refinements improve the episode!

I am no Jedi

Author
Time

Nearly there.

More work on the conclusion, which I’d got close to best before, but I’m now making less jerky and the music more smooth and appropriate.

Should get this done tomorrow or not far after…

Author
Time

Malevolence is complete and rendering now! Gonna do a QC check, but I’ll have it out to you all soon.

This now runs to 30:04. There are about four 3-minute stretches unedited, but the rest is chopped to bits. So a huge amount of work has gone into making this not feel choppy. I think I’ve got it as good as I possibly can.

Author
Time

EddieDean said:

Malevolence is complete and rendering now! Gonna do a QC check, but I’ll have it out to you all soon.

This now runs to 30:04. There are about four 3-minute stretches unedited, but the rest is chopped to bits. So a huge amount of work has gone into making this not feel choppy. I think I’ve got it as good as I possibly can.

Will report for this, once it´s up.
For the time being, doesn´t this look beautiful^^
https://imgbox.com/Vb9aBEFo

Author
Time
 (Edited)

RE-RELEASED - S01E02 - MALEVOLENCE (V2.0)

Comprising the entire Malevolence arc.
Our second episode of the season (formerly our third, but I’ve shifted the first season around and it fits better here).
Now brought up to my 2.0 standard, with a huge amount of polish over the previous version.
Running 30 minutes.
Download link in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.

Changes from the original source material:

  • This is a very radical restructure of the Malevolence arc, using the Plo Koon escape pod content from Rising and the bomber attack from Shadow, finished off with a few shots from Destroy for the conclusion.
  • I establish in the opening text that Grievous in the Malevolence has been destroying multiple medical stations, and we join our protagonists on the hunt for him as they manage to identify the rough sector he’s in at the moment. (Later in the episode they get the clue which tells them where he’ll strike next).
  • (I refer to these events in the opening text as an ‘emergency’, connecting it back to our previous Christophsis episode, where an off-planet emergency features but doesn’t appear. [In the original movie the emergency was Jabba’s son being kidnapped, but that’s not a plotline which appears in TCW:Refocused])
  • We retain and highlight all of the important early development of Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship.
  • To enhance the emotional stakes and the threat, I’ve pulled the medical station scenes throughout the whole episode, as well as the parts where Grievous is travelling through hyperspace, so the entire episode is much more of a race against time. Now, any delays due to the hunt for Plo might cause more lives to be lost as Grievous remains free to attack medical stations.
  • I also recontextualised and trimmed a fair amount, to make Grievous more of a competent and cruel strategist, who’s not in conflict with his master, Dooku.
  • I’ve rearranged scenes to make the Malevolence itself feel more powerful and threatening, especially helmed by Grievous. Its ion cannon VFX was extremely goofy, I thought, so we never see it fire in this episode - though we still get a feel for quite how devastating it can be.
  • I removed a lot of scenes which undercut the core message/character growth of the episode.
  • I cut the space whales in the nebula - bombers go into shortcut, bombers come out of shortcut.
  • Nobody boards the Malevolence, and Padmé does not appear in this episode. It’d be good to see Anakin and Padmé together so early, but all of the scenes inside the Malevolence are so cringe, they cheapen all of the characters involved.

I never liked the original, but I’m very pleased with where I managed to get this to. I’m not sure if it can be improved any further, but as always, I welcome and encourage your feedback.

And naturally this means I’m over the early hump, so should get the next ones brought up to v2.0 a bit sooner…

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I just watched the new 1x02. Again, much improved. Grievous especially is much more competent. This episode still feels very busy though. I’m going to throw it into iMovie and see if any trims can streamline it further without compromising the content. Full feedback coming after I play around with it.

Author
Time

Sounds great Vranir, be my guest, thanks! I’m all out of ideas, and have satisfied my goal of making this necessary-but-problematic episode far more digestible, so am happy to have this out of my hands. I’ll be pleased to incorporate anything you find that works.

