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Star Wars audio-drama pitch.

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 (Edited)

My pal always wanted to make a Star Wars fan-film, (I even got my wife to sew a Jedi robe for one false-start) but those are lots of work. After a lengthy bull session at the pub he decided he wants to make an audio-drama, and he wants my help (aka me doing it) to write it. He's to handle the rest of production, which is fine with me.

I said I'd give it a shot provided it wouldn't be about Jedi. We hashed out a very rough premise, which I've rounded into the following 'pitch' set five years after the birth of the Empire.

"You know those battles where droids fought clones and no one got hurt? That wasn't where I fought"

Brett Thousand was a wealthy merchant who lost it all when he fought for the Seperatists in the Clone Wars. Now Thousand is reduced to drinking too much and running a refueling space-station in orbit around a blackhole in the middle of nowhere. He's joined by Shaeka, the perpetually gruff assistant manager, and her twin sister Siria, the engineer who keeps the aging station running.

Across the station (gravity flips) is a semi-legal casino/vice-den run by Lady Kat, an alien of some sort, and her majordomo/bodyguard Alpha-D, a converted 8 foot tall labor-droid.

Rounding out the cast is the outrageously corrupt and lazy, but overwhelingly polite Imperial Section Overseer Geval, who's only goals in life are to avoid attention from his superiors and enjoy the occasional bribe.

The main premise would revolve around Brett trying not to get involved when trouble comes his way. Episode ideas include:

 

  • A ship of battle-droids that have been lost in deep space without hyperdrive for 8 years show up and don't know the war is over.
  • The station, unbeknownst to Brett, is being used as a hub by a pair of smugglers engaged in the highly illegal new market of Jedi paraphenalia.
  • The old drunk in the casino who seems to always win just enough to pay for his lodging turns out to be an important Republic Senator on the run for speaking out against Palpatine.
  • A big game hunter starts searching the nearby planets for the dreaded, perhaps mythical Tarsabeast... or is he after something more sinister
  • Religious zealots from Lady Kat's homeworld come to arrest her for some theological violation, but Brett can't afford to keep the station running without her. And perhaps he has personal reasons for not wanting to lose his partner.

We're supposed to meet up Sunday for dinner and put some more work into it. I'd be curious what anyone thinks of the basic pitch and concepts behind it. Ideas? Questions? Concerns? Insults?

Also, I want the title to be "SOMETHING: A Star Wars Tale" with SOMETHING being the name of the Space-station. I haven't for the life of me been able to think of a single decent possible name. Any ideas would be appreciated.

 

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We have the pilot written. It's a little "Casablanca" meets "Tales from the Golden Monkey" but I like where it's going. We want at least three scripts in the bag before we start working on recordning.

Currently the title is "Paragon- A Star Wars Tale." Paragon Station is the name of the setting, but neither of us are in love with the name.

Working on character names. We have a bartender, the local drunk, and an angry, overzealous stormtrooper (the only one assigned to the district).

Right now we're using placeholder names, but here are some names I'd like to use:

  • Davnes (Dahv-ness?)
  • Jambe Davbar
  • Adywan
  • Xhonzi
  • Ripplin

 

If you'd like your nethandle to be a character name, or you're totally opposed, let me know. I wont use anyone's without express permission. Production is still months away.

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That labor droid could be something-005...

;-)

Love the concept. My favorite Star Wars stories are those that don't involve the main characters or anyone with power. Its so fun to imagine an average person in that universe.

“005 is super hep” - dahmage

Star Wars Revisited Wordpress / Facebook / Twitter

005’s List of List & Comparisons

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Bumping 005, was bumping 005

<span style=“font-weight: bold;”>The Most Handsomest Guy on OT.com</span>

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 (Edited)

Still plugging away on part 2 script.

I'll PM 005 seeing if he minds his name for a droid. Perhaps the bartender character, who's not very interesting right now could be more fun if he was a  droid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frkFcgmYS-o

We found our main theme music. This will be the main title theme, and we hope to use some less iconic tracks from the movies and Shadows of the Empire soundtrack to round out the music.


