- Time
- Post link
Its great that you put so much work into it, but it doesn't relate to the OT or the Prequel films.
Just my thoughts.
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace Story Rewrite (deleted information)
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- (Edited)
- Post link
n/t
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
Its great that you put so much work into it, but it doesn't relate to the OT or the Prequel films.
Just my thoughts.
- Time
- Post link
In any case, please be more specific in your criticisms. I want to improve my story, not be convinced to abandon the project altogether.
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- Post link
- Time
- Post link
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- Post link
However I think you have FAR too much material for one film. Don't they talk about 3 acts? In that case you've got twice as much as you need. In general I would not be introducing new characters later in the story either, except perhaps you could get away with the Sith as mysterious characters to be fleshed out later.
- Time
- Post link
Yep.
LUKE: Dad, where are your eyebrows?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WO_S6UgkQk0
- Time
- Post link
Originally posted by: ronlaw
Hey, that is quite cool! I really liked the improved tie-in to the OT, and the training of Anakin was great. I like skipping the young Anakin.
However I think you have FAR too much material for one film. Don't they talk about 3 acts? In that case you've got twice as much as you need. In general I would not be introducing new characters later in the story either, except perhaps you could get away with the Sith as mysterious characters to be fleshed out later.
Hey, that is quite cool! I really liked the improved tie-in to the OT, and the training of Anakin was great. I like skipping the young Anakin.
However I think you have FAR too much material for one film. Don't they talk about 3 acts? In that case you've got twice as much as you need. In general I would not be introducing new characters later in the story either, except perhaps you could get away with the Sith as mysterious characters to be fleshed out later.
When you say 'later in the story', are you talking about the whole trilogy or just this episode? Pretty much all the characters that I will be using in this PT have been introduced in EPI. Yes, 3 acts is normal, but I don't have twice as much as I need (besides, if I wanted it to be 3 acts, all I'd have to do is re-title each scene under 3 acts instead of 5). I needed to put everything in place to get Anakin trained, the Clone Wars going by EPII, Palpatine as Supreme Chancellor, and to begin the relationship between Padme and Anakin.
Anyway, read my EPII.
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- Post link
Then it truly would have been a waste of time.
It is a waste of time. What's the reasoning behind it? I can sorta understand a fan-edit, because then there's an actual MOVIE to watch, there's an end result that works in the same medium the original does. but this isn't even an infinities thing. I don't know what it is. If you want to exercise your writing skills, re-writing, in prose form, the story behind a finished film, is possibly one of the poorer ideas I've heard of.
and I think this is nicer than if I actually critiqued your writing. You've got ideas but I don't think you're actually taking the time to learn how to implement them correctly. it's sort of like the dude in the covers thread who obviously hasn't gotten the knack of photoshop yet, but his faith in his idea is making him post up some pretty shoddy stuff. It's nice that you feel so passionately about your idea, but you need to step back and look at it from a different angle than INSIDE of it. And when you do that, I think you'll realize writing a fan-fiction retcon prose version of a finished movie, not a movie novel, not a movie screenplay, but a finished MOVIE, is actually a pretty big waste of time, regardless of how passionately you want to pursue the idea, in spite of how limited your experience is with the tools you need. I mean, I've read your reasoning, but it doesn't really fit with what you're actually doing. It looks like what you're doing tends to serve this purpose:
a) You want to see your name credited next to the words "Star Wars" in some capacity
b) You want to prove yourself as a storyteller
c) you want to criticize the movies without having to settle for something as ultimately ineffectual as a movie review.
unfortunately, you've shortchanged yourself by assuming reading Joseph Campbell and watching the Star Wars movies a lot is going to automatically put you in Lucas' headspace, and the mode you've tried to use as some sort of elaborate film criticism is even MORE ineffectual than a poorly written review. I mean--what are you going to do with this thing when you're done? Make it a script? Then what? A script is a recipe for a MOVIE. You gonna reshoot the movies? Turn it into an "Infinities" comic book instead? Unless you can get to THAT point somewhere along the line, this is a wholly fruitless endeavor. Now, of course, if this was a wholly ORIGINAL story of yours, in your own universe with your own characters, that'd be something completely different. But it's not.
that's pretty constructive criticism, I think.
