Star Wars: The New Dawn (The First Episode in DuracellEnergizer's New PT Re-Write) *COMPLETE* — Page 2

DuracellEnergizer said:

The dug violently pushes the gungan, causing the frog-like reptilian to fall back and crash into a stall of fried roach candies, tipping several trays of the candies over. Enraged, the burly gungan unsheathes a knife. Grinning with bloodlust, the ugly dug pulls out a blaster.

 I have a comment. :P Gungans are not reptilian, they are amphibian, but if you did that on purpose, then great, because amphibians wouldn't be able to survive without having a lot of water if they were on Tatooine, and from what we know of the planet, there isn't much water available. So maybe make Gungans reptilian or use a reptilian species.

Just a thought.

Anyhow, I'm guessing Owen is Obi-Wan's brother in this story, because if not, you're making the Star Wars world too small (especially with the Docking Bay 94 thing). If you are going that way, then that's great and it also means Jedi aren't forbidden contact with family which was a stupid idea in the prequels.

RicOlie_2 said:

I have a comment. :P Gungans are not reptilian, they are amphibian, but if you did that on purpose, then great, because amphibians wouldn't be able to survive without having a lot of water if they were on Tatooine, and from what we know of the planet, there isn't much water available. So maybe make Gungans reptilian or use a reptilian species.

I'd actually forgotten that gungans are supposed to be amphibians. It's a change I'll roll with, though, seeing as it makes more sense in this context (this gungan is only a minor character who won't be reappearing, anyway, so there's no point in exploring the idea of a water-dependant creature living in a water-deprived environment).

Anyhow, I'm guessing Owen is Obi-Wan's brother in this story, because if not, you're making the Star Wars world too small (especially with the Docking Bay 94 thing). If you are going that way, then that's great and it also means Jedi aren't forbidden contact with family which was a stupid idea in the prequels.

Owen is Obi-Wan's stepbrother, actually. But yes, he's on Tatooine to pay the family a visit -- he's not simply in the right neighbourhood at the right time due to "the will of the Force".

As for the whole "Jedi and forbidden contact" thing, I'm going to point out that in this SW Universe, there are many different Jedi denominations with many differing philosophies and doctrines. The Coruscanti Order, of which Siri is a member, does forbid contact with non-Jedi family members. Obi-Wan, however, who is a ronin Jedi -- ie. an independent Jedi who does not belong to any particular sect -- is not beholden to such a doctrine, and as such can keep in touch/visit with anyone in his family whenever the opportunity is available to do so.

EXT. DESERT - SUNSET

Obi-Wan, at the controls of a rented speeder, races over sand and low dunes. Small animals scamper to get out of the way as the vehicle passes toward them.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - SUNSET

As he approaches a moisture farmstead erected in the middle of a flat plain of hard-packed sand, Obi-Wan pulls back on the speeder's controls, cutting power to the vehicle's engines. As he glides to a stop a ways away from the small igloo-shaped rock entrance to an underground dwelling, he hoists up his duffel bag and climbs out of the speeder.

Standing there, the man surveys his surroundings, taking the sight of the familiar farmstead in with a wistful expression on his face. As he looks over toward a lone moisture vaporator in the distance, two young boys and a man -- ghosts from the past -- fade into existence beside it. They are Obi-Wan and OWEN LARS as young children -- twelve and nine, respectively -- with their father, Cliegg Lars; the two boys are at work repairing the vaporator, Cliegg standing over them, content merely to watch over them but ready to step in if they need an extra hand.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (squatting down low beside the vaporator) Okay, Owen, I'm ready to bolt this sucker back in place -- hand me a 12mm.

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: (crouched down low next to Obi-Wan) 12mm?

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (frustrated) Yes, 12mm -- hurry up, would ya?

Reaching into a bag full of assorted bolts, young Owen scrambles around inside until he finds a bolt of the right size. Pulling it out, he hands it to Obi-Wan.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (places the bolt into place under the vaporator) Alright, now hand over the hydrospanner.

Owen picks the hydrospanner up off the ground beside Obi-Wan and hands it to his older stepbrother. Placing the hydrospanner against the bolt, he tries driving it into place.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: Dammit, it won't go in!

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: Move over, Ben, and let me try.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: Oh, be quiet and stay where you are! I know what I'm doing!

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: (looks up at Cliegg) Dad ...

CLIEGG: Ben, give your brother a chance.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (frowns) He's not my brother, and you're not my father.

CLIEGG: (facepalms) Alright, boy, now you've really pushed my buttons -- back the hell away from there right now before I give your ass a bare-knuckled thrashing!

Fuming, but in no mood to receive a bare-knuckled ass-thrashing, young Ben puts down his tools and steps away from the vaporator. Grinning, Owen takes Obi-Wan's place, sticking his tongue out at his older stepbrother.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (glowers) He's just a kid. What does he known about vaporators, anyway?

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: (examines the side of the vaporator) Here's the problem, you dunderhead! You need a 16mm bolt for this panel, not a 12mm!

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (furrows his brow) What?

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: Bend down and take a look!

Crouching down beside Owen, Ben looks at the panel his stepbrother is now working on.

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: (smug) See? 16mm!

Able to see that his stepbrother is right but unwilling to admit it, Obi-Wan silently picks up the bag of bolts and fishes out a 16mm bolt, handing it to Owen angrily. Owen takes it and puts it into place.

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: (holds out his hand) Hydrospanner.

Sulking, Obi-Wan hands Owen the hydrospanner. Owen takes the tool and places it against the bolt.

YOUNG OWEN: Hey, Ben ...

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: (moody) What?

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: You want to screw it in?

Obi-Wan looks down at his younger stepbrother, who is now offering him the hydrospanner. Turning his nose up at him, the older body crosses his arms across his chest in defiance.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: I'm not your grease monkey.

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: Oh, c'mon, don't be such a sore loser!

Turning back to regard Owen, Obi-Wan sees that the younger boy is now wagging the hydrospanner at him, teasing him with the prospect of using it. Sighing loudly, Ben gives in to the temptation.

TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OBI-WAN: Okay, fine.

Grinning, Owen scoots over so that Obi-Wan can join him by the open panel. Once Ben is there beside him, Owen hands him the bolt and hydrospanner. Taking them, Obi-Wan starts driving the bolt into place.

NINE-YEAR-OLD OWEN: Hey, wait! You're using too much --

Before Owen can finish his warning, Obi-Wan drives the bolt in too far, punching it through the panel, through the machinery beyond it, and into a storage tank. Before the two boys can do anything, a cascade of pressurized water comes shooting out into their faces, soaking them.

CLIEGG: (alarmed) Ah, dammit! Look what you've done! (beat) I'm taking this out of your allowance!

The boys, for their part, merely begin laughing, finding the ordeal nothing short of funny.

The three spectres of the past fade away, and we return to Obi-Wan in the present. Turning away from the vaporator, he finds Owen -- now a grown man in his late teens who is almost the spitting image of his father -- standing before the entrance into the underground homestead. Dressed in the sand-coloured clothes of a moisture farmer, Owen regards his stepbrother gravely.

OBI-WAN: Hello, Owen.

OWEN: It's been awhile. (beat) You're a long way from the Empire.

OBI-WAN: I told you I was coming home.

OWEN: Yes, I know. (beat) Look, I've got some errands to run. You go inside and I'll be with you later.

OBI-WAN: I can help you if you'd like.

OWEN: (shakes his head) No, no, forget it. Just go on inside and make yourself at home.

Without anything further to say, the grown up Owen leaves to do what he has to do. Obi-Wan, for his part, simply stands there, watching the man he grew up with as a boy saunter away into the approaching night.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/LIVING AREA - SUNSET

Obi-Wan steps through the doorway into the living area of the Lars homestead, where he immediately notices that he isn't alone. Seated on a chair before a low-set table is BERU WHITESUN, a pretty young girl with sandy brown hair; it is apparent that Beru is only twelve years old, a fair bit younger than the seventeen-year-old Owen.

OBI-WAN: Oh, I'm sorry -- I didn't expect to find anyone down here.

BERU: (rises to her feet, smiling) You must be Owen's brother. I'm Beru, Owen's girlfriend.

The young girl holds out her hand. Obi-Wan takes it, shaking it lightly.

OBI-WAN: Beru Whitesun? One of Mir Whitesun's girls?

BERU: The very same.

OBI-WAN: I met your father once at Anchorhead. I don't think I was much younger than you are now. (grinning) He made quite the impression on me.

BERU: (laughs) He tends to do that.

