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Sounds very interesting. I’m looking forward to seeing the result.
Onwards to my RYLOTH episode. I think I could really do with some extra thinking here, if anyone has any spare.
As a reminder, my episode as it currently stands uses pretty much the entire plot of Shadow Over Ryloth, which is about Anakin and Ahsoka having to break the blockade above the planet, with the emotional core being Ahsoka failing in her first command and having to deal with that. The secondary plot I intercut was from Supply Lines, where Cham Syndulla appears, though the main focus there is on Master Di’s plot as he tries to protect some Twi’leks trapped on the surface, while Bail tries to get some blockade runners from nearby Toydaria to Ryloth in time.
Reviewing what I’d already produced, I think it’s really unacceptable that I left this episode available so long with the huge audio glitch at the end, so I’m very sorry about that. It’s a really poor standard. I know I was keeping up momentum at the time but damn. I let you guys down with that one.
Going into this episode’s polish, I already knew that, because of the reordering, I could have the Toydarian King Katuunko appear in this episode, since now he won’t be killed by Savage until my following one (which makes a nice tight pairing as I can frame it as more immediate revenge). So I was already planning on reintroducing the scenes with Bail and Katuunko, albeit avoiding JarJar if possible.
However, on review, while the structure of the episode is broadly fine, my big takeaway this time was on how much jumping around we do. You’ve got Anakin and Ahsoka, you’ve got all the POV stuff of the Separatist admiral, you’ve got Master Di and Cham, AND you’ve got Bail and Katuunko. There’s too much juggling.
Now that I’ve had more experience at digging into the value of the source content, I think I need to make some changes.
That’s the main stuff, and to be honest that all warrants recreating the episode from scratch, which won’t be as tough as it sounds.
However, also a factor is the plans for my second Ryloth episode. Again, due to Cham’s increased importance, I’m tempted to include more of him. The problem being, I remember Innocents of Ryloth and Liberty on Ryloth both being fairly unemotional and unexciting episodes with just Obi-Wan appearing from our set of main characters.
One option I’ve been playing with here is the inclusion of some of Jedi Crash, which has a great opening action sequence, and is crap otherwise other than showing Ahsoka caring for Anakin. I’ve considered a merge of that with Innocents/Liberty, to show essentially the big three characters split from each other. That might just give both plotlines the balance they each need in order to stand together.
But before I pursue that, I might look into including more from Liberty into this current episode. To memory, the best content there was in seeing Cham’s conversations with Mace, where they discuss Ryloth’s difficult politics, the victims of the war and the freedom fighters, and Cham’s issues with Orn Free Taa. I’ll see if there’s a workable solution there, or default back to the other plans listed here.
The other combo, the least likely I’ll use, might be to put the Master Di content in Liberty/Innocents, perhaps as the setup for things going badly for Cham before the start of that episode. So the first episode would be all Ahsoka’s trial, and the second would have all the Cham scenes.
Anyway! Pile of thoughts. If anyone has ideas there I’d love to hear them.
OK, I think I’ve got an idea which’ll get us a lot more value out of the Ryloth arc.
There’s a lot I don’t like about Liberty on Ryloth - mainly the extremely bland landscape, poor military tactics, and lack of main characters - but there’s a lot of unleveraged value there too. Far more so than Supply Lines, this showcases Cham, his strength of character, and his good political interactions with Orn Free Taa. And contrasting with Innocents of Ryloth, the suffering of the natives is far more pronounced, giving us far better established emotional stakes, and a more competent and threatening opposition. The ending is a good high too (more exciting than ‘we’ll come and pick up Anakin now’ from Storm Over Ryloth), showing the natives properly liberated and incorporating Ahsoka and Anakin as they take out the Separatist bombers to help win the day.
Therefore, let’s consider merging Storm with Liberty. The situation on the ground can be established early to give us the stakes for Ahsoka’s challenge in the skies above, and as the space battles progress, we can intercut with Mace searching for Cham and encouraging him to resist. After Anakin and Ahsoka break the blockade, we can follow Cham and Mace liberating the natives, with their suprise heroic appearance at the end to save them from bombers.