EDIT: Besides Casablanca, which was very much on our minds when we wrote it, this script is developing more than a little hint of Canadian sitcom "Corner Gas" which is very funny and I highly reccomend it.

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From now on, when I bump a thread, I shall do so thusly:

 

*OO5*

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Yay, I'm a character!  Hope you pronounce 'xhonzi' differently than I do, or you will have the most boring Star Wars name ever.  It's barely fit for a cat in a sci-fi tale.

IT'S MY TRILOGY, AND I WANT IT NOW!

"[George Lucas] rebooted the franchise in 1997 without telling anyone." -skyjedi2005

"Yeah, well, George says a lot of things..." a young 1997 xhonzi on RASSM

"They're my movies." -George Lucas. 19 people won oscars for their work on Star Wars (1977) and George Lucas wasn't one of them.

Rewrite the Prequels!

 

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We're working on the bartender character. We think he's an automated droid-bartender that can't talk, and communicates in whirrs, gear-shift sounds, bubbles, and clicks.

Might be funny to sit and confide in a bartender that can't talk. Also, since it's an audio drama, it seems a good creative choice to have a character defined by sound. Variety and what not.

Current name: B-005.

PM SENT.

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doubleofive said:

TV's Frink said:


I presume the "B" is for "Bump?"

*CLICK WHIRRR CLANK*

Fixed.

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Wow. Draft 2 of the first episode is done. While writing episode 2 we made lots of discoveries of what worked and what didn't, so the second draft is a whole lot different, cutting some characters, adding some, reworking the scene order.

Now we plan to re-do Episode 2, then do Episode 3, and then re-write all three again. It's a fun process.

Music note: the great deal of the music will be from John Williams score to "Black Sunday," which is great, and has many faint echoes of his work on "Star Wars" '77.

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Well this is officially dead. My collegue has consistently missed every deadline he's set for this project for the last five months. He even claimed to have posted auditions online, but somehow they were invisible. Drat.

I think the idea has some potential, but I myself do not have the overarching passion for it to be the driving force behind an audiodrama production.

I might take the two complete scripts and the two outlines, and maybe write a fan-fiction novella or something.

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This damn thing is back alive.

I'm going to be laid up for a while, so I decided to give this a go solo. I'm pretty pleased with the writing I did and would like to see it realized. 

So I'm producing the entire thing on my own, including playing all of the parts. Once I've got a well produced, music, SoundFX and everything "All Boost" cast production of the first three episode arc, I'll get others who can do things like act.

I'd like to use this thread as a sounding board, and ask for the occasional suggestion as I put this thing together.

For example, my long suffering hero needs a catch phrase, something that he says when things go wrong, especially when he already knew it was going to.

Here are various ones I've tried

  • "Why me?"
  • "Oh f**k me in the ear!"
  • "This is going poorly" (comic understatement?)
  • "I had a bad feeling about this."
  • "I didn't have to do this. I coulda been a (insert job here)"

 

I'm also looking for a version of the main Star Wars theme (crawl music) that's perfectly good, but slightly different, just enough to make it clear I'm not using the regular main theme... kind of an audio cue that this story might be a bit unusual for Star Wars.

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TheBoost said:

This damn thing is back alive.

I'm going to be laid up for a while, so I decided to give this a go solo. I'm pretty pleased with the writing I did and would like to see it realized. 

So I'm producing the entire thing on my own, including playing all of the parts. Once I've got a well produced, music, SoundFX and everything "All Boost" cast production of the first three episode arc, I'll get others who can do things like act.

I'd like to use this thread as a sounding board, and ask for the occasional suggestion as I put this thing together.

For example, my long suffering hero needs a catch phrase, something that he says when things go wrong, especially when he already knew it was going to.

Here are various ones I've tried

  • "Why me?"
  • "Oh f**k me in the ear!"
  • "This is going poorly" (comic understatement?)
  • "I had a bad feeling about this."
  • "I didn't have to do this. I coulda been a (insert job here)"

 

I'm also looking for a version of the main Star Wars theme (crawl music) that's perfectly good, but slightly different, just enough to make it clear I'm not using the regular main theme... kind of an audio cue that this story might be a bit unusual for Star Wars.