Beru returns to her seat. Pulling up a chair, Obi-Wan joins her on the opposite side of the table.

OBI-WAN: Frankly, I'm surprised you're here so late. Shouldn't you be getting home before the suns go down?

BERU: Oh, but I am home. (beat) I moved in here a few months after we started dating, shortly after Jadzia --

Upon the mention of Obi-Wan's mother's name, the young man's face grows hard, his expression dark.

BERU: (places a hand on Obi-Wan's) Oh, I'm so sorry -- I forgot --

OBI-WAN: -- that I was her son. It's alright. (beat) How did your parents take your decision? Moving out of your parents' home and in with someone else for the very first time is a pretty bold move, especially at your age.

BERU: Well, when I told them I was going to move in with Owen, they didn't want to hear a word of it -- they kept saying that I was too young, Owen was too young, that we wouldn't be able to support ourselves, so on and so forth. (beat) When they realized how grown up -- how responsible -- Owen was, though, they came around. (beat) Nik still hasn't warmed up to the idea, though, even though he and Owen are the best of friends.

OBI-WAN: (confused) Nik?

BERU: Nik's my brother. (beat) My older, protective, brother.

OBI-WAN: (nods) Yes, of course. (beat) Owen was outside when I got here, but he told me he had places to be. Do you know where he'd be going off to at this time of day?

Beru's expression goes stern.

BERU: Probably off to run an errand for Watto.

OBI-WAN: The Toydarian junk dealer?

BERU: (nods) I don't have to remind you that Cliegg had a gambling problem.

OBI-WAN: No, you don't. (beat) It was the main reason I left.

BERU: (cont'd) A few years after you left for the Empire, Cliegg's debts got so bad that he had to ask Watto for money. Watto gave it, of course, and Cliegg was okay for awhile. Of course, he just exchanged many small creditors for one very large one, so in the end he didn't do himself any favours at all. (beat) He fought hard to give up gambling, and worked himself to the bone to pay off his debt to Watto. It was too much for him, though, far too much ...

OBI-WAN: I know. Owen told me as much in the last message he sent me.

A tear runs down Beru's eye. Noticing it, she wipes it away.

BERU: Once he was gone, Owen and your mother had to take up his debt. Jadzia couldn't take it ... just couldn't take it ... Oh, God!

Unable to hold back the overwhelming sadness, Beru begins to sob into her hands. Her display of emotion proving to be too much for him handle, Obi-Wan begins to weep as well.

INT. NYAX/TORTURE CHAMBER

The Nyax's torture chamber is a large chamber, filled with cruel and foreboding instruments of torture. Dimly lit, it is hard to make out the various living forms which have been subjected to these devices, but their cries and moans of agony can be plainly heard.

Standing before one of the many devices of torture -- a coffin-like encasement -- are the Force Hound and the dungeon master. Unlike most of the Death Watchmen, the dungeon master wears neither the polished armour or elegant blue-and-gray robes of his brethren; he instead wears a heavy cape of dark gray sackcloth over armour so worn and dull that most of the coloured paint has worn away.

FORCE HOUND: Open it.

DUNGEON MASTER: As you wish, milord.

The dungeon master presses a release on the encasement and it splits open, revealing the prone form of the Meketrex high priestess Zull. Heavy drugged, she is unable to keep herself from collapsing to the deck in a heap.

ZULL: (weary) (subtitled) No more ... no more.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Give me what I want, and it will end.

ZULL: (subtitled) What? What do you want?

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Tell me who you are.

ZULL: (coughing) (subtitled) What?

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Tell me who you are.

Regaining some of her strength, Zull pushes herself up into a sitting position, half-leaning against the deck with her arms to brace her.

ZULL: (coughing) (subtitled) I am Zull Uquesne, daughter of Egon and of Stantz. I serve the Gods of Light and Darkness as Their intermediary to my people, the Meketrex of Sloar.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) You have power, don't you? Power beyond that of any mere mortal.

ZULL: (subtitled) I am empowered by the Breath of the Gods. Through Their grace, I am able to pierce the veils of reality and glimpse the worlds as they really are.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) You can see through space, through time, into the hearts and minds of living souls throughout the galaxy.

ZULL: (nods) (subtitled) Yes.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) You could also move mountains, stop the rotation of planets, or even darken a star if you wished.

ZULL: (shakes her head) (subtitled) The Meketrex use their power to commune with the universe and the realities beyond, not to bend them to their will. (beat) That is a privilege granted to the Sebouillia alone.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) The Sebouillia were one with the Meketrex in ages past, weren't they?

ZULL: (subtitled) Before the Great Division of 14,019, we were one people, harnessing and communing with the Breath as we wished.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Until a select few among you chose to take the power you wielded to subjugate the masses, to force them into submission under penalty of torment and death.

ZULL: (subtitled) It isn't that simple. Trying to commune with the worlds while also trying to influence them went against nature itself -- it drove us to madness and tore our world apart.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) A convenient lie. Here is an honest truth -- harness the Breath, use it as a weapon, and kill me where I stand.

ZULL: (outraged) (subtitled) What!?

FORCE HOUND: (cont'd) (subtitled) Reach out with the Breath and kill me, kill the man beside me, kill every Mandalorian alive on this ship, break your bonds and escape! The power is within you -- use it!

ZULL: (subtitled) No!

Enraged, the Force Hound throws out his hand, clenching his fingers. Instantly, the near-human woman begins to grasp at her throat, choking as an invisible force cuts off her air supply.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Reach out and break my hold! Crush my heart! Boil my blood! Rupture my brain!

The Force Hound continues his hold for long seconds, bringing the priestess to the brink. Finally, he releases his hold, allowing her to suck in a deep breath of air.

FORCE HOUND: (yelling) (subtitled) What are you waiting for!? Take your vengeance -- strike me down!

ZULL: (coughing) (subtitled) Never!

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Then your torment will continue -- later. (turns to a pair of Mandalorian guards standing a ways away from the centre of activity) (in Basic) Take her back to her cell. 

Responding immediately, the two Mandalorians walk up to Zull and lift her to her feet. As they escort the Meketrex priestess from the premises, the Force Hound looks after them, his breath heavy with restrained frustration.

INT. TATOOINE - LARS HOMESTEAD/OWEN & BERU'S BEDROOM - EVENING

Obi-Wan stands over the bed of Owen and Beru, placing a cover over the sleeping form of the young girl. Staying a moment to make certain she is comfortably asleep, the young man then leaves, his expression solemn.

INT. LARS HOMESTEAD/OBI-WAN'S OLD BEDROOM - EVENING

Stepping inside his old room, Obi-Wan finds that, beyond a bed, a sofa, and a single table, the area is almost bare of accoutrements; it is obvious that most of Obi-Wan's old belongings have either been sold or put into storage. Sighing, Obi-Wan places his duffel bag on a chair, then makes his way over to the bed, sitting down on it, his back turned to the open door.

OWEN: (O.S.) I figured you weren't coming back, so I gave your stuff away.

Turning around, Obi-Wan finds his stepbrother standing there in the open doorway.

OWEN: (cont'd) I figured you Jedi aren't into physical attachments, anyway.

OBI-WAN: (stands up) That depends on the Jedi.

OWEN: I take it you met Beru.

OBI-WAN: (nods) Yes. (beat) She really is a lovely girl, Owen. Congratulations.

OWEN: (steps into the room) Save your congratulations for the wedding.

OBI-WAN: (surprised) You're getting married?

OWEN: (smiles) Maybe one day. That's in the future, though, once we've got everything sorted out.

OBI-WAN: She told me about the debt to Watto.

OWEN: (loses the smile) Just forget about it.

OBI-WAN: (steps up to Owen) Owen, I want to help you.

OWEN: (throws up his hands) I don't need you getting mixed up in things that don't concern you.

OBI-WAN: (incredulous) Don't concern me!? I'm your brother, Owen -- I think this concerns me!

OWEN: (angry) What are you doing here, anyway? You write us off and then you think you can just come back --

OBI-WAN: I never wrote you off!

OWEN: No, you just packed up and left so you could play at being a grand wizard master, leaving us in the real world behind to rot in this backwater cesspool --

OBI-WAN: I had to leave, Owen, don't you understand? As much as I loved you, and much as I loved Cliegg, I couldn't stand slaving away on this farm day-and-night knowing that any profit we made would be thrown away as soon as we could make it on some poorly placed bet or fixed sabacc game. I couldn't stand to watch him whittle his life -- your life -- all our lives away on nothing anymore.

OWEN: So you just abandoned us. Mighty fine tradeoff, I must say.

