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The Clone Wars: Refocused [89%] - Released up to S05E01 (Martez Sisters) — Page 60

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I agree, this is the way.

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Absolute perfection. You are truly one with the high ground and the high ground is with you. Bravo my friend.

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Didn´t notice any other issue with the new darf force rising episode, well done 😃

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 (Edited)

I’m rendering v2.1 of s01e01 The New Padawan now.

  • I took Vranir’s suggestion to re-merge the Yoda/Yularen scene (but preserved my relocation of it), so we don’t dart around as much and we don’t have an awkward transition where Yularen says “I’ll bring Ahsoka to the surface” then we immediately wipe to that happening.
  • I also took Vranir’s suggestion to include a (brief) shot of the Republic fleet engaging the Separatists. Now they announce their arrival, then engage, then announce their victory. The original never had this but it’s a good idea.
  • Fixed a couple of audio levels to make dialogue clearer.
  • To help a little with the abrupt ending to the fight (mostly unavoidable), I did add dialogue of the battle droids shouting “Retreat!” as the cannons start to fire.
  • Smoothed out the end audio transition just a touch.
  • Brought all music down and all dialogue audio up. I’ve only spot checked this, but it should be fine throughout.
  • I’ve slightly tweaked the intro text to make the tense work with the initial onscreen scenes, and to fix travel time complications.

Addressing some other comments:

  • Having thought about it I think opening on the retreat is best. It’s a little drama up front by way of establishing the planet and the isolation.
  • Vranir, I also agree with your idea to trim Obi-Wan calling Ventress “my sweet”, but the surrounding dialogue couldn’t make that cut work without it feeling abrupt.
  • Djonesed, my only option here to end the episode on was a fade (no focus for an iris), but at least it establishes a behaviour my other episodes will follow.
  • CMMAP, the ending of the fight is a little abrupt, you’re right, but this is as it was in the original, and the other fighting shots don’t fit with what needs to happen to conclude it more thoroughly. Hopefully the “Retreat!” line helps a bit, but ultimately there’s that one difficult shot of the hardware still marching forwards, which is unavoidable.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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RE-RE-RELEASED - S01E01 - The New Padawan (v2.1)

Notes as above. It’s as painless as I can get this content, as far as I can tell, though I still welcome any further feedback!

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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 (Edited)

A REQUEST

This is a long way off, but now that I’m planning on incorporating Revenge of the Sith into my show, I’d better review some edited versions. So, if you guys have any recommendations for preferred edits, I’d like to hear them. I’ll gladly chop and change between versions, if necessary. Bear in mind, my priorities will be:

  • Adhering to franchise canon as closely as possible (rather than bending to match the OT or PT specifically, for example)
  • Compelling narratives (like Hal’s reordering of the events which lead to Anakin’s fall) which bend the plot without breaking it
  • Characterisation in line with TCW as much as the PT
  • A narrative which fits with TCW and the wider franchise, rather than anything too radical
  • Attractive additions and cuts which enhance the enjoyment of the story
  • 1080p+ video quality, including incorporated deleted scenes

Happy to review supercuts of ROTS/SOM too, if they’re more than just the two official release versions intercut chronologically.

Thanks in advance!

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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Mecha Salesman’s 4.5 hour ROTS/SOM cut incorporates deleted scenes and the attack on Coruscant from Genndy’s 2003 Clone Wars. Highly recommend checking that one out 😃

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Doesn’t that one just intercut the two release versions chronologically? I know Mechasalesman/Numeraljoker tends towards being a purist/completist, rather than being interested in restructuring.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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 (Edited)

By way of giving an update, I’ve been working through s01e02 Malevolence lately, bringing it up to standard. This is one of the very first episodes I produced, and quite a complex one too with all the inter- and intra- scene cutting, so it’s taking a while. I’ll be recreating some parts of this from scratch, now that I’m a better editor, to ensure the most polished result.

After this there aren’t any episodes that need nearly as much work done to them, other than my Ryloth episode, so things after this should speed up significantly.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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Well done. My wife is going to start the series with me tonight using this version.

Two tiny nitpicks in the opening crawl, both on the second slide:

  1. “the duo” comes so far from the reference to ObiWan and Anakin that it might be better to say “the Jedi.”
  2. “But” and “However” are awkward starting sentences right next to each other. If you drop the “However” and start with “They are unaware…” it will read more smoothly.

