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Spence's PT Edits Round 3 (V1 Released) — Page 7

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The only thing I’d suggest for your consideration is a slight reordering during the final act:

We’re told that the Gungans showing up on the plains is nothing more than a distraction to draw out the droids so that Padme/Qui-Gon etc can infiltrate Theed. We see the Gungans come out, the droids come out to meet them, the opening salvo is fired, and then we cut away to the action in Theed.

But here’s the thing - from then onwards, the plot on the plains, the entire battle, is now completely redundant. It has no jeopardy, because it’s already served its purpose of drawing the droids out of Theed, and whether or not the Gungans win has no impact whatsoever on the battle for Theed palace or the droid control ship. Sure, some Gungans might die, but nobody has any emotional investment in Jar Jar, Boss Nass, or Tarpals, and other than them it’s just faceless CG Gungans versus faceless CG droids.

The only value this sequence has is in showing that the droids are theoretically a threat since they are a functional army that could reasonably threaten Theed, and eventually, the light additional ‘things are going badly’ sense from seeing the Gungans surrendered.

Shifting the Gungan sequence’s conclusion to far earlier during the narrative of the endings would resolve this, and also allow it to serve a further purpose - to emphasise the threat of the droid army and leave it hanging over our main characters, making Anakin’s destruction of the control ship worth a little more.

It’s very achievable too. The closing shot of the first Gungan scene (opening salvo) matches perfectly to the opening shot of the second Gungan scene (closing salvo), and there doesn’t need to be a gap of time here to imply that the salvo went on for a little while - just what we see is plenty, and actually shows that the Gungan shield tech is respectable. The rest of the scenes can be brought forward alongside this change. The only other actual change to this sequence I’d make is that there’s a nice clear shot of droidekas firing off-frame (originally paired with Gungans falling off their horses) with the shot of the shield generator’s exploding (originally with no preceding shot to explain why it explodes).

The Clone Wars: Refocused | Andor: Movie Omnibus

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I thought it was really great, the edits were smooth and I didn’t really notice anything missing. The train and coloring really help the cgi to blend better too. Here are some things I would maybe change:

  • I think a new crawl with the preserved title would be a good change, the current one is bogged down by taxes and trade routes for two paragraphs instead of establishing the Galaxy.

  • I’d maybe remove the big boss nass blubber, the little one he does before it seems like enough

  • The midichlorian scene could probably be removed completely, I was kind of confused on what qui gon was doing to Anakin. Did he get burnt or something?

  • Personally I’d like to see the whole chosen one prophecy removed, I think the three trilogies mesh better without it. Not sure how you’d do it with qui gon and Yoda at the end though.

  • This may just be my speakers, but I felt like I had to turn the volume up for dialogue and down for the action heavy stuff. Maybe take a look at the mixing?

That’s all I can think of right now, I’ll go back through it and see if anything else sticks out. Can’t wait for AOTC.

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EddieDean said:

The only thing I’d suggest for your consideration is a slight reordering during the final act:

We’re told that the Gungans showing up on the plains is nothing more than a distraction to draw out the droids so that Padme/Qui-Gon etc can infiltrate Theed. We see the Gungans come out, the droids come out to meet them, the opening salvo is fired, and then we cut away to the action in Theed.

But here’s the thing - from then onwards, the plot on the plains, the entire battle, is now completely redundant. It has no jeopardy, because it’s already served its purpose of drawing the droids out of Theed, and whether or not the Gungans win has no impact whatsoever on the battle for Theed palace or the droid control ship. Sure, some Gungans might die, but nobody has any emotional investment in Jar Jar, Boss Nass, or Tarpals, and other than them it’s just faceless CG Gungans versus faceless CG droids.

The only value this sequence has is in showing that the droids are theoretically a threat since they are a functional army that could reasonably threaten Theed, and eventually, the light additional ‘things are going badly’ sense from seeing the Gungans surrendered.

Shifting the Gungan sequence’s conclusion to far earlier during the narrative of the endings would resolve this, and also allow it to serve a further purpose - to emphasise the threat of the droid army and leave it hanging over our main characters, making Anakin’s destruction of the control ship worth a little more.

It’s very achievable too. The closing shot of the first Gungan scene (opening salvo) matches perfectly to the opening shot of the second Gungan scene (closing salvo), and there doesn’t need to be a gap of time here to imply that the salvo went on for a little while - just what we see is plenty, and actually shows that the Gungan shield tech is respectable. The rest of the scenes can be brought forward alongside this change. The only other actual change to this sequence I’d make is that there’s a nice clear shot of droidekas firing off-frame (originally paired with Gungans falling off their horses) with the shot of the shield generator’s exploding (originally with no preceding shot to explain why it explodes).

