Star Wars: Episode I treatment (Updated - 28/10/2010)

skye1083 said:

Over all, I'd say it's a good start.

I don't think Anakin needs the Force lecture until after he sees it in action. And when he does explain it, it should be shorter that the one Luke gets. Mostly, because they're in a hurry and it keeps the original scene special.

As for the princess rescuing them, it seems a bit convenient to have her as a guardian. Perhaps she was trying to escape - making her the coward and not her brother - and Obi Wan and Anakin unintentionally shame her into going back. If you do want to keep her as a forest guardian, then please, no white until the end of the movie. It's symbolic of her accepting her destiny.

Thanks for the feedback!

I see what you mean. Looking back, the princess being there just at that time does seem like a bit of plot convenience and it also seems unlikely that Obi-Wan would stop mid-mission to explain the nature of the Force to his pilot. Probably it should be spread out over their journey to the core world and explained further in some sort of Jedi temple style place. 

I think it's a bit of a problem for her to be an out and out coward, though. An adolescent fear of responsibility is more forgivable than absolute cowardice - and I doubt Anakin would be able to develop an attraction for her if she were a coward.

skye1083 said:

I see your point. It's harder to go from coward to love interest. I just hate to see another idealized female. Perhaps she should be impulsive - definitely a trait Luke and Leia share. Her brother wants to wait for a solution and she has other ideas? ...

She asked for Obi-Wan to come to Alderaan against her brother's wishes, he refuses to be seen aiding a Jedi, and she sneaks out to rescue them. So Bail is still trying for a peaceful solution, while NotPadme sees the writing on the wall.

Her impulsiveness works for her here, but it comes back to bite her later in the sequel.

I really like this. It also explains her presence in the forest at the time of Obi-Wan and Anakin's arrival. I'll edit the original post to include this element soon. 

Thanks!

-I'd like to see you shy away from names like General Bad-guy and Darth Evil-doer like we got in the prequels.

-Although I like what you've done a lot more than the prequels, it does seem to mimic TPM a bit with Naboo being replaced by Alderaan. Anakin and Obi-Wan instead of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan navigating through nature after a misguided landing and stumbling upon beasts on their way to the city to find a queen/princess. Although, to be honest, I'm not that familiar with the TPM. Maybe I'm wrong about this.

-What happened to the Mandalorians? They defeated the Jedi and then...? Went back home?

A good read, interested to see where the clones come in.

VideInfra78 said:

-I'd like to see you shy away from names like General Bad-guy and Darth Evil-doer like we got in the prequels.

Criticism accepted.

"General Tyranus" is sort of a placeholder title for the main villain.

-Although I like what you've done a lot more than the prequels, it does seem to mimic TPM a bit with Naboo being replaced by Alderaan. Anakin and Obi-Wan instead of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan navigating through nature after a misguided landing and stumbling upon beasts on their way to the city to find a queen/princess. Although, to be honest, I'm not that familiar with the TPM. Maybe I'm wrong about this.

No, you're right - and it's something that bothered me for a while. I knew there were certain things that needed to happen in this outline, and it was difficult to find a way to get them all in without mirroring too much any of the previous Star Wars films.

For example, when I first tried to write this outline I started with Anakin living on Tatooine with his brother, desperate to get away - but that was far too much like Star Wars. Then, I thought about having him already be out there in the galaxy, with Tatooine simply being a bad memory for him - but that necessitated that he return at some point in the course of the story so that Obi-Wan's claims that "[Owen] felt he should've stayed here and not gotten involved" and that Anakin left Tatooine with him on a "damn fools idealistic crusade" remain truthful.

Also, I wanted this story to be self-contained. Just as Star Wars starts off with the problem of the Death Star and concludes with its destruction, so this story should start with the invasion of Alderaan and end with its liberation. That's a lot like TPM, it's true, but (and maybe I'm just excusing myself here) I don't think it's the general shape of TPM - that is, planet invaded, heroes escape planet, heroes return and liberate planet - that was the problem with it.

As much as it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth, I can't deny that this has ended up being structured similarly to TPM. I just hope that this actually works. If it doesn't, I'm prepared to return to the drawing board.

-What happened to the Mandalorians? They defeated the Jedi and then...? Went back home?

The Mandalorians didn't actually succeed in defeating the Jedi, they attacked and brought ruin upon the order before finally being repelled. In the aftermath of the attack, the traditional structures broke down and dissent eventually caused many Jedi to give up the old ways and head off on their own spiritual missions - sort of like freelance Samurai. The Jedi order remains, but its glory days are behind it. Obi-Wan is constantly butting heads with the order - his youthful enthusiasm contrasting with their stoic traditionalism.

Eventually, Obi-Wan will succeed in bringing the divided Jedi back together - the mavericks reconciling their differences with the keepers of the order. Just as it seems as if the glory days are on the edge of being restored, well...you know the rest. But that's a story for Episode II and III.