I know that the guys at How It Should Have Ended did a small alternate theme for Star Wars, though I don't know if you could call it good...

  • "Now my failure is complete."
  • "And he was just two days from retirement!"
  • "It's my father's midichlorians."
  • "Were in deep Sith."
  • "I love it when a plan falls apart."
  • "I'm just keeping the Jawas in business."
  • "For the record, I did say so before."
  • "Well that's pitiful. Pitiful! That's exactly the opposite of what it's supposed to be." (Silent Running line)
  • "You know, I could have had a good destiny."
  • "Didn't need the Force to see that coming."

 

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
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TheBoost said:

  • "Oh f**k me in the ear!"

This was the title of my first autobiography.

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Need some help from the team!

I got a character that needs a name. It seems SOMEONE is assassinating prominent Separatists who have since made nice with the Empire. No one knows who or why, but there rumors of this XXXXXXX killer have made their ways to the ears of our protagonist, who is a Separatist who has made nice with the Empire. 

What's this killer's name? I have no idea. The Zodiac Killer? The Scarlet Pimpernel? The Ice Dagger? What do people call him? 

Maybe he leaves a calling card, or kills in a particularly unusual method, and either of these lead to his name. This is going to be a little background plot, possibly paying off in the future. 

Any ideas? 

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Mynock (sabotage and space vampirism)

Enclision (electrocution)

Angel of Mercy

Boba Fett 2

The Silver Coin

Heat Death

The Darkened Eye

The Confessor

The Xyphoid Killer (kills with a sword)

 

 

 

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
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NeverarGreat said:

 

The Silver Coin

 

I really like "The Silver Coin." 

It ties to commerce (the Trade Federation and what not) and has a hint of Biblical reckoning (Judas and his 30 pieces of silver). 

The unknown killer strikes, and leaves a single silver coin in his victim's palm. With your permission I'm gonna use this one.

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TheBoost said:

NeverarGreat said:

 

The Silver Coin

 

I really like "The Silver Coin." 

It ties to commerce (the Trade Federation and what not) and has a hint of Biblical reckoning (Judas and his 30 pieces of silver). 

The unknown killer strikes, and leaves a single silver coin in his victim's palm. With your permission I'm gonna use this one.

Wasn't considering the commerce angle. Permission granted.

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
A New Hope Technicolor Recreation (Released!)
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Minor update.

I've been studying a great deal of audio drama lately. I got some BBC stuff, some of the Big Finish audio dramas of Doctor Who, some old school Orson Welles work, and lots of fan drama, good and bad. Also re-listened to the Star Wars radio dramas. 

One thing I've noted is that for clarity, less characters in a scene is better. I've cut some unneeded characters, and restructured some scenes. 

I've also come to the conclusion that less sound effects is better. Unless I'm trying to make some kind of hypnotic audio landscape, a couple establishing sound effects and maybe a little ambiance goes a long way. 

I keep wavering back and forth on whether to keep the narration/narrator, or just try to do without like the Star Wars radio dramas did. 

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I'm listening to the Star Wars Radio drama as well (Christmas Present), and it's an interesting take on the movie. However, I can't help but feel that it has some large issues. There is a rule in screenwriting that states that you should always start the scene as late as possible and end it as soon as possible, and it is remarkable how much faster the movie flows. Granted, they were trying to make the radio drama more of an episodic story, but so much that is added seems to have little point.

Take for example the scene where Luke and Obi-wan inspect the blasted Sandcrawler. In the original movie, the scene starts after they have discovered it, whereas in the drama, we travel with them on their trip to Anchorhead and have the scene described to us in a more drawn out fashion.

It just makes you appreciate how much information is packed into the visual channel of Star Wars, that they need so much more time to explain it all.

DuracellEnergizer: “^He’s embraced the absurd. Don’t expect to gain any conventional understanding from his posts.”
A New Hope Technicolor Recreation (Released!)
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