OBI-WAN: (angry) Goddammit, Owen, I kept in touch!

OWEN: Five messages in six years -- that has to be some kind of record!

OBI-WAN: (shakes his head) Training with Master Yoda kept me away from civilization most of the time. And then with the war ... (beat) When I found out that Dad had died -- that Mom had died -- I wanted to come to their funerals. Believe me, I did.

OWEN: But you didn't.

OBI-WAN: It was too late.

A moment of silence passes between the two brothers.

OWEN: So why now, after all this time?

OBI-WAN: (crying) I lost someone out there ...

OWEN: A girl?

OBI-WAN: (shakes his head) A friend. A friend I had come to see as a second brother. (beat) I came back ... because I don't know if I can handle it anymore. I don't know if I can be a Jedi anymore.

OWEN: (runs a hand through his hair) I'm sorry -- really, I am -- but I can't be the loving brother who's standing by to be a shoulder to cry on. I have my own sorrows to deal with.

Finished with Obi-Wan, Owen turns around and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, Obi-Wan walks over to the barren table. Removing his overcoat, he reveals a lightsaber clipped to his side. Tossing the coat onto the sofa, he unclips the lightsaber and then holds it up before him, examining it, before carefully setting it down atop the table and then returning to his bed.

I've sure that many of you who have been reading so far have noticed that I've capitalized the names of some races while leaving others lower case and wondered what was up with that. Well, I'd like to clarify that it's not due to sloppiness or poor editing; I've decided to stick to real world grammatical rules, which means that species' name which aren't explicitly proper nouns -- derived from the name of a planet, a nation, an ethnic group, etc. -- don't get capitalized. 

It may be a departure from the norm, but I'm a self-persecuting grammar Nazi (I'm not saying my grammar's perfect, but when I notice a grammatical error, I really notice it), and so if I don't do it, it'll just stand out like a sore thumb to my eyes and get deep under my skin.

INT. NYAX/TORTURE CHAMBER

Within a torture chamber -- one of many such chambers aboard the Nyax -- Zull stands against a metal rack, her wrists and ankles secured to prevent escape. With wicked-looking electrodes secured to her joints and extremities, the beautiful priestess can do nothing but scream as volt after volt of painful electricity is sent coursing through her body. Surrounding her, bearing witness to this cruel torture, are several heavily-armed security 'droids and four Mandalorians -- two escorts, the dungeon master, and the Force Hound himself.

FORCE HOUND: She's had enough. Let her down.

DUNGEON MASTER: As you wish, milord.

Pressing a few buttons and turning a dial set into his control panel, the Mandalorian dungeon master cuts the power to the electrodes. Finally free of the pain, Zull collapses into semi-unconsciousness. Moving over to the rack, the two escorts open the shackles of the rack, allowing the Meketrex high priestess to collapse into their arms.

FORCE HOUND: Return the girl to her cell.

The escorts nod once in acknowledgement. Hefting the loose form of the beautiful woman up so as to get a firmer hold of her, they begin half-carrying, half-dragging her off. The Force Hound, his features hidden behind his Mandalorian helmet, watches them as they leave.

INT. NYAX/CELL BLOCK

The two Mandalorians guide Zull down the corridor of her cell block. Having regained some of her wits, she is now able to support some of her own weight.

INT. NYAX/ZULL'S CELL

The door to the cell slides open, and the Mandalorian escorts push Zull inside, allowing the disheveled near-human girl to unceremoniously collapse to the filthy floor in a heap. The door slides closed and the intricate locks engage, leaving Zull there on the floor in near-pitch darkness.

MANDALORIAN #2: (O.S.) Hello there, goddess.

Hearing the voice, Zull slowly pushes herself up into a sitting position, looking toward the source of the voice.

ZULL: (scared) (subtitled) Who's that? Who's there?

A figure steps out of the deep corner of the cell into the scant light at the centre, revealing himself to be one of the two Mandalorians who first escorted her to the torture chamber.

MANDALORIAN #2: You wouldn't believe how long I've been waiting here. I was afraid you weren't going to come back.

The Mandalorian takes a threatening step forward. In fear, Zull scuttles back away from him.

ZULL: (subtitled) Stay away from me ...

MANDALORIAN #2: Oh, come now, goddess, don't be like that. Let's be friends.

Reaching upward, the Mandalorian removes his helmet. Underneath the cauliflower ears, slightly twisted nose, and light scars, the Mandalorian is a bonafide pretty boy with light blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.

MANDALORIAN #2: (cont'd) See now? I'm not a harsh sight, am I?

Zull scurries back further, pressing herself up against the far wall to get as far away from him as possible.

MANDALORIAN #2: (frowns) Alright, enough of that. I want to be friends, so we're gonna be friends -- good friends.

Tossing the helmet aside, the Mandalorian crosses the room to Zull.

INT. NYAX/CELL BLOCK

As the screams of the high priestess of the Meketrex begin pouring through the walls outside her cell, the Force Hound appears, standing by the locked door. He scrutinizes the sealed cell door, his mind full of thought, before hanging his head in shame and walking off to leave the Mandalorian within to satisfy his foul appetites.

EXT. SPACE - KMN-0

A box-shaped cargo shuttle leaves the atmosphere of KMN-0, flying past the derelict hyperspace ring of Siri Tachi's starfighter as it heads for open space.

INT. SHUTTLE/CARGO BAY

Siri, the hood of her deep red robe pulled up over her head, sits atop a crate in the otherwise empty cargo hold of the cargo-hauling shuttle. There, palmed in her outstretched hand, is an activate holoprojector displaying the blue-white image of her Jedi mistress, Adi Gallia.

ADI GALLIA: (cont'd) ... and we'll dispatch an acolyte to retrieve your starfighter and bring it back to Coruscant.

SIRI: (nods) Thank you, Mistress. (beat) All the paperwork's in order?

ADI GALLIA: (nods) Each and every document has been scrutinized and gone over a thousand times to make sure nothing is vague and everything is legitimate. You should have no problem with the local authorities once you reach Tatooine.

SIRI: Still ... I can't help but have a bad feeling about this.

ADI GALLIA: Look inside yourself, Siri, find your centre. There you will find the living Force. Let it flow through you and soothe you and erase all doubt from your mind.

SIRI: (unconvinced) I'll try.

ADI GALLIA: The Force be with you, Siri.

SIRI: And with you, Mistress.

Leaving her with a smile, the holographic Jedi mistress winks out of existence, leaving Siri alone with her uneasy thoughts.

EXT. SPACE

The shuttle soon comes in reach of the Light Hammer, a large Dreadnaught-class heavy cruiser. Emblazoned on the side of the dreadnaught is the design of an intricate, down-turned gold triangle -- the Crest of Alderaan, indicating that the ship belongs to the Alderaanian fleet. Sidling up with the bow of the heavy cruiser, the small shuttle slips into the craft's docking bay.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/DOCKING BAY

Gliding into the bay, the cargo shuttle touches down atop the polished metal plating of the deck. There in the bay, waiting for the ship, is a tall, broad-shouldered man in his late twenties with a full head of thick, black hair. This man, clad in the crisp gray uniform and decorated with the insignia of an Imperial admiral is BAIL PRESTOR ORGANA, the prince of Alderaan himself.

The side hatch of the shuttle lifts open, and Siri steps out. Tossing a fold of her cloak back, she approaches the admiral.

SIRI: Admiral Organa?

BAIL: (smiles) Call me Bail.

SIRI: If it's all the same to you, Admiral, I would prefer to address you by your rank.

BAIL: (shrugs) If that's what you prefer ...

SIRI: Thank you, Admiral.

BAIL: (gestures toward the doors leading out of the docking bay) Shall we?

Siri nods with affirmation. Together, they walk off for the wider regions of the ship.

SIRI: I have to say I'm astonished to find a ship of the Alderaanian fleet so far out from the Core Worlds. The Outer Rim territories are far beyond your usual patrol range, aren't they?

BAIL: After my promotion to admiral, I felt like getting as far away from the war as possible, so I requested an assignment which would take me out of the thick of things. I was assigned a tour of duty patrolling the border regions between Imperial and Hutt space. (beat) It sure beats having to deal with Neimoidian mercenaries and Dark Jedi conspiracies.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/TURBOLIFT

Siri and Bail now stand within a turbolift, on ascent to a higher deck.

BAIL: So from what little information I've received, you've been having problems with Mandalorian raids along the Outer Rim. Can you give me any more details?

