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STAR WARS Episode IX: Duel of the Fates Re-Write 2nd Draft

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 (Edited)

Hello everyone! As many of you probably know, ever since the Colin Trevorrow & Derek Connolly script leaked there’s been a conversation on what if this was the version that came out instead of TROS. As much as I personally enjoyed reading Trevorrow’s script, it was entirely perfect. Due to it being only a first draft, there were things in it that I disagree with. Things like the Rey/Poe romance subplot, Threepio killing an enemy droid, etc. So I figured, why not make a second draft and try to improve the script. Just to clarify, this is my own second draft of the script. I know that there’s an official second draft that Trevorrow personally wrote after Carrie Fisher’s passing, but for whatever reason it’s not available online. I’m sharing this draft to the community because I would really appreciate the feedback. I plan on doing two more drafts but having the feedback would allow me to create the best version of the script as possible. Please be respectful and offer constructive criticism on this project. Thank you for your support.

https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:20d2b62e-159a-4ec6-a1b5-984bee227c76

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 (Edited)

The foundational structural issue lies with the fact that the duel on Mortis has f@ck all to do with anything happening on coruscant

This undermines the story

It needs restructuring but has a perfect plotline otherwise

The story is about the heroes using the force beacon to incite a revolution against the first order…that is unique already

The structural issues however are a big problem

We need a plot device that gets kylo on coruscant to fight rey on coruscant in a battle that centers on kylo and his plans.

This could have been solved with stealing the climax of fullmetal alchemist and having coruscant be the center of an alchemical ritual meant to absorb all life in the galaxy and turn kylo ren into a living god, a ritual he discovered by studying the holocron of darth plagueis(snoke) And he needs to learn force draining from Tor Valum in order to learn how to absorb so much godly power…putting Rey and kylo in the middle of the battle of coruscant and adding bigger stakes to the story that is befitting of the final Skywalker movie. To connect the stories better, you could have each of the millions of planets in the galaxy have 36 obelisks on them that is supposed to absorb the life force of each planet and than beam that life force energy to coruscant and specifically the citadel structure that is supposed to in turn beam it to kylo and turn him into a God. The beacon under the temple will send a telepathic transmission to every living sentient being in the galaxy to warn them of this ritual and organize an uprising to take down the obelisks before kylo consumes all in this mad quest for godhood and immortality, this could also be what kylo believes darth Vader had started who also desired infinite power to attain immortality.

This would have formed a strong foundation for episode 9

Tor valum could easily be a flashback to the past, where kylo learns of the force draining technique and decides to become a god by absorbing the entire galaxy.

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Thank you for your feedback, I’ll defiantly consider it when I make the third draft.

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 (Edited)

I really like it, especially in comparison to the first draft.

I like cutting Hux’s suicide, but it makes the lightsaber on display feel kind of like an unused Chekov’s gun. Maybe Finn could use it some time during the battle, maybe even in place of the Resistance flag, I dunno.

[Honestly, I never liked Hux’s story to begin with. Even if it doesn’t end in suicide, the idea that a person can desperately wish they could use the force but be completely unable to do so seems really at odds with the escapist nature of the series.]

A couple of other minor things:

  • I know it was there in the first draft, too, but Rose’s dialogue during the interrogation seems pretty out of character. By the end of the Last Jedi, she was all about “not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Even if Rose has become more battle-hardened since then, even if she’s being tortured, I feel like she should be appealing to what little common decency Hux has left, not insulting him for something he can’t control.
  • There’s something off about how the Jedi speak to Rey in the world between worlds, and I think it has to do with the word choice. I can’t imagine Yoda saying “Co-exist” but that might just be because I haven’t heard it.
  • I don’t know if it would make sense thematically, but I think it might be cool if, instead of “I can’t be who they need me to be” Rey said “I’m not the Jedi I should be” in a reference to Revenge of the Sith.

You’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Am I making Carrie Fisher’s ghost proud?”
Well, are ya, punk?

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Thanks for the advice Ed. I really appreciate the feedback.

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AD576 said:

Thank you for your feedback, I’ll defiantly consider it when I make the third draft.

Writing that third draft?

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Yes, it’s still in progress. There’s a lot of changes to it so it might take a few weeks. But I do plan on uploading it once I’m finished.

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AD576 said:

Yes, it’s still in progress. There’s a lot of changes to it so it might take a few weeks. But I do plan on uploading it once I’m finished.

Love how you replaced Vallum with Ragnos

Really improves connectivity to past Star Wars stories

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Hadrian sunrider said:

AD576 said:

Yes, it’s still in progress. There’s a lot of changes to it so it might take a few weeks. But I do plan on uploading it once I’m finished.

Love how you replaced Vallum with Ragnos

Really improves connectivity to past Star Wars stories

Thank you, I thought that Tor Vallum kind of contradicted the whole “Rule of Two”. So I did some research and remembered Ragnos from Jedi Academy. I loved the idea of a twisted version of the force ghost and I implemented that into the story. I’m planning on writing a new scene in my 3rd draft where there’s a bit more expansion instead of introducing the character and then the next scene killing him off.

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AD576 said:

Hadrian sunrider said:

AD576 said:

Yes, it’s still in progress. There’s a lot of changes to it so it might take a few weeks. But I do plan on uploading it once I’m finished.

Love how you replaced Vallum with Ragnos

Really improves connectivity to past Star Wars stories

Thank you, I thought that Tor Vallum kind of contradicted the whole “Rule of Two”. So I did some research and remembered Ragnos from Jedi Academy. I loved the idea of a twisted version of the force ghost and I implemented that into the story. I’m planning on writing a new scene in my 3rd draft where there’s a bit more expansion instead of introducing the character and then the next scene killing him off.

Maybe have a flashback where young palpatine was looking for the secret to immortality from him…hence why palpatine would instruct Vader to take Luke to ragnos

Maybe even add a reference to the now canonical fact that palpatine planned on taking Luke’s body after he killed his father and had no intention of ever really making Luke his apprentice

Maybe this “young palpatine” is really darth bane…where it is revealed that darth bane and palpatine are the same person who had been body-hopping into apprentices for the past 1,000 years.

It is revealed that it was Ragnos who gave darth bane the secret to essence transfer which allowed him to possess his apprentices.

And kylo wants to learn the secret of force draining from him.