This morning I had time to watch episode III. The amount of story you’ve chosen is sufficient and connects with the scenes, though this whole arc is relatively straight forward.
Story wise two things occurred to me:
- the time ventress returns to dathomir and tells mother she needed time before returning - it is kind of odd because the plot is fast paced and we’ve no sense how long she has been gone, so leaving and the second return happens right after each other. My suggestion would be to fill in something, is there any footage usable?
- at 1:26:22 ventress is leaving dathomir after mother told her, she have to follow her own path now, ventress is kind of left desperate in the Woods (wide shot from above). But 1:26:23 she suddenly travels to a new planet with a ship. Is there any footage of her acquiring this ship?
Like the previous films, the scenes you’ve mention don’t exist. Ventress doesn’t appear at all between “Witches of the Mist” and “Massacre”, and her appearances prior to that are all still serving Dooku so there’s not really anything I could add in between those episodes. There’s also no scene of Ventress boarding the transport.
I think it can just be assumed based off of dialogue that Ventress has been gone for a while, and also the fade-to-black transition that Ventress left Dathomir to find a transport.
In retrospective I feel the last paragraph of the crawl should be changed. Yes, Palps orders Dokuu to kill ventress, but is it really a „evil scheme“? In my opinion it bloats the role of palpatine in this, even though he just orders a kill once without any further deep planing.
Well, his scheme is forcing his apprentice to betray his loyal assassin. I think that both Ventress and Dooku would view that as an evil scheme. And Dooku wouldn’t have betrayed Ventress without Palpatine’s orders, so Palpatine really did cause this whole series of events.
Anyway, I’m not planning on changing the crawls anymore —- I have to rewrite the whole thing, record it in the crawl creator, crop the crawl video to proper aspect ratio, then remake the whole film in iMovie —- which would be a lot of trouble over one phrase. And that’s not even mentioning the hours of rendering, checking the audio synchronization, uploading to the folder, and finally writing out a post to let everyone know about the changes.
Technical criticism: you’ve to work on your audio transitions, there are to hard. Is there any chance you can do such things in iMovie?
- 0:22:55/56; 0:44:10; 1:05:04; 1:26:23
Did you watch the updated version? The transitions should be fine in that one, especially since I remade it solely for the purpose of fixing the transitions lol 😂