SIRI: Well, there isn't much more I can tell you. From what we gathered from what witnesses there are, a Mandalorian dungeon ship with an escort of two-to-five assault ships has been attacking lightly-defended ships and backwater settlements -- Imperial and non-Imperial alike -- taking whom they wish while slaughtering everyone else. We haven't been able to determine a motive.

BAIL: Maybe there isn't a motive. (beat) The Mandalorians of old were berserker warriors, fighting for the sheer pleasure of it. It isn't hard to imagine them slipping back into an old routine, especially following the collapse of Mandalore.

SIRI: I don't believe that, Admiral, not for a second. (beat) There's a dark design at work here -- I just have to figure out what it is.

INT. LIGHT HAMMER/BRIDGE

A door slides open, and Siri and Organa step out into the bridge, where several officers are moving with activity, preparing the ship for the journey ahead. A TALL, OLIVE-SKINNED WOMAN not much older than the Admiral rises from the command chair and walks over to the newcomers.

BAIL: (to Siri) Ms. Tachi, this is Commander Raia Vaness, my first officer and trusted confidant. (to Vaness) Raia, this is Siri Tachi, Jedi Knight on loan from Coruscant.

CMDR. VANESS: (bowing her head to Siri) It is a pleasure to meet you, Mistress Tachi.

SIRI: (returns the bow) Likewise, Commander.

BAIL: (to Vaness) Are we ready to go?

CMDR. VANESS: Just give the word, Admiral.

Moving away from Siri and Vaness, Bail walks over to the command chair. Sitting down, he turns toward the ship's helmsman -- a lean, yellow-skinned near-Duros.

BAIL: Set a course for Tatooine, Mr. Solo, hyper-factor 8.

MR. SOLO: Yes, sir.

The near-Duros helmsman punches the coordinates for Tatooine into the Light Hammer's navicomputer. Once the course has been charted, he pulls back on a lever, activating the hyperdrive.

EXT. SPACE

The form of the dreadnaught elongates and then shoots forward with a blur of pseudo-motion, punching through the fabric of realspace and into the extradimensional maelstrom of hyperspace.

INT. NYAX/ZULL'S CELL

Within the confines of her cell, Zull lies cowering in a heap on the floor in the centre of the room, clutching the torn remains of her robes about her as she sobs uncontrollably. The Mandalorian who violated her is long gone.

The cell doors unlock and the door slides open. Zull barely turns to regard the Force Hound as he steps inside, a set of clean coveralls folded against his arm.

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Your journey is almost over. We'll be reaching our destination within the hour. (holds out the tan coveralls) Here -- you need these. Please take them.

Zull merely looks upon the Mandalorian, her eyes burning with hate.

ZULL: (subtitled) Why have you done this to me?

Walking up to her, the Force Hound crouches down on one knee before her. Setting down the folded coveralls, he reaches out to her, touching her cheek gingerly. The priestess, her face bruised, flinches upon contact.

FORCE HOUND: (voice breaking) (subtitled) I don't want to do this to you -- I have to do this to you.

ZULL: (grinds her teeth) (subtitled) Why?

FORCE HOUND: (strokes her hair) (subtitled) From birth you were taught to believe -- as so many others have before you -- that what you call the Breath is divided into distinct halves of dark and light, at war with itself. (beat) This is a lie, perpetrated by fools who -- too afraid to embrace the potential within themselves -- would also deny that right to others, using fear to poison their minds against any evidence that runs contrary to their dogma. (beat) There is no distinct dividing line between the light side and the dark side -- they blur together, because they are one -- a unified Force.

With gentleness, the Force Hound takes the high priestess by her shoulders and draws her to him, embracing her.

FORCE HOUND: (crying) (subtitled) In order to open your eyes to the truth, I must break you -- force you into the abyss so that you may embrace it. Only then, with both sides of the Force as your ally, can you be made whole.

ZULL: (subtitled) And if I don't break?

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) Then I will have failed, and I will have to live with the horror of knowing that what I did to you, I did for nothing.

Slowly, the Mandalorian releases the Meketrex priestess. Standing up, he walks over to the door and opens it.

ZULL: (subtitled) You don't have to worry, Mandalorian.

The Force Hound turns to face her. Her eyes glowing with rage, she bears her teeth at him.

ZULL: (cont'd) (subtitled) You've broke me.

Unable to respond, the Force Hound merely steps out of the cell, sealing and locking the door behind him.

DuracellEnergizer said:

SIRI: Still ... I can't help but to have a bad feeling about this.

ZULL: (cont'd) (subtitled) You've broke me.

 The nitpicker is back!;)

Are those grammatical errors intentional? I can see the second as being that way, but the first just looks like a mistake to me.

Like I said, my grammar isn't perfect. I suppose the first might be an error (I can't really notice anything wrong with it, but I suppose it all depends on how one reads the line), but I'm not sure what is wrong with the second -- is it the use of "broke" instead of "broken"?

Well, in the first line, the word "to" shouldn't be there. You don't use the infinitive "to have" in that context because the pronoun "I" modifies the verb.

In the second line, yes it should be "broken" rather than "broke" because you are using the present perfect tense ("you have").

So there's your little grammar lesson for the day. ;)

Oh, well, most people don't use correct grammar when they talk, anyway, and I am trying to give my characters authentic-sounding dialogue ... ;-)

Haha! I suggest you fix the first one and leave the second one if you're going that way. The first just looks and sounds awkward....

Alright, I fixed it -- you happy now? =P

There we go. ;)

I thought now would be a good time to show how I envision some of the various characters/groups/items/etc. that I have introduced so far within my script.

I see Obi-Wan as looking like a young Kenneth Branagh.

Basically, I came to see him as my ideal image of Ben after watching his adaptation of Hamlet, where he had platinum blond hair -- which reminded me of how Ben's character looked in the OT, what with his white hair -- and all-black clothes, which pretty much reminded me of Luke's outfit in ROTJ, which was more-or-less a look I had all ready come to associate with the Jedi in my SW Universe.

This is the hairdo I envision Ben having within my script.

Suffice it to say, the TPM concept art has had a major influence upon the development of my SW Universe over the years.

This is pretty much the outfit Obi-Wan is going to wear throughout the script.

Unlike with the Coruscanti Jedi, I didn't want Ben to wear something which was reminiscent of a uniform or monastic robes, but something that was more casual -- more "civilian" -- while still retaining the overall black look of Luke's ROTJ outfit.

Naomi Watts is the closest real-world person I can think of that looks like Siri Tachi. That's all I'm going to say.

This is how I envision the Force Hound to look like beneath his helmet (that's Lance Henrikson from the 1991 adaptation of The Pit and the Pendulum, BTW).

The uniform of a Coruscanti Jedi Knight.

The uniform of a Coruscanti Jedi Master (notice the cloak).

The uniform of the Mandalorian Death Watch.

Basically, I got the idea of this look from the Imperial Sourcebook, which mentioned that the uniform of Palpatine's Royal Guard was based in part on the uniform of the Mandalorian Death Watch (something subsequent EU did not run with, BTW, as every image I've found online of Death Watch Mandalorians has them looking like your basic Mandalorian, more-or-less).

EXT. TATOOINE - LARS HOMESTEAD/COURTYARD - DAY

Obi-Wan, Owen, and Beru stand together outside the entrance to the Lars homestead. With his duffel bag slung over his shoulder once again, it is apparent that Obi-Wan is leaving.

OBI-WAN: (hugs Beru) It was nice meeting you, Beru. I wish I could stay longer, but I have business I must be getting to.

BERU: (punches Ben playfully in the chin) Don't be such a stranger in the future, Ben, okay?

OBI-WAN: (smiles) I'll see what I can do.

Turning away from Beru, Obi-Wan regards his stepbrother. The two look upon each other, their expressions serious.

OBI-WAN: Goodbye, Owen.

OWEN: Obi-Wan.

With that, Obi-Wan leaves the couple, walking towards his landspeeder. Once he has reached the vehicle he hops in and engages the engines. Making a U-turn, the Jedi knight takes off, leaving the homestead behind.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Sometime later, Obi-Wan stands alone in the desert, perched atop a large boulder. Off in the distance, far enough away so that Ben cannot be seen but not so far that Ben cannot see it, is the Lars homestead. Looking down and behind him, the Jedi sees his speeder down below, parked in between the large boulder and another smaller boulder; loaded in the back seat of the vehicle are three-days worth of supplies.

EXT. DESERT - BOULDER - TWILIGHT

Hours have passed, and Ben is still on the lookout atop the boulder. Now seated and eating a protein bar, he looks out at the homestead through a pair of macrobinoculars.