The only other issue I noticed was a big drop in volume when Ventress jumps up the stairs, which lasts for a few seconds/lines of dialogue before returning to normal.

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vranir said:

Well done. My wife is going to start the series with me tonight using this version.

Two tiny nitpicks in the opening crawl, both on the second slide:

  1. “the duo” comes so far from the reference to ObiWan and Anakin that it might be better to say “the Jedi.”
  2. “But” and “However” are awkward starting sentences right next to each other. If you drop the “However” and start with “They are unaware…” it will read more smoothly.

The only other issue I noticed was a big drop in volume when Ventress jumps up the stairs, which lasts for a few seconds/lines of dialogue before returning to normal.

I’ve just changed the duo to the Jedi, and re-released that episode as v2.2.

I think starting with but, however, and, etc is alright though, so I’ve left that as-is.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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EddieDean said:

A REQUEST

This is a long way off, but now that I’m planning on incorporating Revenge of the Sith into my show, I’d better review some edited versions. So, if you guys have any recommendations for preferred edits, I’d like to hear them. I’ll gladly chop and change between versions, if necessary. Bear in mind, my priorities will be:

  • Adhering to franchise canon as closely as possible (rather than bending to match the OT or PT specifically, for example)
  • Compelling narratives (like Hal’s reordering of the events which lead to Anakin’s fall) which bend the plot without breaking it
  • Characterisation in line with TCW as much as the PT
  • A narrative which fits with TCW and the wider franchise, rather than anything too radical
  • Attractive additions and cuts which enhance the enjoyment of the story
  • 1080p+ video quality, including incorporated deleted scenes

Happy to review supercuts of ROTS/SOM too, if they’re more than just the two official release versions intercut chronologically.

Thanks in advance!

i´m a little confused: Will you incorporate actual visuals from ROTS into your quality cut?
I would be against that…

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We watched 1x01 and really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the new 1x02.

My wife wanted you to know that she didn’t even recognize it as the same show we tried to watch last year. She’s always loved Star Wars, but we just couldn’t get through the original first few episodes of Clone Wars. Thank you.

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CMMAP said:

EddieDean said:

A REQUEST

This is a long way off, but now that I’m planning on incorporating Revenge of the Sith into my show, I’d better review some edited versions. So, if you guys have any recommendations for preferred edits, I’d like to hear them. I’ll gladly chop and change between versions, if necessary. Bear in mind, my priorities will be:

  • Adhering to franchise canon as closely as possible (rather than bending to match the OT or PT specifically, for example)
  • Compelling narratives (like Hal’s reordering of the events which lead to Anakin’s fall) which bend the plot without breaking it
  • Characterisation in line with TCW as much as the PT
  • A narrative which fits with TCW and the wider franchise, rather than anything too radical
  • Attractive additions and cuts which enhance the enjoyment of the story
  • 1080p+ video quality, including incorporated deleted scenes

Happy to review supercuts of ROTS/SOM too, if they’re more than just the two official release versions intercut chronologically.

Thanks in advance!

i´m a little confused: Will you incorporate actual visuals from ROTS into your quality cut?
I would be against that…

I won’t be having mixed media episodes, but your conclusion of this show (and the Clone Wars journey) should either end up as:

VERSION 1

  • Seasons 1-4
  • Martez Sisters arc
  • Bad Batch arc
  • Revenge of the Sith movie
  • Siege of Mandalore arc

or

VERSION 2

  • Seasons 1-4
  • Martez Sisters arc
  • Bad Batch arc
  • Revenge of the Sith / Siege of Mandalore cut into about 5-8 episode-length chunks and put in roughly chronological order (but without mixing RotS/SoM in any given episode)

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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Not to put any more projects on your plate, but have you considered doing the Battle of Geonosis with a mix of Battlefront II footage and the end of Attack of the Clones? The end of AOTC is such an early CGI Fest, it feels like an animated show!