To achieve this I’d recontextualise a few things. We’d establish that Mace was already on the planet when it was overrun. I’d have no major Separatist ground forces on the planet, instead having the situation be entirely a bombing campaign coordinated from the overhead blockade after the massacre seen in Liberty. Rather than making this about retaking what was the capital city, I’d recontextualise that location instead as Wat Tambor’s prison complex. (Which can be the converted capital if you like, but I won’t draw attention to that). I never liked the ‘single force bridge’ entrance, but I think I can trim around that cleanly so that the combined Cham/Mace forces are free to walk up and assault it directly. Oh, and I can of course use my prior Nute Gunray context to help explain why the bombing campaign was so swift and effective. And the distraction of the Kamino attack to explain why the Republic didn’t help at the time.
I think this is the stronger core. Now that Cham is a major player in other media, I think we get good value out of his emphasis here, but it’s Ahsoka who remains our hero.
I’m going to continue reviewing the other Ryloth content to see if there’s anything else I can make work here, including the couple of Ryloth episodes in Bad Batch. I’ll also consider whether any of the spare can make a decent second episode to follow-up later, but I think the Storm/Liberty combo takes some of the pressure off there.
Sounds very interesting. I’m looking forward to seeing the result.
OK yeah, really happy with the Storm/Liberty plan. My rough cut feels like a single coherent journey, with the stakes on the ground enhancing the drama in the skies, and the final conclusion bringing it all together. I’ve reviewed all the franchise’s Cham/Ryloth content, and Liberty gives you everything you need to set that up, so we don’t need to use Supply Lines.
These things are always subjective, of course, but personally I think this is the best narrative one can make from the best moments of the Ryloth arc. Excited to get this one done.
Of course, this’ll mean no need for a second Ryloth episode, but hey. Quality first.
Anyway, feeling like this’ll work nicely has me just throwing some thoughts together about what comes next. There’re two little considerations here.
Thoughts?
Sorry I haven’t been able to watch that block of episodes and get some feedback yet. Been busy but that’s still on my to do list.
Good to hear buddy, looking forward to it! I miss having frequent collaborators sharing their opinions and feedback here, but appreciate that this is a far less interesting time for the project as I polish content starting right from the beginning. I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts on the improved 1-5.
Same here, sorry for not being as collaborative as before. I´m trying to catch up with the polished episodes. But as far as i´m concerned my critique was always more technical nature (transisitions, glitches). For the narrative we already had good critique from vranir, Burbin, Cabijista, where i mostly didn´t have anything to add as they´re already cover in depth analysis narrative-wise for the polish.
I think due to your great base work there is very less to critisize, even more so with later epsiodes/seasons and your structure. So i see it as a non-verbal compliment for your work.
Looks awesome, I’ll try to watch the v2 episodes in the coming days and give feedback.
For now, I have one question, sorry if this was already addressed in the past, but why are there black stripes added to the left and the right side of the video? Is this an artistic decision? I don’t remember them being there in the original episodes.
Ok, so I’ve watched the first 5 (v2) episodes, and I’m really impressed how smooth is goes (well, most of the time). Amazing work! So, here’s my feedback:
s01e03 - The Duchess of Mandalore:
-> about the 15:00 mark - the situation with Kenobi attacking from above to save Satine is in my opinion too chaotic, It was a bit unclear for me what happened, and you can definitely see some cuts were done. It goes like this:
-> about the 28:20 mark - the situation with Satine being held hostage. Due to some cuts, it also seems a bit “unfluent” than the scene described above. So:
s01e05 - The 501st Legion:
-> I was a bit confused about Obi-Wans whereabouts, because we see him patrolling the depths of the sea, and after he sees the droids he reports their presence and then… nothing, we see him without context during the battle. It was so weird because I could not believe that the droids didn’t notice him, because he has definitely not in some kind of stealth mod or something, the droids are stupid but not SO stupid 😄 Maybe it’s possible to show his attempt to flee the sea at at least some degree, to justify his presence later?
Sooo, these are my major issues with those episodes, I could maybe find something else, but it would be nitpicking. The rest of the v2 episodes are done REALLY well, I especially like the into text and the whole credits idea, that’s really awesome. I’ve just completed binge-watching the entire clone wars series a few days ago (I’ve last seen them when they came out 😄), so I kind of notice right away which content is missing, but the cuts are done really well, so I assume that if I’ll come back to this episodes in a few years, I will not notice anything missing 😃
Cheers CMMAP, I’ll take silence as affirmation then 😃
Hacai, thanks very much for reviewing this. Glad to hear you found it smooth. Did you think it served well as an introduction to the series? Did you feel it flowed well, and was the emphasised Grievous hunt a fun little addition?