OBI-WAN'S P.O.V. - LARS HOMESTEAD

Stepping out of the entrance, Owen makes his way across the courtyard. Passing by the nearest vaporators, he makes his way to the outskirts of the property, where a parked landspeeder is waiting for him.

CUT TO

Obi-Wan adjusting his macrobinoculars as he finishes his protein bar.

OBI-WAN'S P.O.V. - PARKED LANDSPEEDER

Zooming in, we can now see the details of the speeder driver. It is a boy dressed in the light tan clothes of a moisture farmer; tall and lean with dark blond hair, he is only around fifteen years of age. As Owen jumps into the passenger seat, the driver brings the speeder's engines to life and takes off.

CUT TO

Obi-Wan bringing down his macrobinoculars, making haste to climb down the side of the boulder to his parked speeder. Reaching the bottom, he runs over and jumps inside. Tossing the macrobinoculars beside him, be brings the vehicle to life and, gunning the engines, shoots out from between the boulders with a burst of high speed. An expression of grim determination on his face, Obi-Wan tries to keep a safe distance away from the other speeder to avoid detection without losing sight it.

EXT. ANCHORHEAD - EVENING

Sometime later, after the light from the twin suns of Tatooine has completely disappeared, Owen's speeder enters the settlement of Anchorhead, Obi-Wan's tailing behind at a discreet distance. Eventually, the first speeder comes to a stop at Docking Bay 32, Anchorhead's only starship harbour. Obi-Wan parks his speeder on the other side of the street, a building behind.

Climbing out of the speeder, Owen and his driver enter the dark depths of the docking bay. Ten minutes later, a medium-size starship -- a G9 Rigger freighter -- ascends from within the docking bay. Climbing upward, it speeds for open space, soon disappearing among the countless nighttime stars.

OBI-WAN: Owen, what are you up to?

EXT. ANCHORHEAD - STREET - EVENING

An hour later, the freighter returns from its trip into outer space. Obi-Wan, still parked and waiting, watches as the freighter makes its descent, slipping back into Docking Bay 32 without attracting any undue attention to itself. After a few minutes pass, Owen and his accomplice exit the bay, returning to their speeder. Instead of returning to the path that brought them into Anchorhead, however, they instead head down a street that takes them deeper into the settlement. Starting his own speeder, Obi-Wan follows after them.

EXT. ANCHORHEAD - STREET - WATTO'S SHOP - EVENING

Within a few minutes, Owen's speeder comes to a stop outside a junk shop. The large, currently unlit, sign installed above the main entrance reads "WATTO'S SHOP". Parking a fair ways away behind them, Obi-Wan narrows his eyes as Owen and the younger boy climb out and slip into the shop.

OBI-WAN: What are you making my brother do for you, Watto?

Shutting down the speeder's engines, Obi-Wan climbs up and out of the vehicle. Making sure that no one is watching him, he quietly follows after the pair.

INT. WATTO'S SHOP - EVENING

Like a thief in the night, Ben slips inside the dark junk shop. Looking about him, he notices the many items of machinery laid in piles and placed on shelves within the dingy interior. Closing his overcoat, he begins making his way deeper into the shop. Soon he comes to the far end of the room, which opens out into a smaller room in the back. Peering into the room, making sure he cannot be seen, the Jedi knight sees Owen and the boy at a desk with Watto, the flying blue Toydarian owner of the shop.

WATTO: (irate) (gestures down at a datapad resting on the desk's top) Whatta's this? This is a payment, you say? Payment!? Bah! I wouldn't have been able to make a down payment for my mother's funeral with this!

OWEN: We can't help it, Watto. We’re in a funk right now. Ever since Ash-It Eeyoo Naim started up his business, the suppliers haven't been eagre to fly with us.

WATTO: Excuses, excuses! Bah! (beat) It's-a time, I think, that I got a cut of the profits thee are bringing in on your moisture work.

OWEN: (alarmed) Watto, no! We're barely getting by on what we make already!

WATTO: Thee think I give a ranat's rear if thee get by? I don't-a. I want what's due to me. I've been more than fair, waiting for thee to pay off your debt.

DRIVER: (irate) You're paying interest, you old bird. That's being fair?

WATTO: I was at a low point when I loaned to Cliegg Lars -- rest his soul -- as thee well know. I took a big loss pitying the fool. That's why there's-a interest. (pushing his face up in front of the boy's) I want-a cut of the farm, boy -- that, or a cut of your momma and sista's fine, soft flesh. How's that bargain for you, eh?

DRIVER: (enraged) You lousy piece of --!

The blond-haired boy strikes out, hands twisted into claws for Watto’s throat. Owen grabs him, wrestling him away from the Toydarian.

OWEN: Nik, no! Calm down! You're gonna get us in trouble! Cut it out!

NIK (DRIVER): (struggling against Owen's grip) Stupid rotten -- (to Owen) Let me go, dammit!

OWEN: Nik, stop! Stop it!

Nik squirms for another several seconds. Finally he stops, letting out a deep breath. Slowly, Owen releases him.

NIK: Okay ... I'm okay now. (beat) Let's get out of here. I don't want to stand in this dump a minute longer.

The spice-hauling partners leave the Toydarian’s desk, moving on their way out of the room. Watto follows them with angry eyes.

WATTO: You've made your decision, then ...

As the two young men cross the room, Obi-Wan flees into the shadows of the shop to avoid getting caught. Crouching down behind a partially-disassembled protocol 'droid, he watches as they make their way to the shop's entrance, slipping outside into the quiet night.

EXT. ANCHORHEAD - WATTO'S SHOP - EVENING

Owen and Nik walk over to their speeder. As Owen jumps in the passenger seat, Nik just stands there on his side of the vehicle, looking down at the moisture farmer.

OWEN: (noticing Nik's stare) What? Let's go already.

NIK: (frowns) You never stand up to him.

OWEN: What?

NIK: You never stand up to him, Owen. He walks all over you, and you take it like a Mos Eisley whore!

OWEN: (frowns) What would you like me to do about it, Nik? He's powerful, with powerful friends -- I can't just put a blaster bolt between his eyes!

NIK: You could still resist him, show him that you aren't going to take his garbage sitting down!

OWEN: We can't all be blessed with your brand of assertiveness, Mister Anakin Skywalker.

Sighing, Nik -- full name, ANAKIN -- decides to give up the discussion. Hopping into the speeder, he brings the engines to life.

ANAKIN (NIK): This deal's getting worse all the time.

OWEN: Don't I know it.

Punching the controls, Anakin takes off, racing up the street like a mynock out of Hell.

A few seconds later, Obi-Wan steps out of Watto's shop. Looking to his right, he spots the speeder in the distance as it turns and disappears around a corner.

DuracellEnergizer said:

BERU: (punching Ben playfully in the chin) Don't be such a stranger in the future, Ben, okay?

 Did I just miss the part where you introduced Obi-Wan as "Ben"? Or did Beru just decide to nickname him all of a sudden? :P

Ben is a nickname Obi-Wan's had since childhood (did you miss the part where Obi-Wan reminisces about he and Owen working on the vaporator together as kids?). She definitely heard Owen refer to him by that name sometime prior to the events of this story.

Ah, yes, it's there. I tend to miss details like that. :P

EXT. DESERT - BOULDERS - EVENING

Some time has passed, and Ben has returned to the two large boulders in the desert beyond the Lars homestead. Laid out in the front seat, his arms crossed behind his head, he looks up into the night sky, gazing at the three moons glowing a pure white amongst the stars.

Reaching under the collar of his shirt, the Jedi knight pulls out an aquamarine crystal on a fine gold chain. Holding it up before his eyes, he's drawn in as the moonlight plays through the facets of the crystal, making it glow from within as if alive with its own cyan fire.

FADE TO

Another place in another time. Obi-Wan, still the same age he is today, stands on a balcony overlooking a beautiful pond with a lovely girl in ornate robes by his side. This world -- like Tatooine -- has three moons, the light of which plays upon the liquid surface of the pond like white fire.

GIRL: Obi-Wan?

OBI-WAN: Yes?

GIRL: Give me your hand.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) What for?

GIRL: (giggles) Just give me your hand.

With a shrug, the Jedi holds out his right hand. The girl, a fourteen-year-old beauty with long, curly dark brown hair and deep brown eyes, reaches around her neck and unfastens a gold chain bearing an aquamarine crystal. Placing the beautiful crystal in his palm, she closes his fingers around it.

OBI-WAN: (surprised) Amidala, what --?

AMIDALA (GIRL): (smiling) A gift, Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN: (looks down at the crystal) But this has been in your family for generations -- I can't just take it!

