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The Clone Wars: Refocused - A complete series edit. [OUT NOW: 2/5 seasons + 7 episodes + 4 bonus] [CURRENT FOCUS: S3 then polish] — Page 50

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I’d be happy enough with a redone series 6 Yoda and Order 66 arc. Anything to get rid of the reused models of all the Jedi knocking around in partial armour despite being into RotS by that point (in visions anyway).

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Politics of War is looking good so far.

Organa wanting to delay the vote by asking to table it really confused me until I remembered that Americans have the phrase backwards as usual.

On-Free-Ta’s aids are distractingly orange with orange clothes making them look naked.

Not related to your edit but I forgot the little argument between Anakin and Padmé happened after the Obviously Evil Trio ™ meeting happened, that’s nice. Though Anakin’s suggestion that Padmé teach Ashoka about politics is strange after the crawl said she was already doing that.

I love Padmés sass after hearing Anakin claim, with a straight face, that The Republic isn’t corrupt after the senators for the Banking Clan and Trade Federation spoke in the senate.

It’s (again, the original episode) weird that Ashoka automatically assumes Padmés senator friend is a male. I don’t think the line could be cut without a jump but it’s such an odd assumption to make.

Ashoka also indicates (in the scene where they conspire to visit Vonterri) that the political training is Anakin’s idea not a pre-existing Padmé thing.

Ashoka’s ‘you’re a Separatist’ line is also a bit stupid. I get she’s indoctrinated to see all Separatists as Battledroids but it’s still a bit silly to just say it out loud after talking about her with Padmé for a while.

Did you cut out Ashoka’s weird awkward flirting with Lux? I’m sure she called back his ‘look at me, am I so bad’ line. If so I think it’s a shame. I always found it hilarious.

At 12:37 Vonterri refers to Douku as the leader of the Senate before establishing a second later than the Separatist government is a Parliament.

The Parliament building looks depressingly familiar but I’d forgotten how much I liked this episode. It’s actually pointed out that the corporate seats are corruption.

I also didn’t realise that the Senate sessions were broadcast around the Capital.

Everybody treats Padmé’s speech at the end as if it was the vote itself. She’s only presenting her argument and it’s a bit random that the dodgy Umbaran senator and the others would be clapping along like she’d just delivered a KO to them.

Your edit of this episode flowed and worked well so this post is basically just me pointing out stuff from the original.

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That’s a HUGE relief that you thought this all flowed! That second half took a lot of work from a lot of options and this was my preferred (and shortest) version so if you think this worked as a whole I’m very happy.

Good point on the reasoning for Ahsoka to be trained though, I’ll change that line in the crawl.

I did trim Ahsoka’s “check me out”, mainly because there’s the full-body scan shot and I don’t like the camera gawking at a teenager and the whole “boys will be boys” thing (probably for the same reason that we both have an issue with Ahsoka assuming that the senator friend was male). But the hint at flirting isn’t vital here, so I think it’s an OK trim. Did the actual cutting feel natural there?

You mention liking the episode but forgetting that it spelt out that the corporate seats were corruption, but I’d like to correct you here and let you know that that wasn’t something from the original episode 😉 That’s a scene from the far less enjoyable Senate Murders episode rather than the greater Heroes on Both Sides/Pursuit of Peace duology. That said, while you’re quite right about corporate seats being bought, I do like that they have a senate which includes more than just member nation states. It’s cool that there are some powerful corporate elements, as well as that neutral systems collectively have a seat even though they’re external. It’s a little distopian and a little utopian too.

I think the speech basically was the vote though, my assumption is that the vote happened immediately after and offscreen, and the opponents (grudgingly) applauded because they could tell her speech was a slam dunk that had won public opinion.

And yeah, American “Table a motion” versus UK “Table a motion” is an unfortunate complete opposite of meaning. I also thought about removing ‘Caucus’ because it’s very specific to US politics but I didn’t want to break the flow of that scene to achieve that trim.

My largest recontextualising was when Padmé’s walking alone before she gets jumped. Having watched my episode, why do you think Padmé was walking alone there in that scene? I’d like to see if my intentions carried across! Do you think that scene worked?

And of course the ever-important question: Would you prefer to watch this over the original three episodes?

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EddieDean said:

That’s a HUGE relief that you thought this all flowed! That second half took a lot of work from a lot of options and this was my preferred (and shortest) version so if you think this worked as a whole I’m very happy.