So from a logic standpoint, I agree with you. But from a pacing/structure standpoint, I don’t personally feel like this would be an improvement. Happy to play around with the idea though!

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hinventon said:

I thought it was really great, the edits were smooth and I didn’t really notice anything missing. The train and coloring really help the cgi to blend better too. Here are some things I would maybe change:

  • I think a new crawl with the preserved title would be a good change, the current one is bogged down by taxes and trade routes for two paragraphs instead of establishing the Galaxy.

  • I’d maybe remove the big boss nass blubber, the little one he does before it seems like enough

  • The midichlorian scene could probably be removed completely, I was kind of confused on what qui gon was doing to Anakin. Did he get burnt or something?

  • Personally I’d like to see the whole chosen one prophecy removed, I think the three trilogies mesh better without it. Not sure how you’d do it with qui gon and Yoda at the end though.

  • This may just be my speakers, but I felt like I had to turn the volume up for dialogue and down for the action heavy stuff. Maybe take a look at the mixing?

That’s all I can think of right now, I’ll go back through it and see if anything else sticks out. Can’t wait for AOTC.

I’m definitely open to a new crawl, I just don’t want to change the titles of the movies.

I actually kept the Boss Nass thing due to it being difficult to remove with a good audio edit, but I will take another look at it.

So the scene with Qui-Gon tending to Anakin’s wound was a late addition, I needed a scene like that for pacing reasons as everything was moving a bit too quickly. I also like it because it gives a little bit of character to Anakin, talking about how he wants to be a pilot and see all the planets. What do you think I could do to make the scene fit better?

I actually really do like the chosen one thing, I think it’s more nuanced than people give it credit for, so I’ll be keeping that.

I definitely will do some more passes on the sound mix.

Thanks for the feedback!

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 (Edited)

I thought the wound tending was absolutely fine- basically all of Tattooine I thought flowed really nicely.

I never had a problem with C-3PO being made by Anakin (though Hal’s middle ground is good too), but didn’t miss it too much. How will your edit eventually have him join the plot? I hope in time for the Clone Wars?

The Clone Wars: Refocused | Andor: Movie Omnibus

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EddieDean said:

I thought the wound tending was absolutely fine- basically all of Tattooine I thought flowed really nicely.

I never had a problem with C-3PO being made by Anakin (though Hal’s middle ground is good too), but didn’t miss it too much. How will your edit eventually have him join the plot? I hope in time for the Clone Wars?

He’s kind of just Padme’s droid in ROTS. No other backstory.

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I’d like to have a watch of your Phantom Menace edit, please. It sounds really good!

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 (Edited)

I find it kinda ironic that you cut the bongo sequence with the sea monsters because the cool creature stuff is the only reason I’d ever keep the journey to Otoh Gungah at all. Just my preference tho, obviously you can do what you want.

My Star Wars Fan-Edits

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G&G-Fan said:

I find it kinda ironic that you cut the bongo sequence with the sea monsters because the cool creature stuff is the only reason I’d ever keep the journey to Otoh Gungah at all. Just my preference tho, obviously you can do what you want.

I feel like, without Otoh Gungah, Boss Nass & Co come out of nowhere in the 3rd act

ROTJ Storyboard Reconstruction Project

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timdiggerm said:

I feel like, without Otoh Gungah, Boss Nass & Co come out of nowhere in the 3rd act

That’s also true. The main issue is just how long it takes to get to Tatooine. I’m hoping to find a way to cut it so it works for my own edit, tho.

My Star Wars Fan-Edits

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I like the way it is, keeps the cool gungan world and gets to Padme faster. I never minded removing it but I think this is better.

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So I finally was able to put some time aside to finish watching. Overall, I liked it but I don’t think it’s the Phantom Menace edit for me. There were a few too many little things left in that still grated on me, and missed C-3PO’s presence in the movie more than I thought I would. That said, I do really appreciate some of the choices that were made, particularly the Otoh Gunga sequence and the podrace were really well done.

I did spot C-3PO in the background of one shot during the podrace, although without context he could easily just be another droid. Not sure if that was an oversight or not.