AMIDALA: (reaches out and touches Ben's cheek) I don't need it to remember them, Obi-Wan. (beat) Wear it to remember me.

Taking his hand once again, the beautiful young woman known as Amidala brings it up to her face, kisses it and then rests the side of her face upon it, her lips spread in a smile of contentment. Obi-Wan, touched by her display of emotion, smiles in return.

Suddenly, without warning, a row of blade-like metal teeth erupt from Amidala's mouth, spraying a mist of red blood over the Jedi's hand. Rearing back, she opens her violated mouth and, with a cat-like hiss, buries her inhuman teeth into Obi-Wan's hand.

OBI-WAN: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

CUT TO

Obi-Wan, here and now, suddenly awake, his right hand red with his own blood. Bringing his wounded hand up close to his face, he looks up to find a robed-and-masked Tusken Raider standing before him atop the hood of his speeder, a bloody gaffi stick in his hands. With the Tusken Raider, surrounding the vehicle, are seven other Tuskens.

As the Sand Person brings his gaffi stick down for a killing blow, Obi-Wan springs into action, somersaulting out of the seat and out of the speeder, spinning through the air to land on the ground right behind the nearest Tusken. As this Tusken spins around, swiping at Ben with his weapon, the Jedi ducks then punches the Sand Person in the face, throwing the creature forward into the speeder, knocking him out instantly.

Backing away from the Tuskens, Obi-Wan reaches for his lightsaber with his unwounded hand. Closing in together, the remaining Tuskens move in on Ben, their gaffi sticks ready for battle. Bringing forth the weapon, the Jedi knight presses the button set into the pommel, and a bright azure blade springs into existence with a sharp snap-hiss.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan, on a catwalk within the reactor core of some complex in another place and time. The same age he is now, he stands with another Jedi -- a SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD APPRENTICE with his long, dark hair done up in a topknot -- both of them wearing uniforms taken from Neimoidian soldiers. Both Jedi wield lightsabers, although here the boy carries the lightsaber with the azure blade while Obi-Wan brandishes a weapon with an emerald blade.

Standing before the Jedi, clad in black robes with red trim, is a DARK WARRIOR. His crown of horns identifying him as a member of the zabrak race, his skin is covered in red-and-black designs. In his hands, blazing with hellish intensity, is a double-length lightsaber sporting two ruby-red blades on each end.

His piercing yellow eyes aflame with evil glee, the dark warrior smiles, revealing a row of pristine white teeth.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan in the here-and-now.

As a Sand Person charges, the Jedi knight swings his lightsaber, cutting into the creature's shoulder.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the Jedi apprentice and dark warrior.

Lashing out with his lightsaber, Obi-Wan attempts to decapitate the darksider, but the villain merely ducks the blow. Before Obi-Wan can recover himself, the dark warrior kicks him in the chest, knocking him off the catwalk and sending him into a freefall through the void.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the Tusken Raiders.

As two Sand People swing at the Jedi, he dodges backward, allowing their blows to connect with each other instead.

As the two Tuskens fall to the ground unconscious, another decides to attack the Jedi. Slashing with his lightsaber, Obi-Wan cuts the warrior's right arm and head off.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan as he falls through the length of the reactor core.

Using his powers, the Jedi knight slows his descent enough to allow himself to reach out and grab the edge of another catwalk. The force of the fall working against him, his own velocity almost yanks his arms out of their sockets, and he gasps with pain. He fights through the pain, though, and hoists himself up onto the catwalk.

As he stands up on unsure legs, he looks up to the levels above, where he sees the other Jedi fighting against the dark warrior alone.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the remaining three Tusken Raiders.

Standing before a wounded Tusken, the Jedi knight draws back his lightsaber. Before he can strike, however, one of the other Sand People hits him in the back with his gaffi stick, causing the Jedi to drop his weapon with a cry of pain.

As the Tusken hoists his weapon high, Ben quickly recovers and lashes out, grabbing the warrior by the throat and pushing him back, using the Force to send him hurtling into one of the large boulders with fatal force.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan standing within a corridor, a wall of impassible energy blocking him off from the other Jedi, who continues to fight alone against the dark side warrior.

As the energy field drops, the Jedi breaks into a sprint down the corridor. Before he can reach his comrade and rejoin him in battle against the zabrak, though, another wall of yellow energy springs up in front of him, blocking him off once again.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan as he kicks a Tusken in the throat, breaking his neck. As the robed warrior collapses lifeless to the sand, the Jedi knight finds himself facing the last of the Tusken Raiders -- the same warrior who wounded his hand.

Releasing a loud battle cry, the Sand Person charges him, swinging his gaffi stick. Anticipating the warrior's movements, the Jedi easily side-steps the Tusken, wrenching the gaffi stick from his grasp in the process. Losing his balance, the Tusken Raider falls forward. Somersaulting across the sand, he comes to a stop beside Obi-Wan's fallen lightsaber. Noticing the weapon, the Sand Person swipes it up eagrely.

As he rises to his feet, the Tusken engages the weapon, casting blue light across the features of his swaddled head. Grimacing, Obi-Wan raises the gaffi stick into an attack position. In unison, the combatants charge one another.

FLASH TO

The Jedi apprentice engaged in lightsaber battle with the zabrak warrior inside a small, enclosed chamber. Obi-Wan, trapped behind a field of yellow energy at the end of the corridor leading into the chamber, can do nothing but watch as his friend begins to falter beneath the ferocious attacks of the dark warrior.

Visibly tired, the apprentice successfully blocks a blow from one of the zabrak's ruby blades. His counterattack is sloppy, though, and he overextends himself, allowing the dark warrior to bring the shaft of his saberstaff up and into the Jedi's chin, knocking his head back with teeth-loosening force.

Before the young Jedi can regain his composure, the dark warrior pulls his double-bladed saberstaff back. Smiling with dark glee, he strikes.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan and the Tusken Raider as they come at each other, weapons swinging. The azure blade passes over the Jedi knight's head harmlessly, but the butt of the gaffi stick makes contact with the Sand Person's face with a sickening wet crunch. The fabric of his face covering quickly growing dark with blood, the Tusken drops to the ground, the lightsaber deactivating as it falls from his hands.

Tossing the gaffi stick to the ground, Obi-Wan looks about at the carnage surrounding him; five of the Tusken Raiders are dead, the other three unconscious.

Sighing, the Jedi knight retrieves his lightsaber -- a lightsaber that was once the weapon of that unnamed Jedi apprentice -- and clips it back to his belt.

EXT. SPACE

With a blur of pseudo-motion, the Nyax and its contingent of assault ships drop out of hyperspace.

INT. NYAX/FORCE HOUND'S MEDITATION CHAMBER

Within a circle of burning candlesticks and under the varicoloured glow of an artificial stained glass window sits the Force Hound, his legs crossed and his head -- unhelmeted but turned away from us -- bowed in deep contemplation.

The door to the chamber slides open, and a Mandalorian warrior steps inside. Roused from his meditation, the Force Hound turns his head slightly to regard the newcomer.

FORCE HOUND: Remove your helmet.

Without the least resistance, the Mandalorian obeys; lifting the helmet free, the beat-up-but-handsome face of the Mandalorian who defiled Zull is revealed.

MANDALORIAN #2: You requested my presence, lord?

Without a word the Force Hound rises to his full height, donning his Mandalorian helmet as he does so. As he turns to face the lesser Mandalorian, the rugged pretty boy involuntarily flinches, overwhelmed by the Force-sensitive warrior's aura of formidable menace.

FORCE HOUND: What is your name, warrior?

MANDALORIAN #2: (swallows audibly) D-Dus Ubbs.

FORCE HOUND: You have served me well, haven't you, Dus Ubbs? Dedicated yourself to the cause without question or remorse, all for the glory of the Mandalorian people.

DUS UBBS (MANDALORIAN #2): (stammering) Y-yes, milord.

FORCE HOUND: You would give your life to see our lost honour restored, wouldn't you?

DUS UBBS: Of course, lord, without question.

FORCE HOUND: So be it then.

With a wave of the Force Hound's hand, six other Mandalorians -- all previously hidden in the deep shadows of the far corners of the chamber -- step out into the light, revealing themselves to the Mandalorian called Dus Ubbs. Nervously, he looks about at these intimidating warriors.

DUS UBBS: (to the Force Hound) Milord, what --

Before the Mandalorian can finish his thought, one of the Mandalorian Knights lunges out at him, sending an armoured punch to his face. His jaw snapping with the blow, Ubbs spins around, blood and teeth flying from his open mouth.