A good read, interested to see where the clones come in.

Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciated!

No problem, was my pleasure. I know how hard it is writing this story with so many constraints, I'm also trying to do a treatment of my own. I'm sure you'll be able to return the favor when I ask for your critique.

I'd be more than happy to!

Looking forward to reading it!

TheoOdo said:

I'd be more than happy to!

Looking forward to reading it!

To be honest, it might be awhile. It's my first venture into writing anything like a screenplay and I've started over a million times because I always have new ideas and change things.

I'm really still in the creative process, to where I'm trying to decide what the characters motivations will be, their personalities, etc. As far as the arc of the galaxy, I know what I'm doing, but how everyone fits within that, I'm still working all that out. Plus it's three movies, that is just an insane amount of material when you think about it.

How do the Clone Wars play out in your version?

xhonzi said:

1. I too would like to get R2 and 3PO in the story as it's one of my oldest memories of what the prequels would be.  "The droids will be the only characters in all 9 films" or some such.  However, it's a rather sticky wicket since Obi-Wan shouldn't be the owner of the droids, and it seems really bad to have Darth Vader be their previous owner.  So... who does that leave?  I guess they can belong to Bail?  Not sure, but I wouldn't go with Anakin.

I see what you mean. 3PO does belong to Bail in this version, and is on board the Tantive IV. Anakin and Obi-Wan have no use for a protocol droid, but for a prince they'd be indispensable.

In this version, I wanted to introduce Anakin doing the one thing we know from Obi-Wan that he does well - being a star pilot. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to introduce R2 as well. If you think of Anakin simply as Darth-Vader-in-waiting, then it's definitely wrong for R2 to belong to him. But at this point, I'm thinking of Anakin as being an almost completely different character. By the time he's transformed into Darth Vader, he's forgotten about most his former friends - certainly about R2, just one of many droids he happened to own at one point.

I'll think seriously about this, though. Like many, I thought it was pointless and wrong for Anakin to have created 3PO as in the prequels. I wouldn't want to repeat that mistake.

2. It's nice to validate the Owen stuff, but I think it does more harm than good to "pop by Tatooine" just to keep up continuity.  I think the PT should have no Tatooine in them, and generally as little revisiting here-to-fore seen planets as possible.  I think the Owen stuff is ultimately unnecessary, and is forcing your story places it shouldn't go.

I can definitely see this. When I started out writing this, I wanted it to be as loyal to what we know of things from the original trilogy as possible while still remaining something that works on its own.

This is the one area where I've had a lot of difficulty (as I've said a few posts up). It's that line "He felt he should have stayed here (Tatooine) and not gotten involved" that's causing all this trouble. I would honestly prefer not to have them return to Tatooine, but it feels like my arms are tied by this.

I am still trying to find a better way to work this out - such as having Anakin's damaged craft be picked up by a merchant freighter piloted by Owen, who will mention that they once lived together on Tatooine and that he plans on one day settling down on a farm there. He would then invite Anakin to return to Tatooine with him, and Obi-Wan's statement would therefore not be entirely false.

Suggestions would be appreciated here.

3. I really like the "Star Defender" name.  How did you come up with it?

I thought the idea of the Galactic Republic using ships known as "Star Destroyers" was a bit too aggressive. The Galactic Republic is, for now, the good guys, so destruction isn't really their line of business.

"Star Defender" suggests benevolence. I'd also like to see this reflected in the design of the ships - similar to Star Destroyers, but more elegant. Something similar to the Venator-class ships which appear for a few seconds toward the end of Revenge of the Sith might work: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081116110404/starwars/images/8/87/Imperial_Venator.jpg

4. Similar to #2, I think you want to avoid Coruscant/Had Abaddon.  The galaxy is a big place.  Seeing "the centre" too much makes it feel much smaller.  There is already way too much "galactic shrinkage" in Star Wars.  My advice- never show the centre.

Point taken.

I was already thinking it was rather pointless to have them return to "the centre" when the military HQ environment has already been established. Considering that all they need to do at this point is rally the troops, to have them do it on Coruscant/Had Abaddon is overkill.

I'd still like to have Obi-Wan and Anakin meet with what remains of the old Jedi order, though. This could be done, however, on a new planet - I think a more naturalistic, secluded setting would suit the Jedi Order better than the gigantic inhuman city of the prequels.

5. Generally- don't worry so much about explaining stuff.  Yeah, Anakin should get a little pep talk about the force at some point in time.  It should be introudced to the audience as if they don't know what it is.  But you can certainly take it too far.  Remember the failure of midichlorians.

Another good point.

The reason I bring up the history of the Jedi and Sith is that I wanted to re-confirm the spiritual side of the two orders. It may not come across like this in the outline I have so far, but such details would be explained in action. We wouldn't be taking time out for long lectures.

VideInfra78 said:

How do the Clone Wars play out in your version?

In my version (and this may be controversial) the clones don't form an army at all. The Clone referred to in the name "The Clone Wars" is just one person - the leader of the antagonistic army. It is discovered in Episode II that he is a genetic reproduction of an extinct race of warriors.

I've decided to do this for a number of reasons. Firstly, the idea of the Galactic Republic - i.e, the good guys - using an army of mindless soldiers bred only to fight and die seemed a little morally warped to me. The Kaminoans even mention them being bred for perfect obedience.

This just doesn't stike me as something that the moral old Obi-Wan or the spiritual Yoda would have anything to do with. Yoda and Obi-Wan seem to me to be the type to emphasise the importance of the liberty of all sentient beings, and a clone army runs entirely contrary to such concepts.

So, what would later be dubbed "The Clone Wars" are already in full swing by the time Episode I opens - it's just not yet being called "The Clone Wars". Rather like the Galactic Civil War of the original trilogy, the Clone Wars would be the war of this Star Wars trilogy.

In my version (and this may be controversial) the clones don't form an army at all. The Clone referred to in the name "The Clone Wars" is just one person - the leader of the antagonistic army. It is discovered in Episode II that he is a genetic reproduction of an extinct race of warriors.

I've decided to do this for a number of reasons. Firstly, the idea of the Galactic Republic - i.e, the good guys - using an army of mindless soldiers bred only to fight and die seemed a little morally warped to me. The Kaminoans even mention them being bred for perfect obedience.

This just doesn't stike me as something that the moral old Obi-Wan or the spiritual Yoda would have anything to do with. Yoda and Obi-Wan seem to me to be the type to emphasise the importance of the liberty of all sentient beings, and a clone army runs entirely contrary to such concepts.

So, what would later be dubbed "The Clone Wars" are already in full swing by the time Episode I opens - it's just not yet being called "The Clone Wars". Rather like the Galactic Civil War of the original trilogy, the Clone Wars would be the war of this Star Wars trilogy.

Interesting. I agree with you about the good guys having clones, I was surprised that the moral implications of slave soldiers wasn't even addressed. I thought it a bit odd that the Jedi were totally on board for that one. What I've done is have the clones as the "bad guys" as well. But it's a clone army, not just one man. I think it was always intended to be that way, wars are named after the enemy if they only mention one side, logical, otherwise you'd just have to number them all -- the Barbary Wars would be like American War V. Or like calling the French and Indian War, the British and American War, just stupid.

Suggestions would be appreciated here.

Since you asked for suggestions, what I've done is just have Anakin allude to it. Anakin and Owen were refugees from a planet that the clones attacked in my story and they ended up fleeing to Tatooine. Owen chose to stay there and make a new life, but Anakin chose to get involved although Owen tried to convince him not to, believing they should just cut their losses and that Tatooine is far enough removed from the conflict and that they wouldn't have to worry about any more trouble if they settled out in the middle of nowhere. (Of course Owen ends up being totally wrong.) I have it happen in the past from where I start my story. You don't need to have it on screen, you can just have Anakin talk about it to another character like I did. I don't think it's worth a scene unless Owen is a major character in your story, just a suggestion. =)

With regards to Tatooine, I have been thinking along the lines of Owen and Beru being refugees heading there too.  However, I think by actually showing this in a way which makes it look like Anakin is choosing to be a soldier in the war instead of staying with his family it would mirror the choice that Luke has in E4.  Also we can see how Anakin isnt really family orientated, and then becomes more so as he falls in love with NotPadme and befriends Obi Wan.  This could add to the feel of Vader being more solitary after Anakin's fall as he becomes in some ways more like his pre-jedi self. 

Some good points Johannus, but couldn't those scenes be just as powerful if not more with NotPadme or Obi-Wan. I don't think you need to develop a relationship if Owen is never to be seen again except for a few minutes in ANH.

I think the PT should also put the viewer right in the middle of the conflict like SW did as well. And other than a conversation on Tatooine, Anakin doesn't have much to do there. With Luke it was different, he fulfilled the monomyth of an ordinary hero being called to adventure and then accepting his destiny.

But Anakin is not Luke, he chose willingly to enter the adventure, he wanted to get involved. So I don't think he has much to do as far as character development on Tatooine. That scene would be better served developing his relationship to a real PT character IMO.

Thoughts?

VideInfra78 - sorry I should have made myself clearer, when I was saying I thought by showing Anakin choose to leave his family and go on the adventure, I didnt necessarily mean to have the conversation on Tatooine.  The way I imagine it they would either be on a ship where Owen continues to Tatooine but Anakin leaves, or perhaps by hologram, or even just having Anakin tell NotPadme or Obi Wan about the conversation he had with Owen.  

I think the conversation is the important point rather than the location.  But I agree with the idea that bringing things back to Tatooine too often does seem to shrink the galaxy too much so I can see why you would want to avoid that.