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Octorox said:

So I finally was able to put some time aside to finish watching. Overall, I liked it but I don’t think it’s the Phantom Menace edit for me. There were a few too many little things left in that still grated on me, and missed C-3PO’s presence in the movie more than I thought I would. That said, I do really appreciate some of the choices that were made, particularly the Otoh Gunga sequence and the podrace were really well done.

I did spot C-3PO in the background of one shot during the podrace, although without context he could easily just be another droid. Not sure if that was an oversight or not.

That’s an oversight, do you remember when it was?

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timdiggerm said:

G&G-Fan said:

I find it kinda ironic that you cut the bongo sequence with the sea monsters because the cool creature stuff is the only reason I’d ever keep the journey to Otoh Gungah at all. Just my preference tho, obviously you can do what you want.

I feel like, without Otoh Gungah, Boss Nass & Co come out of nowhere in the 3rd act

This is the reason I kept it. Not only does it introduce the other Gungans, a very important part of the third act, but it lets us get to know Jar Jar.

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SpenceEdit said:

Octorox said:

So I finally was able to put some time aside to finish watching. Overall, I liked it but I don’t think it’s the Phantom Menace edit for me. There were a few too many little things left in that still grated on me, and missed C-3PO’s presence in the movie more than I thought I would. That said, I do really appreciate some of the choices that were made, particularly the Otoh Gunga sequence and the podrace were really well done.

I did spot C-3PO in the background of one shot during the podrace, although without context he could easily just be another droid. Not sure if that was an oversight or not.

That’s an oversight, do you remember when it was?

The shot is at 48:51, when the racers are revving up their engines.

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So I finally got round to watching TPM with my daughter. It’s amazing how we didn’t feel like anything was missing. I thought I’d feel the lack of C-3PO or midichlorians, but it works really well. Jar Jar is one of my daughter’s favourite characters (one of the reasons I wanted her perspective, she’s 11), and she really appreciated the slightly more deliberate, but clumsy version of him. So many editors try and remove him entirely, but we felt this was a great balance.

The additional scenes were great, I really appreciated the probe droid deleted scene, and the fist fight. Keeping Maul out of the picture between Tatooine and Naboo is also brilliant as it lends more weight to Ki Adi Mundi’s “draw out the queen’s attacker” line.

Anakin’s role in the battle of Naboo is now much more consistent with the character, which is great, and his destruction of the command ship allowing Padme to turn the tables in the throne room is inspired, albeit I felt that scene comes in a little abruptly. Is there any way to use some of the battle shots in the throne room but mask the blaster fire to show the droids breaking down before launching into Padme’s “new treaty” line? It only needs a couple of seconds I think.

There was an audio shadow we noticed from one of the deleted lines during the podracer build; you can just hear C-3PO’s line about Jar Jar being an odd creature. I think the only continuity error I noticed was during the podrace; Anakin does his barrel roll over Teemto Pagalies, but then a few shots later we see Anakin moving up the field to pass him again down the canyon.

I know the above is a bit picky, but please be assured that overall we had a great time, and this is now our favourite version, so it’s going into our anthology playlist. We can’t wait to see your AotC and RotS edits!

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Daiyus said:

Is there any way to use some of the battle shots in the throne room but mask the blaster fire to show the droids breaking down before launching into Padme’s “new treaty” line? It only needs a couple of seconds I think.

I have tried to make this happen so hard, but so far haven’t been able to make it work. It’s something I definitely want to include so I’m going to give it another attempt with fresh eyes. Thanks for the feedback! I’ll also look into that 3PO line bleeding over the surround channels.

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I got round to watching your PM edit Spence, cheers for that, and you’ve done some absolutely amazing work! Lots of great seamless cuts, loved the little VFX work you did, the deleted scenes restored, and the removal of 3PO which worked surprisingly well. Solid pacing overall and great reworks especially the final battle and I’m happy you kept the gungan city stuff.
Super hyped for your AotC & RotS edit now!

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Daiyus said:

There was an audio shadow we noticed from one of the deleted lines during the podracer build; you can just hear C-3PO’s line about Jar Jar being an odd creature. I think the only continuity error I noticed was during the podrace; Anakin does his barrel roll over Teemto Pagalies, but then a few shots later we see Anakin moving up the field to pass him again down the canyon.

I’m having trouble locating this audio shadow, you wouldn’t be able to pinpoint where it is, would you?

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For the crawls, I would use something along the lines of Hal’s crawl and just mask the title so you can put The Phantom Menace at the top. I think that’s what I did when I made my own personal edit a while back.