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The ALL FAKE Star Wars Betamax extras thread.


In this thread I hope to lower the lid on the the truth about Star Wars by imagining questions and answers that have no basis in reality whatsoever.

You can interview the stars behind and in front of the camera.

You can interview the characters from the films, comics, television shows or novels.

But it's all made up by us here so no leaking this to the press as exclusives.



Interviewer : So George, why do want to make a space opera?
George Lucas : I don't mind if you call me George.
Interviewer : I didn't ask if I could...
George Lucas : I noticed that but I don't mind.
Interviewer : Sorry Mr Lucas.
George Lucas : You can call me George...honestly.
Interviewer : So... George, why do want to make a space opera?
George Lucas : There is clearly an interest in this sort of story. Kids are reading comic books, they are very popular but nobody has attempted to take this sort of material seriously, cinematicaly since I was a child and I'm in my
Interviewer : There is new cinematic ground to be broken I can see that.
George Lucas : You can? You want to tell the studio heads that? The American myth is the Western but after Nixon nobody takes that frontier spirit stuff seriously without a filter. You need dress it up, you need a gimmick. Kids are getting into Kung Fu and Tolkien and there are a lot of born again Christian types out there.
Interviewer : So you want to make a Space Opera, Biblical epic, martial arts, Western with a Dungeons and Dragons vibe.
George Lucas : Exactly!!... with some WW2 war film stuff in it but without the nationalistic elements because of Nixon and Vietnam. Kids don't like that sort of thing at the moment.
Interviewer : I can see young people are very important to this new idea you have.
George Lucas : It's not new, it's not... it's ancient, it's the universal myth I want to tap into and I think this appeals more to younger people... when I was young I was into speed, not the drug, the thrill of racing cars I want that in the movie too because kids like that and they are buying the comic books. They pull in a lot of cash and... I want a piece of the action.
Interviewer : So what you are really after is the money?
George Lucas : Only as a means to an end.
Interviewer : What end George?
George Lucas : I want to be secure. I want the security that comes from financial independence. I want to be able to make my own kind of movie without having to worry about what the kids like and to do that I need to be comfortably well off. When I was a kid my dad shaved my head. I couldn't do anything about it because I was a kid. Financially my dad was in charge but if I had more money than my dad I could have shaved his head and he wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
Interviewer : What sort of films would you like to make.
George Lucas : Other than The Star Wars?
Interviewer : Yeah

George Lucas : well I'd love to make an action movie like James Bond... the kids love James Bond pictures he isn't American spy so he can get away with all that shooting people and cuddling the ladies. I'm not sure about that aspect though. Teens like that sort of thing but younger kids are kind of put off by all the kissing stuff.
Interviewer : Anything else George?
George Lucas : As I said the kids are really into Tolkien so I hope to make The Hobbit sometime soon but make it a bit more simple to understand. None of those weird languages. I'd make it more like a cross between an Errol Flynn movie and a Ray Harryhausen film. I can see lots of toy potential there.
Interviewer: Toys  George?
George Lucas : This isn't just a cynical money making ploy. It is *chuckles* but not just. For the kids to claim ownership of my characters and the exotic locations and the story they need to recreate them at home. They have the characters in their hands and speak the lines and wiggle them about as action. It brings everything to life and makes it a more vivid experience. Which I can make money from.
Interviewer : But you are still talking about the commercial films George what about your own films.
George Lucas : As I said commercial independence means I'm free to do anything I want.
Interviewer : Such as?
George Lucas : I was shown this comic book that a big hit with the college kids. It's a bit rude here and there but once I've toned it down it's gonna be a great movie that even young kids can enjoy. As long as Disney don't put a halt to it.


Deleted Portions of ANH extras.

MARK HAMILL: "I remember Harrison said. . . Walk up behind George. Give him a wedgie. He thinks that's funny. I did, but George cried. I felt horrible."

CARRIE FISHER: "Harrison stole George's sack lunch every morning. And when George forgot lunch, Harrison made him walk to the nearest cafe to buy us all donuts and coffee. That trait is what formed him into a great [director] back then. He could rise to the occasion."


ESB extras.

MARK HAMILL: "Harrison and Carrie would send me photographs. I'm talking Rated R stuff. They were enjoying each other's company and I was stuck with a muppet." (forced laugh)



HARRISON FORD: "There were midgets everywhere on the set. Strange to work with that many little people. It's a phobia of mine. I wanted away from them, so I asked to have my role amount to a cameo. That failed, so I asked George to work with Kasdan on a good death scene for Han. Turned into a big argument. And I was left with a bunch of midgets."