In the meantime, I get to enjoy getting on with the far better episodes which follow. Hooray! Finally over the hump.

Author
Time

I’ve finished my pass and have sent a link to the video in a PM.

I actually ended up making a lot of adjustments, including trims and rearrangements in order to streamline the story and move things forward at a more even pace. I can’t replicate your excellent wipe-transitions, but I did what I could. Feel free to reintegrate or mimic any of my changes if you wish.

The full summary of changes are as follows:

  • Cut from the launch of the hunter droids to Anakin and Asoka with the Jedi Council.

  • Cut ObiWan’s line about learning from Anakin to maintain formality in the Council.

  • Replaced the scene with stale air and discovering a broken pod with the initial one where they intend to wait for rescue. The other scene adds nothing that isn’t repeated elsewhere - the pessimism, PloKoon valuing their lives, and the discovery of droids hunting pods are all introduced again later. This also reduces the number of scene-jumps for a smoother episode.

  • From the pod we go directly to the launch of Asoka and Anakin’s ship (a very short scene), and from there to ObiWan finding out. The scene with Grievous is gone, effectively dropping him off the map for the audience, as well as the characters.

  • Trimmed an establishing shot of Anakin and Asoka flying toward the wreckage and planet. We already got a similar shot when they first arrived, and the trim makes everything feel faster and the events here and on the pod concurrent.

  • Trimmed some of the reaction of the clones to the approaching hunter droids in order to smooth the transition and remove mildly awkward dialogue.

  • Cut Asoka’s reaction and “let’s go in” after R2 detects a signal. Her line was mildly annoying and removing it weakened nothing.

  • Removed the clone line “It’s Asoka!” I’m not sure how much name recognition she’d have yet. Jumping straight to the next line “She must be close!” is equally effective and dodges the question of whether these clones know her already.

  • Trimmed the Jedi Council talking again about the mystery weapon, mainly because I’m tired of the line and because it makes them seem fretful instead of deliberate/strategic. Instead, we start with Yoda’s line about Grievous being one step ahead of them.

  • Cut PloKoon’s reference to humor, since I cut the earlier joke line (and that entire scene).

  • Cut the entire Palpatine hologram conversation. Without it, we go straight from PloKoon concentrating to Asoka connecting to him.

  • Transitioned from Asoka comforting PloKoon to the first medical-station scene. By moving this scene later, we transition the focus of the episode to the showdown. We also have Yalaren reference the battleship, information that they presumably learned offscreen from PloKoon, who will momentarily show up aboard the Venator.

  • From the med station, we transition to Grievous en route to remind us that he exists and to announce that he is very close.

  • From Grievous’ short scene, we jump to Anakin’s speech to the troops. There is little lost by cutting the prior scene with PloKoon and the Y-Wings. This moves the fleet more quickly from preparation to action.

  • Cut ObiWan’s reference to a shortcut (only elsewhere mentioned in the cut PloKoon and Y-Wing scene), along with some surrounding dialogue.

  • Swapped the order of evacuation/arrival scenes. Now we see ships undocking, hear the med station personnel discussing the evacuations, and see Grievous arrive.

  • Abbreviated some of Grievous’ orders at the start of battle to show more focus.

  • Trimmed and arranged the entrance of the Y-Wings to be faster and more direct. Now they appear, Grievous notices but orders the ion cannon powered, the fighters begin staffing, they take damage, and Asoka points out that they can’t all make it. (I trimmed her second “Master” to reduce annoyance and make him more responsive to her.) I also moved PloKoon’s comment about attacking the ion cannon until after Anakin changes their target. Now the idea was his and Asoka’s. PloKoon just explains why it makes sense.

  • Cut a redundant Y-Wing approach snd torpedo launch during the ion cannon attack.

  • Cut a shot of the ion cannon charging after it has already been shown more fully charged.