At no point did this feel like anything was joined together.

EddieDean said:

I did trim Ahsoka’s “check me out”, mainly because there’s the full-body scan shot and I don’t like the camera gawking at a teenager and the whole “boys will be boys” thing (probably for the same reason that we both have an issue with Ahsoka assuming that the senator friend was male). But the hint at flirting isn’t vital here, so I think it’s an OK trim. Did the actual cutting feel natural there?

That’s a fair point. It’s only because I found it funny that I noticed it wasn’t there. It was funny to me because she behaves so much like Anakin in non-Jedi situations as well as in fighting, but it’s not the end of the world to remove it, she still gets similar fails in the Ondaron arc. Otherwise there’s no indication there’s anything cut.

EddieDean said:

You mention liking the episode but forgetting that it spelt out that the corporate seats were corruption, but I’d like to correct you here and let you know that that wasn’t something from the original episode 😉 That’s a scene from the far less enjoyable Senate Murders episode rather than the greater Heroes on Both Sides/Pursuit of Peace duology. That said, while you’re quite right about corporate seats being bought, I do like that they have a senate which includes more than just member nation states. It’s cool that there are some powerful corporate elements, as well as that neutral systems collectively have a seat even though they’re external. It’s a little distopian and a little utopian too.

I’ve not seen Senate Murders for years so I didn’t spot any inserted scenes here. I’m impressed though considering the lower quality of the early episodes.

EddieDean said:

And yeah, American “Table a motion” versus UK “Table a motion” is an unfortunate complete opposite of meaning. I also thought about removing ‘Caucus’ because it’s very specific to US politics but I didn’t want to break the flow of that scene to achieve that trim.

They even use the correct meaning of the phrase later on (I think it was Mothma) when the put the peace talks on the table or something like that.

EddieDean said:

My largest recontextualising was when Padmé’s walking alone before she gets jumped. Having watched my episode, why do you think Padmé was walking alone there in that scene? I’d like to see if my intentions carried across! Do you think that scene worked?

I thought it was strange at first but Padmé is always doing reckless things like that so I thought she was doing it to try draw out the people who were attacking her allies.

EddieDean said:

And of course the ever-important question: Would you prefer to watch this over the original three episodes?

I think I would yes. I don’t think I’ve seen any of your edits that aren’t as good as, or preferable to, the originals yet, though I’ve not watched them all.

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I talked about what you’re doing with this edit with my wife, and she is a little mad at me for making her watch the regular TCW, because it is so incredibly unfocused and the quality really dips at times. She said that she would have loved for this to be her intro to the series.

On the note of the micro-series stuff and it not feeling like it fits, I wanted to bring this to your attention if it isn’t already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXQwBtvenos

Essentially, there are folks editing the old show in terms of colors/voices/pacing to match canon. Once it is released you could use it as the base for your episodes.

On Hold
Legacy of the Force-RoS WIP

Completed:
Fall of the Republic (RotS-NCC)v2

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Delpheas said:

I talked about what you’re doing with this edit with my wife, and she is a little mad at me for making her watch the regular TCW, because it is so incredibly unfocused and the quality really dips at times. She said that she would have loved for this to be her intro to the series.

On the note of the micro-series stuff and it not feeling like it fits, I wanted to bring this to your attention if it isn’t already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXQwBtvenos

Essentially, there are folks editing the old show in terms of colors/voices/pacing to match canon. Once it is released you could use it as the base for your episodes.

Aww, sorry your wife was annoyed! There’s always her next watch through! 😉

That video is a really interesting idea. I wonder how radical a reimagining it’ll end up being? I’ll definitely keep an eye on that.

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I’ve just rewatched the original Heroes/Peace duology immediately followed by your edit.

It flows surprisingly well! I’m glad to see some of the padding go away (particularly the infiltrators arriving on Coruscant and the visit to a senator in Pursuit) while retaining the better (and they’re great) parts, all of it making for an exciting episode (at least for a politics-heavy one) and a refreshing change of pace for your season premieres.

Maybe the opening text could state how the deregulation of the Banking Clan would favor the commission of more clones. This point was somewhat explained in the original newsreel but got somewhat lost in the restructure. On the other hand the actual bank deregulation is not such a big plot point as in the original so it may not be necessary.