I quickly threw this together, but wanted to share this idea with more than words. It is definitely too ambitious for me, but could be interesting…
https://mega.nz/file/g1YWWZpJ#GXh5KSkUzGH2r4SK12oS8qv1p4OvflgbeyehxhA4Nto

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EddieDean said:

This is very much a side thing and way lower priority than anything else, but I’ve also been playing with the idea of turning both Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones into TV-length episodes as a season zero. So essentially this show would emcompass the entirety of the prequel era, as an accessible mixed-media episodic show, that was consistent with (and additive to) canon, but focusing on telling the highest quality coherent story.

The huge advantage of this approach is that chopping into episodes and maintaining my opening text means that I can keep certain plot points offscreen and recontextualise and clarify more of the movie content, and allow us to focus only on the best and most necessary content.

That said, I’d fit all of that around the existing show, rather than the other way around. I don’t want that to be mandatory, and I’d far prefer if my TCW:R allows the viewer to slot in their preferred versions of the movies.

I’ve been wanting someone to do this for a long time. I think it would be good for Revenge of the Sith as well, so you can slot in the final four Clone War episodes in between. I know you are basically doing the opposite with the shows (editing the arcs together) and wouldn’t work since I assume you are doing the same with the final episodes.

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vranir said:

  1. “But” and “However” are awkward starting sentences right next to each other. If you drop the “However” and start with “They are unaware…” it will read more smoothly.

I’ve had more feedback saying the same, so I will look at this again. I’ll check the Ventress stairs audio too.

Very glad your wife enjoyed the intro though!

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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jrs81 said:

Not to put any more projects on your plate, but have you considered doing the Battle of Geonosis with a mix of Battlefront II footage and the end of Attack of the Clones? The end of AOTC is such an early CGI Fest, it feels like an animated show!

I quickly threw this together, but wanted to share this idea with more than words. It is definitely too ambitious for me, but could be interesting…
https://mega.nz/file/g1YWWZpJ#GXh5KSkUzGH2r4SK12oS8qv1p4OvflgbeyehxhA4Nto

I wasn’t planning on including any other sources unless it can be seamless, but in the far far future when I come to consider this additional project, I’ll certainly think through others’ approaches.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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Solemn.Philosopher said:

EddieDean said:

This is very much a side thing and way lower priority than anything else, but I’ve also been playing with the idea of turning both Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones into TV-length episodes as a season zero. So essentially this show would emcompass the entirety of the prequel era, as an accessible mixed-media episodic show, that was consistent with (and additive to) canon, but focusing on telling the highest quality coherent story.

The huge advantage of this approach is that chopping into episodes and maintaining my opening text means that I can keep certain plot points offscreen and recontextualise and clarify more of the movie content, and allow us to focus only on the best and most necessary content.

That said, I’d fit all of that around the existing show, rather than the other way around. I don’t want that to be mandatory, and I’d far prefer if my TCW:R allows the viewer to slot in their preferred versions of the movies.

I’ve been wanting someone to do this for a long time. I think it would be good for Revenge of the Sith as well, so you can slot in the final four Clone War episodes in between. I know you are basically doing the opposite with the shows (editing the arcs together) and wouldn’t work since I assume you are doing the same with the final episodes.

I guess I’m not technically going purely for aggregation of arcs so much as “quality of experience”. The main advantage to me of chopping the movies into episodes is that we can avoid difficult scenes by simply covering them in the opening text. Off the top of my head, I might like to do the following:

  • Exclude the Gungans from Phantom Menace. The conflict is between the Trade Federation and Naboo, and the stakes are the people of Theed. (The Gungans still exist, and are another nation of Naboo, but they don’t need to feature in this war or this story. I think this bends canon without breaking it, and wouldn’t negatively impact your enjoyment of other media.)
  • Start with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in Theed. They’re with Jar Jar, who’s one of Naboo’s ambassadors to the Republic so is acting as their local guide, perhaps helping them infiltrate the city using his local knowledge - which I think works, because he ends up as a representative in the Naboo delegation in episodes 2 and 3, we’d just be giving him that role earlier (Obviously you’d still minimise some of his more abrasive traits.)
  • We get an EPISODE ONE rescuing Padmé from Theed through to Tattooine, Anakin, the pod race and leaving with him. This would be about 50 minutes.
  • In EPISODE TWO, we bring Padmé to Coruscant, then back to Naboo. Cutting the Gungans, we emphasise that the droid army is overwhelming Theed’s defences. The Jedi are focused on the Sith Lord, whilst Anakin realises that the droids can be killed by destroying their control ship, and does that. End on Qui-Gon’s funeral but not the street celebration. This would run to about 40 minutes. Perhaps we can explain somehow that Anakin (with his technical knowledge) has worked out that there’s a control ship.
  • In EPISODE THREE, we skip ahead to the start of Attack of the Clones. We reestablish the core characters and focus on the Coruscant content up until both parties leave. We use the opening text to explain more clearly how the Trade Federation attack has formed into the nascent Separatist movement.
  • In EPISODE FOUR, we focus purely on Obi-Wan and his investigation of the Clone army through to his capture on Geonosis.
  • In EPISODE FIVE, it’s Anakin and Padmé on Naboo and Tattooine.
  • In EPISODE SIX, we bring Anakin and Padmé to Geonosis and play the remainder out (except the droid factory).

