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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Faster, More Intense! — Page 2

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Curious to hear more about your ideas.
“Sanded Down,” good one.

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So there’s now actually a way to download other than Myspleen. You can PM me for a link.

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Octorox said:

So there’s now actually a way to download other than Myspleen. You can PM me for a link.

is your edit going to fit with the clone wars series by which i mean removing what didn’t work but still lining up with the clone wars series.

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do you ever use puncuation marks and capital letters in your sentences

Not enough people read the EU.

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Yes, I’m a fan of the series so that is part of my intent, although making the movies work on their own terms is still the number one goal. If you catch any blatant contradictions, please let me know.

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Octorox said:

Yes, I’m a fan of the series so that is part of my intent, although making the movies work on their own terms is still the number one goal. If you catch any blatant contradictions, please let me know.

well in the edit your edit is going to be taken from removes the younglings and ahsoka was shown as a youngling so you have to keep the younglings in things like that. also as a side note is the yoda fights still going to be removed. please reply to both.

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jedimasterobiwan said:

Octorox said:

Yes, I’m a fan of the series so that is part of my intent, although making the movies work on their own terms is still the number one goal. If you catch any blatant contradictions, please let me know.

well in the edit your edit is going to be taken from removes the younglings and ahsoka was shown as a youngling so you have to keep the younglings in things like that. also as a side note is the yoda fights still going to be removed. please reply to both.

I can answer these.

1.) Younglings will be a thing in my edits, including Anakin’s massacre of them (with the dialogue cut as in L8wrtr’s edit), but the scene of Yoda training the younglings in Ep2 will be gone since it undermines Obi-Wan’s character.

2.) Yoda’s fight in Episode II will be removed, but you will see him fight the Emperor in Episode III with some trims. I’ve always been in the camp of “Having no one challenge the Emperor is more stupid than Yoda fighting with a lightsaber”.

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Good deal. As silly as they were, I’ve always thought removing the yoda fights robbed too much, keeping the more important one seems a fair compromise.

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So progress on Episode II has been going pretty smoothly. As I suspected, this edit is probably going to be more unique in comparison to Episode I. The romance is the area that most editors tend to tackle differently, and mine is no exception. The general template is similar to The Phantom Editor’s and Hal’s but the structure and ordering of scenes is a bit different than either. I can say that if you hate the “floating pear” scene and the “rolling in the grass” scene you will likely be happy as both of those scenes look to be out of the picture. On the contrary this may be the only edit I know of to use a cut down version of the scene where Padme talks with the new queen instead of omitting it completely.

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 (Edited)

Octorox said:

I can say that if you hate the “floating pear” scene and the “rolling in the grass” scene you will likely be happy as both of those scenes look to be out of the picture.

You have my attention here. A trimmed version of the Queen sequence may also be a good idea. Are you going to correct the sound issue in the cut version of “You’re exactly the way I remember you [in my dreams]”? (it sounds odd in both Hal’s and L8’s, maybe it’s better to completely remove this line ?).

edit: so I guess your “falling in love” montage will be something like that:

  • arrival on Naboo (theatrical ? Alternate version ? Removed ?)
  • corridor conversation (theatrical or alternate version ?)
  • Queen meeting (trimmed version)
  • family meeting (Hal’s or L8’s ?)
  • Meadow scene (rolling on grass removed, like L8’s)
  • dinner scene (without the floating pear)
  • night kiss (Hal9000’s).

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.

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Pretty close actually. This is what I have currently:

Sequence 1
arrival on Naboo (Alternate version trimmed)
corridor conversation (Alternate version)
Queen meeting (trimmed version)

Sequence 2
family meeting (L8’s, sourced from Hal’s with cuts recreated)

Sequence 3
Meadow scene (rolling on grass removed,
Transitions directly into daytime kiss (mix of Phantom Editors and Hal’s).

Ill try to get preview clips up soon to show some of the original stuff.

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Octorox said:

Sequence 3
Meadow scene (rolling on grass removed,
Transitions directly into daytime kiss (mix of Phantom Editors and Hal’s).

Sounds pretty good!

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I must say the all Naboo thing is the only part of Hal’s version that I find a little bit too long and too conservative (the future Vader portrayed as a luggage carrier is really painful, trimming that a little could be nice), and no other fan edit I’ve checked (L8 and Q2) do it a way I would reckon “definitive” (Hal’s night kiss is the perfect way to end the falling in love montage, good call to use it). Hence i’ll definitely want to see your version. If you remove the diner scene you would miss the “aggressive diplomaty” line referenced in the arena fight, but I guess it won’t be an issue.