I missed Ahsoka’s “I’m not so bad, am I?” exchange with Lux. The cut is seamless, I’ll grant you that, but I honestly liked that moment and it Lux’s “I’m not so bad” moment later has more weight.

(Side-note) Apparently this episode took a toll on the production budget because the recycling of models for the Parliament extras is very obvious. Nothing to do with your edit of course but I had never paid attention to that detail.

At 17:29 there’s a stray frame of the fish guy.

At 17:39, the bar music fades off a bit too late in my opinion. It’s a bit jarring hearing it play over the energy central for like three seconds.

Maybe the Separatist covert terrorist attack could do with a bit more context. Of course you don’t have to include the entire sequence of the infiltrator droids receiving orders and arriving at Coruscant. You could include either the short scene when Dooku addresses Grievous (though shifted to after Dooku talk with the corrupt senators, and without the ‘My master’s plan…’ bit) or the moment where the disguised droids are activated by Grievous’ command and head for the generator. Then you can cut directly to the infiltration and massacre.

The voiceover lines during Padmé’s undercity walk didn’t feel out of place. It’s a little used resource in Star Wars but it helped a lot to convey Padmé’s mindset and add to Mina’s relevance.

I liked the repurposed epilogue, including the ominous part with the Kaminoan senator, and the more feel-good ending when they toast to Mina. However, I still missed the talk between Palpatine and Mas Amedda. For one it was good seeing Palps actually being pissed at Padmé and not having his own way for once. And I don’t have a problem with Palps acting villainous or suspicious, since the series kind of assumes its audience is already familiar with the Lucas saga.

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A few bits of info (and a request) for y’all!

  • Firstly, I’ve updated the OP with some additional clips and more detailed episode synopses. It’s probably redundant for most of you who’ve been following along though.
  • Secondly, a month and a half ago I launched a thread over on Fanedit.org for the edit, which has only just moved from ‘in the works’ to ‘pending approval’. It hasn’t gained much momentum over there, but I’d really like to get as many eyes on this as possible since the community approach over here has been so healthy for the project. Therefore, insofar as you guys are comfortable doing so, I’d really appreciate it if anyone was willing to leave a comment in the thread over there which might help generate a bit of buzz and increase momentum. Please don’t feel obliged to say anything you wouldn’t have chosen to say of your own free will though! The second reason this might be useful is because it might help encourage the admins to review the series (I’ve sent the first season to the academy) which has been pending for a long time. I know the admins are humans with busy lives but a bit more buzz might help the show’s selection there, which would result in it being moved from ‘pending approval’ to ‘released’ quicker, which again means more helpful eyes on the project.
  • Thirdly, I appreciate my return has had a slower output than expected! Nothing to worry about there though folks. s03e01 needed much more work than planned, but it’s now released, and I’m now onto the next ones. I was intending to jump onto s03e02 (based on Revival), but since I don’t have the means to rip my DVDs I’m dependent on getting the sources online, and Revival was an episode released as 501 on TV but then 507 on DVD so that’s confused its availability somewhat. (Speaking of which, if anyone could send me that episode in 1080p 23.9FPS that’d be really appreciated, I’m happy to send you a photo of me holding the DVD if that helps convince you it’s all above board!) So that’s slowed me a little. But anyway, I’m on it. While that’s resolving, I figured I’d release Assassin for completeness, then probably just get stuck in with Umbara, which I don’t EXPECT to be a complex cut (it won’t need any reordering or anything too fancy there), since I want another proper episode released to you guys before I do any more polish on existing ones.
  • Fourthly, I hope it won’t matter, but there’s a risk I’ll need to change my structuring because Lux’s model seems a bit more mature in the Onderon arc, which I’ve now got in the same season as his earlier appearances…
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Shit, sorry Kalee, I just realised I never replied to you.

Firstly, thanks so much for that extra bit of homework! I really appreciate you doing that, it was really valuable to have a bit of extra diligence on this one to confirm that my version was cherrypicking the right parts from the originals. I’m especially glad that you think that us getting into Padmé’s thoughts worked.

You’re another voice in favour of keeping Ahsoka’s “I’m not so bad” line - perhaps there’s a middle ground where I keep the line and him checking her out but I still cut out the camera ogling and perhaps her tutting about boys, making it ultimately a bit more sincere.