- Time
- Post link
But I still don't think you understand my reasoning behind it. For me, this is almost like balancing out a mathematical equation. I wanted to write a Star Wars backstory that adds up and fits in with the original trilogy. I really just wanted to resolve the storyline in my own head, and there was no better way for me to do it than by writing it out. I post it in the hope that it might do the same for other people as well. And it might not, but at least I've got the former sorted out.
Yes, this is just the bare bones of it - it's neither a novel, nor a screenplay *yet*, but eventually I will get there. I don't know how to write a screenplay, but I am learning as we speak, and I see this more as a learning experience than anything else. I don't see re-writing Star Wars screenplays as an end in itself, but as a means to an end. I want to write my own heroic tale; create my own mythos, but I wanted to start with something I know.
I initially accepted writing these as a challenge from some people on another forum (people were talking about collaborating on a rewrite of the prequel screenplay and script, and everyone was too busy yada yada yada). But then I also thought, if I'm going to criticise the hell out of the various plotlines in the prequels (which I do, and I probably won't stop doing), I need to be more constructive and offer an alternative. And that's what I'm doing here.
I was through with doing mental gymnastics to get the Star Wars saga to make sense in light of the prequels - I decided I could devote the same amount of brain power and energy to re-writing the plotlines to just make sense.
You sound like you have some kind of moral objection to all this. I have no illusions that these will ever be movies, but I have time and creativity to burn, and I wanted to resolve Star Wars for myself above anything else.
You never know, I *might* end up making an indie film outta these with my friends once I'm done. It'd certainly be fun, and we've made films about far more trivial things. So yeah, I am using this to acquaint myself better with the tools that I need. It is also the passionate pursuit of an idea, but it's basically writing and storytelling practice. And no, it's not the greatest piece of literature on the planet - but then again, it isn't meant to be. It's a straight up storyline. This happens, that happens, such-and-such says this, such-and-such says that. A fair few writers would write a story skeleton before doing the dialogue or describing the characters and events in great detail.
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- Post link
I want to write my own heroic tale; create my own mythos, but I wanted to start with something I know.
And that's either going to stunt or trap you. You don't need to offer an alternative this involved when you criticize a movie or a book. Otherwise Ebert would be directing movies and the New York Book Review would write bestsellers. But they don't. I mean, you've done like 10 drafts combined on these two things, and it's all a sort of tainted creativity. It's inhibiting your skills, not growing them. I understand the rationalizations you're giving me, but they're just that: rationalizations. Especially in the face of how much time and energy you're pouring into this.
it's not as if you NEED to do mental gymnastics to figure out some kids movies. You can just go "eh" and pour that energy, that time, and creativity into your OWN stuff instead. There. It's resolved. Life is too short, and movies, ultimately, too inconsequential, to spend this much time "fixing" something in your mind, especially when there are so many other movies, stories and books that you can jump into. It's an option you seem not to have considered. You'd rather lean very heavily on an unnecessary crutch; trapping yourself in another man's mental playground. It's like a baby learning to walk on the Andrea Gail. If you get off the ship, you're going to walk funny. But chances are you're going to sink anyway, if you stick with this line of "practice."
It's one thing to recognize flaws in other people's work. That's why most writers tell you to read constantly--eventually the structure, the internal logic of the stories will become as obvious to you as a roadmap printed in neon ink. You'll understand WHY the story works the way it does. And it sounds like you're doing that with Star Wars, for as much as you've immersed yourself in that universe. The trick is to not, unnecessarily, CONFINE yourself to that universe. And that's what you're doing.
Like I said, you've got good ideas. I think you're just a little too eager to kneecap yourself before you can implement em.
- Time
- Post link
A long time ago in the faraway galaxy...
