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Star Wars Episode I: Cloak Of Deception (Finished!) — Page 25

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Cutting away from Jar Jar drop-throwing the wrench earlier works just fine with some audio tweaking.

While the original version of this scene is embarrassing to watch, I think it works rather well when heavily abbreviated. It’s just the bare minimum of the structure of the scene and his shenanigans.

Maybe it’s all the 20th anniversary of TPM coverage lately, but I am feeling a little more generous toward the movie than I was when I did V1 of this fan edit.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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There are some gems in TPM, by tweaking it, trimming it, it helps polish the good and remove the bad!

As a newish topic, if you were to have “two” versions available of the opening crawl, one with COD and the other with TPM, my mind was thinking on the way you’ve approached the new trilogy’s title. The Force Awakens -Restructure and The Last Jedi - Legendary. What word/idea goes well with this edit?

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 (Edited)

That would be a purely academic question, and I’m not sure what names I would put to the edits if that’s what I was doing. I really like “rebalanced,“ but that’s obviously already been used. 😉

If I had any names to choose from at all, including prior fan edits, my top choices would be for each episode:

Balance of the Force
The Republic Divided
Labyrinth of Evil

Also, if Ridley does want to encode crawls that have the original titles, episode one should be modified to exclude a cheeky reference to the original title within the crawl.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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A few suggestions

I would slightly revise your opening crawl:
“After a thousand generations of peace and justice under the protection of the Jedi Order, the Republic is in decay. A menace lurks in the shadows of the galaxy, plotting a reign of terror.
“Meanwhile, the greedy TRADE FEDERATION has engulfed the defenseless planet of Naboo with a blockade of deadly battleships, preparing to invade, enslave, and plunder.
With the newly crowned Queen desperate for help, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly sent two Jedi to settle the conflict…”

Cut all of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s conversation after “It’s not about the Mission, Master. It’s something elsewhere…elusive.”

It is illogical for battle droids to open a door to a room filled with gas. To solve this, restructure the opening action sequence:

The Trade Federation destroys the Republic Cruiser.
The Jedi leap to their feet and ignite their lightsabers.
Gas seeps into the vents.
Qui-Gon cuts into the door with his lightsaber, and the door disintegrates on the other side.
Battle droids approach the door.
Two lightsabers ignite in fog.
The Jedi destroy a few droids.
Then they go up into the ventilation shaft.

Cut the line “We’ve got to warn the Naboo and contact Chancellors Valorum.” It is impossible to warn of an invading army while accompanying an invading army.

Cut the flat “the negotiations were short” joke.

Cut Queen Amidala’s hologram speaking with Nute and Rune because the next scene delivers the same exposition.

Cut the reference to the “battle-hardened” droid army.

Cut “More did you spake?”

Cut “Yousa guys bombas.”

Cut “Coruscant, uh, wait, uh, that doesn’t compute.”

Cut Jar Jar summarizing the plot of the movie to Padmé.

Change the subtitles when Watto and Anakin speak Huttese:
“I was cleaning the bin.”
“Watch the store. I’ve got a deal to make.”
Revise this to:
“I was fixing the moisture vaporator.”
“It better be fixed, or else I’ll vaporize you.”
This introduces Anakin’s mechanical skills, characterizes Watto as a cruel slave master, and foreshadows Luke’s fate as a moisture farmer.

Cut “Are you an angel?” and open with Anakin bragging, “I’m a pilot, you know.” That sounds more natural and less cliche.

Cut Padmé’s “I can’t believe there is still slavery in the galaxy. The Republic’s anti-slavery laws . . .” She knows her people are in death camps; slavery would not surprise her.

You cut Palpatine’s reference to creating life in Episode III, so you might as well cut the line “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I cannot explain what happened.” In your edits, this is a setup without a payoff.

Restore Anakin shouting out “It’s working! It’s working!” above the pod engine. It is a rare moment of emotion.

Cut “Space is cold.” It sure is, but there is heat on spaceships.

Cut “The entire planet is one big city.”

Once Qui-Gon says, “I must speak to the Jedi Council immediately. The situation has become much more complicated,” cut to the Jedi Temple establishing shot. It is unnecessary for Palpatine to blatantly manipulate Padmé to propose a vote of no confidence; he subtly manipulates Padmé in the Senate scene later. Arguably, Palpatine’s reliance on blatant manipulation weakens his character, which would be stronger if he could manipulate Padmé into proposing the vote without directly suggesting it.

Cut Mace Windu’s line “We will discover the identity of your attacker.” This contradicts his later order: “Go with the Queen to Naboo and discover the identity of this dark warrior.”

But restore Mace Windu’s line “This may be the clue we need to unravel the mystery of the Sith” which is related to his earlier promise: “We will use all our resources to unravel this mystery.”