Noted on your spotted errors and suggested tweaks! I thought stretching out the bar music might be interesting but it looks like that hasn’t quite landed. I’ll think about slightly beefing up the infiltration plot too.

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I’ve just reviewed Umbara and that’s going to be a nice easy episode to edit. I’m not going to make any fundamental changes to the story, just trim out quite a few scenes which don’t directly serve the plot.

I think Krell is a bit too overtly villainous, so I’d like to chop some of his dialogue so he’s less of a clone hater and merely someone who uses absolute obedience to ensure he can spend troops at a high rate to achieve his victories. After the reveal where he pits clone against clone, we can have more actual disdain. I’ll not show his lightsabers ignited in their first appearance either, so the threat kicks in when they try to arrest him. I also won’t have him laughing in the jungle as that’s very goofy, and I might change his motivation at the end so he’s already connected to Dooku rather than just hoping it’ll win him some favour, which retroactively makes his plan a bit weird (and kind of cheapens the fact that he managed to rise to the rank of master because surely an evil-ish master would have a better plan for serving the Empire).

I’ll also play down the blockade at the very start, so the moment when the stolen ships break the cloud cover into an overwhelming firefight can also be a nice reveal moment.

I’ll play up Fives’ character, adding in a few more instances of him being referred to by name, just to help cement him in the viewers’ minds, and I’ll also add a couple more references to Kamino to remind the viewer of how he joined the 501st. I’ll also do the same with Tup’s name if possible.

I’ll cut the opening battle to allow us to start with Krell taking over, cut almost all of the wildlife, droid banter, and the centipede-bot, because they just don’t carry any plot and this whole thing could do with some pacing tightening. I’ll also cut the scene where the clones test out the new ships, because it doesn’t change the status quo.

I’ll trim a fair few other scenes, including the infiltration of the airbase, and depending on whether this runs long or short I might trim the very first “just walk in a straight line” assault because it gives away Krell’s hatred a bit too early (and this way, the first instance of clones fighting overwhelming odds comes in a semi-justifiable way because it follows from Kenobi’s need). I might remove Dogma’s relevance to the plot though, as his arc isn’t as important or interesting as the other clones in this episode.

The only thing that’s major that I’m unsure about is whether or not to have the actual scene where the clones nearly kill their brothers by firing squad. It’s nice and tense and it’s nice to show the clones reject their orders but we get a lot of clones rejecting orders here and they do ultimately all turn on Krell, so I think we can go from the INTENTION to execute them to the interruption of the ‘Umbaran’ attack, which turns out to be an attempt at execution anyway.

I won’t promise I’ll have this out today, but it can’t take too long…

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01x01 - The New Padawan

  • I love the intro with finding Maul, but there is no relevance for this in the episode, or in the next few episodes. Is this really the best place for that cold open?

It’s a valid observation. This cold open doesn’t get payoff until mid season 3. The reason I first thought to include it was because it kind of acts like a promise to the audience - “Maul. Darksaber. Mandalorians. Coming soon.” - and since those elements are the ‘backbone’ of TCW:R (and I pull those plot elements forward to start a lot earlier) I thought it might be good to get them established up front. I’m trying to make this show more of a serialised drama than the anthology it began as. I could be convinced to remove it if enough people think it does more harm than good.

a little late on this reply but i too think it would be odd if the maul teaser doesn’t get some kind of pay off by the end of the same season it’s in. i love how it’s presented though, it’s a really intriguing teaser!

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EddieDean said:

You’re another voice in favour of keeping Ahsoka’s “I’m not so bad” line - perhaps there’s a middle ground where I keep the line and him checking her out but I still cut out the camera ogling and perhaps her tutting about boys, making it ultimately a bit more sincere.

Maybe try zoom the image into just her head rather than a full body thing or play the line when the camera is on Lux then cut to an other clip of her just standing or something?

You can keep the ‘boys’ bit cut. That sort of joke wasn’t even funny in the '90s never mind the '10s.

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EddieDean said:

Review cut / Workprint available - s03e01 - The Politics of War

32 minutes long, comprising Heroes on Both Sides, Pursuit of Peace, and Senate Murders.

I just watched your latest edit EddieDean and you’ve turned these episodes into an excellent single episode. It has been a long while since I’ve seen the original episodes and I had a hard time seeing/remembering what was cut or rearranged (which is a testament to your great editing).

