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TFA: A Gentle Restructure (Released) — Page 55

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My thoughts on the “new” Snoke scene:

I think the scene works better with Hux acknowledging the destruction of Hosnian Prime but I can see the difficulties with making this work. The current wording was weird and it also sounds cobbled together. But maybe something could be put together from other sources, like other movies with Domnhall Gleeson.

However, if this doesn’t work and Hux starts with telling Snoke about the Resistance base and it is thus implied that they talked about the Republic before that, then the scene shouldn’t start with Hux saying “Supreme Leader” as that’s not something he’d say in the middle of a conversation.

And in any case, I think it’d be great if the Resistance somehow reacted to the imminent second attack. I don’t know all the details of what you’re planning for V2, so maybe that’s already in or maybe there’s no way to even do that, but I think it’d improve this restructure.

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So here are my files:

Crawl with faulty beginning:
https://mega.nz/#!LEcEBRiT!iMuM7Ee2ZuOPAn7bEPcqgXij3WIMDqW43Tu_SJiVM4g

New beginning for the crawl, use with the rest of the clip above:
https://mega.nz/#!Ddc1AT7A!6aFKbxZmg3tM7Br0mqZHSese7eWCM-9H43WL6yBfDMQ

Maz’s castle sequence:
https://mega.nz/#!7MURESwK!nDaRVLpLeELeXyofFbjcPkq893Y61hoFCz158RgZRVE

Maz’s castle audio:
https://mega.nz/#!WcVE2B7Q!ttn6AYgaU4kYX_xZ2c0GEUcG9TeRbIZRqvS14pUhbfM

Snoke scene:
https://mega.nz/#!HZE3GADK!Dxz6aTh7fukkVDZOeE4irLU74YYhJPu4hhZP6H00XE8

Snoke scene audio:
https://mega.nz/#!SBUyGIAT!YJXIFYGs_Eym4Am2O3SIlxDCTfvlVc_Wt_TGtuiK9bA

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Just a quick remark about the first paragraph of the crawl. Currently it is:

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting its return to power.

Wouldn’t it work better with this slight change ?

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER, risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, is plotting its return to power.

(anyway: crawl subs in french done; deleted scene in french and english done; I’m ready to finish it as soon as possible)

Just to be sure: is the first Snoke scene going to stay as it was in V1 or is it changed back to the theatrical cut (so many ideas have been raised these past few pages I’m no longer sure) ?

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Kexikus said:
And in any case, I think it’d be great if the Resistance somehow reacted to the imminent second attack.

It would be good indeed (that’s why there was an attempt with Admiral Ackbar) but since the theatrical cut doesn’t either have such a scene (it’s never clear for the Resistance that the next attack is against them… they just know the weapon is charging again) there is no real issue (and I think it flows better with the restructure cut)

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MalàStrana said:

Just a quick remark about the first paragraph of the crawl. Currently it is:

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting its return to power.

Wouldn’t it work better with this slight change ?

In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER, risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, is plotting its return to power.

They have different meaning, though. The first one says that the First Order has risen in the absence of Luke Skywalker, and is also plotting their return to power. The second one says that the First Order is plotting in his absence, and they have also risen from the ashes at some point. I think the first one flows better and makes a bit more sense to me.

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MalàStrana said:

Just to be sure: is the first Snoke scene going to stay as it was in V1 or is it changed back to the theatrical cut (so many ideas have been raised these past few pages I’m no longer sure) ?

Hal mentioned on the last page that he would like to use my scene order, found here:
https://vimeo.com/245983069
pass: crush

Hux: Supreme Leader, we have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.

Snoke: Good. Then we will crush the resistance before they get to Skywalker. Prepare the weapon!

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Hmmm, Leia & Korr Sella deleted scene. Was she even established in the original TFA? When Hosnian Prime (another name I had to learn from wiki) met with the laser, I remember thinking “who is that beautiful lady about to get vaporized?”

Very excited to see all this edit magic happen even after TLJ. Seriously, in my opinion… there is no need to hurry JUST to get Restructured V2 out before the new movie. Take all the time you need. * looking at everyone involved *

EDIT: Ridley, that crawl… something truly special. 😛

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bromeo said:

Hmmm, Leia & Korr Sella deleted scene. Was she even established in the original TFA? When Hosnian Prime (another name I had to learn from wiki) met with the laser, I remember thinking “who is that beautiful lady about to get vaporized?”

Very excited to see all this edit magic happen even after TLJ. Seriously, in my opinion… there is no need to hurry JUST to get Restructured V2 out before the new movie. Take all the time you need. * looking at everyone involved *

EDIT: Ridley, that crawl… something truly special. 😛

I don’t think Korr Sella gets an introduction, no! She’s still an “unnamed” background character, but I’m glad she has a scene now.

It looks like V2 could get done before TLJ without cutting corners, but of course there is no end to the tweaks that could be made. I think V2 will be great, and if you want more there will always be other fan edits of TFA down the line, from me and others who worked on this. And perhaps even a V3 some day.

I’m glad everyone keeps praising the crawl when it’s just some text in space, although it wasn’t easy to get it exactly right of course. Thank you!

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fishmanlee said:

Thanks Hal!, I’ll definitely try to adapt to whatever the final cut of the Snoke scene turns out to be.

Here is my final cut, including music:
https://vimeo.com/246094567
pass: hux

I believe this music works fine, and I would personally prefer to only use John Williams’ music if possible. But this is how the scene plays out now, so you can make something for it.

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Great work guys. These clips look really good. I can’t wait to check it out. Should I watch TFA Restructured v1, or wait for v2? Maybe I’ll watch both, to see the evolution of the edit.

Congratulations Hal!

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Sir Ridley said:

Here is my final cut, including music:
https://vimeo.com/246094567
pass: hux

I believe this music works fine, and I would personally prefer to only use John Williams’ music if possible. But this is how the scene plays out now, so you can make something for it.

Sounds very seamless to me. The only criticism I have is what I posted before. It should either start with Hux telling Snoke of the Republics destruction or if the intention is to imply that they talked about that off-screen, then Hux shouldn’t start with “Supreme Leader, …” as that sounds like the first sentence of a conversation.

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Kexikus said:

Sir Ridley said:

Here is my final cut, including music:
https://vimeo.com/246094567
pass: hux

I believe this music works fine, and I would personally prefer to only use John Williams’ music if possible. But this is how the scene plays out now, so you can make something for it.

Sounds very seamless to me. The only criticism I have is what I posted before. It should either start with Hux telling Snoke of the Republics destruction or if the intention is to imply that they talked about that off-screen, then Hux shouldn’t start with “Supreme Leader, …” as that sounds like the first sentence of a conversation.

Understandable, but in Hal’s words from last page: “I totally agree that such dialogue would be great to have there, but I don’t think the existing material to work with yield something worthy of inclusion.”

I don’t know if it would be good to imply that they’ve been talking by seemingly beginning in the middle of a conversation because either way the left out conversation is still just in our “headcanon” and audiences watching wouldn’t necessarily come to the conclusion that they had that exact conversation just by leaving out “Supreme Leader”. And the imagined left out conversation can still make sense with how it’s presented now.

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Sougouk said:

Should I watch TFA Restructured v1, or wait for v2?

Wait for v2. v1 has the concept right, but v2 will have every little tweak needed to make it work so as to replace the original theatrical cut.
I’m also quite thrilled about coming fanedits that are going to use V2 as the base !

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Hal 9000 said:

Regarding the slowed down shots, I do not have a way to make those better than what’s there now, but if anyone is able to do so, feel free and pass them along.

Are they all present in your “Big test” Vimeo video? If you’d let me download that video for reference and point out which shots are slowed I could send replacement shots.

MalàStrana said:

Sir Ridley said:
Here is my final cut, including music:
https://vimeo.com/246094567
pass: hux

!!!

How did you manage to get rid of Ren from the shot in such a short time ?!?

😄 First I cobbled together a replacement background using frames from the movie and some painting. I then inserted that background over the original shot and made it follow the camera movement, and added new film noise over it to match the rest of the shot. I then cut out the unnecessary bits of the replacement background so it only covers Kylo Ren and a little bit of background and leaves Hux intact. This is how I did the timecode removal for the deleted scenes as well, even though that was more complex.

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Sir Ridley said:

😄 First I cobbled together a replacement background using frames from the movie and some painting. I then inserted that background over the original shot and made it follow the camera movement, and added new film noise over it to match the rest of the shot. I then cut out the unnecessary bits of the replacement background so it only covers Kylo Ren and a little bit of background and leaves Hux intact. This is how I did the timecode removal for the deleted scenes as well, even though that was more complex.

You’re a wizard, Ridley. 😎

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Sir Ridley said:

Understandable, but in Hal’s words from last page: “I totally agree that such dialogue would be great to have there, but I don’t think the existing material to work with yield something worthy of inclusion.”