Star War: The Third Gathers
Backstroke Of The West
- Time
- Post link
Originally posted by: The Bizzle
And that's either going to stunt or trap you. You don't need to offer an alternative this involved when you criticize a movie or a book. Otherwise Ebert would be directing movies and the New York Book Review would write bestsellers. But they don't. I mean, you've done like 10 drafts combined on these two things, and it's all a sort of tainted creativity. It's inhibiting your skills, not growing them. I understand the rationalizations you're giving me, but they're just that: rationalizations. Especially in the face of how much time and energy you're pouring into this.
it's not as if you NEED to do mental gymnastics to figure out some kids movies. You can just go "eh" and pour that energy, that time, and creativity into your OWN stuff instead. There. It's resolved. Life is too short, and movies, ultimately, too inconsequential, to spend this much time "fixing" something in your mind, especially when there are so many other movies, stories and books that you can jump into. It's an option you seem not to have considered. You'd rather lean very heavily on an unnecessary crutch; trapping yourself in another man's mental playground. It's like a baby learning to walk on the Andrea Gail. If you get off the ship, you're going to walk funny. But chances are you're going to sink anyway, if you stick with this line of "practice."
It's one thing to recognize flaws in other people's work. That's why most writers tell you to read constantly--eventually the structure, the internal logic of the stories will become as obvious to you as a roadmap printed in neon ink. You'll understand WHY the story works the way it does. And it sounds like you're doing that with Star Wars, for as much as you've immersed yourself in that universe. The trick is to not, unnecessarily, CONFINE yourself to that universe. And that's what you're doing.
Like I said, you've got good ideas. I think you're just a little too eager to kneecap yourself before you can implement em.
I want to write my own heroic tale; create my own mythos, but I wanted to start with something I know.
And that's either going to stunt or trap you. You don't need to offer an alternative this involved when you criticize a movie or a book. Otherwise Ebert would be directing movies and the New York Book Review would write bestsellers. But they don't. I mean, you've done like 10 drafts combined on these two things, and it's all a sort of tainted creativity. It's inhibiting your skills, not growing them. I understand the rationalizations you're giving me, but they're just that: rationalizations. Especially in the face of how much time and energy you're pouring into this.
it's not as if you NEED to do mental gymnastics to figure out some kids movies. You can just go "eh" and pour that energy, that time, and creativity into your OWN stuff instead. There. It's resolved. Life is too short, and movies, ultimately, too inconsequential, to spend this much time "fixing" something in your mind, especially when there are so many other movies, stories and books that you can jump into. It's an option you seem not to have considered. You'd rather lean very heavily on an unnecessary crutch; trapping yourself in another man's mental playground. It's like a baby learning to walk on the Andrea Gail. If you get off the ship, you're going to walk funny. But chances are you're going to sink anyway, if you stick with this line of "practice."
It's one thing to recognize flaws in other people's work. That's why most writers tell you to read constantly--eventually the structure, the internal logic of the stories will become as obvious to you as a roadmap printed in neon ink. You'll understand WHY the story works the way it does. And it sounds like you're doing that with Star Wars, for as much as you've immersed yourself in that universe. The trick is to not, unnecessarily, CONFINE yourself to that universe. And that's what you're doing.
Like I said, you've got good ideas. I think you're just a little too eager to kneecap yourself before you can implement em.
You're right and you're wrong at the same time. All of what you say is true under the assumption that this is my one and only creative pursuit. I am spending *a fair bit* of time on this, but it's no more than I spend on writing music or poetry or painting. This really is a stepping stone. I have no intention of living in the Star Wars Universe for the rest of my life. BUT I do want to undo the disappointment that I felt when I saw the PT. And it's working. Nowadays, when I watch the OT and I hear elements of backstory, I can fill in the gaps in my mind with what I have written, instead of Jar Jar Binks, podracers, and battle droids saying 'Roger Roger'. And yada yada yada.
At the end of the day, I want to do this, you hate the idea, and we're not going to change each other's minds about it.
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
- Time
- Post link
- Time
- Post link
A few elements I've taken to give EPIV another layer of meaning:
- Owen as Anakin's friend
- Alderaan as the planet Anakin and Padmé fall in love on
So when the stormtroopers are sent off on a search-and-destroy mission on Tatooine for the droids, the death of Owen and Beru serves as another sign that Anakin Skywalker is no longer (given that Darth Vader sent them there without a second-thought).
When Alderaan is destroyed, it's another severed tie from Anakin's past (given Darth Vader's ambivolence to the event).
And of course, when Darth Vader kills Obi-wan, his former friend and master, it's yet another sign that Anakin is gone.
http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax