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I am 20 years old and have been going to an engineering college in the Southeastern United States for the past two years.
I am a commuter student. This has severely hampered my ability to make friends or get to know people on campus because I can only really pop in there for the duration of my classes and then head back home (which is about 15 miles away). I have never been a fan of playing sports because I have never been any good at them.
I have been trying to look for a job around where I live...as an unskilled young person with essentially no previous experience and no real references to vouch for me.
Also, I am a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl before. I am not willing to hire a prostitute because from every account I have ever heard, that does not really change anything besides the size of one's wallet.
In recent months I've improved my appearance with vigorous exercises and changing to a more stylish wardrobe. I am by no stretch of the imagination "fat" like I used to be, though I still think I am most of the time. I am told that I fret too much about my appearance, or that I have the bodily self-image of an anorexic. I call BS on that. I am not anorexic. I don't skip meals.
The only times I really have any fun are once every couple of years when I visit siblings who live abroad and once every couple of months when my two best friends from high school come back here for a few days whenever they take breaks from their college classes. I've only ever been to a single party at my college and that felt like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for somebody like me. It led to nothing.
The only person I've lived with for the past ten years is my dad. And he's gone through a lot of personal shock and has just been working a home business where he doesn't really have any constant circle of friends or acquaintances around him either. I was separated from the rest of my family at an early age. I don't live in the dorms on my campus because of expense reasons.
I've spent basically my whole life watching others have more fun and get more real-world exposure than me. I feel like I am waiting to actually start living my life. I was under the impression that college was gong to be better than high school, but now I am actually wishing that I could go back to high school. At least then I had three or four people I could call my friends. When I see on Facebook that people I knew, or at least saw a few times, in high school moved into their colleges' dorms a couple of years ago and now have lots of good times to tell stories about...well I honestly want to snap their bloody necks because I have *zero* stories to tell about wild, crazy fun times I've had at college. All of *my* drinking is done alone in front of my computer playing games on Steam or with myself.
To boil things down, here is an average day in my life at the moment...
Wake up-----Work out------Commute-------Classes------Home----Get hammered and please myself-------sleep
I've tried to join a clubs on campus but none of them have panned to anything worth remembering because they either haven't been that interesting or they have been disbanded for various reasons. I am very hesitant to join any club on-campus that involves physical activity like HvZ, Nerf club, or some similar sport because I have a serious mental block about physical competition with others my own age due to my extreme ineptitude in the past with sports.
When I say I am no good at sports, I am not exaggerating. It's not a case of "oh he lags a little bit behind so he might need an extra push every now and then, but otherwise he is competent." It's more like if I am on your basketball team, you team *will* lose. You will lose so hard that your head will explode in a shower of gibs and every member of your family will spontaneously combust. At least that's the impression I got from middle school sports; I haven't tried playing any sports since then because no-one has forced me. I keep fit with stationary bikes, ellipticals, weights, treadmills, etc. The only kind of recreational physical activity I have enjoyed so far has been martial arts. I haven't had much practice at any of the styles, it's just that I prefer hitting people to hitting anything else.
How do I break all of this? I ask that no-one give me any religious answers.