CARRIE FISHER: "I told George from the very beginning that I wasn't going to wear the gold bikini. He said 'Fine, sure, have it your way, just get into your Boussh outfit and get out there'. Once I put the helmet on, though, the chloroform fit me like a cocaine high, and I was out like a light. I woke up a few hours later, and BAM! - there I was done up like Dejah Thoris, laid out on this giant latex turd. Worst of all was when Mark started oogling me; he said he was just getting into character - seriously, that's what he said. I just love Mark all to pieces and all, but sometimes I think there's something wrong with the boy".

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas


Outtakes from some TV interview promoting ROTJ:

INTERVIEWER: We have here, a miss Carrie Fisher, a daughter of two pieces of Hollywood royalty and the leading lady in two of the highest grossing films to date. Right now, she's just completed filming of the next entry in the Star Wars saga, known as Return of the Jedi. How are you doing, Carrie?

CARRIE FISHER: I'm- I'm, I'm terribly sorry.

INTERVIEWER: Is something wrong?

CARRIE FISHER: Cut, please! Look, could you give me just a few minutes, I need to get ready.


CARRIE FISHER: Thank you. Not a moment, I promise.

She walks off stage.


INTERVIEWER: Alright, where are we starting?

Carrie walks in, hair mussed, and now grimacing at everything she passes.

INTERVIEWER: Is everything all right now, Ms. Fisher?

CARRIE FISHER: What is that supposed to mean!?

She takes a seat, the interview looks around nervously.

INTERVIEWER: I beg your pardon?

Carrie quickly shakes her head and returns to her grin.

CARRIE FISHER: Forget it. Let's just do this b*tch and get it over with!

INTERVIEW: Are you all right?

CARRIE FISHER: I'm fine. Let's just take this from the top. I want to get out of here just as much as the rest of you miserable S.O.B.'s do. 

The interviewer continues to gawk at her.


INTERVIEWER: Yes, roll 'em! (teeth gritted) Quickly!


I’m just here because I’m driving tonight.


rs3pal said:

On Fanfiction I think my main writing will come from Kingdom Hearts, Legend Of Korra, Star Wars, (of course) Avatar The Last Airbender, Superman and maybe X-Men but just to redo X-3 that was just plain awful.

 Did you intend this for another thread? 

I’m just here because I’m driving tonight.


CUE ANNOUNCER : Siskel and Ebert interview take one BLOOP!

PETER CUSHING: Have we started yet?

EBERT : Yes Mr Cushing

CUSHING : Oh how lovely

SISKEL : So tell us about Star Wars.

CUSHING : Have you seen the film?

Ebert and Siskel both nod eagerly

EBERT : We both enjoyed it didn't we? (glaring at Siskel)

SISKEL : Oh was... fun...

CUSHING : Oh how lovely. I haven't seen it yet, myself but I hear it's very popular?

SISKEL : Oh yes... it's certainly that.

EBERT : I imagine it will make a few.. shillings (slightly affected chuckle).

CUSHING : That is most gratifying, my agent informs me I have yet to have received payment for my performance.

SISKEL : I can't imagine George Lucas having a problem paying that.

EBERTSo what was he like to work with?

CUSHING : Mr Lucas?

EBERT : Yeah

CUSHING : He is a very interesting and lovely person with some very unusual ideas.

SISKEL : Like?

CUSHING : One example that was quite lovely. He was insistent that the villains of the piece would be so reliant on technology that even common place activities such as walking would be mechanically assisted. "There is not any walking in space", I heard him once say. Of course my mind was drawn to the moonwalks and space walks of the previous decade but Mr Lucas was quite adamant.

EBERT : I'm pretty sure you must have walked at some point in the movie?

CUSHING : You are quite correct. Naturally the role required a certain amount of perambulation, however if you look closely all my 'walking' scenes are shot from above the waist?

Siskel looks confused.

CUSHING : In the stationary scenes I and much of my entourage wore standard knee length boots. However during the scenes where we walk, the villains all wore disco roller boots.

EBERT : Really?

CUSHING : Truely yes, the idea was to create the impression that the boots were doing the work for us by floating us on a force field or something like that. Berman's Theatrical Costumiers have looked after my professional needs for forty years and I must say this motion picture really stretched their abilities. The boots were astonishingly comfortable. Mr Prowse who plays Lord Vader in the film had a wonderful time learning to backspin and Besti squat. If I must say so, I'm rather proud of my Mohawk turn. Confidentially Sir Alec was very dismissive of the film but I think he had a bit of rollerboot envy myself. My dear friend Christopher has been taking acrobatic classes in the hope he will be cast in one of the sequels. He can flip in mid-air it's quite lovely.

SISKEL : Thanks for that exclusive Mr Cushing.

CUSHING : You are so very welcome, can I have my five pounds please?