  • Transitioned directly from the ion cannon explosion to the Y-Wings returning to the med station.

  • Trimmed Anakin’s line about it being hard losing his men. It seemed a little too overtly sentimental for the moment. He says enough with his tone and mentioning the losses.

  • Cut some of the shots with Venators pursuing the Malevolence in order to move things ahead slightly faster. I also cut any shots with PloKoon suddenly on the bridge instead of in his fighter.

Total running time = 25 min

The downside of this secondary edit is that, in many ways, it feels more like two episodes that have been joined at the middle. But then again, so do most of the Star Wars movies themselves.

Author
Time

I haven’t had time to watch the video yet, but let’s think this all through!

vranir said:

I’ve finished my pass and have sent a link to the video in a PM.

I actually ended up making a lot of adjustments, including trims and rearrangements in order to streamline the story and move things forward at a more even pace. I can’t replicate your excellent wipe-transitions, but I did what I could. Feel free to reintegrate or mimic any of my changes if you wish.

The full summary of changes are as follows:

  • Cut from the launch of the hunter droids to Anakin and Asoka with the Jedi Council.

  • Replaced the scene with stale air and discovering a broken pod with the initial one where they intend to wait for rescue. The other scene adds nothing that isn’t repeated elsewhere - the pessimism, PloKoon valuing their lives, and the discovery of droids hunting pods are all introduced again later. This also reduces the number of scene-jumps for a smoother episode.

This is doable. And it’d be nice because then Ahsoka’s faith in survivors comes before we know she’s right, so she gets validated. I do like spending a bit more time with Plo and the clones, which is why I initially left it, but this is worth a shot.

  • Trimmed an establishing shot of Anakin and Asoka flying toward the wreckage and planet. We already got a similar shot when they first arrived, and the trim makes everything feel faster and the events here and on the pod concurrent.

  • Trimmed some of the reaction of the clones to the approaching hunter droids in order to smooth the transition and remove mildly awkward dialogue.

  • Cut Asoka’s reaction and “let’s go in” after R2 detects a signal. Her line was mildly annoying and removing it weakened nothing.

  • Removed the clone line “It’s Asoka!” I’m not sure how much name recognition she’d have yet. Jumping straight to the next line “She must be close!” is equally effective and dodges the question of whether these clones know her already.

  • Cut PloKoon’s reference to humor, since I cut the earlier joke line (and that entire scene).

These five all sound very sensible. I’ll want to make sure that these trims don’t make the music track choppy, but I’ll see if I can execute them cleanly. This could go a long way toward smoothing the start.

  • Cut ObiWan’s line about learning from Anakin to maintain formality in the Council.

I’d rather keep this. Since I’m heavily truncating from the first season, I think anything that demonstrates their bond early has value (even just others commenting on it). And since it appears that Anakin getting Ahsoka was a Obi-Wan and Yoda scheme, I think it’s acceptable for Obi-Wan to update Yoda about it.

  • The downside of this secondary edit is that, in many ways, it feels more like two episodes that have been joined at the middle. But then again, so do most of the Star Wars movies themselves.

  • From the pod we go directly to the launch of Asoka and Anakin’s ship (a very short scene), and from there to ObiWan finding out. The scene with Grievous is gone, effectively dropping him off the map for the audience, as well as the characters.

I definitely want to preserve the Grievous around the nebula scenes (and I don’t think there are more suitable placements). I think it’s better to interleave Rising and Shadow than to just put them back-to-back, because it makes the episode feel more coherent without harming the narrative. That leaves us with the remaining problem of trying not to dart around too much, which we’re trying to solve here.

  • Trimmed the Jedi Council talking again about the mystery weapon, mainly because I’m tired of the line and because it makes them seem fretful instead of deliberate/strategic. Instead, we start with Yoda’s line about Grievous being one step ahead of them.

I’m not sure how this will land but I’ll certainly watch your version to get a feel for it.