I don’t know if it would be good to imply that they’ve been talking by seemingly beginning in the middle of a conversation because either way the left out conversation is still just in our “headcanon” and audiences watching wouldn’t necessarily come to the conclusion that they had that exact conversation just by leaving out “Supreme Leader”. And the imagined left out conversation can still make sense with how it’s presented now.

Good point. Maybe TLJ will offer some dialog to improve this scene in a potential V3, but for now you’re probably right in leaving it as is.

Oh, and the slowed down shots are the pilot reactions when Starkiller fires. One of Poe and one from another pilot whose name I can’t remember. They’re both taken from the “There’s a brand new hole in that oscillator” scene IIRC.

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bromeo said:

Sir Ridley said:

😄 First I cobbled together a replacement background using frames from the movie and some painting. I then inserted that background over the original shot and made it follow the camera movement, and added new film noise over it to match the rest of the shot. I then cut out the unnecessary bits of the replacement background so it only covers Kylo Ren and a little bit of background and leaves Hux intact. This is how I did the timecode removal for the deleted scenes as well, even though that was more complex.

You’re a wizard, Ridley. 😎

Interesting, I hear that’s what they told a young dark haired boy once. He got sent to a school together with other young wizards. Some troubling events took place there but he came out of it fine and in time he became a very powerful young man. Today he goes by the name of Kylo Ren.

Kexikus said:

Sir Ridley said:

Understandable, but in Hal’s words from last page: “I totally agree that such dialogue would be great to have there, but I don’t think the existing material to work with yield something worthy of inclusion.”

I don’t know if it would be good to imply that they’ve been talking by seemingly beginning in the middle of a conversation because either way the left out conversation is still just in our “headcanon” and audiences watching wouldn’t necessarily come to the conclusion that they had that exact conversation just by leaving out “Supreme Leader”. And the imagined left out conversation can still make sense with how it’s presented now.

Good point. Maybe TLJ will offer some dialog to improve this scene in a potential V3, but for now you’re probably right in leaving it as is.

Oh, and the slowed down shots are the pilot reactions when Starkiller fires. One of Poe and one from another pilot whose name I can’t remember. They’re both taken from the “There’s a brand new hole in that oscillator” scene IIRC.

I’ll have a look!

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Just checking in briefly from work! You’ll have to imagine wild praise from me for the time being, because all I have time to chime in about right now is about the slowed down shots. Once the Starkiller begins to fire, most if not all of the shots between that point and the Hosnian system coming into frame are from elsewhere in the film and have been slowed down. And yes, all of these are present in the ‘big test’ video. However, I cannot enable downloading of the video without paying Vimeo, and I can’t upload the clip another way unless I’m at home. 😕

Well done. I will disengage self-destruct initiative.

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Hal 9000 said:

Just checking in briefly from work! You’ll have to imagine wild praise from me for the time being, because all I have time to chime in about right now is about the slowed down shots. Once the Starkiller begins to fire, most if not all of the shots between that point and the Hosnian system coming into frame are from elsewhere in the film and have been slowed down. And yes, all of these are present in the ‘big test’ video. However, I cannot enable downloading of the video without paying Vimeo, and I can’t upload the clip another way unless I’m at home. 😕

Hey there! That’s okay, I managed to download it anyway.

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https://mega.nz/#!GcM3XbYA!OL9N2iEvkuLwylcdbVLsVlcK9Ul2slH4WkwTVgEGdT4

‘they found us’, pitched to more closely match the rest of the dialogue.

On the ‘supreme leader’ issue, it does provide a nice buffer into the scene, and it doesn’t preclude a previous conversation about the Republic; people sometimes call out to their interlocutor in the midst of conversation as a way of regaining their attention, and this is basically what the scene is trying to do with the audience.

Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? - oojason
Episode 9 Rewrite THE SHATTERED SWORD (Complete!)
The Force Awakens Restructured (V3 Released!) and The Starlight Project (WORKPRINT RELEASED!)

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NeverarGreat said:

Using Audacity for pitch shifting isn’t so great, apparently. Do you think you could try pitching it like that with your tools? You’ve got a better sound setup than I do anyway 😃

Audacity is great for a lot of things, but yeah. Good idea though, I gave it a try and it worked nicely. I’ll update the sound mix after I’m done with the slow motion reactions fix.

Do you have the “The republic has been swept aside” line without changed pitch and other effects? I could process that as well in case someone wants to use it.