Cut Anakin looking for Padmé so he can say good-bye. Gifting her the necklace was a more emotional farewell.

Cut “Without the Viceroy, they will be lost and confused” because it would be more accurate to say “Without the droid control ship, they will be lost and confused.”

Padmé should still mention the droid control ship in her plan because the whole military strategy revolves around it. I would recommend recutting the scene like so:

PADMÉ: We can enter the city using the secret passage on the waterfall side. Then we can enter the palace and capture the Viceroy.
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well-guarded.
PADMÉ: We have a plan which should immobilize the droid army. We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship orbiting the planet.”

This clarifies that capturing the Viceroy is the goal, but destroying the droid control ship is the requirement necessary to achieve that goal.

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LordPlagueis said:

Once Qui-Gon says, “I must speak to the Jedi Council immediately. The situation has become much more complicated,” cut to the Jedi Temple establishing shot. It is unnecessary for Palpatine to blatantly manipulate Padmé to propose a vote of no confidence; he subtly manipulates Padmé in the Senate scene later. Arguably, Palpatine’s reliance on blatant manipulation weakens his character, which would be stronger if he could manipulate Padmé into proposing the vote without directly suggesting it.

Hmmm. I hadn’t thought about this before. Are you suggesting cutting the entire scene? You would loose some info like setting up the republic (“is not what it once was”) and the senate (“full of greedy squabbling delegates”) that I think is necessary.

Cut “Without the Viceroy, they will be lost and confused” because it would be more accurate to say “Without the droid control ship, they will be lost and confused.”

Padmé should still mention the droid control ship in her plan because the whole military strategy revolves around it. I would recommend recutting the scene like so:

PADMÉ: We can enter the city using the secret passage on the waterfall side. Then we can enter the palace and capture the Viceroy.
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well-guarded.
PADMÉ: We have a plan which should immobilize the droid army. We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship orbiting the planet.”

This clarifies that capturing the Viceroy is the goal, but destroying the droid control ship is the requirement necessary to achieve that goal.

Hmm…what if the lines could be tweaked further to something like:

PADME: We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship…which should immobilize the droid army.

Her line “We have a plan” is so awkward and dull sounding…plus this makes it more condensed and to-the-point.

YouTubers!
Attack of the Clones | Alternate Timeline Edit
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/SSWRs-Attack-of-the-Clones-Alternate-Timeline-Edit/id/66888
My OLD Return of the Jedi thread. Be gentle.
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/ROTJ-Fan-O-Matic-3-new-clips/id/7919

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SomethingStarWarsRelated said:

LordPlagueis said:

Once Qui-Gon says, “I must speak to the Jedi Council immediately. The situation has become much more complicated,” cut to the Jedi Temple establishing shot. It is unnecessary for Palpatine to blatantly manipulate Padmé to propose a vote of no confidence; he subtly manipulates Padmé in the Senate scene later. Arguably, Palpatine’s reliance on blatant manipulation weakens his character, which would be stronger if he could manipulate Padmé into proposing the vote without directly suggesting it.

Hmmm. I hadn’t thought about this before. Are you suggesting cutting the entire scene? You would loose some info like setting up the republic (“is not what it once was”) and the senate (“full of greedy squabbling delegates”) that I think is necessary.

Cut “Without the Viceroy, they will be lost and confused” because it would be more accurate to say “Without the droid control ship, they will be lost and confused.”

Padmé should still mention the droid control ship in her plan because the whole military strategy revolves around it. I would recommend recutting the scene like so:

PADMÉ: We can enter the city using the secret passage on the waterfall side. Then we can enter the palace and capture the Viceroy.
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well-guarded.
PADMÉ: We have a plan which should immobilize the droid army. We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship orbiting the planet.”

This clarifies that capturing the Viceroy is the goal, but destroying the droid control ship is the requirement necessary to achieve that goal.

Hmm…what if the lines could be tweaked further to something like:

PADME: We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship…which should immobilize the droid army.

Her line “We have a plan” is so awkward and dull sounding…plus this makes it more condensed and to-the-point.

Although the scene is full of background information, cutting it would improve the pacing. Alternatively, I would recommend moving it to right before the senate scene.

I would not be opposed to cutting “We have a plan”, but the line “Without the Viceroy, they will be lost and confused” must go, and she should at least mention the Droid Control Ship.

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This edit takes after L8wrtr’s, and develops his idea of having Anakin take out the droid control ship in order to save the day, rather than as a trivial matter after Padmé saves the day. In COD, Anakin knocking out the droid control ship is what allows Padmé to capture the viceroy.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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One change that I made in my edit of Episode I is something that a lot of fan editors don’t usually implement in their versions. I swapped two scenes during the Battle of Naboo around to bridge Duel of the Fates together much better, as it was playing during those scenes.