  • Cut the entire Palpatine hologram conversation. Without it, we go straight from PloKoon concentrating to Asoka connecting to him.

I’m in two minds about this. Yes, it’s smoother without Palpatine, but if we keep it it achieves two things: (1) Emphasises the threat of the malevolence and the recklessness of Anakin and Ahsoka’s actions, and (2) Shows some early (light) manipulation by Palpatine, putting a little wedge between Anakin and the council. I think that’s more valuable here than cutting it. Now, our episode two nicely expands on the cast and motivations of the characters from our episode one.

  • Transitioned from Asoka comforting PloKoon to the first medical-station scene. By moving this scene later, we transition the focus of the episode to the showdown. We also have Yalaren reference the battleship, information that they presumably learned offscreen from PloKoon, who will momentarily show up aboard the Venator.

I’ll have to check this one. Do you mean you cut the scene where Anakin works out where the next strike is going to be? I’ve got a feeling this suggestion could work just fine.

  • From the med station, we transition to Grievous en route to remind us that he exists and to announce that he is very close.

  • From Grievous’ short scene, we jump to Anakin’s speech to the troops. There is little lost by cutting the prior scene with PloKoon and the Y-Wings. This moves the fleet more quickly from preparation to action.

Sounds viable. I’ll take a look.

  • Cut ObiWan’s reference to a shortcut (only elsewhere mentioned in the cut PloKoon and Y-Wing scene), along with some surrounding dialogue.

I think we need to preserve the shortcut scene. It’s quite important to understand that Grievous has been delayed by difficult space terrain, which smaller ships can navigate. There needs to be some core opportunity which our guys exploit in order to finally defeat this quick-striking threat.

  • Swapped the order of evacuation/arrival scenes. Now we see ships undocking, hear the med station personnel discussing the evacuations, and see Grievous arrive.

Sounds good. I did play around with orderings but if the transitions can be made to work (and the music kept smooth) this could be sensible.

  • Abbreviated some of Grievous’ orders at the start of battle to show more focus.

I thought I had this fairly tight already but I’ll review.

  • Trimmed and arranged the entrance of the Y-Wings to be faster and more direct. Now they appear, Grievous notices but orders the ion cannon powered, the fighters begin staffing, they take damage, and Asoka points out that they can’t all make it. (I trimmed her second “Master” to reduce annoyance and make him more responsive to her.) I also moved PloKoon’s comment about attacking the ion cannon until after Anakin changes their target. Now the idea was his and Asoka’s. PloKoon just explains why it makes sense.

I considered this, so will check your version. I wanted to shift Ahsoka’s lines exactly as you suggest here, but was concerned about matching it to the music. I’ll play with it though.

  • Cut a redundant Y-Wing approach snd torpedo launch during the ion cannon attack.

  • Cut a shot of the ion cannon charging after it has already been shown more fully charged.

  • Transitioned directly from the ion cannon explosion to the Y-Wings returning to the med station.

These sound good too, give or take smooth music.

  • Trimmed Anakin’s line about it being hard losing his men. It seemed a little too overtly sentimental for the moment. He says enough with his tone and mentioning the losses.

I added that but agree it didn’t quite work in that moment. Happy to lose it.

  • Cut some of the shots with Venators pursuing the Malevolence in order to move things ahead slightly faster. I also cut any shots with PloKoon suddenly on the bridge instead of in his fighter.

Can trim venators, can’t trim Plo. We need to keep those scenes for the dialogue in them, and I’ve already zoomed shots to exclude Anakin. I could add a wipe though, to allow time to pass.

Some really great suggestions here vranir, thanks for giving it so much thought.

Author
Time

I have to say after watchimg the new version of MALOVELENCE i´m quite happy how it played out. The musical transitions are now flawless, especially the ending, just smooth as it could get.
But your approved suggestions from vranir seem tempting. I would say, you decide if you want to take another edit endevour.