But like I say, this is far, far away for me, it’s definitely outwith the core goal of this project, so I don’t want to put too much thought into it.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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 (Edited)

Anyway, let’s focus back on editing. Today and tomorrow I have a good amount of time, and am working through Malevolence still. It’s kind of fine as is, but I’m just tweaking and pruning it, which is taking a lot of time as it’s got a lot of cuts.

Anyway, I’ve taken the recent feedback and been tweaking the Christophsis opening text further. I thought I’d share it here before rendering the episode again. Bear in mind this is our very first episode, so it has to do a little heavy lifting:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
With ANAKIN SKYWALKER’s ascension to the rank of Jedi Knight, his former master OBI-WAN KENOBI has requested a new padawan.
Aided by a small clone squadron, the duo now defend Christophsis, a planet whose crystal factories produce military energy shields.
Count Dooku’s fleet has forced the Republic’s ships to retreat to a nearby medical station, leading to fears of an imminent invasion.
But having detected the distant signal of Dooku’s assassin ASAJJ VENTRESS, a priority target, the Jedi rush to capture her.
They are unaware that comms have just been jammed planetwide…

Notes:

  • In this episode we formally introduce ANAKIN and OBI-WAN (hence their full names and capitalisation), and the villain VENTRESS. (Ahsoka doesn’t get named here since she’s only introduced within the episode, but is still made the episode’s largest focus via the episode’s title.)
  • The fleet now is “Count Dooku’s” (not “Separatist”), because the character is more important than the faction (in our first episode). This season we’re focusing on the villains, with Dooku as their leader, and both this and the next episode (Malevolence) rely on knowledge that Count Dooku is pulling the strings. This change also adds more weight to why we’d care about Ventress as “Dooku’s assassin”.
  • I changed some of the jankier language. It’s now “With Anakin’s ascension to the rank…” rather than “As Anakin has earned the rank…”, which is cleaner, and I’ve kept “But having detected” but dropped “However”, so at least we don’t start two sentences in a row with those slightly jarring context-sensitive words.
  • I wanted to keep “But having detected” because it’s the imminent invasion which they miss BECAUSE they’re forced to pursue Ventress, so I needed to maintain the causal link between the two sentences.
  • I’ve also made it more explicit that Ventress is a priority target, pulling them away from their other duties, and kept the idea that her signal is “distant”, which gives us leeway in overland travel times and day/night cycles.
  • To fit in the fleet status sentence, I’ve had to change the tense, so the Republic fleet has been forced to retreat but then we see that actively in the episode. I think it’s an OK compromise.
  • All of the remaining language and references ties into the rest of the season and this episode’s lanugage more accurately.

The Clone Wars: Refocused

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I like it.

If I were asked to edit this text (which I do professionally), I would question whether the word “military” is necessary when describing the energy shields.

I’d also ask about the need to call Ventress “a priority target.”

Both of those details could be inferred from the context and just make the sentences wordier.

Grammatically (especially if you remove the “priority target” phrase), you should add a comma before ASAJJ VENTRESS. The comma would make it clear that she is Dooku’s assassin (the only one). Without the comma, the technical meaning is that she is one of his potentially many assassins.

That’s as nitpicky as I can be. Every version of the text has been an improvement over the previous, and as it stands now, it’s quite good.