The original goes like this.
[Anakin Takes Off into Space]>[Maul, Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan Fight their Way into the Generator Room]>[Padmé & the Naboo Shoot Off with Droids in the Hallway]>[Anakin Enters Space]

My version goes like this.
[Anakin Takes Off into Space]>[Padmé & the Naboo Shoot Off with Droids in the Hallway]>[Maul, Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan Fight their Way into the Generator Room]>[Anakin Enters Space]

Noah Lawson

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That’s hard for me to play in my head so I’ll have to see about it next time I’ve got everything in front of me, but I imagine the theatrical will feel more ‘right’ to me just because I’ve seen it a million times. But I’ll see about it!

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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nl0428, I see what you mean about that order of the sequences; the music does seem to more naturally build up to the dramatic rendition of Duel of the Fates as the trio fight. However, for my part, the cut from Anakin flying up into the clouds to the duel continuing is burned into my brain and it doesn’t feel quite right to cut to Padme and company without a blast of music. I think I will leave it as is for my version, but kudos for finding an interesting change to make.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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Hal 9000 said:

nl0428, I see what you mean about that order of the sequences; the music does seem to more naturally build up to the dramatic rendition of Duel of the Fates as the trio fight. However, for my part, the cut from Anakin flying up into the clouds to the duel continuing is burned into my brain and it doesn’t feel quite right to cut to Padme and company without a blast of music. I think I will leave it as is for my version, but kudos for finding an interesting change to make.

I appreciate it, Hal! There’s nothing wrong with sticking to what you’re used to, I’ve had that feeling many times myself when I may have a deep love for what was already there.

Noah Lawson

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It’s a tough balance of trying to edit movies to either help pacing, polish some issues, remove the bad … but at the same time not removing either the grand feeling of the movie nor some of the “what we are used to” to make something not feel right. Keep it up Hal!

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Here’s something interesting I found out about before the podrace. The brief scene where Shmi tells Anakin to be safe before the race was not included in the original theatrical cut of the film in 1999. Apparently, the VHS version doesn’t include the scene either, but it was first seen on the first DVD release in 2001. The Phantom Edit also doesn’t have the scene either, but Mike J. Nichols did remove the pack animal farting in Jar Jar’s face (a removal that I’m 100% sure every fan edit of Episode I does for obvious reasons 😛).

However, I do believe the pre-race montage does work slightly better without Shmi ensuring Anakin to be careful, mainly because she asks Qui-Gon later on if he’s nervous. She may know the answer since she just talked with her son. It’s not that critical of a removal, but it is one that could be suggested, since it wasn’t originally in the theatrical release. Check out the original Phantom Edit to see how the scene plays out without the scene.

Noah Lawson

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I think that brief addition also throws off the score a little, IIRC.

a trolling bantha

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Wow, if you’re right about that I find it surprising. That would qualify as a “Luke swinging twice” or Berenstein thing for me. If I had a VCR around here I’d check myself.

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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A theatrical cut laserdisc cap is on MySpleen. That short moment is not present.

a trolling bantha

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Yeah, if I remember right, the new part comes between the fart joke and Sebulba’s sabotage.

Also of note is the pacing of the podrace introduction announcements in general, which is completely destroyed in the DVD/BR cut by adding a ton of unnecessary new racer introductions.

a trolling bantha

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ChainsawAsh said:

Yeah, if I remember right, the new part comes between the fart joke and Sebulba’s sabotage.

Also of note is the pacing of the podrace introduction announcements in general, which is completely destroyed in the DVD/BR cut by adding a ton of unnecessary new racer introductions.

The race is even longer if you check out the deleted scenes on the DVD release.

Noah Lawson

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I really think that the music track should stick with the podrace, definitely ups the tension and doesn’t make it seem as dull.

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I like the musical version a great deal, too, and it’s hard to part with it. I could include it as a bonus, on a different video file from the edit itself. (I altered the sync of the race, having conformed it carefully to match the musical score to begin with.)

PM me for links to my edits; apparently, some feel shy about this.

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Another interesting aspect of The Phantom Menace that I discovered is how different Queen Amidala’s voice sounds in the film compared to how she sounds in the trailers. She sounds far more like Natalie Portman in the trailers, but less so in the movie. They may have lowered the pitch of her voice as the Queen intentionally in post. There are not that many edits that attempt to slightly raise the pitch in her voice as the Queen.

On a side note, her line, “Get to your ships!” also seems to be a different take in the movie than in the trailer. The take used in the trailer sounds far more natural given the environment and situation she is in at the time. Both The Phantom Edit and seciors’ edit use the take from the trailer.

Here’s what I am talking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo--sWDK_nU

Noah Lawson