I only have two nitpicks: The bomb bots appearance felt a bit sudden. I am also not sure why (or where) Padme is walking in the dark before being attacked. I don’t know if there are any scenes to add a bit more context or smooth these over. Whatever the case, these are minor criticisms for an otherwise amazing edit.

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Thanks Solemn, that’s great to hear. I’ll add in a little more about those bomb droids then, for sure.

For Padmé, getting her on the street without a lot more content needing to be included was tricky, since originally she was with Onaconda talking to another senator at the senator’s house. The problem with reinserting that is that she leaves Ono in very good spirits, which means I wouldn’t be able to use the reflections on all the bad stuff around her while she’s wandering. I tried to hint at it in the scene just before she sees that Ono’s been injured, by adding a line “I’ll check around the other senators” or similar, but it seems like that’s not quite filled the gap for you.

I’m not sure what other options I have here, so I’m open to ideas…

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Right, I’m going to call it there, but I’ve done about 75% of the Umbara edit. I’ve basically got all my scenes in order ready to check the overall narrative, then it’s an easy set of transitions and only two or three scenes which need actual detail work. Not long now for this one!

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EddieDean said:

Thanks Solemn, that’s great to hear. I’ll add in a little more about those bomb droids then, for sure.

For Padmé, getting her on the street without a lot more content needing to be included was tricky, since originally she was with Onaconda talking to another senator at the senator’s house. The problem with reinserting that is that she leaves Ono in very good spirits, which means I wouldn’t be able to use the reflections on all the bad stuff around her while she’s wandering. I tried to hint at it in the scene just before she sees that Ono’s been injured, by adding a line “I’ll check around the other senators” or similar, but it seems like that’s not quite filled the gap for you.

I’m not sure what other options I have here, so I’m open to ideas…

I watched the scene with Padme again and I see the line you added. It didn’t seem to sink in the first time, perhaps because Padme bumps into the injured senator right after. I wonder if the line could be added to her initial “thoughts” as she is flying in to the location? I don’t know if it would work with the other thoughts she is wrestling with though. Whatever the case, I think your current edit is fine (especially now that I see the line that hints at where she is going). Don’t fret about it too much. One could also just assume Padme is heading home after a long day at work.

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I figured that the viewer can fill in the gaps at least, and they have a few viable options:

  • Heading home from work
  • On the street to visit more ‘undecided’ voters
  • Distracted by the recent death and assault, and needing some air/not thinking straight.
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EddieDean said:

I figured that the viewer can fill in the gaps at least, and they have a few viable options:

  • Heading home from work
  • On the street to visit more ‘undecided’ voters
  • Distracted by the recent death and assault, and needing some air/not thinking straight.

For me, it worked exactly that way. Did it felt sudden? Maybe a little bit but not something that kept me bugging afterwards.

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EddieDean said:

The only thing that’s major that I’m unsure about is whether or not to have the actual scene where the clones nearly kill their brothers by firing squad. It’s nice and tense and it’s nice to show the clones reject their orders but we get a lot of clones rejecting orders here and they do ultimately all turn on Krell, so I think we can go from the INTENTION to execute them to the interruption of the ‘Umbaran’ attack, which turns out to be an attempt at execution anyway.

I won’t promise I’ll have this out today, but it can’t take too long…

Please include it! It’s a powerful, moving scene, and I think it’s important to keep the first time the clones are shown disobeying orders as a collective (rather than just the wild cards such as Fives, Jesse or Hardcase) setting up the stage nicely for the moment when they turn against Krell after the fake Umbaran attack.

I have a feeling Dogma may appear in the Bad Batch so I’d be wary of reducing his role too much, especially as he’s the one who finishes off Krell.

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OK! That makes the scene I’m working on a bit easier then, since I was looking to aggregate that. I might show you guys the clip of where I’d got it to just for fun.

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I was going to watch an episode but the three I tried each had Google Drive claim they were an unsupported file type. I don’t see anything here about it so I assume it’s something funky on my end.

Well done. I will disengage self-destruct initiative.

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I think it’s all of them. I’ll let you know if it persists because it must be something on my end. I know one of them is the first Geonosis episode.

Well done. I will disengage self-destruct initiative.

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How odd. I’d recommend downloading them, since I always struggle with streaming over GDrive.