The Force Hound, radiating with extreme satisfaction, watches as the Knights proceed to beat Dus Ubbs to a bloody pulp.

INT. NYAX/ZULL'S CELL

Zull sits in the far corner of the cell, hugging her knees to her chest. Clad in the coveralls the Force Hound gave her, she is a fair sight better than when we saw her last, though her haunted eyes are still dark with bruises and unpleasant memories.

With an audible click, the cell door is unlocked. Turning to regard it, Zull watches the door slide open and the Force Hound -- the horribly beaten and shackled form of Dus Ubbs in tow -- step inside. Turning to face the girl, the Force Hound pushes the rapist to the floor in front of her.

FORCE HOUND: A gift, my dear.

With that the Force Hound departs, leaving the battered Mandalorian warrior alone with his traumatized victim.

DUS UBBS: (smiles weakly) Not such a grand sight now, eh, goddess?

Silently, the priestess draws herself to her feat. Her eyes wide with rage, she takes a step forward.

DUS UBBS: (frowns) Hey, now girl --

Her eyes and lips twitching, she crosses over to the Mandalorian and, seizing his head in her hands, drives her fingertips into his skull.

DUS UBBS: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Thin tendrils of sickly green energy begin to snake out from her hands, driving themselves into the violator's head. Immediately, the Mandalorian's body begins to shudder violently, his eyes rolling up into his head. Zull, for her part, merely increases the dosage, intensifying his shudders until they become full-blown seizures.

DUS UBBS: Ubbaaadduuubbaaabbbbdddduuubbbaaaaaa ...

His head vibrates rapidly in her hands, tongue and saliva trailing from his mouth with his eyes rolled up in their sockets; smoke begins to rise from the wounds surrounding Zull's fingers.

Her teeth bared in an animalistic snarl, Zull wrenches her fingers from the Mandalorian's head. Dus Ubbs collapses to the floor, stone dead and not a pretty sight in the least.

EXT. SPACE

The dungeon and assault ships pass through the void of space, an infinitude of white stars glowing behind them.

EXT. ANCHORHEAD - WATTO'S SHOP - DAY

Ben stands before the entrance into Watto's Shop, looking up at the unlit sign with no expression on his face. The shop, and the area surrounding it, looks far grimier in the daylight than they did in the darkness of evening.

Looking down, the Jedi opens his left hand; seated in his palm is the aquamarine crystal and its gold chain. Closing his eyes tightly with emotional discomfort, he steps forward.

INT. WATTO'S SHOP - DAY

Watto is hovering about his shop, taking inventory of the parts he has on sale, as Obi-Wan enters.

WATTO: Back already? Can't -- (looks up, notices that the new arrival is not someone he knows) Ah! (beat) I don't open for another two hours. Whatta thee want?

OBI-WAN: (approaches Watto) I'm here on business, Watto.

WATTO: (waves his hand with dismissal) I don't talk to solicitors during business hours. Call me later, and we'll make an appointment.

OBI-WAN: Personal business.

Hearing the edge in the human's voice, the Toydarian decides to deactivate and set aside his datapad, focusing all his attention on the young man instead.

WATTO: (flies up to the Jedi) If you're with the Power Converters, I'll tell thee what-a I told the other one -- I didn't assault that girl. I'm not even attracted to humans --

OBI-WAN: This is about Owen Lars.

WATTO: (relived) Oh, him. (beat) Whatta ya got to tell me?

OBI-WAN: I know he owes a large sum of money. I'm here on his behalf to settle the score.

WATTO: (narrows his eyes at Ben) And who the hell-a are you, anyway, that thee care? (beat) You look-a kinda familiar -- I know you, don't I?

OBI-WAN: I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Owen's brother.

WATTO: Ah, yes -- little Benny! I thought I recognized you! (chuckles) You can pay me off, eh? You, the brother of a water farmer! And I'm sure you struck it rich out there, out on the moons of Iego, what with such fancy clothes you wear! Ha! (beat) I like a good joke -- for that one, I'll bring your brother's debt down-a 10%.

OBI-WAN: I'm serious, Watto.

WATTO: (suddenly angry) So am I -- get out!

Deciding now is the time to act, Obi-Wan brings out the crystal, dangling it by its glittering gold chain before the Toydarian's large eyes. The Toydarian, the blue-green facets of the jewel reflecting in his eyes, is instantly entranced, his mouth dropping agape in wonderment.

WATTO: (Amazed) Is that --?

OBI-WAN: A corusca gem. Of the finest quality.

Taking the jewel, Watto reaches into his workbelt and retrieves a mechanical eyepiece. Activating it, he places it up to his eye and manually adjusts the telescoping lens, placing the crystal before his line of sight.

WATTO: By the goddess' bulge -- corusca!

OBI-WAN: I believe it is enough to settle my brother's debt.

WATTO: (lowers the eyepiece from his eye) Boy, this is enough to settle the debt of every brother!

OBI-WAN: (satisfied) Then our business is concluded.

Turning his back to the Toydarian, the Jedi begins to leave.

WATTO: (his face growing dark) Oy, I forgot ...

OBI-WAN: (halting) What?

WATTO: Your brother and his friend got on my bad side. I sent Sebulba and Craetorius to teach 'em a lesson.

OBI-WAN: (turns around, walks up to the Toydarian) What are you saying?

WATTO: My boys, Sebulba and Craetorius, my ... personal negotiators.

OBI-WAN: (frowning) Enforcers.

WATTO: (shrugs) If I had-a known thee were coming, I would've let bygones be bygones and called it all off. (beat) They've been gone-a half hour. They'll hit the Whitesuns first.

Without any further hesitation, Obi-Wan takes off in a dead run, bolting out of the shop with what is almost preternatural speed.

The Jedi gone, Watto turns to regard the aquamarine corusca gem.

WATTO: (overjoyed) Corusca! (kisses the jewel).

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Obi-Wan drives his landspeeder over the hot desert landscape, pushing his engines to their outer limits.

EXT. WHITESUN HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Ben arrives at the Whitesun homestead. Pulling up to the front, he finds two people -- a gray-bearded man and an elderly woman -- dead on the ground, the victims of blaster fire. From the homestead's entrance billows a thick cloud of greasy black smoke.

Wasting no time, the Jedi knight pulls away from the Whitesun homestead, speeding away for the home of his brother and his brother's girlfriend.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

Outside the Lars homestead, Owen and Beru have come to greet a pair of visitors -- her half-brother Anakin and their mother Nellith. Nellith, a woman who was beautiful in her youth but is now simply handsome in middle age, has magenta hair and fuchsia eyes, indicating that she is a human-Zeltron hybrid.

BERU: (hugs Anakin and then Nellith) Oh, Nik, Mom, it's so good to see you!

ANAKIN: (grins) Long time no see, huh, sis?

BERU: (rolls her eyes with exaggeration) Too long. (beat) Where's Dad?

NELLITH: I'm sorry, baby, but he couldn't make it. (to Owen) You know how Mir is -- there's always too much work to do around the farm.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Five swoop bikes shoot across the landscape. This is Watto's gang of enforcers, led by CRAETORIUS and SEBULBA. Craetorius is a horribly disfigured Zeltron, while Sebulba, as we can now see, is the very same dug Obi-Wan confronted and disgraced on his first day back on Tatooine.

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD - COURTYARD - DAY

ANAKIN: Is lunch ready?

OWEN: (grins) Dewback ribs sound good to you, buddy?

ANAKIN: (ecstatic) Right on!

As the pair of four prepare to step inside, the five swoop riders arrive. Alerted by the whine of the bikes, the four moisture farmers turn to regard these new arrivals.

Without any apparent urgency, Watto's men casually climb down from their swoop bikes. As Craetorius begins walking up to them, hands on his gunbelt, Anakin slowly begins reaching around behind him.

OWEN: What do you want?

CRAETORIUS: (draws a blaster) Watto's come to collect his due.

With mind numbing speed, Anakin pulls out a hidden blaster and fires. The bolt strikes the Zeltron's weapon just as he pulls back on the trigger, knocking his aim off just enough so that the blaster bolt blasts Owen in the shoulder instead of through the throat. With a cry of intense pain, the moisture farmer staggers backward, falling upon the stone facade of the homestead entrance.

ANAKIN: (to the others) Go, grab Owen, get inside!

As Nellith and Beru grab Owen and scurry away inside, the boy turns toward the five swoop gangsters. Dodging a round of blaster fire, he fires off another shot, catching one of them right between the eyes. When another swoop rider blasts the gun out of his hand, Anakin quickly grabs a large rock lying with reach, throwing it with pinpoint accuracy at his attacker, knocking her out and over.