On your notes:
You’re right about the black bars on the sides of the s01e01 video too, I’ll see why that is. Edit: They’re all rendering like that, I must have knocked my render settings off a little. They’re still watchable this way but I’ll roll out updates as soon as I have time.
Haven’t posted here or watched this in a while but wanted to offer a little encouragement!
I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently.
Then consider me encouraged!
Much appreciated buddy, thanks.
Hi. Just watched S01E02. Here are a few notes:
At 01:55 there is a single frame (of guns firing) that appears to be flipped. Not sure what would have caused this error. Blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s there.
At 01:57 I’d say the shot of Grievous laughing is too abrupt and out of context—probably because we have not been introduced to him yet.
Seems unnecessary, too.
At 06:36 the fade out/in is too quick to work, maybe a wipe would work instead?
At 19:46, another fade out/in feels strange. It feels like a TV show pausing for a commercial break, which I think runs contrary to the more cinematic feel you are going for.
Generally speaking, I almost wonder if the Plo Koon rescue could be shortened to serve more as a First Act (i.e., under 10 mins or so) to give your episodes more of a traditional three Act feel. Otherwise, it still has that feeling of simply stitching TV episodes together.
It’s possible that some of these things I’m referencing are present in the original source material. My disclaimer is that I’m not familiar enough with it to know, so keep that in mind.
Good notes, thanks GLogus.
You make a good point of having Grievous’ laugh before his ‘proper’ introduction, so I’ve trimmed that. (Harder to smooth the audio there than I was expecting!) I’ve also fixed the flipped frame while I’m at it.
I’m not sure about removing the fades - I’d be interested in others’ opinions on this. Subjectively I quite like them - they feel like a little reset or breather to me. I’m using them here as an alternative to wipes (which tend to be same time/different place, which there’s a fair amount of in this episode), to subtly allow a little time to pass in transit (since both follow a drop into or out of hyperspace). To me it feels OK, but as I say, interested in other opinions here.
As for minimising the Plo content, I think that’s the heart of the episode - it’s an early opportunity to say ‘individual clones matter’ and showcase a little of Plo’s importance to Ahsoka, and give her an emotional plotline which fleshes her out. The medical station stuff ups the stakes of Ahsoka’s diversion, which is why I embedded the one in the other. So I think I’m happy that this structure is the way I want to tell the story of this content.
Keep 'em coming, baby!
EddieDean said:
I’m not sure about removing the fades - I’d be interested in others’ opinions on this. Subjectively I quite like them - they feel like a little reset or breather to me. I’m using them here as an alternative to wipes (which tend to be same time/different place, which there’s a fair amount of in this episode), to subtly allow a little time to pass in transit (since both follow a drop into or out of hyperspace). To me it feels OK, but as I say, interested in other opinions here.
I took a look at this again: They don´t bother me, but i would advocate for hard cuts and wipes or fade in/out only, for the sake of concistency. Either in a episode itself or the series.
Something strange happend As i started episode 2 via plex (no plex pass), it detected HDR for the episode 😄 But you didn´t add any didn´t you?
But i didn´t occur a secound time though.
My impressions of S01E01:
07:37 and 14:18 The music transition could use a little smoothing over.
16:07 The cut seems very abrupt.
18:58 The fade out seems too fast, again as if cutting to commercial break.
I think I would be a bigger fan of the fades you have included if they were actually a little more drawn out, i.e., you said you were using them as a reset/breather. I agree with that in principle, but it feels like they are just being used interchangeably. I honestly can’t really explain why they are pulling me out of the experience. All I can say is that, to me, it intuitively feels off.
I want to emphasize that I don’t have a good grasp on the challenges posed by the source material or editing process. I’m just giving you my “gut instinct” impressions strictly as a viewer.
I will end by saying that I did like the episode over all. I thought it had really good pacing and was very engaging.
It’s interesting that you say that, because for this pass through the episodes I made certain to match my transitions exactly to the timing and settings used by the original sources. That said, when I see a wipe in Star Wars (even the movies) it tends to take me out of it a little, so perhaps it’s that general aversion to fades that you and I share?
Really good steady progress on RESISTANCE ON RYLOTH today.