About the meadow scene, I find the 4 lines removed in Hal’s to be the best edit work around for this particular part of the scene (“I don’t know. Someone.”, “- You? - Of course not me.”, “- But someone.”), will you also cut out the same lines ?

(working on the subtitles allows me to exactly know has been removed by Hal, and he’s really cut down some terrible dialogues that should never be heard in any subsequent fan edit 😃 )

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.

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It’s really cool ! Well, there is the awful space gondola but it’s a minor issue. It’s efficiently trimmed, with the family meeting scene in the middle it could actually work great. The Queen scene seems to be the way to go, with the whining Anakin part removed to focus on the political background.

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.

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MalàStrana said:
(working on the subtitles allows me to exactly know has been removed by Hal, and he’s really cut down some terrible dialogues that should never be heard in any subsequent fan edit 😃 )

And translating those subtitles from ‘Google Translate slop from French’ to readable English makes me realize how garbage some stuff still is. Especially having to type out Jar Jar’s dialogue.

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Well, it’s “heavy” Lucas at his best 😃 For instance the Obi-Wan/Dooku scene of EpII: taken independently the lines aren’t that terrible, but as a whole it has absolutely no sense (Dooku gives away every single information needed to stop the Sith plot ?!?). The same goes with Jango “I’m just a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe”, still don’t get how it is supposed to be a reply to “Your clones are very impressive. You must be very proud.” (Tumera Morrison is nevertheless very good as Jango, he does what he can with Lucas lines).

(and I looooooove Padmé mother’s “They didn’t tell us it was so serious !” whereas there had been an assassination attempt killing 7 people just the day before that she knows about…)

I like what you’ve done with Yoda and Windu (and Jar Jar): it’s still not golden age cinema, but at least they notably sound less dull.

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.

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Octorox is count dooku’s sith name going to be retained i ask because it’s in the clone wars.

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 (Edited)

I’m not a huge fan of “nightmare” sequences, and I’m not sure it is really needed. The diner scene is improved without the line mentionning Obi-Wan (that’s way Anakin is no longer always talking about his boss to the girl he’s hitting on), but I think there is a way you could trim the floating fruit part: on the wide shot the fruit is not in Padmé’s dish, so you could start directly with Anakin slicing the pear and “Force sending” a slice to Padmé’s fork. There is no dialogue and barely no sound effets, so I guess the tricky part would be to cut down the score.

(sorry I can’t right now try to show a rough cut of the montage I have in mind based on your edit, still haven’t got much time lately to seriously learning how to use premiere pro)

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.

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Very cool use of some ROTS footage. 😉

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Sorry, dream sequence stays. I want to seed them in now since I will be taking the l8wrtr approach to the dream sequences in ROTS. I thought about creating visuals for this sequence but I figured it would be much easier and probably more subtle if they were all just audio only. I also really wanted to cut the “your presence is soothing” line and the only way to cut that convincingly is to cut the “you had another nightmare, I heard you” bit. The rest of the conversation is confusing and random if you don’t actually see him having the nightmare, since you don’t know what he’s talking about.

Pear scene might still go though. Here is the dream scene without the dinner, let me know which you guys prefer. Keep in mind the last scene we see with them is the kiss.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_PHn47bcLaZNFl6M2ZpWDdvLTg/view?usp=sharing

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 (Edited)

You have to cut out Anakin calling Padme senator. It doesn’t make any sense if they were just sleeping together.

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Octorox said:

Sorry, dream sequence stays.

Don’t be: it’s your edit and your work ! The Tusken scream just sounds weird. Why don’t you use actual Shmi Skywalker lines ? (like “Ani… Ani…” when she dies, and lines from EpI - “what does your heart tell you ?” stuff - as a reminescence of his mother’s last words when he left her) ? It seems you’ve done that, but the Tusken scream covers everything else. Butagain: it’s 100% your call.

About the new video, littlev87 has got a point here, but for another reason: if we assume he got laid the night before, would he really want his first morning words to his beloved be “I saw my mother” ? However, on a technical point of view your edit is nicely done (The inclusion of a Padmé shot from ROTS is seamless).

“I have to say that I felt George’s group of six films had more innovative visual imagination, and this film was more of a retrenchment to things you had seen before and characters you had seen before, and it took a few baby steps forward with new characters.” - James Cameron about Episode VII.