With the element of surprise gone and he no longer in possession of a weapon, Anakin finds himself surrounded, outnumbered, and outgunned.

SEBULBA: Stupid move, dirt farmer.

CRAETORIUS: (unholsters a second blaster) I would've killed you fast, boy. But now -- now you're gonna burn.

Stepping toward Anakin, the Zeltron nonchalantly adjusts the setting on his blaster. Nik, afraid but determined to protect his loved ones at any cost, braces himself before the entrance into the Lars home, shielding it off from the attackers.

As Craetorius levels his blaster at Anakin, a sneer twisting his burn-scarred lips, Obi-Wan steps out into the open, unlit lightsaber ready in his bandaged right hand. Immediately captivated by the aura of this intense young man, each of the swoop gangsters turn away from Anakin to face him.

OBI-WAN: I suggest you leave now, before I am forced to teach you your manners.

SEBULBA: (recognizes Obi-Wan) You!

CRAETORIUS: You know this fellow, Sebulba?

SEBULBA: Know him!? (spits on the ground) This chuba-lover has a blaster bolt waiting for him, and my name's all over it!

OBI-WAN: If you have a score to settle with me, then let's settle it away from here. The Lars have no part in this.

CRAETORIUS: (to Obi-Wan) Lars owes a debt to Watto. He's been loose with his payments, (nods towards Anakin) and the boyfriend's been loose with his tongue, so now he's gonna take the farm -- the farm and the ladies, too.

OBI-WAN: The women are not yours to take.

CRAETORIUS: Now that ain't true, is it? See, Watto's got the influence to do whatever he wants, so he gets whatever he wants. Girls have a way of making money, and Watto can take advantage of that. (beat) The girlfriend's gonna do some hard, sweaty work to put some peggats in the old bird's account. The mother too, probably. She's going to seed, sure, but she's still got some bounce left in her.

OBI-WAN: The debt has been paid. I finalized it with Watto myself.

CRAETORIUS: Is that so, now? (clucks his tongue) See, that might be true -- probably is. The problem, though, is that when I'm put to work on a job, I always follow that job through.

OBI-WAN: I see that there's little point trying to dissuade you. You are obviously set in your ways.

CRAETORIUS: Quite right, stranger ...

The Zeltron pulls his blaster on Obi-Wan, aiming the barrel toward Obi-Wan's face. Before he can pull back the trigger, the Jedi's blade blazes into life, and the Zeltron's arm and throat are slashed away in one swift stroke. Stepping in to take his fallen partner's place, Sebulba opens fire on Ben, but the Jedi knight deflects each and every bolt back at the dug, cutting him down with his own blasterfire.

OBI-WAN: (speaking in dual voices) Leave this farm -- now!

Terrified by the Jedi's inhuman voice and incredible prowess with his blade, the remaining thugs toss down their weapons and retreat with panic to their swoops. The vehicles roar to life, and the gangsters quickly move off, zooming off away from the Lars homestead and disappearing into the landscape.

Deactivating his lightsaber, Obi-Wan turns to regard Anakin, who simply stands there frozen, his mouth agape with amazement at the feats he just witnessed. Beru, Nellith, and Owen -- clutching his wounded shoulder -- exit the house, attracted by all the commotion.

BERU: Obi-Wan! (turns to Anakin) Nik, are you all right? You're not hurt, are you?

ANAKIN: (snaps out of his trance) What? Oh, no -- no, Beru, I'm fine ... just fine.

BERU: (to Obi-Wan) Ben, how about you? Are you okay?

OBI-WAN: (smiles) I'm alright.

As Beru turns back to regard her brother, Owen -- stepping past his girlfriend, her brother, and their mother -- approaches Obi-Wan. Noticing the bodies of Sebulba and Craetorius, he is astonished -- astonished and enraged.

OWEN: What have you done!? You'll bring disaster down on our heads! Oh, God, the trouble you'll bring us -- the trouble!

OBI-WAN: (clips his lightsaber to his belt) You were in trouble to begin with.

OWEN: (holding back the worst of his rage) Damn fool. (beat) You're gonna kill us! We're all gonna die because of you!

Anakin slowly approaches the two fallen adversaries, peering down at their dead bodies.

ANAKIN: Owen's right, mister. Watto's not going to be happy about this.

OWEN: (yelling) That's it, Anakin! Tell him! Tell this ... tell him what he's done to us!

OBI-WAN: I've dealt with Watto.

OWEN: (taken aback) Huh? What?!

OBI-WAN: I traded in a precious gift for your lives and livelihood. Your debt -- Dad's debt -- has been settled.

Without any further elaboration, Obi-Wan steps away from his stepbrother. Walking up to the others, he puts his hand on Beru's shoulder, his eyes grave.

BERU: (looks up at the Jedi) Ben, what is it?

OBI-WAN: I'm not happy to be the one to tell you this, but I have bad news. (glances toward Anakin then Nellith) Perhaps we should take this inside.

Silently, they slip inside. Owen, taking one last look at the two dead bodies of Sebulba and Craetorius, follows after them.

DuracellEnergizer said:

ANAKIN: (exstatic) Right on!

Deactivating his lightsaber, Obi-Wan turns to regard Anakin, he simply stands there frozen, his mouth agape with amazement at the feats he just witnessed. Beru, Nellith, and Owen -- clutching his wounded shoulder -- exit the house, attracted by all the commotion.

 I enjoyed it as usual, but it's time for nitpicking now. ;)

"Exstatic" should be "ecstatic" and you may want to make it more clear that Anakin is the one standing there frozen. Because Obi-Wan is the subject, the "he" refers to him as you have it, even though you don't intend it that way. I suggest you replace "he" with "the boy" to make it clear who you mean.

Do you care if you use thee and thou correctly? Right now you consistently use the former when Watto is speaking and I was just curious if that was intentional, or if his speech is meant to be archaic and you want to use "thee", "thou", "thine", and "thy" correctly. The way it is is fine though since Watto doesn't use grammatically correct speech a lot of the time anyway.

Otherwise, great job again; I'm enjoying the read.

RicOlie_2 said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

ANAKIN: (exstatic) Right on!

Deactivating his lightsaber, Obi-Wan turns to regard Anakin, he simply stands there frozen, his mouth agape with amazement at the feats he just witnessed. Beru, Nellith, and Owen -- clutching his wounded shoulder -- exit the house, attracted by all the commotion.

 I enjoyed it as usual, but it's time for nitpicking now. ;)

"Exstatic" should be "ecstatic" and you may want to make it more clear that Anakin is the one standing there frozen. Because Obi-Wan is the subject, the "he" refers to him as you have it, even though you don't intend it that way. I suggest you replace "he" with "the boy" to make it clear who you mean.

I always have trouble remembering how to spell ecstatic *d'oh*.

Thanks for pointing out that vague bit of writing in regards to Anakin and Ben. I always try to go back over my writing to iron out any problematic areas, but I miss things sometimes, especially the little ones like these.

Do you care if you use thee and thou correctly? Right now you consistently use the former when Watto is speaking and I was just curious if that was intentional, or if his speech is meant to be archaic and you want to use "thee", "thou", "thine", and "thy" correctly. The way it is is fine though since Watto doesn't use grammatically correct speech a lot of the time anyway.

I recall finding a "thee" in Watto's dialogue when I was going over the script for TPM a few years back, so I decided to make it a general part of his dialect when I was writing my previous Ep. I rewrite; making him sound archaic isn't something I was going for then or now (I'm trying to make him sound more like an Eastern European Italian gangster, actually, if that makes any sense).

Otherwise, great job again; I'm enjoying the read.

Thanks. Hopefully, I'll be able to take the story past the whole "doom and gloom" state it's been in so far and start exploring the more optimistic themes of the plot soon.

DuracellEnergizer said:

RicOlie_2 said:

Do you care if you use thee and thou correctly? Right now you consistently use the former when Watto is speaking and I was just curious if that was intentional, or if his speech is meant to be archaic and you want to use "thee", "thou", "thine", and "thy" correctly. The way it is is fine though since Watto doesn't use grammatically correct speech a lot of the time anyway.

I recall finding a "thee" in Watto's dialogue when I was going over the script for TPM a few years back, so I decided to make it a general part of his dialect when I was writing my previous Ep. I rewrite; making him sound archaic isn't something I was going for then or now (I'm trying to make him sound more like an Eastern European Italian gangster, actually, if that makes any sense).

That works for me. :)