Just a fun fact: everytime, literally eveytime i just watch the whole credits for the sake of the musical composition:)

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I can’t believe I’ve put so much work into this goddamn episode. But Vranir, you’ve had some great ideas, a lot of which have proven feasible. I haven’t been able to make all of the smaller ones, but your restructuring (and cutting of scenes entirely) has proven really viable, and has spawned a couple of new ideas too, including a couple of instances of merging scenes successfully. The whole is definitely getting to a point of being tighter still, with far less jumping around. I think this’ll come out even stronger now. Not long now…

Author
Time

Thank you. I can’t wait to see the result.

Also, I too listen to the credits because of the awesome music and artwork. The tune gets stuck in my head all the time.

Author
Time

Likewise. Even when I’m editing, if I hit those credits I have to sit through. It’s so hype.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

(RE)RELEASED - s01e02 - MALEVOLENCE (v2.1)

  • RELEASE VERSION, now brought up to my more polished 2.0 standard.
  • Our second episode of the season (formerly our third, but I’ve shifted the first season around and it fits better here).
  • Comprising the Malevolence arc (Rising Malevolence, Shadow of Malevolence, and Destroy Malevolence).
  • Running 29 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This is a very radical restructure of the Malevolence arc, using the Plo Koon escape pod content from Rising and the bomber attack from Shadow, finished off with a few shots from Destroy for the conclusion. It’s not a great arc at all, but it gives us some good exploration of Ahsoka which pays off throughout the show, so it deserves inclusion. My priority was to focus on the emotional value in the episode, and get through it as painlessly as possible - in particular by cutting the scenes in Destroy where they board the Malevolence and it all gets quite cheesy.

Noteworthy changes (v2.1 changes in bold, thanks vranir):

  • I establish in the opening text that Grievous in the Malevolence has been destroying multiple medical stations, and we join our protagonists on the hunt for him as they manage to identify the rough sector he’s in at the moment. (Later in the episode they get the clue which tells them where he’ll strike next).
  • (I refer to these events in the opening text as an ‘emergency’, connecting it back to our previous Christophsis episode, where an off-planet emergency features but doesn’t appear. [In the original movie the emergency was Jabba’s son being kidnapped, but that’s not a plotline which appears in TCW:Refocused])
  • We retain and highlight all of the important early development of Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship.
  • To enhance the emotional stakes and the threat, I’ve pulled the scenes where Grievous is pursuing the next medical station throughout the whole episode, so the entire episode is much more of a race against time. Now, any delays due to the hunt for Plo might cause more lives to be lost as Grievous remains free to attack medical stations, and the dialogue fits this nicely.
  • I also recontextualised and trimmed a fair amount, to make Grievous more of a competent and cruel strategist, who’s not in conflict with his master, Dooku.
  • I’ve rearranged scenes to make the Malevolence itself feel more powerful and threatening, especially helmed by Grievous. Its ion cannon VFX was extremely goofy, I thought, so we never see it fire in this episode - though we still get a feel for quite how devastating it can be.
  • I removed a lot of scenes which undercut the core message/character growth of the episode.
  • I’ve reordered a good number of scenes for narrative flow, to keep the plot smooth, and to minimise jumping around.
  • I cut the space whales in the nebula - bombers go into shortcut, bombers come out of shortcut.
  • I heavily trimmed the assault on the Malevolence, reordering a good few shots to make the attack tighter and clearer and give Anakin more of the lead role.
  • Nobody boards the Malevolence, and Padmé does not appear in this episode. It’d be good to see Anakin and Padmé together so early, but all of the scenes inside the Malevolence are so cringe, they cheapen all of the characters involved.

I’ve spent way too long working on this episode that frankly doesn’t deserve it! But it’s necessary, and at least it’s in a good place now. It really whips through, but I think I’ve got it as clean as it can possibly be, for the beats it needs to cover.