I’ve done a lot of work on the opening scenes, reworking a lot of dialogue to tie the two plots together.
HERE’S A (ROUGH) CLIP OF THE INTRO (I know there’s one weird shot of Yoda in there, I’ll work around that.)
(This clip will follow from the final line of the opening text, something like “BUT A SEPARATIST SCOUT HAS JUST DETECTED WINDU…”)
We open with a scene of Tambor and his tactical droid, to emphasise that Windu is their primary threat, and to show the suffering Twi’leks very early so we sympathise early.
We then cut to the good guys discussing the same thing, to frame Syndulla as Mace’s solution to the problem on the ground, and set up the political situation early (since it has more importance to Bad Batch and Rebels).
We then cut to Wat Tambor talking to Mar Tuuk (the Neimoidian) aboard his starship, now showing that Tambor expects an attack and is prepared for it - he’s now a more competent strategist, and anything that happens in the skies is expected by the Separatists.
And finally we cut to the Republic and Yularen arriving guns blazing, in an attack that now has well-established stakes and has been discussed on the ground too, so everything’s neatly tied together.
Though all those scenes I’ve listed above have been chopping around a little, we’ll then spend a long time focusing just on the sky battle, before cutting only to Mace - there’s only two main narratives from here on and we’ll chop between them a lot less. The next scene after the (failed) space battle will be Mace finding the graves from the Twi’lek massacre whilst searching for Syndulla.
I think it works nicely! There’re some more opportunities later to keep the sky and ground plots related to each other too.
As an aside, this new version of Ryloth, focusing on Cham’s doubts about Republic occupation, will serve the following episode well too, where we’ll see more of Mandalore’s hesitance around Republic overreach.
I need some opinions folks: Does this scene work?
Storm Over Ryloth keeps having Anakin report in to Mace, which works nicely paired with Liberty on Ryloth, because it’ll seem like Anakin’s reporting to Mace directly on the ground. If this scene works, it’ll be a really slick bridge between the space action and the ground action, and tie them all together nicely. But if it doesn’t work, I’ll have to just have this as two separate holocalls as in the original.
Combining the holocalls works really nicely I think
I need some opinions folks: Does this scene work?
Storm Over Ryloth keeps having Anakin report in to Mace, which works nicely paired with Liberty on Ryloth, because it’ll seem like Anakin’s reporting to Mace directly on the ground. If this scene works, it’ll be a really slick bridge between the space action and the ground action, and tie them all together nicely. But if it doesn’t work, I’ll have to just have this as two separate holocalls as in the original.
I’d say it works.
I think that works really well, very clever merge! The only thing that feels off to me is the transition to Anakin, mainly because we hear his voice clearly while he’s a hologram, it should have some distortion at the beggining of the line before cutting to him on his ship, I think.
Other than that it’s great, hopefully it will help make this feel like one congruent story, can’t wait to see how it all comes together. I just checked out your previous version with Supply Lines before you take it down, and the scenes with Master Di there did feel a bit removed from the rest of the action. Seems like Liberty on Ryloth will make for a much better pairing.
OK, well that’s great to hear guys, thanks. I’ll definitely add the radio SFX to the first shot of Anakin talking from Mace’s perspective, and tidy up the new audio a little more.
I’ll also see about my options regarding that shot of Yoda turning, which allows me to change Yularen’s voice line. Though with this scene coming later I think the original lines about no reinforcements coming might make sense in context.
I’ll probably follow up this scene with Mace stepping out at the site of the massacre - kicking off his plotline - meaning that those intro scenes I posted above will be more focused on Wat Tambor’s strategising and the space front, so a bit less of an exposition dump across lots of locations.
And Burbin, I agree. I’ve now watched through this pairing a few times as I’ve been working out the right pacing of the scenes, and it definitely feels like it’ll work well as a single story - better than the original (split episodes) and my first attempt (with Supply Lines), I think. Always lovely when a new episode comes together like this.
Ah shit! Shit, shit shit! I can’t use the scene that way because it introduces a continuity error. At the time I want to place this, in the space part of the story Yularen is injured in bed, so he can’t appear here. And since he’s in the middle of so many shots, I can’t crop around him. Balls. I can’t trim his injury either, as Ahsoka’s plot depends on it and he wears a bandage in the space scenes.
Bummer, because i think it works really great, too